i am very nervous about posting this poll. Here's why: we subbies and sissies are notorious for being demanding and bottom topping. The conventional wisdom is we never have enough, always want more and act way too uppity for the subby roles we say we want (all that previous male training i suppose?). i think there is more than a kernal of truth in those observations. The CM motto "Be careful what you wish for . . . " probably comes right out of that attitude. Of course, there is a flip side to it. Most of us adjust to and accept whatever level of training our Superiors find in their best interest. i am definitely of the opinion that whatever my Mistress wants in this relationship is exactly what She should get, and on a basic level i suppose we may have zero right to make any demands. That said, i am wondering how subs and sissies here perceive their Superiors. Here's the question: Thinking about your primary D/s relationship, in your opinion which of the following best describes the Dominant's attitude. It's anonymous of course. I definitely don't intend this to be an evaluation of any relationship or any of the Superiors. i firmly believe whatever a Women decides is right for Her is the only determining factor in the relationship and that She rightly decides the level of D/s in Her primary relationship.
it's a personality thing with Mistress: She is naturally Dominant and had always wanted a sissymaid hubette. it's essentially a 24/7 arrangement and it's difficult at times to talk as equals (which i feel is very important in a marriage).
Sorry riki i can't just vote and not explain some. i am making this post with Mistress Michelle's permission. i voted for this one but it is not entirely accurate. You see Mistress takes rachel shopping with her and yes i do mean rachel. These are very special times for me. It's like we are just two girl friends out shopping for the day. We laugh, giggle and just have a good time together as two women would. But then when we return it is back to submissive sissy mode for rachel. It takes only a minute or two for me to get my head back there. Mistress is sure to remind me of my status just by saying:character0071: rachel unload the truck and put that stuff away, or something to that effect. This is simple but effective and immediately reminds me of my status. i have only not been happy once upon our return and that was my fault for doing something stupid while we were out. Right MW? Since i have started wearing the POI's i am constanly reminded that MM is the one who truely controls me and my status in our relationship. i am happy for that. If we are doing something and i have concerns about what she wants to do or have me do i am allowed to voice those concerns. She either understands my concerns or she will simply say come on now rachel you can do this. In the end the decision is HERS and that is the end of that. No more disucssing it, whinning about it i simply try my sissy best to make Mistress happy and the most important thing rick has taught me comes to my mind, trust her rachel just trust her. MM's sweetpea rachel P.S. once again riki thanks for making us think a little.
rachel, it sounds like you and Mistress Michelle have a certain 'balance' in your relationship. i would never want to lose the laughter, sharing, comraderie, give and take in my relationship with Mistress Rob. that said, i also never want to lose my 'place' in seeing her as the Superior in the relationship. i think the hallmark of a successful dominate isn't just how they handle a whip, so to speak, but how they handle the off scene moments. and so much of that comes with the level of comfort they have in accepting their own power and leadership such that they don't have to prove it anymore . . . knowing Mistress Michelle now for over a year, i think i can say, she exudes confidence and her leadership abilities command respect even when she is 'off scene'. i can't think of Mistress Michelle doing anything (or choosing NOT to do something) without knowing it is exactly what she wants and exactly what will happen. of course, keeping passive reminders like that POI drives home the point nicely in those non-scene moments too.
Nice post Riki. I too would have to agree with Rachel, but then again we share the same Mistress so that might not be much of a shock there. I too answered the same way was Rachel, She is in charge and never lets me forget it. Again, like rachel said, I have to also explain a little. She does it in a way where you feel a part of the relationship. We share many things, desires, likes, dislikes, etc and Mistress uses that information to decide how to best handle her sub. As such, there are things we discuss which later come true in some fashion. Some say this is topping from the bottom or scripting, but I do not see it that way. Part of it is that we share similiar interests. For example, Mistress loves to use a paddle and a whip, so we talk about that alot. And through that, some of my fantasies have come out, such as being totally restrained and then having to take a beating. Well, fast forward, and now the infamous bench has been created (thanks tiff) and I get my fantasy all while Mistress engaging in what she loves the most. So we all win, well except for my ass which always hurts like HELL and makes me wonder why I brought it up in the first place. So, yes Mistress is in charge and decides what will and will NOT happen, and how it will happen, and if she happens to use things I have said, then it just makes the relationship all that much stronger.
