Starting again

MW and Rachael-

Thank you for being careful of my feelings. One of the reasons I post is to get HONEST feedback. So thank you both!

It is not as bad as I made out - she was not angry. I was actually surprised when it happened - I was close and about to say something when she stopped. When she started up again it was no more then a half second before it was too late- it only took a touch.

I did not tell her the 'mouth was too busy' remark - that is post event humor. I did tell her I was sorry and that it overcame me by surprise. Could/should I have warned her earlier? Absolutely! When we started, I was not really feeling horny - she took a long time and I was actually surprised how excited I got. If I knew then what I know now, I would have said something.

So - aftermath. How does she feel about it? Hard to tell. She said something like 'your not going to be let out of that anything soon after what happened' or something to that effect. I said 'yes mamm'.
I do want to talk about rules and boundaries. I am hoping this will be a jumping off point for more conversation.

Why? She has put no effort at all into this- not even just 'being the keyholder'. Don't even think about being a tease.
For example, I put the key on her car key ring the first day just before she went out - I let her know and said that I was rather excited and was not sure I could refrain if the key was around. One month later, the key is still there, and the keys are always left on the kitchen counter. When I needed to add in the fabric to improve security no problem- I just unlocked, did it and relocked. I told her and she did not care. She did not even look at what I had done. This is no better then being unlocked. Week two, I offered to bring the key upstairs to her office if she wanted so that she could hide it, and she said 'no, I will take care of it'.

MW - I do understand about the work involved. There is work on both sides. I have a small list of things to do. I am turned on doing them if she cares that they are done or not. But she has to at least care, else they are just chores. I still do them, but the fun is gone.

I am not expecting for this to be a full time in all ways D/s relationship (though I would be willing to explore that). I would just be happy if she engaged at all. I don't just want to be humored or forgotten.

An analogy - imagine if you LOVED going out to fine dinners. Every week you ask 'would you like to go to ...' and the answer was a 'I guess so' or a 'we could' (or 'not tonight'). You go out and eat. Never a word about how it was unless you asked. 'it was fine'. Would you prefer something else? 'no'. Would you rather we don't go? 'whatever you want, it doesn't matter to me'.

Remember - I got so upset about her not wanting to fool around (she said no about 6 times in a row) that I stopped asking. It took her 11 1/2 months to notice! I also was angry at myself for 'needing sex' that I remained celibate (hence the one year celibate record for me).

As a dom, you have a list of things to do- even if it is not a full time 'you are the dom and are responsible for your subs well being' there is some requirement of engagement. I do not mention things more then once (ie nag). I only bring up the topic when she is not tired or otherwise not receptive. I often put off a conversation so that it is not all we speak of.

So what do I want? Acknowledge the situation. Acknowledge me. Maybe once a week do a inspection of the CD. Care enough to ask how I am doing. If I offer services, seem interested or not- just don't be apathetic.

js

 

She would never put that much effort into this.

js

Update: Wow, was I ever wrong. Thank you for putting the idea of physical punishment into my head. It eventually bubbled up and she was good with it.

js

 

Several developments since the last update. Last week, I was going out and the Wife did not like the bulge the CD had - on her advise and with her permission I took it off.

I noticed that I was having some pain related to being locked up - pain along my penis along the bottom where the seam in the CD is, and pain on the side when the tube ends closest to my testicles. It seems that when I get hard, the pressure is bruising tissue - enough to cause my penis to have a definite curve to the right. 4 days later and it is not better yet.

So - for the time being, I am unlocked and on the honor system. And for the record - I am hating being unlocked.

We also spoke about the last time and I agreed that I would warn her if I was getting close. She told me that I was not permitted to cum, and I better not cheat. She would tell me the next time I was allowed .

I am going to sand and polish it a bit better, try to remove any ridges inside and reduce the right side a bit to see if that helps. Maybe the tube is too big? Allowing too much of an erection? I am not sure.

js

 

I am back in the CD again since last week. The soreness went away eventually- it took about two weeks. I was on the honor system and was good.

I sanded and polished the CD, and relieved one side of the tube a bit with a dremel tool. Hopefully this will move the tube end away from where it was hurting me.

