Submission, expectations and responsibilities

Thanks for the Huggs Mistress Watchful

Time for a brief update I think. Things have been pretty quiet again, works picking up again which is good, I'm hoping this year is going to be a good one, I have from now until October to cram loads of work in and then I should be able to hibernate in the Winter and have enough money to see me through.

Enough with boring money talk I hear you cry. Unfortunately though there's not a lot else to talk about and it's not as if Master isn't trying. He's really getting into this feminization thing now and appears to really want to commit to my training and conditioning which I'm excited about. I on the other hand feel knackered and down plus my anxiety has come back.

It's my own fault for stopping the medication I was on, but it wasn't doing me any good, if the withdrawal symptoms were anything to go by the pills must have been slowly rewiring my whole mind. When I was on them I just felt subdued and tired more tired than I do normal so in other words a living zombie. I have a prescription to start a lower dose but I'm mulling over what to do at the moment.

I really wish I could be writing about what amazing play time Master and I have had but we haven't had chance for much. Will try and keep on top of my diary but don't want to bore people half the death.

 

Thank you for your support Lady Kimset. It seems things are on the up. Still hanging on to that prescription though.

Things seem to be getting better. Master and I have just returned from the weekly shop, before Master got home from work he had left me instructions to be wearing a bra and stocking under my clothes. I did as I was told and was ready for before he got home. Shortly after he arrived we got ready to go to the shop, before we went out I was ordered to put my love egg in my sissy pussy for a little bit of extra amusement for Master.

It felt quite exciting walking around the shops knowing what I was wearing but it also felt quite normal at the same time apart from the eggs clacking away as I walked. I'm glad that Master had ordered me to be dressed and then went further and ordered me to we wearing the eggs is shows he really want to make a go of it and make me his sissy.

Last night was good also, I had the most amazing sissy orgasm, I can't remember orgasms feeling that good. Master has realised that he can get me all worked up by rubbing at the base of my sissy clitty as if I was a really gurl. He began teasing me last night as he had done for the past couple of nights before we went to bed, but this time he carried on.

He pushed his fingers deep into my clitty making me feel so feminine, It felt amazing, not quite sure it felt so good, it could have been the fact that I felt so feminine or it could have been more physical pleasure, what ever it was it felt good.

I came hard, I was moaning like only a gurl should, I was moaning like a sissy pretty much from when he began but as I got closer I could feel myself wanting to scream like a gurl. After I came, Master cleaned up the mess that I had made. By this time he had got himself all worked up just hearing me so I thought it was only right that I should return the favour.

I pleasured Master with his hand kissing him and occasionally licking his nipples. I think he enjoyed it and appreciated it.

The strange thing is though, when I normally cum I don't feel horny again for at least a week. Today though I feel super horny I keep thinking I want to slip my hand down my pants my finger my sissy clitty, but so far I've managed not too, I don't want to spoil things.

 

Thank you Dolly Anne, I am a lucky gurl. I can't wait till Master trains me up to be a good little sissy like yourself though.

Back in my CB now after being out of it for a few weeks. We've been looking to buy a birdlocked but noticed that I could have a brand new pink CB2000 for 60 so wondering if it's worth getting a birdlocked, specially if I'm looking to be put in a Neo Steel hopefully within the year. THE CB started to get really painful when I was working, when my testis we're trying to go back inside they pulled like anything on the ring. I probably should have road it out and waited for my skin to stretch but it was all getting a bit much.

I thought as the weather is starting to get a bit better and warmer I would try the CB again. If it works out I think Master will buy me a shocking pink 2000 which would be nice.

My new leather harness arrived this week, only thing is it's size 14 and I'm a size 16 at the moment so I'm going to use this as a goes for me to finely loose some weight. I've put a picture up of it on, but I can't get the middle belt to fit due to my tummy so it doesn't look as good. It's a female chastity harness so Master and I get the best of both worlds, Master gets to see me in a harness and I get to be all tucked and feel more feminine.

We haven't done much this weekend really, Master worked Saturday and then we went to see the curious case of Benjamin Button for a friends birthday. Was a great film really quite gripping but not sure if I could sit through 3 hours of it again. After the cinema we went back to my friends for drinks and we're up until 5am so Sunday was spent recovering.

