The 4 D's

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Mauiperson, Feb 14, 2021.

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  1. Mauiperson
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    I would love to start a conversation on the 4 D's and in particular how this particular wife dom's routine reflect reality. I find it an extremely effecient and effective way to achieve a wife led marriage, although it would take some time for a new KH to become comfortable with. I think I am fascinated by how it manages to accomplish so much with just about an hour or two per week. See below:

    http://dommewife.blogspot.com/2012/07/the-four-cornerstones-to-successful.html?zx=32dbdc65e7e679d2

    The four cornerstones to a successful FemDom marriage


    “I sat down and established four cornerstones to a successful Femdom relationship. I referred to them as the 4 D’s: Discipline, Domestication, Denial and Domination. And as I shared these with others, I realized you could also bring it down to 4 actual D&S tools. I referred to them as the 4 P’s: The Paddle, the Panties, the Padlock and the Phallus.
    1) Discipline (The Paddle):


    [​IMG]

    A weekly discipline session between a dominant wife and her submissive husband is vital. It doesn’t have to be fancy with leather outfits and whips and bondage and all of that. It could be that from time to time in order to add some extra spice and variety but let’s keep with the fundamentals for now. Let’s keep to the paddle (or the hairbrush if you prefer). A weekly session where the woman has her hubby across her lap (or across her bed) and she disciplines him based on his weekly performance in serving her will do miracles in a marriage. If he’s been an obedient hubby, the discipline serves to remind him of his place and to keep him focused. If he has been a disobedient hubby, the discipline will be firmer in order to teach him and train him to do a better job. A weekly spanking will invade his mind, stir his submission and do wonders for a Femdom relationship. Not to mention that it will also build a strong bond of intimacy between the wife and her subby hubby.

    2) Domestication (The Panties):

    [​IMG]

    One area that needs to be addressed during the weekly discipline session is hubby’s performance in doing his assigned chores each week. And let’s be perfectly frank here. In a successful Femdom marriage, the hubby needs to be doing the majority of the housework. I don’t care how much he works or what a great financial provider he is, that does not excuse him from being domesticated. A domesticated hubby is an obedient hubby. If you allow him to skirt his domestic responsibilities, you are opening the door for trouble in other areas. And the best tool to remind him of his domesticated role is to require him to wear panties. He doesn’t have to be a cross-dresser and the panties don’t have to be a part of forced feminization. And the wife doesn’t have to transform her hubby into a sissy. But there are powerful psychological, sociological and sexual reasons why a submissive hubby should be doing housework while he is wearing a pair of panties (preferably a pair of his wife’s panties). The panties will remind him of his submissive status as well as provide him motivation (and probably sexual excitement which will assist with the motivation.)

    3) Denial (The Padlock):

    [​IMG]

    The panties are a psychological tool for training a man but an even greater tool at the woman’s disposal is the practice of keeping her man sexually denied. It’s been said that a denied male is an obedient male. I would add that an aroused male is also a motivated male. A sexually satisfied male is more likely to be a lazy and complacent male. And not only is the denial process essential in keeping a man obedient outside the bedroom, it can be vital in training a man to be a great lover.

    The denial process will teach your hubby to focus his sexual energy on pleasuring the woman (especially orally). Only after the woman has been sexually satisfied will she decide whether or not her hubby is to receive any sexual relief. How often a man is allowed sexual relief will be up to the woman as she weighs his performance, his attitude and his level of servitude. This gives the woman sexual power over her man and most men love to be under the control of a woman’s sexual power.

    Denial is often accomplished with the use of a male chastity device (thus the padlock). It doesn’t have to be but if the honor system is not working, a chastity device can be an invaluable tool. And should your hubby become a bit rebellious about wearing such a device, there are devices today that incorporate additional training aides such as spiked rings to prevent erections or electric shock rings that can give off pulses of correction via a remote control (much like a shock collar used to train animals). But with keeping to the fundamentals, a basic chastity device (like the CB2000, 3000, or 6000) should do in the beginning.