She has the key but it is still on her key ring where I can get it anytime.

I offer and she accepts oral service every two or three days. Occasionally she mentions something that needs to be done around the house and I jump on it.

Over lunch one day I pulled out the contract and explained that she had never read it and that I wanted to go over it quickly so we are on the same starting page. I explained that this is a guideline, and she can change anything she wanted to, or we could change anything that was not working.

The contact itself is a little different then what we started with. It is still one year, she can renew it for another year at the end without asking me. I can end it at any time but agree to not having an orgasm for one year after that date (penalty clause). She can call it off and it is just over. If it is called off due to my attitude, or if I ask her to call it off, the penalty applies.
She has lots of privileges- basically anything she claims or asks for. I wish she asked for more.

We are limited by her gentle attitude - she wants to please me, and is having a hard time really integrating that being demanding and strict does please me.

For now, whenever she tells me to do something I jump on it. When she says something like 'maybe I will have some ice cream' I say 'what?' When she realizes what I mean she says 'get me some ice cream' with the details of what she wants. I then jump to it and thank her.

She gets the orgasm denial part - she is fine if I never have another O.

In summary, we are still working this out. I (we) have still not found a spot/method that she truly enjoys and is comfortable with. Suggestions anyone? Remember, she want to be fair, does not want to be pushy, sex is not important to her, is resistant to assigning me things to do.

Maybe I could take her to a week long conference where doms are being served by their happy slaves ...

js

 

We spoke some today and have hit upon something that may work for us. She will assign a project - a fairly large home project, months in duration, and when it is complete I am eligible for a release. When that one is done, she will assign another.

Additionally, I am to do a daily list of chores - not outrageous in size, but still a good list. Based on my weekly performance, I will get a weekly reward or punishment. But what is still to be determined.

I asked her if she could paddle me - was she able to inflict discomfort? She was willing to try, so we used a ping pong paddle to swat my butt. She started soft and I told her that really didn't hurt. Each time I gave her accurate feedback, and by the 9th and tenth one she started to find her grove and it sure did sting. So that answers the question of 'can she'.

So physical punishment maybe something she can dole out. The icy-hot idea someone mentioned is something she could do. I need more ideas.

Reward? Maybe allowing me to pleasure her orally at night - I love to do that. I would say letting me out of the CD for a night or a day, but I find that breaking it back in takes a week or two - it takes the body that long to get used to it. Maybe just being allowed to do what I want on a weekend.
A work in progress.

js

 

Thanks Mike!


Things are moving along fine. I am doing my daily list of chores, exercising, etc. I am careful to do something, even if just a little, towards the long term project each day.

When the kids are in school, I get four hard swats with a paddle each morning- 4 just because she is the boss.
If I miss any chores or don't work on the LT project, then I get more. She is allowed to give as many as she wants for any reason or no reason at all. This morning she gave me an extra two because the cat wanted her too. ???? (the cat did not like its food selection this morning).

The swats are my short term incentive- more work, less swats. Release is my long term goal. Right now, I suspect I have at least another month or two to go. I will shorten that time as much as possible. I am feeling rather pent up. :confused0068:

I worked on the CD security today - I found a better method for glueing hair to create an anchor point above the CD to prevent pullout.
I found 6mm wood beads in the craft store. I took the hair above my penis and twirled it into a strand (I wet it first). That goes through the hole in the bead. I then take a wooden Q-tip applicator (like the ones in a Dr's office), dip the end into waterproof poly glue, and then push that into the hole with the hair. The stick traps and holds the hair tight, the glue expands and the whole thing becomes a good anchor point (again, all of this to get around getting a piercing). I am careful to keep the bead about an inch above my skin. And cut the applicator with a pair of diagonal cutters of course.

So I am securely locked in and can not pull out even if I wanted too.

Due to my unfortunate weakness about a month ago, I guess I am just over one month without any release of any type at all. This seems to be my magic point where the horniness kicks in and my balls really ache. Anything less then a month is a cake walk - now we are into serious motivation - it is really effecting my behavior.

When I am pleasuring her, she is careful not to over stimulate me. I promised her I would let her know if I was close, and she is helping by making sure I don't get too close.

