Slow progress

Discussion in 'Chastity in vanilla life' started by Ivanhoe, Sep 17, 2018.

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  1. Ivanhoe
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    Ivanhoe New member

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    Hi All,

    Some time ago I've joined this forum.
    On and off I visit here to obtain some ideas on introducing chastity games/lifestyle to my
    loving (vanilla) wife. Progress goes slowly, in that sense that I do not feed too much information
    to her at once. I do not own a device, but put myself (without her knowing) on an honour system.
    Giving her books, and links to this site or other sites is way off limits.
    Instead I've mentioned/did several things to her till now.
    - That I like her to tell me if I can cum or not.
    - That I like to be teased.
    - I fucked her twice without cumming the same day.
    - I once (months ago) told her that my cock is hers to own.
    On the latter she asked me if she should put a lock on it.
    Basically I was stumbed when she said that, resulting in not answering her.
    At this point in time I feel like an idiot not giving her a proper reply, which migh have speeded up things.
    Till today I am still wondering if she knows about such devices and all, or if she was just making some innocent fun out of it.
    I am reluctant to ask her. Overall you could say that we both are not very good communicators when sex concerned.
    So I am aware we need to work on that. When lying in bed, most of the time discussion are on the kids, the projects around the house,
    trouble at work etc. etc. All this making it hard to just break in with a sexual topic.
    On rare occasions this will eventually happen though. However i'd like to be prepared better when this situation arrives.
    Therefor I was hoping on some good advice.

    Basically I am looking for the anticipation, the teasing, which will help me in focussing more on her pleasure
    (which in the end brings me pleasure as well) Yes: this sounds a bit like topping from the bottom, me in pursuit of my own pleasure.
    I do recognize the affection I feel towards her when shee denies me (after we had sex, not the regular vanially denial).
    I then keep cuddling her, which I love.
    How to make the step of her recognizing the benefits / pottential she could get from it.
    How to get her into the daily/two daily mechanic of just teasing a bit, which will encourage me in pleasing her more. (chores, backrubs, footrubs,
    bringing flowers, be attentive etc.)
    Typically she is the type of person that would say that all these things should be there regardless of denying or not.
    When there is sexual activity, she likes me cumming, and kinda feels sorry for me when I can not.

    Hope any of you has some practical tips.

    Kind regards,
    Ivanhoe.
     
    Robinoh likes this.
  2. Robinoh
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    Robinoh Active member

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    @Ivanhoe

    I’m in your exact same spot. Although I’m a little bit ahead in that I have and wear my cage quite often. She’s very aware and will nudge it periodically ( makes me crazy inside!) but is not engaged actively as my KH. She’s had a lot of mental stress (parent passing, other with Alzheimer’s) and some physical issues (menopause ) so sexual interest or activity is limited at best.

    We have chatted a few times about my desires of having her as my KH and what I’m wanting from this as well as “what’s in it for her” more so recently. It is a SLOW walk to get where I want us to be. For what it’s worth, I’m actually enjoying the ride as we’ve grown closer through this journey of discovery!

    My simple advice to you...

    Talk talk talk and be open with your feelings and be receptive and accepting of hers... I wish you and your wife all the best!
     
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  3. Gigaman
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    Gigaman Long term member

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    Your not alone, almost every story here has some of or all of the component you just described. Unfortunately every couple is different so the answers are different for all of us. There’s no magic wand, magic pill, or magic conversation that will fix all of this. We all get to a point where our fantasies and or fetishes drive us to talk to our wife and finally bring things to light. Some run for the hills scared, other stick by our side and help us along, and I imagine a few wives actually embrace it and enjoy it. For me my wife stayed by my side, and two years later she is actually starting to enjoy some of it. So it’s possible to have your cake and eat it too but it’s a long road and it takes a lot of work and a lot of patience. If she does except some of this please don’t bowl her over with all of your fantasies and ideas. Let her grow and learn for herself And be happy with what you get. Just my opinion.
     
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  4. Robinoh
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    Robinoh Active member

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    Well said!
     
  5. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    Feels to me like you're approaching this in a sensible way, not rushing things, allowing them to develop. Since she's mentioned locking once, wait. She'll no doubt mention it again.

    Good luck
     
    Robinoh likes this.
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