    4) Domination (The Phallus):


    [​IMG]

    The fundamentals can be both old school and new school. Physical domination via the paddle is old school yet still very effective. Sexual domination via the strap-on harness is new school and just as effective (if not more so). If a woman wants to get inside of her man’s head and train him via sexuality, there is not a better aide than the strap-on. The man who submits to the strap-on is a man who will submit to the woman who is wielding the phallus attached to the strap-on. The strap-on is a powerful tool as it cuts to the chase; psychologically, sociologically and sexually. It lets the husband know that his wife is the boss. Much like the paddle, the strap-on should be a regular part of any FemDom regiment. And much like the paddle, the strap-on will also build intimacy.

    I keep it as simple as possible and it becomes habit and second nature for me. First, once a week, preferably on Friday night, I discipline my husband with an OTK (over the knee) spanking. I might dress up in a leather outfit but more times than not I’ll keep it simple and wear lingerie or something that makes me feel dominant or sexy.

    I will spank him as I grade his weekly performance. Did he do all of his chores? Did he put lots of thought and creativity in preparing my dinners? Was his attitude humble and obedient toward me? I also go over with him what I expect out of him in the week to come. Our weekly discipline session will often lead to sex. If I get excited, I will have him worship my body and orally pleasure me.

    Secondly, my husband gets home before I do each day so before I leave for work, I lay out a pair of panties on my bed. When he gets home, he knows he is to put them on and get to his chores, which includes preparing my dinner. My hubby is always pantied around the house.

    Thirdly, my hubby is in chastity all of the time. We did the CB2000 but have evolved. He now wears a Carrara belt. It is big and bulky and expensive but it is the best we found at making sure he is safe and secure and 100% unable to touch himself in any way.

    Finally, I use the strap-on, usually on our discipline night, every other week. So when you boil it down, we usually only have a D&S session once a week and rarely more than that. Every Friday night (or Saturday if we have plans on Friday) I discipline him and at the same time I grade his weekly performance and depending on the week and my mood, I will take him with the strap-on. These nights almost always lead to sex and sex is about the woman’s pleasure so I get pleasured and most times he stays denied. The other six nights we function in our D&S roles but I don’t have to dominate him because he is focused, so we can interact just like any other couple and we have the intellectual companionship and the friendship to make for a healthy marriage. It takes a little work but not as much as you’d think as long as I stay committed to that weekly discipline session."
     
  2. StubHub
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    StubHub Active member

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    Very nice training review.
     
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  3. LesterBallard
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    A very effective system
     
  4. LukeVallentine
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  5. Mauiperson
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    Found a repeat of this concept of the 4 tools (flrjoy.com) to train a male towards a female led relationship: chastity, discipline, panties, pegging.

    Again wonder how many of these tools are used as a basis for training in most female led relationships. On this site, chastity would be at the core, but wonder what are the most likely secondary tools?
     
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  6. King Hippo
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    It's all a fantasy to be honest... A man could easily stop all of this at a moments notice, they would need to allow it to happen. Let's face it, anyone who is in this type of relationship isn't really being dominated... since they want to be in that position.
     
  7. Mauiperson
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    Agreed that the forced thing is quite silly. But the formalization of 4 tools in both locations, I see as helpful to KHa who are new. The simplicity maybe helpful even if not all tools get utilzed. For me personally, my wife"s utilization help me make the daily transition from boss at work to submissive at home. Most of the day reinforces typical male stereotypes, often potent tools are needed to go the other way.
     
  8. LockitMan
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    LockitMan Lifestyle service submissive/slave/sissy maid

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    I think that was well written. A nice tight concise representation and explanation that newbies can easily follow.

    As for being able to stop it anytime... Some subs can get addicted to the dynamic and their Mistress. Finding it about as hard to say no to her as a crack head would saying no to more crack. People can and do become addicted to almost anything. Personally, I wouldnt mind it. : )
     
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  9. Mauiperson
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    I like the simplicity of it. Taking little time for a wife or girlfriend to administer, plus her time would be significantly freed up on a whole as more chores are shifted over to her submissive. They don't need to administer all the tools, but I can see how knowing about them is useful in the event of a roadblock in the training progress.
     
  10. PricessKitten
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    Thank you so very much for posting this, it was an easy way for me to convey to my sub. I appreciate it very much, hope all is well.
     
