So it begins

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  1. js11756
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    js11756 Senior Member

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    Hi All.

    While I have always wanted bondage and light S/M, I did not realize that enforced chastity and orgasm delay was exactly what I desired.

    About a week ago, I decided to try something new, and stumbled sideways into the idea of chastity and submissiveness. I have always know I was a sub, but could never get my wife to engage as a Dom. Her interest in sex was seldom and low, while mine was often and high. I would sometimes masturbate as often as 2x a day everyday for weeks straight, all the while feeling lonely and angry. I always felt rejected when she was not in the mood (most of the time) and was angry at her.

    I decided that it was time for a change. I asked her to embarq on a Power Exchange program for one month where SHE was to determine what if anything was to happen at night. The crux was that she HAD to make the decision, I was giving her the power over our sexual life. I explained my desires ( sex at least once a month ) and that on other nights, for her to at least engage me in some sort of activity, if only being told to lie in bed naked next to her for 5 minutes, or even cuddle with her.
    Yes, quite the aggressive submissive I am. But it is really just me trying to communicate my needs.

    She was taken aback and not so happy (of course). I was demanding something of her and not really offering something in return. Realizing this was hard on her, I found a 20 sided dice and told her roll it when I am not around. Whatever number comes up can be the next time we have sex, and do not tell me when it is, so if on that day you are not in the mood, I will never know. The idea of her putting me off for weeks excited me greatly ...

    Having done this, I began to face my underlying rejection issue. For me to ask and you to say you are not interested is rejection. For me to ask and you to say 'not tonight but I will tell you when' is surrendering control.

    It was then I discovered male chastity devices. After reading up on them, I think I have found a solution to making it as easy on my wife as possible. If I am locked up and she has the only key, then I have surrendered the power to her. So I went off and ordered the CB-6000.

    I continued to speak to her and try to open the communication. I am honest with her - I am asking her to do this to fulfill my needs. I want to serve her in anyway possible. We spoke of this and I offered that I want to be denied most of the time, but want her to use me to please her. Back rubs, foot rubs, run her bath, cuddle with her, serve her orally, just lie there naked, whatever she wanted - or even nothing. So long as she makes the decision - I can offer, she can say no. She will tease me often "maybe tonight ...",

    I explained the benefits of orgasm denial and male chastity - how it completely moves my focus to pleasing her. I make sure I bring her coffee in bed every day. I clean up and do the laundry and make the meals. I hang her clothes and sit beside her while she watches tv every night. And I offer to satisfy her in any sexual way she wants.

    And in that vein, she has graciously allowed me to satisfy her that way more times this week then she did in the previous year.

    She may just be warming up to the role of bedroom Dom. :)

    I say bedroom dom as we are married for 20 years and have always done things as a team - I do not know that I or she wants a 'lick my boots' relationship. But I am hoping this will help her examine her sexual needs a bit more. I believe she is getting rather turned on by the power in the bedroom :)

    js

    ps - please feel free to openly comment, criticize, etc. I have a lot to learn on this journey, and have the responsibility to make sure my wife is happy as well as myself. This may be a D/s light relationship now, but who knows where it will go.
     
  2. sophia
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    sophia Senior Member

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    Hello JS!
    This is my first post here. Just want to say that one year ago me and my wife had a very vanilla and boring sexlife. Now I am sitting her locked up. My wife is sleeping satisfied..... One year ago I was in your situation so I came up with the suggestion that my wife should be the owner om my cock. I said it half serious and jalf as a joke. Well, that really changed our sexlife. My wife did not hesitate to take advantage. After some time I made a simple chastity device of clear plastic. Now she is in full control and she really likes it. I now sleep in a nightie and wear her panties and often a bra. She always asks for the key if I for some reason need to unlock. In the daily life I now do a great part of the housework, when she buys food after work she calls me so I can carry the bags home. In the evenings it is more or less a routine that we go to bed quite early and my job is to satisfy her. I will be unlocked for a few hours on saturday evenings. Sometimes she needs to feel me inside her in between. We always make small jokes and she loves to tease me. In this last year she has got used to being the boss.
    Be carefull! Your life can change faster than you expect!:help-0031:
     
  3. xcitex2
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    xcitex2 Back from the past!

