T&D: Dealing with the comedown afterwards

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Laynex, Oct 12, 2018.

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  1. Laynex
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    Laynex New member

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    Hi everyone,

    What do you deal with when coming down from a T&D session while in chastity? How do you handle it? I've been finding myself somewhat emotionally wrecked by it lately, with a strong need for reaffirmation and a good dose of insecurity. I suppose I need to preface this a little bit.

    My KH and I have been together over 2 years now, playing with chastity on and off at first but doing it pretty continuously for the better part of a year now. She's never had what could be called a "normal" relationship before; toxic and abusive exes, and a torrid sex life as a result. Ours is the most stable and exploratory sex life she's ever had. I'm about as kinky as they come, whereas she's never really even experimented with kink before me. Even through that, she's taken to chastity and regularly displays to me how much she enjoys it both by letting me see her arousal and verbally reinforcing it.

    Since I've introduced her to kink to a small degree and to chastity, which has now become our norm, I've found myself stressing after the end of sessions. I'm concerned that she is truly enjoying herself, as she has also regularly proclaimed her enjoyment at me being fully inside of her and cumming deep in her. I know to take her at her word and see her arousal as she either shows me how wet she is or gets herself off on me, but I find myself still dealing with the emotional worry that I'm pushing chastity on her, that it's a strain on us, even with no indications from her that that's the case.

    She teased the hell out of me this evening, never even unlocking me. Quite the mindwarp. She got off fast and hard with a vibrator from it. Yet now I'm sitting here, dealing with the familiar worry I've been having that I'm steering this too hard, doing the all-too-common topping from the bottom. Beyond talking with her and reaffirming our relationship (which I've done plenty after sessions) and cuddling and being close, I still fight anxiety after T&D sessions.

    So what do you experience after some T&D has concluded? How do you work together as a couple? What do you struggle with, how do you cope, what have you done to be content and happy with your situation?

    Thanks!
     
  2. slave stroppy
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    slave stroppy senior member

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    hi it sounds as if you are worrying for no real reason as it does indeed sound as if your partner has at last found a position in her life where she feels she has control of it in the way she chooses and thats in a large part down to you so you should be proud of yourself for helping her achieve this. You are probably overhinking things afterwards especially and possibly in some ways this is your attempt to keep the session going even if only in conversation after she has felt satisfied. This is not an easy way of life for either partners and takes a great deal of effort from both to maintain the roles and roleplay 24/7. The fact is she loves you
     
  3. Turma
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    Turma Member

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    Got this yesterday. She pleased with Hitachi and still locked.

    After all got multiple times a orgasm and was edged and teased after still locked.

    At all how to deal? She kept me aroused. With WhatsApp, at the way to work and the offer to do more this evening.

    So you need targets and sometimes a little reward. After all see used to life as a "normal" couple at all
     
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  4. The Jailed
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    The Jailed New member

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    Hi fella. You need to stop worrying. It sounds like she’s enjoying her self,

    Hence my thread about it being in your head. Chastity because of what it is, is 24 7. There is no let up in it.

    Learn to enjoy it. If she’s not. You will know.
     
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  5. the glove
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    the glove Member

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    ya you just need to cooperate, or run away very fast!
     
  6. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Active member

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    Just let her lead, talk afterwards not before, tell her it's about her, that you'll go at her speed.
     
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  7. Cincy
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    Cincy Active member

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    I get teased and denied multiple times every day. after I come down, I almost feel like I had an orgasm, only better, because I'm still horny.
     
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  8. Bonobo
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    Bonobo Member

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    Has she ever given you a reason to doubt her? If you have indeed discussed this with her at length then you need to let it go and enjoy the journey with her. If you keep worrying about it it’s going to create stress in the relationship.
     
  9. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Active member

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    Are you sure about what question you're asking? The text of your post is all about concerns about topping from the bottom, whether she's happy etc.

    But the title of the thread isn't that. It's about comedown, or the emotional downer we all sometimes get after a session.

    It's an important difference. The first is primarily about her. The second is about you. So what's really bothering you?
     
  10. Laynex
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    Laynex New member

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    Some great responses, thank you! It's in part getting me physically calm after a session, but the biggest concern I deal with is the emotional comedown and the insecurity of it.

    We have talked it out at length, and I really have no reason to think there's an issue, but I feel super vulnerable and insecure right after a session. Perhaps I'm failing on the "grin and bear it" aspect of dealing with the intense desire and just need to suck it up.

    @Rectrix, going at her speed is part of my concern. Her lack of experience and years of conditioning that sex is an issue due to failed, bad relationships has made her hesitant to take the lead or experiment. She's regularly expressed contentment at everything we do. All that we do are things I've introduced. I think I'm somewhat concerned because she hasn't initiated or branched off into things that interest her or turn her on. Those thoughts hit me hard when we finish a session, as I'm worried she's simply going through the motions for me.

    Understand that I'm not unhappy with what we have going. It's simply an emotionially volatile time for me after play, and the drop back to reality tends to hit pretty hard.

    Thanks again for all the responses, it's much appreciated!
     
  11. NsToy
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    NsToy Active member

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    Having a KH that doesn’t take the lead or initiate things isn’t that uncommon. I would talk to her and ask if she is enjoying this aspect of your relationship or if she is doing it because she cares for you and wants to make you happy.

    Do you always being up being locked up or do you bug he for T&D or does she bring it up or tease you at random times throughout the day?
     
  12. Laynex
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    Laynex New member

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    @NsToy, I've had that conversation with her multiple times, even offered to not do chastity for a while, and regularly get the response of, "no way I'm letting you out, I like you like this too much!"

    I'm more handsy with her when I'm locked up, but I've taken to not ever requesting being unlocked or being played with, as I was feeling demanding and like a broken record when I did. But when it comes to teasing, it's entirely at her whim. Until Locktober, she unlocked me whenever she wanted, usually 2-3 weeks, for sex, and maybe teased me once between unlocks. So we regularly go 5-15 days with no kind of sexual contact in any way. She makes no demands of me, rarely getting off while I'm still locked and almost never allowing me to please her while i'm locked. The low level of sexual contact is more fuel for my insecurities than anything, I think. Previous relationships I've had were highly intimate, whereas I get told that she's sated often with very little overall sexual interaction. That might drive why I worry and struggle during the aftermath of a session as well...
     
  13. lexie
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    lexie Member

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    Please don't overthink it, ask her/explain you're getting insecure. Include Her, she might be creative in a fun way even! It might just be a short phase were She doesn't feel like being active.
    Enjoy the ride, don't make it hard on yourself, you'll regret it.
     
  14. Allen1987
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    Allen1987 All for Her

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    @Laynex listen. I know you have heard be careful for what you wish for. If she is getting off
    with you there and it is turning her on, that's the whole point. For once she has control of
    her sex life. I understand your frustration of not being able to please her the way you want
    to. Look you broke down a wall, you also opened a door. What is behind that door is uncertain
    and deep.

    I ask sometimes who stole my wife, Been together from age 15. We met in 1976. wonderful
    boys, great sex and they are grown. We never had what we do now. I started it to show Her
    She would always be the only one. For 5.5 years we played, well She changed it like a switch
    got switched. I have found to watch her enjoy herself is a very wonderful thing. Don't forget
    you are responsible for that, enjoy it. I cool down by holding Her and thinking that She can
    hit these highs and bask in Her glow. Don't fret give Her time. You know her best and you need
    to communicate what is going on with you. That is always what needs to happen in relationships.
    I hope she finds the balance for you. Good luck.
     
  15. Bonobo
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    Bonobo Member

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    This is very sound advice, if we could only all follow it all the time.
     
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