Started my journey tonight

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by rrjones, Mar 7, 2010.

  1. rrjones
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    rrjones Property of Desiree

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    I am lying her in my bed just after my wife, and now keyholder, locked me into my cb2000. She is in the process of typing up a contract as I type this. There is a part of me that is excited of the prospect of prolonged chastity, but there is another part of me that is nervous as to what is to come. This all started after I had an affair with a friend of her's that was staying with us. I came to her and told her all about it and we are currently in counseling over the whole thing. I have been doing some research and came across the idea of male chastity as a way to ease her mind. See, with us it is more a question of trust and the fact I want that back from her. As of this moment I don't know how long she will keep me locked or if I have opened a panora's box, but, either way, I will do what it takes to win back the trust of the woman I love.
     
  2. cockislocked
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    cockislocked Senior Member

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    Attitude is all important

    i hope it works out for you and it helps save your relationship. The thing for me about male chastity is not so much about fidelity, more about respect for my Wife and to set my behaviours and attitudes in a way that pleases Her. i am in a Female Led Relationship Marriage and submit to my Wife in a D/s way that is not quite the same as normal D/s. It is used as a method of conflict resolution and i defer to Her will and have made a promise of obedience. Clearly being locked in a device has the physical re-assurance for your partner, but i think it is all about your absolute desire to serve Her. My view, and it is only my view, is that your focus should be on courting Her as though it was the first time you met Her. Being locked up, not being abke to masturbate, not being ruled by your cock is a very liberating experience as it removes the power of your cock from you. For me, it made me divert my effort and energy not in to trying to get my orgasm, but in making me behave in a way that made my Wife/Mistress want to reward me with Her love. She now chooses when I am let out for sexual release. (i am let out every morning to clean my device and my self - hygiene is vital!) My Wife/Mistress feels much better about how our relationship functions now and we are both deeply in love.


    Good luck to both of you!!:anim_25:
     
  3. Missy Tanya
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    Missy Tanya Senior Member

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    Very well put, Cock is locked. I agree 100% that Chastity is more about respect for my Wife and to set my behaviours and attitudes in a way that pleases Her. Most Chastity devices can be beat. If you don't respect it for what it is, why you wear it, for who you wear it for, your not going to get one tenth of the gift it can give you.

    As I said, just read Cock is locked post, he said it like it is, Thanks Cock is Locked, very good post!!!

    Missy Tanya
     
  4. rrjones
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    rrjones Property of Desiree

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    Thank you, cockislocked and what you said made alot of sense. My thought process was twofold, first to give her a means to trust me again, but second, by taking my need for release out of the equation, to concentrate on her needs, wants and desires, whether it be sexually or in general. I was like this when we were first together but, I got complacent and lost sight of the true meaning of adoration for one's wife. I am a strong willed "Alpha" male and it is time for me to take a step back and give her the control and stability in our lives that she most deserves
     
  5. cockislocked
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    cockislocked Senior Member

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    Alpha Male

    Very interesing that you refer to yourself as a strong willled alpha male. Chastity and service to your partner does not remove any of the alpha male in you. Quite the opposite. By any measure of 'normal societal' benchmarks I would be considered as a vey succesfull alpha male. i have a great job, earn stupid sums of money well over 6 figs and have huge influence in what i do. Many people would also see this as a sign of masculinity and a measure of a man... Perhaps, and this maybe contentious, many alpha male traits often are manifested in sexual conquests of women and notches on the bed post!

    What has happened to me is my masculinity and alpha maleness has been re-defined for me, through training by my Mistress, to make me realise a real alpha male already knows he has the ability to do anything he wants. True masculinity for me is not how many women i can/have fucked, or how many times i can sleep with my Wife when i want to have an orgasm, but how i can spend my alpha male energies and abilities to delight Her and please Her with my behaviours and attitude. By being in chastity, all the energies i would spend on getting to a point where i could orgasm are now spent in other directions that please my Wife/Mistress and create even more alpha male activities in me to provide even more for my family.

    you have hit the nail right on the head when you said you were like this when you first met... by being locked up, you will chase her like you did when you were courting, coz, and excuse the bluntness, you will want Her like crazy and behave in the appropriate ways to get Her and also satisfy your own needs. Personally, i think you have made the right decision. It is kind of weird having these hugely frank and personal communications with people you have never met and are unlikely to meet but i guess that is the beauty of the annonimity of these forums. Thanks for sharing your story.

    I surely hope you guys make it!

    :HappyDay:
     
  6. Celtic Queen
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    Celtic Queen Senior Member

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    Hi,

    Let me give you the female perspective on this and see if it helps to see it from her side. It was my hub (also posting here) that first brought up Female Led Relationships quite early on in our relationship. We are an alpha couple, both career people, driven and at the top of our game. We both understood that competition in a relationship can be corrosive so we looked into FLR initially as a conflict resolution mechanism which was new to both of us. I bought the first chastity device as a toy - not because I dont trust my hub but because it looked like a fun thing to play with and he does look sexy when he's locked up in his steel cage. He started to wear the device when he (or I) was away on business and he got to miss the feeling of confinement and ownership when he wasnt wearing it. We both communicated a lot - as you always should - about how it was making him feel and he told me that wearing it was like me constantly cupping him, reminding him who his mistress was. For my part, that made me happy but as I trusted him anyway, I was happy for him to wear it if it was a source of comfort / reminder of control. It was still a sporadic thing really at this stage and I hadn't really considered it as a 24/7 thing. This all changed after a week of behaviour that I found unacceptable - I made him wear his CB6000 for over a week as a punishment with time off just for cleaning and a full orgasm ban. The change in his attitude was nothing short of extraordinary and made me realise that over the previous months, there had been a gradual slipping of good behaviour and attention to my needs that was bubbling away in the background and troubling me , making me feel resentful and angry. We had been slipping into more confrontational behaviours and the contrast in him when wearing his device made me see that we were in a bit of a power struggle - not a good thing in a Domme/sub marriage! With those behaviours corrected and the balance restored, for my part I feel happier, more content in our relationship and more loved and secure. He listens to me, anticipates what I want from him and generally romances me in the way he used to.

