I'll admit I originally thought chastity was a way to take the pressure off of my wife as far as deciding when we have sex or even intimacy. We've been married a long time and she's still and always will be my goddess as they say. Long story short she is naturally dominant although she is reluctant to show that side and she doesn't seem interested in perusing the web or anything else to learn more about the chastity dynamic other than what we already learned ourselves. She told me the other night to give her space to process it again to her advantage this time. I guess that's the objective in a nutshell isn't it?
We all go at different speeds. If she needs more time. Don't put pressure on her. Let her set the pace. Good luck.
It sounds like you've tried to help by pointing her to online resources but she seems to know what she needs. I think it would take some women longer to accept and express their dominance, as society pushes so hard against that trait in females. I know you want this quickly so seek answers for her. But you need to let her set the pace. Chastity play and more, like FLR, are atypical and she needs to lead on her own. If you want her to be more comfortable in the dominant role, the best thing you can do is listen and obey when she tells you how she feels. Good luck and enjoy.
Good communication on the subject is the key, but it is sometimes difficult to get engaged. Don't push Her too hard, but keep the dialogue open as much as possible. Be subtle and, above all, keep trying to serve Her, more and more. She will likely respond to that service over time. My humble thoughts - I hope they help.
Funny thing is we were totally "vanilla" basically until we stopped by a Hustler store in another town on a whim after an errand or something there. I was amazed she wanted to go there in the first place. Before I could even envision the plethora of stuff there she reached for leather paddle and said what about this? Needless to say we bought it and that still fuels my imagination to this day. I wasn't looking for anything in particular that night since we both didn't know any better with all that stuff there. It still resonates with me she wanted that paddle and doesn't want it used on her so much. Honestly that experience still resonates with us to this day. Don't get me wrong after she bought that paddle I bought more implement toys and restraint stuff and we used it. We still have it all buried in a closet in a big travel bag. We still have it all is my point. My point is "vanilla" is still a relative term too and nothing to get hung up over. If you're even on this site you're not vanilla anymore. Nor your partner in crime or whoever. This may be the wrong thread for this topic but I'm still a newbie at posting about all this stuff generally
This seems to be a common response. I'm sure there are more books offered to than read by potential keyholders. It sounds like you both are on a positive path. You are talking, and you are respectful of her need for time to process. You might be concerned that of all the toys on display in the sex shop, she picked out a paddle. It sounds very unlikely she ever considered it to be used on her. Good luck, I think you will need it.
The thing about truly Dominant women that I have learned most, is not to try to control them at all and let them do things at their own pace and idea. A Dominant lady is probably positioning herself to control every detail that they can in all parts of their lives, and they work through problems differently than a submissive male does. If you dont, you take away her feeling of being in control by pushing her to take it on at your request rather than on her own timeline, which isnt her dominating. It's her catering to you, which as sexual partners, we all do. She has the info, and she hasnt forgotten about you, of this I am sure. She just may not be in the right headspace to process it right now. Chastity is about giving control but is a house of cards, if she doesnt cease it because she wants to.
If she wanted a paddle and not for herself, that should be a good sign. Keep supporting and encouraging her.
If you get frustrated with anything she does, treat it as her doing it deliberately in dominating you, you soon slip into the right submissive mode to enjoy it.
One of the things we most frequently get wrong is trying to rush our partners. We've had a long time to think about it; they haven't. If you've raised the subject with her, leave it now until she comes back to you. Good luck