Taming an alpha male?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by thumperbunny, Nov 26, 2020.

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  1. thumperbunny
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    thumperbunny New member

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    At the time I was bent on exploring bdsm, I came across this guy (that I really liked) that's into d/s relationship. He's also into crossdressing which made it more exciting to me. However, I noticed that he tends to be more dominant than submissive. He knows the lifestyle more than I do, and I was getting insecure and intimidated because I was just learning and it's my first time. I approached several dominatrixes here in the Philippines in hopes that I could learn something, but they only turned me down and one that practically said I'm another competition.

    My problem is, I am intimidated. I wanted to be dominant but how do you do it to someone who's more alpha than a sub?

    Although this guy and I are no longer seeing each other, I still have this desire to be in a FLR dynamics. Of course, I'm looking for a permanent guy, I'm actually looking forward to marriage.

    Did anyone encounter this situation before? Can you teach me how to tame a dominant male? Or am I just dreaming? LOL.

    Need your advice, please. :)
     
  2. LukeVallentine
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    LukeVallentine Active member

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    Be at peace with yourself. Balance your feelings. Conquer your insecurities and it will change your whole attitude. Guys will feel it and respond accordingly.

    That being said, do you really need an alpha male? Aren't more tame betas better for the FLR you seek?
    And, lastly, what do you actually mean by FLR? People often have very different ideas about it.
     
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  3. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Active member

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    Don't do anything that isn't natural to both of you, but if he like crossdressing... I think you know what to do.
     
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  4. Guest 2940
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    It’s not uncommon to come across men that are alphas in all parts of their public life, but desire a strong and passionate woman in their personal life. That was / is me to a Tee. If you show confidence, sexual creativity, and just naturally assume the role of aggressor in the beginning of a relationship, there are very few men in this world that won’t melt inside. If you are consistent, Its a short and exciting path from there to beginning an FLR.
     
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  5. MissyB
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    MissyB Active member

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    I think being on this site will help you grow. Read the threads on FLR and look to other Mistresses for advice. Become a Verified Female so you can get more feedback om the Female forum. What you're looking to do is enhance your natural dominance and learn to get past being intimated by a man. Men can portray themselves as mentally and physically stronger than women, but actually women can hold all the power if they use their potential. Good luck and enjoy.
     
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  6. Pretty Monnica
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    Pretty Monnica 24/7365 chastized sissy in an FLR.

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    I guess I can offer some insight. While here, I am certainly anything but an alpha male. But, in my real life, I have always portrayed one. I've secretly crossdressed since I was about 15. I work as a lead in a big construction company and in that, have no real alternative in that most men only get one thing, and that's a show of alleged force. I am very submissive inside but walk a very fine line between both.

    I am engaged to a wonderful lady who would tell you one of the challenges of taking over in our FLR is that she is tasked with making an alpha submit and pulling out the beta personality. Now, yes, I want to submit to her, but that can be different than someone who naturally as a male rejects being in charge and as such, has never really been so.

    In this case, what needed to happen pre breakup was some reading on forced feminization, because if he crossdressed, and confessed it, I would say that he knows what it is and likes it. And yes, given the right motivation, would have eagerly submitted to more.

    You are what I call an Organic Domme, meaning you have desires in place already, rather than someone who needs convincing. Learn more about yourself, and take in the facets of being a Dominant, an the right submissive will be dying to find you. Good luck.
     
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  7. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Active member

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    this whole thing sounds confused to me. You might step back and think properly about what you want. Good luck
     
  8. madams-sissysub
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    It can be done, the thing with alphas is that a lot of them are over compensating as they are embarrassed that they have a craving to be somebody’s bitch.
     
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  9. thumperbunny
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    thumperbunny New member

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    Awesome! This is what I was looking for. He used to be an executive, but I don't really know much about him other than he started wearing his grandmother's shoes and put on make up and stuff when he was little. He just has this forthcoming vibe. I'm not saying that I'm only into this guy, but that I wanted to learn how to not be intimidated or how to manage someone like that. I'm actually excited about forced feminization/sissification, and being in an flr. Just overwhelmed I guess. I will take your advice. Thank you thank you so much!
     
  10. thumperbunny
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    thumperbunny New member

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    Would really like to but I don't know how to become verified here?
     
  11. Guest 2940
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    Message Lucy and she will give you the details on how to become verified. My wife did it...was very simple
     
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  12. Wonderwomanssub
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    Wonderwomanssub Active member

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    The kind of guy you are looking for certainly exists :). It sounds like the guy you were seeing more so preferred having control and may have been used to that in the bdsm experiences he has had. He may not have necessarily been looking for a domme partner but it sounds like he has certainly brought out those feelings in you. If you’re comfortable with online dating I would try some fetish dating sites stating you’re looking for a submissive male and just be honest about your level of experience. I would assume that you’ll easily find a plethora of males interested in a domme partner and be willing to let you figure out what you like.

