Some of us have children. Are we supposed to just stop?

Discussion in 'Off topic discussions' started by Jasmic68, Apr 8, 2019.

?

Do you have children living at home with you?

  1. Yes

    62 vote(s)
    66.7%
  2. No

    31 vote(s)
    33.3%
  1. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    A recent thread was closed because of the inclusion of children in the topic. The question had been asked about how parents in a chastity based relationship had managed inquisitive children. The person who had posted the question had been a member for ten years, so this is no frantic fantasist, this is somebody who was a long term chastity mansion member. They wanted advice and were absolutely shot down. They had suggested that they were thinking about telling the children about the use of a chastity device (which I didn’t agree with) but instead of discussing why this was not a good idea the response was generally aggressive.

    I tried to respond but the thread was closed literally as I wrote my response. My reply basically said that the children were too young for a specific discussion about chastity but an open, age appropriate discussion about sex was a good starting point. I thought it was an interesting question and a good place to start a discussion. Obviously I was in a minority.

    My own beliefs are children should be educated about sex in an age appropriate way. I do not believe someone is ready to view pornography or have sex until they are mature enough to understand the emotional impact sex can have. I am broadly happy with the age of consent, particularly the sliding scale approach taken in Germany.

    I have been chaste for almost four years now and would never go back to my pre chastity life. My Wife is my keyholder and keeps me locked most of the time. We live a very definite FLR. Literally everyone who knows us know that my Wife is the boss, though they do not know quite how far this goes. None of them think I am henpecked or downtrodden, in fact most people think we are lucky to have each other and remark about how we are a very loving couple.

    We have an adopted child who is not yet school age.

    Are we supposed to just stop our loving, chastity based lifestyle? We don’t do this as a kink, this is our very foundation, it’s what defines us as us. We were a couple before but now we are in a relationship which is inextricably linked to chastity. I don’t wander around the house in just my device, or a maids outfit or anything else like that but I am wearing a chastity device and do follow my Wife’s instructions without question or complaint.

    Am I to believe that no other members of the site have children? No others want help and advice about how to navigate this lifestyle around the issues children bring? No others have had an awkward moment when a young child is in a room while you try to dress? apparently discussing children is a massive no no.

    If this thread is deemed inappropriate then I would ask for it to also be deleted. I will get the message loud and clear.
     
  2. janders6
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    janders6 Trying to work it

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    There have been a couple of threads recently that have a question relating to kids possibly learning about chastity within their family. The thread referenced did not come across to me as useful or insightful, so I avoided weighing in on it. I also would say that a discussion on the issue is going to be very difficult, as opinions on such topics can often be very passionate and widely varied based on many circumstances. The society and culture of an individual is going to greatly impact the opinion they have, is my middle American opinion more or less correct than someone from Northern France or Japan?
     
  3. L-u-c-y
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    This is really a topic about sex education. I don't see the point of discussing it here.
     
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  4. Bonobo
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    Bonobo Long term member

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    What makes a forum like this so enjoyable is that there are many diverse people living in many different cultures. We are all willing to share so many things why should this be different. We have a lot we can learn from each other’s cultures. I have had the privilege of traveling extensively and have experienced the cultures of over 20 countries, and I have enjoyed how the experiences have changed me.
     
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  5. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    Obviously you don't have children.

    Is this not a site about a lifestyle? Children are part of life, and how to manage the chastity lifestyle while living with children .. Where else would you possibly discuss this?
     
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  6. henry58
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    henry58 Long term member

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    This is a lifestyle site, with you on that. Handling chastity with children in the house should be a no brainer. Keep it out of their lives, just as you would other sexual overt practices. Would it be seen as acceptable walking around wearing a gimp mask in a house with children? I think not. Keep it private and let them have their childhood. You don't need a forum to tell you that, just chalk it up to common sense. Nuff said on that subject i think. Simples!
     
  7. L-u-c-y
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    No I don't have children, but if I did I wouldn't discuss them on a sexual fetish site.
     
  8. R2002
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    R2002 Long term member

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    Our 25 year old daughter is living at home while she is going to graduate school. We don't discuss our sexuality with her. She knows we go to therqoistst regularly and that we find that beneficia
    She has observed our marriage improving and my happiness growing streadily over the past few years .she does not know that chastity is a big reason why
    Our 20 year old son is away at college. His experoenxe with us is similiar to our daughter. Last fall while visiting him at parents weekend I set off a metal alarm entering the iniversity sports arena. We did not tell him why and he chalked it up to typical embarrassing parents
     
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  9. salonslave
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    salonslave I play for a living and work for fun.