 

Heck it’s been three days since I last updated, I’m not very good a keeping a regular diary lately.

There’s not an awful lot for me to write about, things have been very quiet on the lifestyle front. On Tuesday Master did make me dress up and serve him after he got home from work, he made me wear a corset some panties and my high healed boots, it felt good to be dressed up although I didn’t feel quite so sexy, I still haven’t lost much weight and gets to me when I’m dressed up. I still feel sexy in a horny kind of way but not in a looking good way.

I’ve been back in my CB since Monday, I’ve decided that I should probably stick with the CB2000 until we can afford a neo steel. I’m hoping that Master is going to buy me a pink CB2000 seeing as they’re on sale.

It feels like I’m starting all over again with the CB. It was all set up from the past few times I worn it so fitting isn’t a problem but my scrotum has shrank so I’m being woken up at least 2 times a night with the slightest swelling on my sissy clit.

I’m sure I’ll get used to it, I want to be in it for the long term this time and once and fore all give control of my clitty to Master. As long as I don’t get any sores or pain who knows when I’ll be out of the CB next as I’m leaving that decision down to Master.

 

I've been trying to wear it now for over a year and had different isues with it. Most recently it's been too cold, whilst I was working my strotum kept tigtening and it really really hurt while I was trying to work. Now the weather is getting warmer the CB should be a lot more comfortable and also give my scrotum time to stretch.

 

Thanks for the advice xcitex. Luckily the weathers warming up a lot so I should be ok, untill next winter a least. Who knows I might have a neo steel by then.

Day 5 and I'm still in my CB. I seem to be getting along a lot better with it this time around. I'm still being woken up twice a night with a swollen clitty but that'll get better with time. Working with it doesn't seem so difficult, thats most down to the weather getting warmer though. I've had a few moments where it's pulled but not half as bad as it was. I'm looking far ward to Master buying me a pink CB now.

The week has been quiet, both working so haven't had much chance to do much really. We both went out Thursday and drank quite a bit so Friday was spent recovering.

I would like to start making progress with my feminization but I'm letting things take there course. I don't want to put Master under pressure like I have done in the past.

I'm sure this is the path I want to take this time, I'm destined to be sissy. I'm going to need a lot of work though, I would say that I'm quite butch at the moment and have a lot of bad habits which Master is going to have to train out of me if I'm going to make any sort of sissy.

We have good foundations to work from this time around and we both know what we want. We just need to energy and time to move things along.

 

can’t believe how long ago I last updated my diary. I think most people would have forgotten who I was by now. I haven’t even contributed much to the site at all of late.

In all honesty I haven’t had a lot to write about, I’ve been on such a downer for the past few weeks, only seeming to be working and sleep, with nothing in between. My sex drive went through the floor and wasn’t sure what I wanted at all.

I’m not sure much has changed but things are moving the right direction I hope. I made the first move toward ‘normality’ today. Master has gone without sex for what seems like a long time and I didn’t feel up to the job, I couldn’t even muster up the energy to give him a hand job.

Today was different though, I decided to grab a collar that was lying around and put it on, Master was obviously confused but that didn’t last long as we we’re soon kissing passionately and after a short time I was ordered on top ands then to ride his cock. He loved it I could tell and I enjoyed it too.

I’m glad I made the first move but I want to leave it up to master from now on, no more telling him all my desires in a passionate frenzy, in the past I found myself getting all excited about being Master's 24/7 salve only for things to fizzle out so from now on I’m taking things one step at a time and letting Master take control in his own time.

Not sure where things are going to go from here but we shall see and I will try and update my diary a bit more.

I know I want a 24/7 lifestyle vanilla is not my flavour. I love being tied up, humiliated and being a slave. The feeling of escaping from the norm for me is amazing but I’m not going to expect my desires to be turned into reality but I will enjoy the moments of escapism that Master allows me to have.

 

Not much to report today but I thought Id try and write something. Dont want to leave it so long between updates this time.

Looking at the Mansion there are a lot of new faces which is good. If you are new, you wouldnt have had to have put up with reading my many ramblings which is good for you :happy0011:.

