T&D: Dealing with the comedown afterwards

Hi everyone,

What do you deal with when coming down from a T&D session while in chastity? How do you handle it? I've been finding myself somewhat emotionally wrecked by it lately, with a strong need for reaffirmation and a good dose of insecurity. I suppose I need to preface this a little bit.

My KH and I have been together over 2 years now, playing with chastity on and off at first but doing it pretty continuously for the better part of a year now. She's never had what could be called a "normal" relationship before; toxic and abusive exes, and a torrid sex life as a result. Ours is the most stable and exploratory sex life she's ever had. I'm about as kinky as they come, whereas she's never really even experimented with kink before me. Even through that, she's taken to chastity and regularly displays to me how much she enjoys it both by letting me see her arousal and verbally reinforcing it.

Since I've introduced her to kink to a small degree and to chastity, which has now become our norm, I've found myself stressing after the end of sessions. I'm concerned that she is truly enjoying herself, as she has also regularly proclaimed her enjoyment at me being fully inside of her and cumming deep in her. I know to take her at her word and see her arousal as she either shows me how wet she is or gets herself off on me, but I find myself still dealing with the emotional worry that I'm pushing chastity on her, that it's a strain on us, even with no indications from her that that's the case.

She teased the hell out of me this evening, never even unlocking me. Quite the mindwarp. She got off fast and hard with a vibrator from it. Yet now I'm sitting here, dealing with the familiar worry I've been having that I'm steering this too hard, doing the all-too-common topping from the bottom. Beyond talking with her and reaffirming our relationship (which I've done plenty after sessions) and cuddling and being close, I still fight anxiety after T&D sessions.

So what do you experience after some T&D has concluded? How do you work together as a couple? What do you struggle with, how do you cope, what have you done to be content and happy with your situation?

Thanks!

 

Some great responses, thank you! It's in part getting me physically calm after a session, but the biggest concern I deal with is the emotional comedown and the insecurity of it.

We have talked it out at length, and I really have no reason to think there's an issue, but I feel super vulnerable and insecure right after a session. Perhaps I'm failing on the "grin and bear it" aspect of dealing with the intense desire and just need to suck it up.

@Rectrix, going at her speed is part of my concern. Her lack of experience and years of conditioning that sex is an issue due to failed, bad relationships has made her hesitant to take the lead or experiment. She's regularly expressed contentment at everything we do. All that we do are things I've introduced. I think I'm somewhat concerned because she hasn't initiated or branched off into things that interest her or turn her on. Those thoughts hit me hard when we finish a session, as I'm worried she's simply going through the motions for me.

Understand that I'm not unhappy with what we have going. It's simply an emotionially volatile time for me after play, and the drop back to reality tends to hit pretty hard.

Thanks again for all the responses, it's much appreciated!

 

@NsToy, I've had that conversation with her multiple times, even offered to not do chastity for a while, and regularly get the response of, "no way I'm letting you out, I like you like this too much!"

I'm more handsy with her when I'm locked up, but I've taken to not ever requesting being unlocked or being played with, as I was feeling demanding and like a broken record when I did. But when it comes to teasing, it's entirely at her whim. Until Locktober, she unlocked me whenever she wanted, usually 2-3 weeks, for sex, and maybe teased me once between unlocks. So we regularly go 5-15 days with no kind of sexual contact in any way. She makes no demands of me, rarely getting off while I'm still locked and almost never allowing me to please her while i'm locked. The low level of sexual contact is more fuel for my insecurities than anything, I think. Previous relationships I've had were highly intimate, whereas I get told that she's sated often with very little overall sexual interaction. That might drive why I worry and struggle during the aftermath of a session as well...