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    Oh Yes It Can!!!!

    Nice entry js. Welcome to the vault! I can relate to much of your post already. I will say we started almost the same way. Really just a joke then a dare on her part and now she loves the control. Let me say this, when she is on her game well I almost become helpless to do anything about whatever it is she is dishing out!
     
  4. js11756
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    js11756 Senior Member

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    Thanks for he welcome!

    It has been almost a week now since I have been locked up, and about 3 weeks since my last orgasm. I am a bit frustrated at times :) Gives me lots of energy.

    We have kids, so play time is only late at night. Her stress level is high due to other things, so I need to concentrate on making her life easier- i.e. I need to let my wants take a back seat.

    After a day or two of adjusting and wearing the CB, I presented myself to her so she could lock it. I gave her the key and she hid it somewhere so that she could tell me where it was in case of an emergency.

    As I have mentioned, my cage is a CB-6000. I found the first day that I could pull out, and ordered the KSD-3G. I also found this blog http://cb6kguy.blogspot.com/2007/12/improving-cb-6000-security_16.html with a modification similar in operation to the KSD. I made that out of some rubber and it works great with the ring and spacer size I am using (I have played with several combinations and seem set with the largest ring and the next to smallest spacer). Tonight is my weekly cleaning - we had discussed removing the cage once a week for a complete cleaning, drying and inspection - both for the cage and myself.

    I clean daily in the shower with liquid soap and q-tips, followed by a thorough rinse with the hand jet. I then use tp and qtips to dry as much as possible. If I am not to erect by this time, I use some antiseptic to wipe inside the tub (it needs air to evaporate).

    I am using powder around the ring and inside the tube to stay as dry as possible. I also use cream on the ball sac at night to lubricate them, so that the morning erections are only painful. I do hope they subside in time!! I also use just a very small amount on silicon lubricant on the head if rubbing becomes painful during the day. q-tips are my friends!

    After some research, I came to some conclusion of the collective wisdom - that it takes the wearer about a week to adjust to the CB day to day, about a month for the body to fully adapt, and about three months for a mental adjustment on the part of the sub. I have asked my wife to keep me locked and denied except for cleanings for about three months, and from then on, she may release me at her whim. The biggest challenge will be for her to remain strong during this. We agreed to discuss this at the new year point and decide if we want to continue. It is my goal to make things so wonderful for her that she will :)

    Of course, reality may dictate otherwise.

    js
     
  5. js11756
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    js11756 Senior Member

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    Mistress allowed me to unlock for a cleaning last night. She said "I suppose you want the key to clean up?" I said Yes, so she said "later, I am busy right now". :)
    She gave me the key later on, so I cleaned up and inspected, added the KSD-3 and presented myself in the device with the lock hanging open. She then locked it and smiled.

    I told her that I was getting extremely horny and would probably be pestering her for release soon, and that she needed to be strong. She told me "don't worry, I can be a pain" with a smirk and reminded me that I had mentioned my B'day, which is in two months or so. I got such a hard on from that :)

    Earlier in the evening, She had also (without prompting) told me what she wanted for breakfast, and that it needed more butter then last time. I also call her mistress sometimes when we are alone, and she has not declined the honorific. She also mentioned that she wanted donuts so I went out last night and got them for her (us).

    I am sooooooo lucky!

    js
     
  6. chastityslavejohn
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    chastityslavejohn Mistress Irianna's pet

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    yes, you are very lucky! i still remember the very first time i said "yes, Mistress" and i still get hard every time i say it...which is very often...and my cock aches inside my CB3000.
     
  7. xcitex2
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    xcitex2 Back from the past!