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    We had 3 daughters at home and never discussed our sexuality with them, however we were quite frank when it came to the birds and bees talk. It wasn’t a talk. It was common knowlege with no energy added to it. We had animals giving birth all the time. We also killed, butchered and ate animals. Plants too. It was just normal life. No yuck factor.
    We also had human anatomy charts and books.
    We did not divulge our adult games.
    I would do it the same way again if kids were living here. The same goes for our grandchildren.
    Kids don’t want to hear about their parents’ sex life. I may be being too broad here, as I am speaking for myself and the culture of America.
    Remember, however, that the only thing that is here to stay is change.
    Also, 45 years ago on television navels weren’t shown. Married couples had separate beds on tv.
    Now . . . . Well everyone knows what is shown today.
    I have difficulty seeing men kissing men, but I believe it is better for the people God created to be able to come out without fanfare. Too many people held too many secrets about being gay. Back then gay just meant happy.
    I am not the owner or moderator of this group. I appreciate this forum immensely.
    If the management seems that we abstain from discussing children I will abide.
    I have a friend who is a lady from Germany. Her school bus passed right near the legal red light dustrict when she was a kid. The kids knew what was going on and her sexual outlook is just fine.
     
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  10. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    I imagine you have seen some shit. I know I have, and I'm new to this.

    But in this thread here, nobody is discussing their kids in an inappropriate way.
     
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  11. sixofthebest
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    sixofthebest Long term member

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    #11 sixofthebest, Apr 8, 2019
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2019
    Children are entitled to the beautiful wonder of innocence. That innocence is fragile and so easily spoiled by the introduction of adult cares and concerns. Once spoiled, innocence cannot be reclaimed. The kind and loving thing to do is to keep the rigors of adult life within the realm of adulthood and to ensure that children remain free to be children. Adult rigors will come soon enough.

    We have raised our own children, and as a retired high school band director I have had a hand in raising literally thousands of other parents' children. I can say with confidence that almost all of the parents I have known would agree with the paragraph above and would ostracize those who would bring an early end to any child's innocence. Writing plainly, I have little doubt that these parents - many of whom are first-generation immigrants from Europe, South America, Asia, Africa, Mexico, China, and elsewhere - would consider it selfish at the least and abusive at the worst to introduce adult kink to a child.

    If we are going to engage in kink while children are a part of our lives it is on us to practice responsibly. This means doing what is necessary to keep our adventurousness securely locked (without exception and without excuse) behind our bedroom doors. If we cannot do this, then our kink needs to be shelved until the kids have grown and moved out.

    I'm with L-U-C-Y. Time to move on and to leave the kids out of it.

    Jamie
     
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  12. coffee2sugars
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    coffee2sugars Long term member

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    I agree with mostly everything written here, Kids do not need to know about our kinks.

    Innocence should be protected and their adults lives should be there own adventure that belongs to them to be explores at their speed with their chosen partners. The main thing we should be teaching our kids about sex is Respect, Consent and safety. advice on kinks ect should only be given if it sought out by them.

    I agree with this too.

    As long as the discusions are not inapropriate where else can the mansions members get advice on this very specific lifestyle and how to protect our kids.

    My kids were nosey and loved exploring the house, they would find and question things. mine did. so I can see why genuin discusions about this topic could be usefull.

    @L-u-c-y has a difficult job here. The UK and Europe are activly cracking down on adult websites and the GDRP rules are begining to come into force. As the sites owner she is going to be under a lot of pressure to walk a very thin line between keeping all the members happy and to avoid breaking any rules.

    I fully understand as I am in the same position. As a adult website owner myself we are liable to fines and prosecution ect if we don't act imediatly to keep withing the law.

    Ultimatly Yes I think appropriate discusion should be allowed but at Lucy's discretion I accept that she may feel it could be too risky for the future of the site if just one idiot makes an innaproriate comment that gets missed.
     
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  13. locked_top
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    locked_top Caged tiger

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    @L-u-c-y is right. In the current political climate, discussions of children have no place on sex sites. None. Sites like Fetlife rigorously delete all child-related discussions.
     