I voted for Yes, Mistress is a natural dominant as well as i am a natural submissive. As long as we are at home or among scene people it is quite obvious who calls the shots in our relationship. Outside, in the public world there will be just hidden hints that can be picked up only when one carefully observes our behaviour towards each other. Topping from the bottom? I can not deny that i sometimes try to get what i want but Mistress knows me too well. She quickly realizes what's up and my silly tries always backfire ... :-( maid katrin
I find it interesting that those who voted for the "shes in charge" are happy to talk about it, yet more voted "she's working at it" but weren't vocal about their position. Possibly because they think that would put their Domme in a bad light? Personally I don't think so. I'm happy to still be working at being in charge, and I thimk a lot of vanilla women who came to this to enhance their relationship would also be happy in the same position. Thank you riki. And rachel, we all have our off days.
I just voted for: "she's working at it" so I will toss some info along with the vote... First, Goddess is really more of in between the top two answers. She often reminds me of who's in charge, but when it comes to being truly dominant She is often just a bit off. Part of it is just Her personality... She is a caring, loving person and worries about the people around Her. Sometimes too much so and She used to be taken advantage off by selfish people very often (I have helped Her to learn to say no). Another part of the issue is perhaps my own dominant and controlling nature. Giving up complete control to Her is something nether of us really want. We spent the first 20 years of marriage as a vanilla couple and making the transition to D/s has been tough and often still has some bumps. Bottom line, when it comes to finances, family and life in general, we are still partners and friends and we don't want to lose that. So we try to work out our D/s relationship around that and it makes it tough to say" I am your submissive, your in control, but you can't go buy that $500 widget because if you do I have to work more overtime." (for the record, She wants me home, not working 16 hours a day) Hope that helps and makes some sense...
Mistress Watchful (hi Emma), I am always working on it, the same as I am always working on our marriage. or becoming a better gardner. it doesn't mean I am not good at something...an olympian always trains to get better as well. Thanks for being the first to say so! Rob
Excellent points newsub. Mistress Rob certainly has all the same qualities as your Goddess. She has told me She struggles with the apparent contradiction between being that 'caring, loving person' and the demanding and occassionally stern dominant. Of course, it turns out these qualities aren't mutually exclusive at all, and i think that has been a big learning curve for Her. Also, i think most women have been aculturated to question whether they are worthy of recieving and that has at times been a struggle for us too (i hope i am not out of place saying any of this Rob). And lastly, and most importantly when it comes to obstacles, there is me. My nature is like yours. It has served me well professionally, building my home, getting the firewood in, etc. i am a doer and i've never had to ask permission to do what i think needs to be done, done. my willfulness gets in the way constantly, but it is also reinforced because it accomplishes things. Hard to break that cycle and like you, not sure we want to (now i'm scratching my head). i am expected to do somethings of my own volition and expected to ask permission on other things. It's difficult to see regular and consistent D/s growth in that environment. its just how it is. and it is both a long standing pattern and one with a good deal of utility. regular CB, gags and paddling help. so do direct orders. and the development of an ongoing and subliminal assumption that Rob is what i am about, and i am an extension of Rob's will not my own. maybe my name should be 'rob' or maybe just 'etc.' lol In the end all i have control over is my own contribution to the relationship working at whatever level is possible. i can only change my behaviors. i think the next poll will be: Subs/sissies, In your main D/s relationship, which best describes your attitude ?
I voted for the "working at it" option. I didn't post a lot of detail because I didn't know how I could elaborate on this. I guess, there is a chance, as MW suggest that it would cast my mistress in a bad light, as someone who isn't taking it seriously. That's not the case. I think that it's too easy for me think over all the things we're not doing rather than focussing on the good things that are happening and how far we've come. I try to remember that when I see people build a house, they spend 3 days clearing and levelling the site, 1 day making the pods and putting in plumbing and 2 days pouring the slab. Then the build the entire rest of the house in like 3 days. So 5 days are used just for the foundations and then everything progresses very quickly.