    If you like the idea of chastity you could try online key holding for male subs as well and perhaps that will help you build your domme mentality and help with confidence. Just some food for thought, good luck!
     
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  13. MrsBR_Saiph
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    MrsBR_Saiph Hotwife & Keyholder
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    You simply need to send Lucy a voice recording of yourself with a picture of you holding a paper with your online name and today's date. Lucy is very helpful in walking you through the process It's very simple
     
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  14. Byrdie
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    Byrdie Junior Member
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    I strongly agree with this. There is no cookie-cutter way to be A Dominant (tm). However, finding your own path to domination means knowing a lot about yourself:

    • One thing I will definitely recommend is personal boundary defense, negotiation, and consent training - whether it be through an educator or a therapist. You should be able to tell the difference between red flags, yellow flags, negotiation opportunities, and points to simply assert your preference. Some of these will initially be gray lines and pitfalls, but having a solid grounding in these will keep you from giving up unnecessary ground once you have an alpha submissive of your own.

    • In non-pandemic times, Midori teaches classes - and even has a weekend intensive - regarding feminine dominance. I've attended these - yes, even Forte Femme - and these can help a bunch.

    • There are many other kink educators, Kink Academy and Consent Academy come to mind, that have lessons online.

    • Consider what you daydream about, how you used to play when you were younger, the things you'd want to do if only there were time, or that you used to do and put aside, the women you most admire and their fundamental personality traits ... mix that all up and see if you can make a mental vision board for your dominance out of that.
    I hope that this helps!
     
  15. John
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    John Member

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    Maybe he is insecure and act alpha for this reason. It's hard for a man just to let go and be submissive. Afraid the woman would loose respect for him since most guys a raised to be men doesn't mean they can't be alpha at work. I think he is submissive just takes some work to bring it out. It's a pretty good deal if he wants to crossdress then the price for you accepting this is he would be submissive to you :+1:

    This website have many useful resources you might find useful.

    http://elisesutton.homestead.com/
     
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  16. DonnaSue
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    DonnaSue Active member

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    I have had a lingerie fetish since about 12 yrs old, but after the military I became a supervisor of a group of female clerical personnel, where I took on the Alpha Male persona for decades. I turned into an Alpha Male jerk. I married one of the women that I once supervised and many years later, She caught me wearing panties and used my fetich to gain control over me. She soon began feminizing me and later put me into chastity. We have been in a great FLR for several years, but She still refers to my cage as "the Tamer" Every person is different and there is no single rule that works for everybody.
     
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  17. winstonmacgregor
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    winstonmacgregor Active member

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    The most dominant thing you can do is to just be who you are. It isn’t a linear path that works every time but rather the flexibility to find your dominance in whatever situation you find yourself in and use your creative thinking to help you accomplish that. The situation you wrote about has an answer in it. The path to his submission was through cross dressing. It seems like he showed this side of himself to you so that you could use it to your advantage over him. He wanted you to make him cross dress, to tell him what to wear. Which could have led to a more submissive dynamic between the two of you.
     
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  18. Feathers.Sub
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    Feathers.Sub New member

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    Hello,

    the only problem I see within this, is the (quote) "he wanted you..." which sounds a bit like topping from the bottom.
    Pretty sure that this is not done with purpose ... but I still think that being submissive is to:
    communicate a lot, be open, leave the links aside and then leave her all the time she needs in order to become the most dominant version of who she is and how she feels comfortable with.
    This means that she can freely choose what she wants to do (with him).

    Feathers.sub
     
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  19. Feathers.Sub
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    Feathers.Sub New member

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    "the links" should obviously be "the kinks".
     
  20. winstonmacgregor
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    winstonmacgregor Active member

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    Yes that is true. I was wondering how dominant of a personality he was though. It kind of sounded like she wants to break an alpha type in to a submissive and that submissiveness wasn’t in his nature. Maybe he just viewed her as someone to play with his kinks. A better question I suppose is, can you turn an alpha personality in to a submissive or will they just get defensive and lash out?
     
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  21. mcfeely
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    mcfeely Active member

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    I think if the alpha is looking to escape for a while you will be getting a play partner. The alpha needs to decompress and that is what you will be providing to the relationship. If he is a “true” alpha at some point in time he will stop playing. I think exploring is great and wish you good luck. Just be careful and manage your expectations
     
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  22. DonnaSue
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    DonnaSue Active member

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    I think I am one of those guys that @winstonmacgregor spoke about when he said "he wanted you to make him crossdress". I had a secret lingerie fetish from adolescence and when Mistress used that as leverage to began to feminize me, I think it was the release of secrecy and inhibitions that I subconsciously always "wanted". So , while it wasn't an open desire on my part, Her commanding me to crossdress was certainly acceptable to me. It has evolved into chastity and our FLR, which we both love.
     
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