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    js you will have to let us know how the journey goes with the three month time frame. The longest I made it was 25 days or so and it was killer the last week. I suppose had it continued I would have been able to adjust as I made it past the initial hurdle. I too have read that if you are doing this for the mind set you need about 2-3 months. I guess that could be true as the first week, especially if Goddess is not doing much in the way of teasing me, I still have that typical smart ass attitude that I can have. Although it is always in a joking way I have recently been told she finds no humor in it. I guess I should count my blessing that we are not going down the road of 2-3 month time frame.
     
  8. js11756
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    js11756 Senior Member

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    I will keep posting. Mistress and I are to have a discussion on or about new years to see how she and I are enjoying this. If she is happy, I will propose another 4 months of D/s, and then another discussion. We need to keep the lines of communication open else this will never work.

    As for the unlocking date, tomorrow, 2 months, 3 months,etc - it is up to her. But when I proposed this, I told her about the 2 or 3 month breaking in period to adjust my thinking.

    I also explained my needs - to be kept 'in tension' with occasional release every month or so, outside of the breaking in period. If this meets her needs, I expect that this is what I will get.

    Of course, I am as horny as all hell right now :) It will be a long 'however long she decides'. I am going to go do something that will please her to get my mind off of it. Which makes me hard ... ARRG! :)
     
  9. js11756
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    js11756 Senior Member

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    Well - we are at aalmost two weeks. I am adjusting to the cb-6000 - it still hurts in the AM, and the post shower drying ritual takes time. By the evening, it can be annoying, but more A&D cream helps.

    I am of course eager to get relief, and am just starting to get the psychological effects of wearing it. I can see why the break in period needs to be long.

    Three days ago, Mistress did not tease me at all at night. The next day I mentioned that and she got mad (rightfully so). She teased me the next night, and last night, she asked if it was ok if she just went to sleep. I told her 'I am sorry about the other day- this is supposed to be about you, not me' and she said 'no, this is about us'. She does not yet understand the mindset of being in control. I did get the book 'Male Chasity - A guide for Keyholders' and left it with her. I told her it would help her understand me better, and that it was thin (she hates reading). It is up to her.

    In the mean time, I will continue to get her coffee, make her meals, clean up and do anything I can to help lighten her load. I hope she engages the Dom mindset a bit more - without that, I am not sure I want to continue to wear this thing - but you know, that is also part of the sub-space mindset that I need to adapt to (hence the break-in period) - i.e. I understand that I need to change to her needs.

    So there we are.

    On the cb-6k - I noticed several people have pictures of them on with a ball sac covering. I wondered if that prevented chafing/pinching, so I tried a cotton cloth; That worked for the morning, but started to hurt like mad three hours later. It may have been a sweat issue. I had to use cortisone cream last night to ease the irritation.
     
  10. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    You are bound to have your ups and downs and frustration times. These things take a LONG LONG time!

    I know I'm probably not the best example, but even when I *do* want to be in Domme mindset, it's very difficult.

    Keep at it. There's nothing more distressing than a pet/sub/slave turning round and saying "I don't want this anymore" when they spent forever trying to get you to co-operate.

    It creates huge feelings of failure and can do a lot of confidence damage... so then when you next want to play it will be 100x harder to get her to co-operate.

    I'm sure you were just having a bad day... it'll be fine soon enough. Those things that are worth having are worth working for.

    Good luck.
     
  11. dollyanne
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    dollyanne Sissy who loves pink frilly things!

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    Thank you, js, for the wonderful account of your experience and some terrific tips dollyanne can use when her cb gets here! Dollyanne likes the way your frustration is giving you lots of energy. Dolly hopes to achieve that too. You are doing really well and are an inspiration! Dollyanne knows you will stay strong and keep going!

    Huggs,
    :manga_angel:
    dollyanne
     
  12. js11756
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    js11756 Senior Member

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    Thank you Mistress Watchful. Excellent point for me to remember. She has given me her gift of "Yes, I will hold the key" even though I am not sure She understands yet the full implications. But it would be VERY ungrateful to go back on my gift to her (my chastity).

