So, my wife and I are getting older and our bodies and lives are changing. My wife is older than I am, and over the past year, her sex drive has dropped a lot. Like she can go a week or two no problem. Mine on the other hand is probably the highest it's ever been - which is odd considering we're both in our 40s. Well anyways, I am locked up now, and I prefer it this way. If it were up to me I'd never be unlocked, like I'm sure many of you would prefer to be. But for me right now there are three big reasons I want to remain locked: 1) I don't want to push my desires on my wife if she is unwilling 2) I feel shame when I masturbate which I do a lot if I'm unlocked now. (I know its stupid but it is what it is.) 3) I feel guilty for "pushing" my fetishes on my wife. She participates but I'm sure she would rather not. (I have many beyond simple chastity.) My wife is on board with keeping me locked for the most part, which is great. But I would like to go further to make this easier for both of us. I'd like to get an RX for anti-androgens to curb or eliminate my sex drive all together. That way I can stay locked or even if not locked be able to function and CONSTANTLY think about sex. I don't really want to take this to my general doctor because she's older, conservative, and frankly I don't want her to think I'm a nut case. I'd like to find an online doctor, or a kink friendly doctor I can explain this too and get RX's for Spirolactinone or something like it to eliminate my testosterone. Has any of you actually done this? Do you have any recommendations? I'd prefer to get a legit RX and get the meds at the local pharmacy vs the grey market online.
Hi Eludina, Keep in mind that lowering your testeron result to get some breast grow. There are herbs such as saw permetto, white pony, these will decrease your testeron. There are sites, breastnexum, and several others where you get info. Love Evy Ps i am on herbs to, no interest in sex, but breasts B cup. So be care what you wish.
I think as a chastity slave I feed off the denied desire to have sex. It sucks but is sweet at the same time. What's the point of a device if a prescription removes desire? You might as well be vanilla then. I don't mean that so sound bad or unsupportive. It's a candid reply. Are you wanting to become "normal"?
If you are really serious about reducing your libido, I'd suggest avoiding androgen blockers (too many side effects) and use a mix of a 5alpha reductase inhibitor (DHT blocker) like like finasteride or dutusteride (more potent) and a SSRI like fluoxetine (prozac). Beware that DHT blockers can have a long term effect and do your own research. You can order any of that at www.alldaychemist.com or ask your doctor. Finasteride 5mg and fluoxetine are under $10 a month if doc writes a script.
Responsible opposing viewpoint here: As we got older, my wife's libido dropped off, while mine stayed pretty much the same. This led to some friction, as you can imagine. We tried the chastity thing for a while, and we discovered that the longer it went on, the more comfortable my wife became in keeping the control. I had to learn to back off from asking when and leave it up to her. However, once I was able to do that, I also learned to sublimate my own desire into deriving pleasure from pleasuring her. When that happened, my wife's libido actually began increasing because she could appreciate my caresses, gropes, cuddles, etc., as not having to lead to anything more if she didn't want to, and her desire became more responsive - that is, some caressing and cuddling in the afternoon would make her look forward to something more that evening. It won't work for everyone, but by diverting your own masculine energy into something more productive, and forcing yourself to have patience, you may end up in a better position than by artificially killing your own libido.
Thanks for the info - will they ship without a doctor RX? It says on the site one is required... I mean some sites say that and never check so IDK. If you have experience with this site though would be helpful. Tom - thanks for the viewpoint. This is what I've mostly done the past few months. It works, generally. But our sexual frequency is so low now that its not much of an outlet. I already take care of everything for her, so its not like there is much more I can do. Once I get past a certain point (usually a week of lock up time) I get very distracted and waste a lot of time thinking about sex and sexual things. Like hours sometimes. Chastity helps because at the end of the day I can't do anything about it. But it doesn't stop the distraction. Part of my chastity "kink" I think is just the ability to turn off that part of me. Like sex and sexual pleasure for me is off the table. I can only give not receive. I think if I was to go to a Dr I could trust and talk to them I'd almost certainly be diagnosed as hyper sexual. My sex drive just seems way too high for a guy in his 40s. I just don't think I could ever have this talk with my primary Dr and don't want to get sent to a Psychologist who will think I'm insane.
You don't need chemical libido removal. Maybe couples counseling. Maybe a Sex Therapist for BOTH of you. You aren't crazy, and neither is your wife. At least not from what I read here. But you need to understand each other better. You are trying to respect her needs, but you have needs too. And I think she can fill your needs without betraying her own. I'm pushing 49 and my wife is close behind. I don't think it's odd that you are driven by sex. There is an inequity in libido between you and your wife, and that is fairly normal. I don't think the answer is removing your libido with drugs. You need to get your wife involved sexually with you. This doesn't necessarily mean PIV (which sounds like is currently off the table). It can be other things. It can be purely verbal teasing. The options are endless. The only option that doesn't work is her locking you up and forgetting that you are still horny. Talk with her. Explain your feelings. Tell her that you understand her point of view a little, but would like to know more, if she will share it. Communicate, man! It's like you are asking for a drug that will make you feel okay about being unfulfilled in life (spoiler alert, pot or alcohol will make you feel good about anything, but there's always unwanted side effects).
Chemical castration yes - because it is reversible. I mean that's basically what taking anti-androgens is anyways. Actual surgical castration? I've read about it but that seems too extreme for me.