Back when we started, I asked her to make it tough and make it multiple months between releases. Honestly, I am excited and am looking forward to see where this goes.

js

 

The security adjustments I made yesterday are working well. The CD is a tighter fit.

I woke up this morning hard as usual. I sat to pee, which usually softens things up, and though about how She is going to paddle my butt today for some things I did and did not do, and found that I was still hard. It took about an half hour getting the kids ready for school for things to settle down. What that says about me is interesting.

After some morning talk, she asked 'so do you want me to paddle your butt?" I said "Yes - and it needs to be my job to cheerfully ask you each morning to do so". I grabbed my list and told her of my infractions; my did not do's, and things I did. I added in my performance at work. As the sole bread winner, it is important for me to keep up at work and not let chastity and D/s get in the way- so I told her I honestly did a 4 on the scale of 1 to 10 yesterday.

I put the list on the dresser and assumed the position. She looked it over and said 'there are about 7 things on this list'. She then proceeded to give my 11 hard wacks, one for each list item and the four she gets just because.

My butt is sore, and I am turned on and motivated. I dread the paddling, and look forward to it. Such is my life :sex020:

js

 

>> After some morning talk, she asked 'so do you want me to paddle your butt?"

It took me a while to realize the import of what I just said. SHE asked ME.

Wow.

js

 

Motivation session

Things are still going strong. After a long w/e due to the holiday, I received my morning motivation today. Between missed chores, things I had done that annoyed her, and such, I received about 30 hard whacks.
What was truly excellent is that she added some for things she thought of on her own.

Each morning I give her a list of what I chores missed, failures to do what I was told to do, and the assigned penalty guideline for each (she can give more or less as she pleases) and ask her to properly motivate me.

Missed chores are 1 unless it happens again within a month in which case it is doubled each time.

I also rate my efforts at work from 1 to 10. That has a escalating scale- 10=0 9=1 8=6 7=15 6=20 5=25 4=35 3=40 2=45 1=50. I can't imagine I would ever do less then a 8 at work now.

Things that annoy her are always 2 to start and are doubled every time it happens again no matter how long ago it has been. I assure you, the plastic storage bowls will always be put away properly by me from now on!

She also takes 4 hits daily for just being the boss. (This is WHACK! just because WHACK! I am WHACK! the boss WHACK! )Then she adds 0 to 6 more depending on how special I made her feel the previous day.

So - She is motivating me short term every morning for my chores, and long term motivation due to the chastity which does not end until the current long term project is done (Maybe another month or two. I had planned some time but she told me that I had another project to complete on those days so it could easily stretch out until next year).

She seems ok engaging this way, even though she has said several times she finds it weird. But she is enjoying the privileges- we went out last night and I asked who was driving- she said 'it does not matter, you or me'. I looked at her and said 'no, your answer should be 'I will' or 'you will'. So she smiled and said 'You will'. I replied 'thank you mamm!". She then said 'you don't put it that way when we have a four hour trip ...'. I replied 'well that was before we had this arrangement - next trip, just tell me I am driving."

I started this as chastity fun, but we are heading more and more to a FLM- and I could not be happier then I am now. Yeah, I am leading her there, but I think we will both be happier in the end.

If you told me a year ago I would be asking her to swat my butt every morning and thanking her for doing it, I would said you were crazy.

Maybe it is me who is crazy ....

js

 

To much sex

She has decided that we are having to much sex (where sex is her being pleasured of course).

New rules apply - I can only ask or hint to play once a day, and only every other day. If she accepts my services, I can not ask for two days.

Her rules, making it work for her. I suggested that she needed to set some rules up when I saw that she was getting annoyed with my hints to play. We spoke a bit and I suggested that I be limited to asking once a day - she decided that every other day was sufficient.
I encouraged her to find other things that she either wanted done, or wanted to stop or limit.

js

 

Chasity continues

I have made good progress on my long term project. I think my current chastity run might have only three more weeks to go. Unless she decides otherwise of course - finishing the project only means that I am eligible, not deserving.

Each morning I present her with my list and ask her to motivate me. After a conversation in which she used the work 'punish', now I ask her to punish me. She seems to have no objections, and it is painful.