    I realize this is a journey :)

    Thanks again!
    js
     
  13. js11756
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    js11756 Senior Member

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    Hi Dollyanne!

    Thank you for the encouragement!
    I am blogging for several reasons:
    - to share my cb-6000 experiences so that others can learn from my mistakes and victories.
    - to share this journey for the same reasons
    - to get feedback from the more experienced so thst I can learn from their wisdom.

    Getting support and encouragement is the icing on the cake!! Thanks!

    js
     
  14. js11756
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    js11756 Senior Member

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    Mixed feelings today .. my lovely Mistress surprised me with the key last night- I was excite of course, but also disappointed that it was so soon - but I did NOT let her know that, I just said I was surprised that I had earned it so fast.
    Of course this is about HER desires so I followed her instructions exactly :)

    Afterwords I asked and she let me sleep the night un-caged to allow a little irritation to clear up. I have to watch the underside of my penis and make sure it stays dry. More powder (with cornstarch) - I was trying to go without.

    I put everything in place and presented myself to her to lock. She informed me that she had already put away the key. :) At the worst, I do not think this is unpleasant for her.

    Patience. Patience. Patience. I have to learn patience.

    js
     
  15. js11756
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    js11756 Senior Member

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    I am at the 2 week mark now wearing chasisty, and I have been locked down except for cleaning one evening last week, and my evenings release for fun last week. So I guess it is not two weeks? lol. All depends on what you count.

    So - 2 weeks after proposing She rule our sex life and hold the key - I asked Her how She was doing with this and She said "it is not so bad." :) I would hope so! She has had more oral sex in the last two weeks then the last two years combined! :) But no complaints here! I just need to get better at it! Got to search online for some references later.

    The other night, She told me spanking is out of the question as the kids might hear (we have two, one a teenager who stays up late). Apparently Her mind worked on this as She surprised me by making a whip out of material (knotted at the ends) and using it on me last night. Soooo - I think She is getting into this a bit :)

    This morning as She was headed out the door I thanked Her again for last night, and She mused that She may add some beads to the ends to make it more painful ..

    :jumping0046:

    Wow. What else can I say about my wonderful Mistress.
     
  16. mikecb
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    mikecb Member

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    Nice Nice! :)
     
  17. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    Wow. I share your history leading up to where you are a week ago. It sounds as though you two have a great relationship with open communication.

    I'm at that crossroads where you started your story. *gulp*

    If I take this step with my wife what then? Sooo many questions! Do I really want long-term chastity? I love playing with myself and I think I'd miss that a lot. It's a BIG deal for me. I'm not sure if her arousal level would increase to what mine is so I might be excited to the point of insanity. And I don't want to start something (D/s) that I couldn't honor - (quoting Mistress Watchful: There's nothing more distressing than a pet/sub/slave turning round and saying "I don't want this anymore" when they spent forever trying to get you to co-operate.)

    I'm looking for the right lead-in to get the conversation started, but I'm really scared. Scared about a lot of things. Yes, she knows I have been into cross-dressing and it might not surprise her about all my other "perversions". In some ways she might really be turned on by a D/s lifestyle. That also scares me. What to do...

    I'm looking for that opening and if it comes I may take that first step. In the meantime I stand here in awe of what you've accomplished!
     
  18. js11756
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    js11756 Senior Member

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    Thank Lauren!

    I am most fortunate, She is wonderful. I had not expected Her to pick up on this, and it may not progress to a 'full' D/s relationship, but we agreed that She was in charge of our sex life and so far so good. I too have my moments where I am not sure how far to take this - now that I opened the door, we can see where it goes.

    For my side, I am knocking myself out to help Her. She gets coffee int he morning while still in bed and a travel cup ready for Her when She leaves. The laundry is done and hung in Her closet. I am cleaning up as much as I can and taking on anything I can to relieve her. And the wonderful (weird) thing is that I get an erotic charge out of that :) because she holds the key. I am LOVING this.

