Single male vs married male views of chastity

I don't know if I'm going to find what I'm looking for, Madame, but I do know that I enjoy looking for it

 

Absolutely agree with you!

 

And for some reason, most of the married guys who claim to be living the "porn version of chastity" only ever seem to have pictures of themselves. Hmm...

This is actually what broke me out of the porn mindset. At some point, I started to notice that amateur femdom couples on Tumblr/BDSMLR who actually shared verified original content always seem to be pretty grounded and rarely hit all of the femdom clichés. Sure, they might do scenes with some pegging and humiliation, but it's almost always lighthearted, playful, and most importantly, mutually enjoyable.

 

subordinate yes, submissive no! male? not so you could tell.

 

When I was younger I had this fantasy. But now I sort of laugh about the arrogance and selfishness and unreality of it, the very idea that a male could satisfy two women. The reality of this fantasy is that it will more likely take two men to satisfy one woman, after which they will hopefully thank her for the privilege and ask how else they may otherwise be of service.

 

not sure this is the thread for this discussion but then this is your mansion. we can start with you profess to come from the ssc camp as do many in the bdsm world do. this can easily bring up the debate about consent vs agreement. submissive implies it is within their nature to submit and comply with your wishes negating their ability to consent. ssc contends they can easily vote with their feet at any moment. the implication is the submissive has all the power because if the course of events are not what he wishes he will not play. ssc implies a valid defense from prosecution by the goverment. the prosecuters often succeed by attacking the concept that under coersion they did not have the ability to consent therefore it is in fact slavery and you have committed a crime. as in your country if you ask your slave to get a tattoo you may be within the law but a branding would get you about 4 years in prison simply because your slave does not have the right to consent to that. here in the usa the act of calling them a slave, saying they are a submissive and having them do something that would convince a jury that they acted in a self destructive manner under your direction could easily make you a "subordinate" in the penal system.
coming from the ncc camp the xy has the right to consent one time as a soldier does. we prefer xy's that are not submissive by nature rather ones that have a strong code of honor that includes their word is kept regardless of circumstance. so once the xy consents to be my subordinate and signs a contract that both have had a hand in writing the xy and xx are bound to for life.
as with all things in the bdsm world there are no distinctions that can guarantee protection from prosecution from those who fear our lifestyles as they did to homosexuals for many years. the only defense is numbers. just like gays that stayed in the closet as a means of self preservation so do we and probably will until we realize our true numbers exceed 10% of the population. lastly is the politics of ssc is the hope that all will unite under it's umbrella that vanilla folks can find to be an acceptable lifestyle as they have done for the lgbt groups. the problem is they are also the wedge that keeps us apart by condeming any bdsm lifestyle that does not embrace ssc. yes it would be difficult for me to defend your lifestyle as it would be for you to defend mine but i still look for common ground in the hopes that in the future that the light of day burns none of us.

that said, a puck is sexual property and her place is to follow all sexual commands regardless of her wishes. with all other things she is a respected member of the family unit and contributes no more or less than other adult members as decided by the mother ma'at in the family. in family meetings she speaks as an equal and is heard as such though in the end it is the mother ma'at that has the final say. besides sex servitude is not requested nor expected in any other consideration. though admittedly what is considered sexual can be far reaching. lastly a puck is secured in some way 24/7/365. hence the interest in chastity as a tool.

adressing our use of titles ma'at and puck comes from two books not in circulation at this time with very few in number. the ma'at title may have more to do with the burdens of being a ma'at than the concept of being a goddess. truth, morality, rules, justice but mostly reason and accountibility. pom( prisoner of ma'at) is what we call xy's that are not fully trained and not transformed to identify as female with a penis instead of a male with tits. the reason the term puck was given is debated often but i believe it refers to the free spirit of the xy that a ma'at can never truly own, nor should she want to but under her loving control will perform miraculous deeds. also the belief that xx tend to want to be desired and xy tend to want to have. thus making xy a lonely creatures by nature. giving them a lifestyle in which they can have but in return must make the xx's feel desired. through training having never does diminish desire therefore all parties are fulfilled. puck is a title placed in front of their name when addressed in public( our community) but simply puck at home is fine

our basis for the lifestyle we live probably appears to be on less than solid ground though it feels solid enough and those in our community, pucks included, say they have never been happier.
it is sad that i can not be more forthcoming but i live in a country where the pursuit of happiness is a constitutional right so long as the majority agree with you and we live outside of the ssc umbrella.