Master and I have started to slowly get back in to our roles but its happening a lot more slowly this time around. Master is begin quite dominant which is good but I dont seem to be as submissive at the moment, not quite sure why.

Master is allowing me to have a full orgasm every Sunday so I guess hes still got some control in that sense. I think a big part of the D&s thing for Master is the control over my orgasm in order for me to be horny so he can have sex. Im not being critical of the situation but thats just how I see it.

Prior to my last update I hadnt had a full orgasm in ages but I still wasnt horny so I dont think denial is much of a factor anyway at this point in time. I still feel extremely tired but worked my last 6/7 day week last week, I cant physically do it any more plus the longer days are already having a positive effect on me.

I think one thing I do know for a fact though is that I need the D&s aspect of our relationship. I allowed me that release from reality, in the past when I was submissive I felt all my worries slip away and I became very loyal but also emotionally needy. I needed the constant attention and usually I got it.

Its almost like Im an addict you might say but unlike most addictions this doesnt seem to have any negative physical effects and as for our relationship I felt we were stronger than ever when we were at the height of our D&s roles.

Well I said I didnt have much to write and I written more than I usually do. Im not quite sure where this is going seems like a lot of rambling to me so I leave it there for now also I have more work to do.

 

I can't believe it either :fighting0003:. I tought you'd forgoten all about me :anim_35:.

Are you implying that before now I used to ramble at lot? I sure hope not :evilgrin0036: lol.
Not sure I'm any more grounded but I'm getting to grips whith my wants and needs.

Lets hope things pick up for us both.

 

I know I said I would try and update my blog a bit more, but with the longer days I’ve been working a lot more and haven’t been on the internet half as much as I normally would. The up side to the longer working day means that I’m making money for once.

Things seem to be going well all round. Our previously slow D&s lifestyle has picked up and Master has a renewed energy so therefore seems to be taking more control than ever.

Master’s new points system is starting today, I’m going to earn points for serving well and being a good sissy and will loose points if I’m cheeky, forget my manors or not get out of bed when I’m supposed to. Hopefully at the end of the month if I’ve earned enough points I will earn a treat. This month I have asked for a Zenti Suit, I can’t wait they look so much fun.

I’m not sure how things have started to became so good but I’m certainly not complaining. Master seems to be in control of the little things that help my perception of his control and therefore allow me to submit for easily. It’s the little details which make the control more real and apparent.

One thing I have noticed and have only just thought about whilst writing this blog is that when master describes a scene for instance Master described how I was going to be his faceless sissy slave wearing a bright pink zenti suit, it drove me wild with desire. Thinking about this made me realise what turns me on and made me think maybe a have more of a female brain than I originally anticipated.

It’s said that male brains are all about the visual, ie men would be turned on by images of sexy men or woman but I seem to respond much more to sensation and find myself a lot more aroused when Master describes a scene.

This could explain my perceived lack of interest which has led Master, in the past the think that I don’t find him attractive. It could just be that that we both didn’t understand which buttons where needed to be pressed in order to turn me on.

If any ladies or sissies have any insight please let me know.

If found true it could mean that I am destined to be Master’s little sissy gurl after all. :manga_beat:

 

I think of myself as a Kris but people on here can and do call me Krissy, I don't mind either way.

 

Points earned so far 3

Master began my new points system yesterday. He had already left me some orders in order for me to earn some points. I was to make a spread sheet in so he could track my progress, tidy the kitchen and make him dinner. I now need to earn 90 points each month in order for me to receive a treat.

The points system seems to be working already, I feel more motivated, especially because, if I do anything wrong 2 points automatically gets deducted each time. I’m going to have to be a very good gurl if I want to earn my znati suit at the end of the month.

I’m still eager to here from any ladies or sissies that could give me an insight into if I’m right about having more of a female brain in terms of sexual enjoyment. Or even if any none sissy male subs enjoy sensation and description more than sexual images.

This is the spreadsheet I created.

 

Good idea thanks. I think to begin with Master will be telling me how many points I need to put into the spreadsheet at the end of each day but a note to say what was done might come in handy.