One morning, I did not ask as things were crazy here - it was decided that not asking is worth 10 extra whacks with the paddle. That session left me rather sore for a bit as I had racked up a few other things.

Most days I get the four she gets for 'just being the boss' plus one or two others for little things. She is putting her arm into it- OUCH. I seriously remember the session when I get tempted to slack off. The 'double next time' clause really helps in motivation.

I was allowed out for the weekend as I was away doing a physical event. When I got home, I showered, fixed up the 'hair security' and relocked myself. I can not escape at all.

I must admit, I am not that horny lately. Being locked up is more of a nuisance (chafing, pinching, etc) then a 'OMG- I am locked up' type of thing. Part of this is because she has her monthly friend and there is no play right now.

That's it for now.

js

 

Attack of the ichies

While out shopping for my wife, I started getting itchy in and around the CD. I am not sure why, but when I finally got home I had to remove it and the ensuing scratching and cleaning left me raw. I have been out of the device since.

But that does not change much - I am still chaste, still doing my chores, still earning the next O (I hope) and still getting disciplined daily.

Last night was another treat night - I was allowed to bring my wife to orgasm. As usual, I was blindfolded before she undressed and not allowed to remove it until after she was again dressed.

Remembering my last mistake - last night I warned her when I got to close. At this point it does not take much
Curiously, she was taking a really long time, but when I warned her 'be careful' she almost immediately had her orgasm.

I sat down with her the other day and asked her how this was working out for her? What did she like the best, what did she not like, any changes she wanted made? 'I don't know' was the answer to all of it. I did get an admission that she enjoys not doing dishes anymore. Even when I got called into work, when I came home I found all the dishes waiting for me.

I reminded her that this needs to work for her and that she should make adjustments to make her life better. She told me that she did not want to give me too much to do - that I had work to do also. I reminded her that I used to do a lot more, and that unless she finds that she is punishing me daily for things I missed on my list, I was most probably not at capacity.

We shall see.

js

 

A long time with not too much to report.

I was out of the CD for a long while, and on the honor system. Doing fine on that, except I really was not horny- wearing a CD is major part of the turn on.

Physical punishments are at a stop due to a lack of privacy. I am not sure where that is going.

We have been doing a lot of things, and I have been doing a lot of major tasks, so the other chores have gone to hell. To much to do. Building stuff 3 to 4 hours a day takes up all the time I used to use for the other stuff. She has not complained or said anything, though I wish she would be more demanding- that would help me to be motivated.

And then last night I woke from an erotic dream to find that I had cum while I was sleeping. I guess the body had had enough The interesting thing was that I awoke just as it was happening, so I really got to experience the orgasm.


Despite the release, I am more horny today then yesterday- so I pulled out the CD and got back to work on it.
I spent some time today gluing (again!) the tube and sanding, sanding, and sanding it. It was ok to wear for a day or so, but then I would get sore. I also switched back to silicon lube from baby oil. I think the silicon oil does not irritate my skin as much.
I think the 'attack of the itchies' was the tube separating and the skin rubbing on the seam.

That's it for now.

js

 

I apologize for not posting recently.

We took a break for chastity play - there was just to many issues with the CD( I could always escape) and real life.

I ordered the CB6Ks and have been playing with it. I discovered that the KSD-G2 works better for me with this, but I could still pull out.

I have pretty much decided that a piercing is needed- and that the top of my penis near the base is probably the best solution
http://www.chastitymansion.com/forum/album.php?albumid=723&attachmentid=4936

I have a 16 gauge ring in that spot held with surgical tape. If it works for a week or so more, then I will do it. Unfortunately, none of the local piercers do male piercing, so I will have to do it myself.


Enough about the mechanics - the relationship is the more important part.
With the possibility of working chastity, I again approached my wife. Several things were missing last time-
- she did not get enough out of it to make it worth her while
- given that, she basicaly let me have an O when I asked
- the 'not knowing when' eventually felt unattainable and I lost motivation
- there was little sexual play - it was lock it away and forget about it.