    I started by discussing it - honey, I would like to try out a 'power exchange' I want you to be in charge of our sex life, and in particular mine. I would like to wear this and and have you hold the key, releasing me only when it pleases you.

    I was nervous of course. But nothing ventured, nothing gained.


    js
     
  19. js11756
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    js11756 Senior Member

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    The best made plans ...

    I was hit Thursday night with a really nasty gastro-intestinal virus that left me in bed for 3 days. Keeping clean was not possible, so I am out of lockup.

    I will approach my mistress after the Christmas craziness is over.

    js
     
  20. pantyboy79
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    pantyboy79 Property of Miss J

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    JS keep it up man. Patience, patience, patience. I told my wife a few years back about my D/s fantasies and due to deployments overseas, problems coming back from there, and a LOT of immaturity on my part (Peter Pan syndrome......), it seemed like we would never get to where we are today.

    But since I have come home from my last deployment about 2 months ago, things have really taken off and my wife has really begun to stretch her Dominant wings. She still struggles at times with the idea of thinking more about her own pleasure than mine (she wants to indulge in some of my fav activities to please me), but she seems to be getting the hang of it.

    For my part I am learning to just keep my big mouth shut (aside from communication required) and let her take the lead and it all seems to be working out.

    I have really stepped up in the household department as well, which elps to relieve some stress from her day (she has stated under NO CIRCUMSTANCES will it go back to the way it was-so good for her!), which in turn gives her more energy to do as she wishes with me at night, or not!

    I have three girls and a lot of responsibility in the military so our play time is not an every night thing, but there are many small and secret reminders throughout my day to keep me on my toes.

    Hit me up man, if you need to. I'm in your corner amigo.:party0002:
     
  21. js11756
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    js11756 Senior Member

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    Thanks pantyboy79! I appreciate the encouraging words.
    I am sure things will work out - I just didn't expect to get sidelined by a virus. :sick0026: :)
     
  22. js11756
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    js11756 Senior Member

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    So after the Christmas was over, I put the CB-6000 back on and presented myself to my Mistress to click the lock. She looked at me and said 'so you put that back on again?' Not too encouraging, but She is happy with the way She is being pampered.

    Well - that was a week ago, and things are a little better. After asking Her if there was anything I could do for Her (at night, while in bed) she said no, but asked if She could do anything for me. So I told Her 'keep me locked up for the next 90 days' - She was surprised. (She still has not read the Guide to keyholders book I got her). I also edited down 'the Wives View' by Mistress Angela to about half length to make it easier to read, and She has read at least a page of that, but not enough to understand yet. And She does not want to talk about it either, so I am waiting to see if She doe read more.

    I also asked her if She was strong enough to do that (90 day lockup) and She said 'Me?' I explained that I would change my mind when I got really horny and She need to be strong enough to say 'no'. Make it a challenge for Her :) - I am hoping She says something like 'No, and ask again and I will restart the 90 day countdown', but understanding that She can/should do something like that is beyond where She is at right now.

    So there we are - I offer to satisfy Her every night as She will never initiate. I have made it clear it is an offer - She can accept or decline without any attitude on my part, though I am obviously happy and eager when She accepts.

    Time will tell. I think She needs to find something She wants or a standard for me to meet for Her to want to exert control. I am thinking about what I can offer.

    Happy New year all!
    js
     
  23. sophia
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    sophia Senior Member

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    Hello js!


    A little advice, do not push your dear Mistress! 90 days? What if she thinks that is a sacrifice for her?

    We are all different. My wife was almost too eager to keep me locked. I think she liked the feeling of control. Now i am locked up almost every day. Normally i get to come inside her once a week. Sometimes twice a week. This is because she has found out that if i am released once a week i will have a very good orgasm INSIDE HER! And she likes the feeling of a normal intercourse and have the "real thing" inside her. If that is once or twice a week is completely her decision.
    Over a month there will be very intensive days, and there will be a little period with less sexuality, then the intensive period starts again.
    In the intensive periods i have to satisfy her every night (and wait for my own release).
    Yes, SHE wants me locked up, but SHE makes the decisions, and SHE decides when SHE wants my cock. SHE does not specify a certain time.

