Submissive in general or to a specific woman?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by subbnh69, Aug 18, 2021.

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  1. subbnh69
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    subbnh69 Member

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    Hi all,

    I'm curious how many guys are submissive in general vs those whose submission/flr/D/s/whatever-label-you-like came about specifically as part of the relationship they are in?

    In my own case, if I look back on the one very serious prior relationship (as in we seriously talked about marriage), or any of my less serious dating relationships before I met my now-wife, I don't see any evidence of sub tendencies in me or D/s in the dynamics. Perhaps I'm misremembering and there was some unrecognized dynamic, but I really feel this is something that grew up in me specifically in response to my wife and as part of our relationship dynamic. Obviously I don't know - I'm a different person than I was 20 years ago before I met her, but I don't think if she had never been part of my life and I'd been with someone else this would be a thing for me. If, God forbid, something were to happen to her, I don't think "domme" would be my main criterion in seeking future love.

    OTOH I know from this and other forums that there are guys who are seeking keyholders or other types of D/s relationships and don't have a relationship already, or who have been in D/s relationships in the past and sought and found new D/s relationships, not to mention the whole area of professional dommes/online keyholders etc. That's not my thing, but I get that it is others'.

    Anyway, thoughts? Do you think that for yourself this is something that pre-existed your current relationship, or is it specific to a specific woman?

    subbnh
     
  2. Her_good_boy
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    Her_good_boy Evolving sub husband

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    TBH, thinking back to the numerous relationships I've had I don't think the vast majority of those girls/women I would feel comfortable enough with my vulnerability to express any degree of submission towards. For me submission is conditional and built on trust. My communication with my wife is totally open after we entered an FLR because even if she doesn't agree with everything I come up with, she has the emotional intelligence to listen and has become more non-judgemental over time. To be submissive is to show yourself totally vulnerable and naked( in this sense meant figuratively) and not something you just throw at anyone who calls themselves a domme or because you may have some kind of submission kink to tickle.
     
  3. Guest 8927
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    Guest 8927 Long term member

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    I've found the concept of forced feminization, bdsm, d&s, chastity, and FLRs to be a base desire in myself for a very long time, but have never used any type of paid services. I was in a vanilla marriage with a very strong female, and she discovered these things by finding a secret file on my computer, and quite literally, threw me out and divorced me immediately, with no consult, therapy, talking. It put her off so badly she immediately wanted out.

    In my assessment of that, I learned that my own dishonesty created it. At that point, roughly 11 years ago, I just began to seek out someone who could understand and accept me and found my love, Goddess Violet on a vanilla dating site. We had a wonderful connection immediately, and about 8 months later, I introduced the concepts to her. It's been a learning curve, but she is quite giving, loving, and intelligent. We are where we are 4 years later, mostly due to her commitment to me in it. It's been amazing.
     
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  4. asastype
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    asastype Service sub to Mistress AMA

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    I had submissive impulses in several of my dating relationships, but never had the courage and confidence to act on them. I especially remember one Woman i dated who specifically asked what fantasies i had and even then i couldn't bring myself to open up to Her. In retrospect, i'm sure She would've accepted my submission.

    Even with the love of my life, @MistressAMA, it took several years before i finally confided in Her and our FLR began, to the enjoyment of us both. I'm sooooooo lucky to have Her. :love::love::love:

    asa
     
  5. Rodeo cowboy
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    Rodeo cowboy Long term member

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    I didn’t realize it until a few years ago. I’m pretty picky of the ladies I submit to. I realized at the university that I was attracted to smart strong women. I dated several of my instructors. One can only guess why someone would date a significantly younger person.

    Ms Maree takes care of my needs.
     
  6. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    You have to separate the public and private realms of your life. In private, I'm submissive. In public I can't be because of the nature of my work. However, I am always respectful and, wherever possible, deferential. Anyone experienced in our link would no doubt spot it immediately.
     
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  7. Cecilia B
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    Cecilia B Long term member

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    From what husband tells me, he never even thought about being submissive to any of his former girlfriends. When we started out, it never occurred to either of us.

    It occurred to me later. I liked the idea and got him to agree to it. As far as I know, I 'm the first and only woman he's been submissive to.
     
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  8. Junebug15
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    Junebug15 Long term member

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    Women in general
     
  9. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    i spose i am to everbody really but i just dose what Mistress tells me and i wudnt do things that somebody i dint know tell me to do but i am always polite to folks and not rude to them.
     
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  10. Her_good_boy
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    Her_good_boy Evolving sub husband

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    Same here, never occurred once to me. Heck, it didn't even occur with my wife until like 5 years ago when she first asked me to wear her underwear as a sign of 'breaking down my barriers'. Once I did that it was like a kink pandora's box opened.
     
  11. DonnaSue
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    DonnaSue Long term member

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    My submission began as a personal relationship between me and my Wife of >35 years. Now that She has introduced Her Sister into the realm of those who "know about Donna", I find myself compelled to be submissive to Her, too. In fact, as I go to the store or restaurants. etc, I find myself automatically more respectful toward all women.
     
  12. WillieBDenied
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    WillieBDenied All men should be locked

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    Pretty much women in general, but the more attracted I am to a woman the more intense my submissive desires. Looking back, I have always like having female bosses in my professional life more than male bosses. With female bosses, I jump, with male bosses I tend to push back.
     
  13. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    I have been sexually submissive my whole life. I’ve always waited for them to make the first move, first approach, first kiss, fondle, undressing, everything. I’ve never asked a woman once to go down n me. Even when a few asked me what I wanted, or said they would do whatever I asked, I always clammed up.

    I am aware of why.