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  14. coffee2sugars
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    coffee2sugars Long term member

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    Have we as a society become so paralyzed by the fear of not being politically correct that we dare not even have a balanced adult discussion among other other adults

    Surely context is the important thing here and good moderation of the topics.
     
  15. locked_top
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    locked_top Caged tiger

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    Nothing to do with being politically correct. It's about laws, both in the UK and the US, which put draconian penalties on sex sites that discuss children. Better to stay away from the topic completely.
     
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  16. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    Thank you everyone for your responses. I was really worried that I would have started something toxic and I am relieved with all the excellent responses. I also appreciate the very calm responses to @L-u-c-y. I fully understand she has a difficult job, managing a fetish based website and staying within the current set of rules. My intention was never to cause her any grief.

    I am stunned by the current response to my question about are you living with children. Currently it is 15 with and four without. This might have something to do with the nature of the subject attracting people who are already more involved in the issue.

    Whether you think this is a subject that should or should not be discussed at the Mansion, thank you for participating and I appreciate your contribution.
     
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  17. KittensProperty
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    KittensProperty Kitten's Happy Property

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    The discussions seem to be about how to deal with having children in the home and the possibility of accidental discovery by them. From that standpoint I see nothing wrong and it could be helpful to some should it happen. The discussion just needs to be moderated to insure it stays on subject. I realize this puts a heavy reponsibility on Lucy and anyone she would trust to help her.

    As to the balance of with and without children, it is likely directly related to the age of most members and people in general that are involved in the lifestyle. Most are of the child rearing age group. We are 68 and 70 but still have grandchildren living with us, ages 3 - 8, but we are probably an exception.

    I would not even consider exposing my grandchildren to the idea or knowledge of my chastity. They do see me dote on my wife but don't know, nor would they be capable of understanding, the dynamic behind our relationship. My sons and one daughter in law know but I am not sure about the oldest grand daughter who just turned 21. If she does it is through her mother. We would not discuss it with her unless she asked. Then we would be open and honest.
     
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  18. Unlucky
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    Unlucky Long term member

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    #18 Unlucky, Apr 8, 2019
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 8, 2019
    The discussion of how to balance child rearing and parents having their own lives/needs is absolutely appropriate in my opinion.
     
  19. L-u-c-y
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    In my opinion this is not about chastity, it can apply to anything sexual, sex toys, bondage equipment, condoms, whips. Children will ask questions about any of them if they saw them.

    Just use common sense. An in depth discussion isn't going to come up with a different answer.
     
  20. remyruff
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    remyruff Long time member

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    Thanks @Jasmic68 for picking up on this topic and the original thread that was locked. I was the member that asked this outlandish questionin in the first place, and here is what I learned:
    Individual family situations and values vary greatly and are engrained.
    It's a buzz kill to mention kids on a fetish site.
    We may be using CM as a information hub, however in essence it's porn.
    Ultimately I found my own answer and certainly did not need to consult the forum.
     
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  21. henry58
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    henry58 Long term member

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    Unfortunately, the application of political correctness has a habit of being executed to suit individual agendas. When it suits, its rigorously used as a 'justice' excuse to close down balanced discourse, then other times rolled out to compel behaviours of others. This is not a PC thing, it's a common sense sense thing.
     
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  22. winstonmacgregor
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    winstonmacgregor Long term member

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    You can go to any department store and get a door lock for $7 so there is no reason for a small child to walk in on you undressing for any reason. There is also no reason for anybody but the two of you to know about your chastity lifestyle. Keep doing what you are doing if it is working out for the two of you but you have to be responsible enough to be aware of any children so that they are not involved in anyway.
     
  23. Bonobo
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    Bonobo Long term member

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    In many cultures it would be difficult to explain why you are locking your kids out of your room.
     
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  24. KittensProperty
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    KittensProperty Kitten's Happy Property

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    I have an exterior door lock on my bedroom because I have small grandchildren living with me and my guns are in the M BR closet. It also helps with privacy when we want it.
     
  25. winstonmacgregor
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    winstonmacgregor Long term member

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    #25 winstonmacgregor, Apr 12, 2019
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2019
    [
    No, you are locking your kids out of your room when you are naked. Which is a reasonable thing to do. No child wants to see their parents nude anyway. Let the child develop without leaving an imprint on them by exposing them to chastity. They will see the dynamic of the relationship in a good way.
     
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