Submission, it's not all whips, chains, fun and games

I completely agree kris.

As most of you know I was a submissive originally. And a HUGE pain slut (still am!)

One thing I think kris hasn't mentioned and that is DIRECTION.

In my marriage I would wait in desperation for my husband to take complete control, tell me what to wear, what to do around the house, what to cook for dinner.

Most people who knew of my tendencies said I was LAZY!!! They didn't have a clue. I just needed direction.

I was working hard as a wife and mother all day long, but the things I was doing weren't noticed. It was much easier to do things I'd been "told" to do, and it would have been even more sweeter had I been made to do it naked (kids permitting!) or with the fear of punishment.

That lack of direction left me feeling neglected, surplus to requirements, I WANTED to serve, but I needed someone to help me feel NEEDED.

I think that is a basic requirement in most people, to feel that somebody needs them.

The flipside of this, as a Domme, is that I now see just how hard it is to direct someone.

Either I feel pet should somehow *know* what is needing to be done, or *know* if I want sex, or a cuddle, or some pudding... but I still feel uncomfortable asking (and even accepting) things sometimes.

If you are a sadist and you live with a masochist, MARVELLOUS! But a lot of us aren't necessarily that deep into whatever fetish we have.

Nurturing is the key element from both sides. Domme needs to keep the submissive "fed" with instructions and then with rewards, recognition and punishment. The submissive needs to keep on top of what the Domme may need if the mention their head hurts, ask if they want a pain killer, if it's been a while since they had a drink... offer.

There is more likely to be "play" time if both sides of the relationship are happy, balanced and feeling oh-so-safe with each other.

 

This could not come at a better time. Thank you so much for your thoughts about your submissive conscience. Very enlightening. For me? Power is highly addictive. It's such an incredible feeling to have my pet at my complete and utter mercy. The ability to be able to command obedience is like nothing else I've felt before. So, yes, I definitely think there's a "domme space". I think this is why I want even more from my pet. The thought of him being submissive to me 24/7 is a very tempting and erotic thought. Great thread, Kris!

 

Power is Highly additive as Jen has mentioned, and for Me it gets more addictive as time goes on. I did not start this journey with My pet to end up with slaves and sissys all crawling around worshiping Me. My pet and I went into this lifestyle very slowly, made alot of friends along the way and grew into our roles with caution. I would love to be the 24/7 Domme that alot of submissives fantasize about but thats not reality. A nice thought but still not reality!
For Myself I have learned to change roles pretty easily, but I will say that after I have had 'company' here with Me it is very hard on Me emotionally to set the Domme in Me aside and go back to My everyday life. I am able now to slowly incorporate more and more into our current lives now that pet is getting better, and I know as a submissive he is grateful for that. Hes missed being My subbie all these months. Hes had to take a back seat to little pet, rachel, and susie as our 'playtime' goes, but thats all improving now.
I am hoping that someday I can stay in My Domme role in a permanant situation with little pet and My pet, what a wonderful exciting time that is going to be when the 3 of us can remain together. I will have two wonderful slaves at My feet, right where they both want to be! But, unfortunatly until then, we remain working out schedules that bring us together as often as we can.
And I will continue to entertain Myself with susie, and rachel as thier schedules permit.
So, for Me, to go back and answer the original question....Yes, there is a Domme space, and I would love to be able to remain in it all the time!!
Someday......Someday

Mistress Michelle :sex020:

 

Awesome topic.

I find that I switch from regular person mode, into sub mode, much faster than my partner can keep up. This certainly puts some strain on us. I probably have more to add to that, but I'm very tired at the moment.

 

Thats exactly how I get sometimes, especially last night when it felt like Kris should just 'know'. Especially when the Dominant is not feeling that dominant and just wants sex without any kink, to just feel wanted.

I think the point of the matter is though, Dom/Domme/Sub, We all have it hard sometimes, the blame can't always be onesided.

 

wow, this is a GREAT thread! thanks for starting it, kris.

i have been a sub all of my life. Mistress started out thinking She was a sub...She laughs about it now...She is a switch but about 95% Domme. Mistresses' experience as a sub, like Mistress Watchful, has helped immensely in preparing Her for Her true role as my Mistress. when Mistress desires i can Dom Her...but those are rare moments.

so that description hopefully puts my comments in perspective. in some ways a BDSM relationship is less complicated than other relationships. O/our roles are clear...Mistress is in charge of everything and i obey. but of course reality is not that simple. W/we have to appear vanilla because that's what is expected in the real world. living with 3 young adults severely restricts O/our privacy. there are vanilla decisions to be made...decorating O/our home, O/our businesses, managing the household, expenses, vacations, etc., etc., etc. Mistress consults me for all vanilla decisions but She makes the final decision.

then there is play time. W/we need privacy for my punishment sessions so they are not as frequent as W/we would like. Mistress controls when and how we play...whether it's just vanilla or She wants to dominate me...whether i get to cum or just Her.

subspace for me is the norm..only the intensity changes. i think i am always in subspace, it's just stronger at some times. it's like a pot simmering on the stove...but sometimes it boils...especially during punishment.

i don't know how to describe U/us other than to say that there is no doubt in either mind that She is Mistress and i am slave...all the time. it's just disguised 90% of the time. everyone who sees U/us comments on how lucky Mistress is and how i dote on Her...if they only knew. it makes me feel so proud. even in public if i am becoming willful Mistress only has to give me the look and i snap back.

the Female is perfection and all men exist to serve. i have believed that all of my life. life is so much simpler when i just submit. my Mistress is my world...She loves me completely as i do Her. O/our love is all encompassing and everlasting. She is my soulmate and my soon to be wife. i keep wondering if O/our friends will notice that at O/our wedding i will vow to obey...but She won't. btw, i'll be taking Her last name.

 

that I'm pretty sure they will notice (unless you both have the same last name to begin with)