    In conclusion, from your wife's perspective - whilst her initial reasons for enforcing chastity upon you may be a physical restraint and a mechanism for rebuilding trust, what I have found is that there is a corresponding attitudinal shift also. All that sexual energy that distracts men and brings neglect into the relationship gets refocused on pleasing your key holder and - all being well - you return to being the man who wooed her into marriage. We ladies (even us scary Dommes!!) just want perpetual courtship from the man that we love. If just 90s worth of plastic tubing is the way to achieve this then I think along with putting a ring on their bride's finger, men should also hand over the keys ...............


    Good luck, communicate properly and enjoy

    x
     
  7. rrjones
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    rrjones Property of Desiree

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    That hit home

    Celtic Queen, you could have been taking about our relationship in your post. As soon as I read it I asked my wife to read as well. We are both VERY competitive and even in our discussions of day to day problems can and has turned into a battle of wills.I think, coupled with my infidelity, has put a severe strain on our marriage. I don't see alot of people here discussing family, but, we have kids (one hers and one ours) and that seems to be the biggest point of contention we have. She reminds me on a regular basis how I was more patient and compassionate for the first several years we were together. I was very resistant to this comment, to the point of being belligerent about it. I am starting to see she has a point. Over the years, my tolerance level, has gotten lover on all issues in the house: i.e. kids, chores, romance, ect. I am starting to see that my wife being all emotional about the lack of intimacy is based more on fact and less in fiction. Over the last several days I have noticed a definitive change in me, to the point of being more conscience of my wife's feelings and having a want, no desire to be as close to her as I possibly can. For instance, at night we have for years, slept with our backs to each other. In the last 3 nights, I have spooned her like we did when we first met, god the closeness and her warmth is amazing. I have also found that I am doing more things for her instead of arguing about doing them, which is another thing I haven'y done in years. I think all this could be a very good thing for both of us and I am looking forward to more days like the last few.
    Thank you for reading my ramblings
     
  8. S&S_MISTRESS's boy toy
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    Question

    I, and I bet others, am very interested to see the contract your wife came up with. Would you share it with us?
     
  9. rrjones
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    rrjones Property of Desiree

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    Ok here it is and I was told that it will be changed or modified at her discretion

    Once your signature has been placed on this paper, you will adhere to all of the rules, and be in agreement to, all of the punishments for breaking those rules.
    Understand that there may come a time these rules and punishments have to be revisited and revised.
    No amount of pouting or tantrums will be tolerated. Because I love you so deeply, I feel a real need to guide you in the best ways possible. Your tendency to be guided by your libido has not served you well in this marriage. My first objective is to reign you in so that I have no need of worry when you are not in my presence. You will lovingly wear your chastity cage as a constant reminder of your shame for infidelity and renewed devotion to your family.
    No time limits will be set for each infraction, as I will determine the severity of the infraction on a case by case basis and decide the amount of time encased.
    1. I will decide how often you wear this. No matter how much you may not want to wear it, you will agree without argument. I will take health issues into accountbut not a little discomfort. Sores or infections are health issues. When I say it is time to put it back on, whether you or I do it, it will be done. NO ARGUMENT!
    2. You will begin reading The Love Dare and The Five Love Languages with not only me, but your entire family in mind. When you express attitudes and actions that I feel are destructive, I will give you a warning cough. That will be your signal to stop whatever that is without making you feel belittled in front of our children. (We can discuss, in a calm, loving manner, what I didnt agree with and come to an agreeable solution later on, but not in front of our children.)
    3. You will not spend your weekends home lying on the couch and sleeping all day unless I agree because I see that you truly need the rest. Im tired, too. We will work together to clean house and do yard work. You must do a job to my standards.
    4. Lying is an infraction. If the lie is in anyway tied to thoughts or actions of infidelity, punishment will be doubly severe.
    5. If you belittle, call names, or insult anyone in our family you will gain time for each offense. I am the deciding factor on what is offensive, whether you agree or not. With each day, you will no longer have to guess at what bad behavior is.
    6. Openly flirting with or leering at ANY female in my presence (to include my friends) is unacceptable. This behavior when you are away from me is also unacceptable.
    7. Clearing your internet or phone history without my permission is unacceptable.
    8. Whatever request I make of you, you will humbly agree and put your ego or dislike aside. Any arguing or belligerence will add more time to your confinement.
    9. No matter how unsatisfied or neglected you may feel, you will work hard to please me in any way I deem necessary for my own emotional or physical health and wellbeing. You will do what I request with love and humility. (This may include, but is not limited to: massages, baths, foot rubs and pedicures, satisfying me sexually, playing games, taking care of our children, running errands, etc.)
    10. I can and probably will add to this as time goes along.
    KH____________________________________________ Date______________________________
    Chaste__________________________________________ Date______________________________
     
  10. Celtic Queen
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    Celtic Queen Senior Member

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    rrjones,

    I'm so pleased for you both. It's going to be tough for you getting used to the confinement and the physical hassle of chastity but recapturing your marriage will make it all worthwhile.

    Excellent contract!
     
  11. rrjones
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    rrjones Property of Desiree

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    Celtic Queen,

    Thank you so much, I called my wife/kh and told her that she did well on the contract and she was very happy.
     
  12. S&S_MISTRESS's boy toy
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    Thank you for posting the contract. I found the tone of it to be very curious. I look forward to hearing more updates as time passes.
     
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