What I proposed was-
-She makes a list. What does she want? What would make it worth it worthwhile? What would make her say 'no way' if I asked to stop in three months?
-A know release date that got moved based on my performance for the week.
-A weekly review - we would discuss how hard it was for me to meet the goals, how well I did. If I did ok and it was not hard she would increase the expectations. If I did ok but was crazed, then the expectations would stay as is. If I did poorly, the week did not count and I would try again. She would make sure it was hard but not impossible to meet expectations. Over time as things become habit I would expect that the expectations would increase.
- during the review, I would be naked and blindfolded and there would be some play.
- At the release date, she would evaluate how the period went. She will try to push my limits. Too long a period gave me no motivation- it is a fine balance. My guess is every two months or three months.
- whatever period is set, she can change it at any time. If I complain about it, she can and should extend it to stop complaints.

I am going away this weekend and have asked her to consider this. We shall see.

js11756

 

And again ....

My wife has agreed to hold the key. She choose a two month duration which she can extend at her whim. We are taking two months to be the last Sunday in June, which means I have 62 more days as of today.

I am back to the CB6Ks, with the smallest KSD-G3, and an O-ring on a tether to help detect escape. Largest ring, smallest spacer. The KSD keeps me from dong a turtle, which means the O-ring does not pull - the last time I tried the O-ring it pulled and cased a pressure sore so this may fix that issue. Sleeping is not to bad. The next size smaller ring was more comfortable to wear during the day, but I had some real issues at night.

Her rules are to come - she gave me a task last night to accomplish this week which will take me the week to do. We spoke a long while about things she can 'ask' me to do, so we shall see what she wants. As I have been saying to her, 'I want ... ' so what do you want which will make it worthwhile for you? Hopefully she will find enough to make her want to continue this on her own.

js

 

60 more days to go. But who is counting

She is mentioning things that need to be done, and I am making sure they are done, in addition to the other stuff.
My sneaky plan is to really make this so worthwhile for her so that she comes to enjoy it. (I told her that!).
I am making sure I do not bring up chastity in any way, and am keeping my sexual frustration to myself; no comments ever, no questions. Just listen and do what she wants done. Mentally, I am focusing on the enjoyment of the frustration and how lucky I am that she is holding the key.
For her, it will be life as normal, except her husband is outdoing himself in helping, and when she wants sex, it will be focused on her. With luck, in time, she will become more actively involved. It has to be at her pace and at her choice, else she feels pushed.

It will be interesting to see how she adapts, and if at some point, she expresses a desire to keep this going. When my 2 months is up, I plan on just saying 'it has been two months - may I have an orgasm?" Will she allow it, delay it? Who knows.

My body is getting used to the CD and I don't notice it for longer and longer periods of time. This tracks my past experience, that it takes about two or three weeks to get as good as it will get. Tissues in the right places help, both to absorb any sweat and to stop pinching and poking.

I was going to say that nights are not so bad - I have to get up maybe twice to go to the bathroom to make the erection subside, but last night was a dozey! The CD had twisted to the side a bit, and when I became erect, it really bit into the side. Ouch!

js

 

Thanks for asking!

I wish I had better news.

While I was making it work, the wife is not really interested - more of a 'whatever' and 'I am just doing this for you'. She saw no value in it and has no desire to participate. I made sure I did not pressure her, which meant I had to make sure I never brought it up. In over a month she never once brought it up, asked for anything, etc.

The CD worked fairly well, though if I had gone down a ring size I think it would have been more comfortable.

Since she has no interest and see's no value, the chastity idea is pretty much over I guess.

 

Hi!

I am back - sorry for not seeing your reply earlier and replying sooner.
We have started up again at my request - this time I think she better understands my needs, and how it is important to know if it is actually something she is comfortable with and can enjoy. It took a lot of discussion and a bit of a fight to get here.


My fantasy is D/s in most things. She holds the key, and I have to earn release through service rendered. She is to be strict, exert her authority, and enjoy the benefits.
The lockup periods and services required will increase with time, and added time is my fault if service is not done perfectly.
She understands that he saying things like 'if you do that, I will add 5 days' is a huge turn-on for me, and by being 'mean' she is actually rewarding me. I missed 2 chores yesterday and she said 'things are not looking good for you'. And she is right- that added 10 days to my lockup period.


I started a new thread to follow the progress.

Thanks!
js