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  11. Andrea_NL
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    From my experience this is not fantasy. The explained 4 D‘s are common in many female led relationship.

    Of course „forced“ is always a hard word and of course mostly anyone is free to leave his girlfriend / wife if she does things to him which you definitive not willing to accept.

    But imagine that living with an alpha woman is not always as easy as it seams in a sex-fantasy...but it also have many advantages like the safety which a strong woman gives you and the knowledge that you make her happy and satisfied if you let her take the lead and dominate you...

    In our relationship we live the „4 D‘s“ in the following way:

    - Discipline: of course my wife disciplines me...but not often and not regularly...she only does a OTK spaniking or a spanking with a paddle when she is realy upset with me or if she thinks the has to show her dominance or for sexual reasons to get herself hot...

    - Domestication: My wife sees it as one of the most important parts of our relationship. My wife would never make me wear sissy dresses...but she would not allow me male clothing at all anymore...she knows and discussed with me the topic because especially at the beginning of our relationship it was hard for me to leave me male ego behind...

    - Denial: For my wife another most important thing is to keep me in chastity. This is beneath the female clothing which I have to wear for her a most effective way to keep me emasculated and to stop thinking with my / her penis. The penis is for peeing and rewarding only but not to satisfy my wife. She also sees the male penis as a symbol of domination which she doesn’t want to see or especially not feel on regular basis. Last year for example I only was allowed 3 times in her vagina. Only 1 time I was allowed an orgasm.

    - Domination: for her it is the ultimate way to emasculate me, to show me who is the boss in our house and to keep me in a constant fear...my wife doesn’t penetrate me on a defined time slot...but she loved to have the power to do it whenever she wants. It could be even that she tells me to bend over, lift my dress, pulls down my panties, puts a strapon on and just steps behind me and lubes my hole with a little lube and whispers „next time you will be taken hard“ and stops...other times she just pegs me...while doing it she always takes me from behind and slowly with talking to me...
     
  12. debbie jones
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    do you ever let him have a orgasm if so how often does he get one ?
     
  13. Thomas Gangman
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    We are not extreme hardcore FLM or chastity in our life but use components from each of the categories. Our normal life is give and take, I am retired and take care of most of the things round the house and daily finances, she does laundry, some cleaning, and income investment strategies, and we share in the kitchen duties.

    We do play in the bedroom, but the majority of our BDSM/Chastity desires take place in our basement dungeon and spill over to our pool in the summertime or hot tub when we desire. Our dungeon is split off and hidden in a basement room and convenient for not having to hide everything away and easier to keep track of the items. We even have a small cell we have used over the years, the previous owner had a wine collection and it was in the cage, when we built the addition, I dismantled it from its location and moved it to the new section. Over the years I made BDSM furniture and we use it for flogging, whippings, or other restrictions. Most of them came from our BDSM days, but additions and modification happened over the years.

    Discipline: Any and most floggings, whippings, or other implement behavior modification is done in the basement dungeon. Again ease of having things easily accessible, walk over to the cabinet and take whay you want to use. That is not saying I haven't been tied to the deck furniture and worked over on a nice summer day.

    Domestication: Not being allowed clothes is more of a reminder as your cage is being shown all the time. This is more pronounced when she has her girl friends over to the house for a pool day and you serve them drinks and snacks. Sometimes the comments sting worse than when one of them smacks you on the ass. Even worse is when one of them brings along their caged husbands and you also have to serve him as well.

    Denial: My wife sets the tone, we jointly set a schedule. We agree on a time cycle, 7 days, 14 days, and so on. The 14 days are the most challenging, at any time (mostly the weekend around the 6th day) she will want to be pampered and pleased. Once she is satisfied, I will get something between a pat on the head or a hot tease, but never allowed to orgasm or be let out. During long confinement, there is the relief milking or on special occasions a caged orgasm, but everything is at her discretion.