 

As a sub married for a decade-plus, I can tell You definitively that a FLR can have both, just replace "endless" with "frequent subtle [and not so subtle]" and "constant" with "purposeful." You are correct, it is absolutely different from the pornographic representation of Femdom, but housework without the other stuff just isn't as fun for either party (and Femdom without sub housework cuts the knees out of Her dominance). The teasing and play time bring U/us closer together and provide those essential moments to concretize the Mistress/sub relationship (rather than having a Bossy roommate).

 

Would You mind explaining this? I was explaining that all Femdom marriages (specifically) do not have to be exclusively service positions.

 

One of the BDSM consent philosophies: Safe Sane Consensual. It is slightly at odds with RACK, or Risk Aware Consensual Kink.

 

I think the confusion came from You quoting my post (see post #35).

 

ssc=safe sane & consensual
ncc = nonconsensual consent or consensual non-consent
rack = risk aware cocsensual kink

ssc and rack place most of the power in the bottom because he can say no at anytime which probably accounts for some of the reason why many young males assume their fantasy in a power exchange relationship has real importance. youth makes it more important. porn aids in that expectation.

 

that is probably the biggest difference in our lifestyles. well trained pucks are not a dime a dozen where apparently subs are but then my lifestyle is a ncc relationship where that does no occur.

 

I've always wanted to be owned by a woman and kept in permanent chastity, even back in my early teens. I never thought it would happen, but when confronted by dominant girlfriends, I failed to see their potential and missed the opportunities they presented to me. Finally, my wife and I separated when I was 64, and about a year later, I managed to find a woman online who did exactly what I'd always wanted without even asking her for it. She owned me for about 6 months, and things ended, but I was very happy with the training she put me through.

I never had any thoughts of strap-ons or endless teasing with humiliation and what not, probably because that sort of porn wasn't available to me when I was younger. I don't really have any desire for it even now after some exposure to it. For me it's been all about denial and the humiliation that comes with becoming the sexless submissive property of a woman. The woman would not be married to me, because I'm way too far below her social status to be her husband.

I had one girlfriend I wanted to approach to be her permanent slave, willingly becoming her property. Unfortunately I was never able to plead my case with her, so I don't know if she would have liked to own me or not.

 

I have managed to have a threesome with 2 women, and as usual they really need to always be one woman and two men. I also managed one time to have sex with five women in one night. I started really early and ended it very late, and now I'm smart enough to not try that again.

 

I'd like to say something to make you feel better, but I gotta go with boy did you miss the boat!!

 

I totally agree I receive pleasure by giving her/wife pleasure

 

I think even a lot of us married guys start out in the same boat as the single self lockers. My mind was muddled with fantasy when we started chastity lifestyle. The difference is, our female partners set us married/ partnered guys straight and give and give us a dose of reality in regards to what their vision/ fantasy is in terms of make chastity. Cooking, Household maintenance and chores, and serving our dommes in the way they wish is our way of proving ourselves to the women we love or serve.
For a single male in chastity there is not a lot of motivation for the service side of things because you can really only serve yourself and your needs. I can imagine that cleaning up your own fiat is nice but not nearly as rewarding as doing it for someone else. Therefore I can see how many self lockers just sink into the fantasy side of chastity and femdom because that’s what keeps them interested in this lifestyle.

 

Exactly.. Some of us don't like it.

 

I got so tired of only being approached by men like that so I wrote a small book about it and then stepped away totally. It is nearly impossible to find a single man who values me and the relationship first and then adds in chastity and FLR. Today the kink is the most important part unfortunately.

 

That's too bad.