Eludia, Certainly in a vanilla relationship I think that any doctor or therapist will tell you that sexual relations are important for reasons that go far beyond the physical act. It's very common for men to have a healthy libido well into their 70's and in your 40's you shouldn't feel at all ashamed or somehow being burdensome to a partner for wanting sex. Nor should masturbation make you feel ashamed. I have no idea how far into her 40's you wife is but obviously the hormonal changes of perimenopause can have a dramatic effect on her libido. From personal experience I can assure that problems in other areas of your marriage often will manifest themselves in the bedroom. While being caged certainly can be component of a relationship, I believe the notion of taking testosterone lowering drugs is, with all due respect, absurd. What you and you wife need is for her to talk to her gynecologist and for both of you to get professional guidance from a therapist who specializes in sex counseling.
Hi Eludia, I won't comment on what you believe to be hypersexuality, but I will say that, as a member of the medical community, your desire to lower your sex drive is undoubtedly NOT the weirdest or kinkiest thing he or she has ever heard. Not even close. Further, if your sexuality is troubling to YOU that's sufficient for you to receive some treatment, although that would begin with therapy to address your feelings of guilt.
Wanting to lower you sex drive is in fact not weird, kinky or uncommon for some to wish for. My doctor and urologist both did not think it to be when I requested help. However, past talking finasteride for a short time, they said that I would need to be evaluated by a therapist before any other efforts such as chemical castration. I did ask about it, but I am not into therapists so I didn't pursue it beyond that. As far as I am concerned, nothing is off the table. Doctors however are required to follow a certain code that limits their decision making without following protocol. That said, it is not an abnormal request, given the circumstances someone is in. It should always be on a case by case basis.
you may want to explore eunuch.org as there are many on the forums there that are dealing with or have dealt with the same issues.
I'm in a similar boat, in that we have been working to reduce my arousal level and desire for sex. My wife has limited needs, and my keyholder is queer, and to a large degree asexual. With my wife over the years, I learned to eliminate my need for orgasm. With my keyholder, I learned to eliminate masturbation. We've now been working on reducing my arousal and need for sexual stimulation. The basis of this is that I'm not allowed any un-locked erections. The second thing is that I wear a short cage that pushes the penis up into the body, so after a year now, I mostly feel that I have balls and a chrome cap where my dick used to be. From there, it's really just a mental game. I've committed to both women to be for giving pleasure, and not for taking, having or receiving pleasure. Putting on and wearing a chastity device is a ritual, and doesn't get my turned on at all. It did 15 years ago of course, but now it's daily routine. Typically I'm aroused a little bit most of the time, but in general, I don't/can't get as worked up as in the past. This is largely because there is no stimulation to be had, and because I know that there will be none, so I'm not getting as worked up for what might be. This lets me focus on giving pleasure, even if it's just a footrub or something simple. I'm getting more pleasure from the giving now than I did from the having, while at the same time, not being nearly as horny or aroused as before.
Hi Eludina, I think it is normal for the male to be more horny. Isn't that why chastity works? Can you find something that you both like that would placate your honiness? This last round of chastity (5 months playing again), I've lowered my sexpectations on my wife a little, but that doesn't help me with how horny I am all of the time. I have workarounds. My wife will almost never turn down foot rubs or body rubs. It's not as sexual for her. She likes the massages and likes being worshiped, but it is very sexual for me and keeps me going. Or when we're going to bed, I'll ask her if I can unlock and "snuggle" with her. She plays with me and basically it is great edging and teasing, but there is no way in hell she would have an "edging and teasing" session with me at the anywhere near the same frequency. She is almost always up for "snuggling" though ; ). From the news and what we read, it seems like so many things in our every day lives are already inhibiting our testosterone - our diets, what our food containers or cooking utensils are made out of. I would not want to tamper with my testosterone any more. Use it and channel it, right? Find stuff that your wife likes that you can do almost all of the time. Then be good and earn your kinks from your wife on terms you agree when she says you have earned them ; ). Thanks for sharing your story - looking forward to updates.
As others have said, I think therapy or counselling should be the first step, no one should just start taking drugs without proper support from medical professionals, you need to know about any side effects they may have you, both physically and mentally.
i think you would be making a big mistake to try and lower your sex drive the main idea of chastity is that it makes you frustrated and horny moor and its that wich causes you to be thinking of sex constantly the easiest way of lowering your sex drive is to masterbate every day .ive been down a similar road my docter would not give me anything . ive also been trying to grow breasts for the last three years and estregen lowers your sex drive ive at times lowerd mine to the point where im not interested in sex then i start thinking why am i doing this becouse its only my sex drive that make me whant breasts just a kink . the other thing is testosterone ios a feel good hormone if you start lowering it belive me you will start to feel moody and depressed . at 40 years old you should exspect to have a high sex drive thats quite nomal .
Ironically, estrogen is very important to male libido and erection. Find an anti aging clinic and talk to a doc about testosterone injections so that you have all the health benefits of having the T of an 18 year old. They will also prescribe an estrodiol aromatase inhibitor anastrozole because E will go up if your T goes up. Tell doc you want the health and fitness benefits (fat will start melting away and your muscle tone will increase) if higher T but don’t want an increase in libido. Ask him about taking the anastrozole at least every other day (or daily) and also finasteride for lower libido, keeping head hair (reduces body hair though as DHT is funny like that). Btw, dutusteride works way better than finasteride so may want to ask for that. This solution is optimal for health, fitness and reducing libido. You can also add paroxatine/Paxil which is a SSRI antidepressant which has the highest reported effect on libido. Just be warned it can make it really hard to orgasm if you decide you want one.
I can agree that having a high sex drive at 49 is very normal. It is also important that both parties have their needs met. There must be a middle ground.