    Domination: Kneeling before your wife while she is wearing a harness sporting a black dildo is one things, but now giving her strapon head is another. Now being on your elbow and knees with 6 inches of the same dildo fucking your ass while her hand reaches around and grabs your cock can be quite sobering. Worse is when you are on your back, your ankles on her shoulders, her strapon in your ass and she looks you right in the eyes and tells you that she owns you! Worse yet is when her and her GF are over and in bed pleasing each other and they now both put on strapons and start fucking each other. You pray they they tire each other out because if they don't, you are going to be spit roasted. Now that is domination!

    We can both stop this at any time and one day we may be forced to because or age or health, but we are going to enjoy the lifestyle while we can.
     
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  14. Mauiperson
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    Thank you all for sharing.
     
  15. Mauiperson
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    My wife allows me a ruined orgasm about every week depending on my behavior. She does not spank me regularly, although she did in the past make it a weekly ritual. I don't have too much down time after a ruined O. She teases me through my device regularly, minimizing down time. She also knowns that when I become very submissive when she sits on my face, so that brings me into a service mode right away.
     
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  16. Mauiperson
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    Found the 4 D's again on another site


    https://www.femdommarriage.com/femdom/226/

    FemDom Husband Training: Regular (Weekly) Spanking Ritual

    [​IMG]BY MSDARWIN


    There are four pillars to a successful Femdom marriage and relationship:

    1. Discipline
    2. Domestication
    3. Denial
    4. Domination
    1) Discipline:
    Rigorously sticking to a schedule of weekly discipline session for a submissive husband is very important. Depending on her temperament at the time, it might involve all the things that stoke the male dominatrix fantasy. But most importantly are the fundamentals. At a scheduled time each week, the woman and her submissive man know that she will have him over her lap, over the back of a chair, or over the edge of the bed for an extended session with the paddle or other tools she selects. This sessions may include or be preceded by a scolding about his behavior of late, and a recounting of what has pleased her and what has left her wondering exactly how lazy he thought she should allow him to become. This is the session that will fix that laziness. It provides the opportunity for her to vent until she is vented – like a discharge of built-up electrical power. When the frustration and irritation is gone the spanking ends, and not before.

    Important for her to remember and to practice:

    No holding back
    No sympathy
    No remorse

    Coming off a week of obedience, he will be reminded of their respective roles. Coming off a week of disobedience, he should expect not to be able to sit down without discomfort for the next week, at minimum, having been whipped thoroughly and – importantly – without either remorse or sympathy. As far as being ‘thorough’, Auntie Kay, the creator of the now-extinct Disciplinary Wives Club suggested that the wife administer the whipping with all her energy, knowing that yes, it hurts him. It is SUPPOSED to hurt…badly. And yes, it leaves marks, as it is supposed to. Her whipping him and the discomfort he feels for days afterwards serve as a reminder of who is in charge, and also a warning.

    Like watering a plant, this weekly spanking actually heightens the couple’s intimacy, and keeps him in tune with his role in the FemDom relationship.

    2) Domestication:
    There may be some sharing of household duties – each couple is unique. But in a working FemDom marriage, he should easily and soon adopt the role of taking on most of the chores. There simply can be no excuse for him not being a domesticated, obedient submissive husband. In addition to discipline, and clearly laying out his role and duties, an excellent method to reinforce his domestication is his own panties. The Ten is a suggested framework for setting all this up. During that multi-week training program, one of the early steps should be for her to instruct him to wash and fold all of his man underwear, and deliver them, packaged up and sealed, to her as he kneels at her feet. Then they should go shopping for panties – for him. This isn’t feminization or even cross-dressing. It’s about his going about the day knowing he’s wearing panties; it’s about his coming home and knowing he is to be quickly undressed and set about those duties and chores in his pretty panties. It’s about submission; and as a compliant male, he will likely happily obey. It’s about Her getting deep inside his head and staying there.

    3) Denial:
    Denial and orgasm control is addressed on this blog, and there is ample evidence to backup the anecdotal evidence: men with orgasms are lazy men, when it comes to relationships with powerful women. Satiation and submission, orgasm and obedience – these are oxymorons. Paddling and panties are great training tools, but denial keeps him in the frame of mind to let them do their work. His attention and all that sexual energy are focused on pleasing his wife – in every way. It also keeps him keenly aware of the fact that his release is completely up to her, as far as whether, when or how it will be allowed. He may not be conscious of it, but he will become almost addicted to living under the control of his wife’s sexual power and control. And, as with the paddle, his will come to see that behavior, service and obedience will have a direct effect on his orgasm.