    SHE also allows me to unlock every day for a couple of hours to wash and get some air to the penis. You do not want bad smell, fungus, oedema etc. The CB6000 is not very hygienic.... Still, i cannot cheat, i would feel bad and my wife would notice my changed behaviour.
    In fact my wife does not think the CB6000 is sexy. We have another device, a clear plastic tube wich allows a full erection. She loves that one, i can have a very hard on, she can see it and tease me, but i can do nothing. The great thing for her is to see how horny i get when i satisfy her. She notice my extreme frustration.

    The CB6000 is for daytime since no one notice it. The other device is for playtime.

    Surprise HER, don't ask, just do it! Since when is it forbidden for a sex-slave to worship his Mistress body?
    If she don't want you to i am sure SHE will let you know!

    Take my advice for what it is, only personal opinions and all people are different. Good luck!:party0019:
     
  24. js11756
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    js11756 Senior Member

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    Hi Oddball!
    LOL yeah - we are all different. That is so true.

    From past experience, if I touch Her without asking She gets annoyed, so 'just do it' is out of the question.

    Also from past experience (we have been married 20 years) She can do without intercourse and does not think it is a sacrifice. She enjoys an orgasm now and then, but intercourse is not important to her, she prefers oral sex (receiving, not giving).

    I asked for 90 days after reading 'the Wives View'. I am hoping the period of time works on Her as well as myself. I want Her to think about what She wants. I want Her to realize the power this arrangement gives Her, and hopefully She will enjoy it. If She feels 90 days is a sacrifice, that is great because it forces Her to decide what She actually wants, and She can change the time period.
    And that would be better then not caring, or even just not being aware of what She wants. I want Her to want me.

    I expect at some point before 90 days I will get nuts and ask for an early release; if if She says 'No' that will be a HUGE step for Her.

    A big part of this is that I was tired of being rejected and the feelings that brings. Creating the dynamic of 'I will offer every night, You get to choose and don't worry about me' is better then me asking and being told 'no'. i.e. 'Not tonight, maybe tomorrow' is better then 'No, I do not feel like it.' I LOVE it when She accepts my oral services, as much as when we had vanilla sex, and she accepts my services much more often since I have been in chastity. I find being in chastity a much more enjoyable way to be for myself. My goal is to make it that way for Her.
    She has certainly accepted my offers to please her more since I have been locked up then the whole year before - but maybe a big part of that is me offering to just please her- not waiting until pent up desire brought me to the point where I would overcome my fear of being rejected. And perhaps that is key - my desires are so pent up, that I am ok with risking being rejected.

    Worse case, it was a fun experiment that fails. I do not think She will go the whole femdom route. I am hoping we can at least be that way in the bedroom. If She embraces it further I am ok with that also.

    I also release that I am doing this for myself (as opposed to saying 'but I am doing this all for Her', which would not be true). It is also for Us. My needs were not being met before, and I hope that both of our needs can be met this way. I am trying to knock her socks off with the arrangement, but it is hard as she does not think or care to think about the relationship. 'Why do we have to talk' is not an infrequent complaint on her part. So much for the stereotypes of the strong silent man who will not talk about his feelings, and the woman who is desperate for him to do so :)

    It is an adventure. A scary adventure.

    Sorry to have rambled on so!

    js
     
  25. toni
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    toni Small Member

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    Thanks for sharing and good luck with it! On the hygeine point raised above, I find the CB2000 much better; it is smaller, so more painful when trying to get erect, but I very much like the snug feel! As it has open sides the skin can breathe much better. I found that with the 3000 my skin would not be good after a few days, but the 2000 lets the air get to the skin.
     
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