    Outwardly, I strove to be the complete opposite. I am a loud take charge person at work, with friends I am funny and the tough guy (used to fight often). That however is a blatant show for others. Be the best, don’t take any shit, be the life of the party, be a mans man. If only they knew that I just want to be told, and controlled. I seek solace in it. When I can be myself with my wife, it’s the happiest I’ve ever been.
     
  14. Shimone
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    Shimone Long term member

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    I am submissive in general, but to my wife only. And even though I would treat every women like a gentleman I always thought it strange when some women at certain events might take it for granted that you would take most orders from them as well.
    To me this would not give anything if there is not a certain kind of connection...
     
  15. ChasteCel
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    ChasteCel 7/6 on the TomAllen-Rectrix scale

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    I'm submissive just to my wife. And in a lot of ways, just in the bedroom. Outside we're very much more a 50/50 couple unless we're slipping into a dynamic or she's teasing me.

    I'd say I'm more of a switch.

    I think I've always been attracted to strong women. And I've never had a problem having a woman boss in the workplace, but I can't say I've ever been attracted to one in a sexual (or submissive way). But I've also always gravitated to leadership positions, and now, professionally I run a large team.

    So for me, it's more situational.
     
  16. Cecilia B
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    Cecilia B Long term member

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    Funny you mention that since it was a pair of my panties that opened the same Pandora's box for me. I've posted before how insecure I was about husband who was then my new boyfriend getting too drunk and going home with some hussy. My first idea was to have him wear a pair of my panties under his pants. I figured he'd get to the girl's place, she'd pull down his pants and see the panties and freak out and kick him out.

    When I got home from work the next morning, he showed me he still had my panties on just to let me know he'd been good. He looked so cute in them I had to rip off my clothes and take him right away. I went from there.

    The next time I had to work late at the hotel, I handed him another pair of my panties, since I assumed he was heading to his favorite bar. He said he wasn't going. I asked him why not. He said the panties got him out of the mood to hang around with his friends and indulge. It took me a while to realize dressing up made him submissive.

    I actually told him he didn't have to wear the panties that night and he should go. He did, but stopped by the hotel on the way home to let me know he was going home, alone. I did call about 15 min. later and he was there. Even though he's a younger guy, he's actually always had a land line. Best friend later got me the info. about male chastity devices.

    I suggested them to him while he was wearing my underwear (I'm a bigger girl, so my underwear fits him, although I long ago started buying underwear, clothes and shoes especially for him.) and he agreed to try it. It still took me a while to get it that dressing him up made him submissive.
     
  17. Her_good_boy
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    Her_good_boy Evolving sub husband

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    I believe that was my submissive tipping point as well. Previously I had never considered the idea of submitting to anyone and recoiled at the idea of 'I wear the pants' as my wife often would say. But once she created the environment for experimentation it's as if an internal switch was turned on. I've never worn panties other than hers though, I think its the fact that they are 'hers' is part of the appeal, like it makes me feel closer to her in a way? I have no idea if that makes sense but there it is lol. They dont fit perfectly as I am bigger but it's more about the symbolism of it than being a perfect fit, or else I'd go out and hit my own. She likes me in thongs too, easier for the paddle to get to me without all that extra material in the way lol.
     
  18. madams-sissysub
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    I have always been submissive, began having sub fantasies when I about 14. I’ve only ever been compleatly sub to my madam, but I always treat all women with the upmost respect, curtesy, as manners, and also as the superiors they are.
    A few years ago, a new younger colleague picked up on my behaviour, and would give me orders, nothing major, just to go get her coffee, or to fetch her lunch. Or to do bits for her. It amused her to see me so so, and it was a bit of fun that made the time pass quicker.
     
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  19. bondinchas
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    bondinchas Long term member

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    It's probably not so much that wearing the panties makes you more submissive, you already are, otherwise you wouldn't have put them on. I suspect it's more that having panties on, being a visibly undeniable sign of that submission, lets you both openly acknowledge and act in that role.
     
  20. Kylara
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    Kylara Happy feminized sub owned by Mistress PHEBUSA

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    I am very shy person, I tend to be scared to see people I don't know or speak to unknown people.
    I fight to be active but I am really very submissive inside me and it makes no effort to get back to my submissive nature.
    Now I can be 24/7 sub to my wife all is a lot easier, it is like if I drop a mask. therefore my KH ask me to be more dominant to the other in order to protect her and our family interest. her orders gave me the courage to do it as I won't be able to do it by myself alone.

    For sex it is another story, I am a sub to anyone who shake me a little and I feel in my place as a sub, in a comfortable place. it is easy for any men to abuse of me and I don't complain on it. I still have resistance but I feel them very weak against a dominant person, male or female.

    I have learn to say yes and never tell any lies or false story. I did not feel at ease in some social relation where people hide things. Complicated when you have a chastity lifestyle. I just don't speak of it in public.

    I avoid conflict, I hate conflict and be obedient and polite helps me to resolve and anticipate most of problem.
    I work in services where this quality of service is appreciated, and I feel happy to serve others rather than being served. I tend to think when I am at restaurant to think about the waiter "let me do it please, I apologize to disturb him...".
     
  21. MissyB
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    MissyB Long term member

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    Always submissive. I began to feel it as a teen, once I recognized it. Only been sub, sexually with a few women. In every day life, prefer to follow someone else's lead, especially now that i no longer work. Early i saw myself as sub only to women, but now, any dominant persona commands my attention and obedience.
     
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  22. SubSnuggler
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    SubSnuggler Owned by Mistress2and4you

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    Very respectful to all women, but only submissive to one Mistress.
     
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