    It’s frivolous to think a man can be trusted to some ‘honor system’. It also removes a significant source of ‘juice’ that can pay benefits many times over in intimacy and fun. Denial and control are best accomplished with a chastity device. The CB2000, 3000 or 6000 are a good start.

    4) Domination:
    Physical domination using the paddle or cane might be considered old fashioned – but it’s useful and effective. It has an exterior component that definitely weaves into his thinking.

    But a deeper, more powerful form of sexual domination using a life-like penis and strap-on harness gets a woman deep inside a submissive husband’s mind and head. Naked, kneeling, with his bottom covered rising up in welts and on fire, what can he experience but submission at beholding his woman’s large strap-on dick before his eyes. He knows what’s coming (and it’s not him!) And he knows – without a shred of doubt – from repetition and frequent application, who is the boss.

    Building intimacy, establishing power and control, the paddle and panties and the penis should go together.

    Putting it together
    Keeping it simple: Spanking is once a week – unless he deserves something additional. He can count on that. How severe the spanking is – that’s mostly up to him. He is always to wear his panties. He is always to wear his chastity device, removing it only as his woman allows. And he is always subject to being taken by his wife and her symbol of his submission: her strap-on phallus.

    Most of the time, she is going to have as many orgasms as she likes – he will only experience it as she allows.

    These guidelines lead to increased intimacy, allow for open communication and don’t hinder any intellectual or companionship aspects of the marriage. They are both in perfect sync. They are both aware and comfortable in their roles. They are both very happy.

    So it starts with the rigor of the weekly spanking: It’s worth it.
     
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  17. MissyB
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    This seems to be the basis for many FLRs, even if they don't all use all the components. I like the way this sort of formalizes the process and the levels of control. Physical and mental components of Her control over Her sub and using constant reminders to keep his focus on pleasing Her. Thanks for posting.
     
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  18. madams-sissysub
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    A Very well written article.
     
  19. serving Goddess
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    Ive never heard a more inaccurate piint of view...
    And...
    I am of the opinion, that you are possible very lonely


    @Hippo


    Clearly your in denial that real people do real things....i challenge you to a real photo with a specified date....with a real videos of a conversation between ... oh....lets say myself and you..and the 2 women i serve full time....

    Ill post the vid....to debunk tour negativity
     
  20. serving Goddess
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    Further...re.your fantasy comment....

    True successful, educated, Dominant Women. Are hesitant to post or share anything online. They fight enough in daily life, as controller, CEO, or any number of places, an educated, successful and Dominant Woman can be found. LMFAO They definitely dont have time to argue with whelps online
     
  21. serving Goddess
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    I agree,
    Also agree this appears vey well written.

    In my experience, it has variations and differs from Dominant Female to the next, as a very capable male irl, this male has of course had the privilege of being feminized, but would confess, that most of the Females ive had the privilege of honoring Their company, perfer this male, caged, collared, submissive and in domestic service. Only at Their will, would this male have Woman clothes in, as.....as a male, i am no where close to the perfection OF FEMALE... Unanimous, i am to be naked
     
  22. serving Goddess
    Offline

    serving Goddess Owned pet/slave/hubby.

    Joined:
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    Ffs,

    NONE OF YOU IN THIS PAGE CAPITALIZE FEMALE....DOMME....HER.....WOMAN....
    FFS half of you don't even spell Domme right....
    Explains why your self locked and still searching
     
  23. King Hippo
    Offline

    King Hippo Active member

    Joined:
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    I have no idea what you want me to post lol....

    a real photo with a specified date, a real photo of what?
     
  24. starflyer
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    starflyer Junior Member

    Joined:
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    Not fantasy for me, my wife definitely adheres to these four D's and the four P's
     
    Mauiperson likes this.
  25. starflyer
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    starflyer Junior Member

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    and this is what she uses tools.jpg cages.jpg
     
    Robins toy and Mauiperson like this.
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