She got the Job

For a week now it's been all ebb and no flow. I really get confused during these times as to what she wants. It seams like she wants nothing to do with and FLR or chastity and if that's the case I wish she'd just say that. I can live with and honor that desire. Then she throws down a gauntlet like last Monday and says how things are going to change and how this and that are going to happen. Then neither this or that or anything like this or that happen. I'm trying to be patient and give her space, but I feel like I'm getting to a point where I have to share how frustrated this no mans land is making me feel.

 

Lots and lots of flow. Things sort of came to a head last night. Quick backstory to understand last nights events. One permanent change that has come about whether we are in chastity or not has been my doing all grocery shopping and cooking. One of the differences between when she is acting dominant is post meal clean-up. For the last week she has just gotten up and done it. When she is in dominant mode, she expects me to do it. Last night I came down from tucking my son in and the kitchen was still a mess. I went and joined her in the TV room and sat down. She looked at me and said "what the hell are you doing?" I said I was going to sit down and watch a little TV. She responded, not until the Kitchen is clean. I made some comment about thinking this was her job since I made dinner and she told me that's it. Go put on your chastity cage and a pair of panties and get back down here for inspection and presentation of the key.

I was a little shocked and a little defiant, but the look on her face silenced that. I did as I was told and returned downstairs mentally kicking myself for not rubbing one out earlier in the day. I presented the key to her and showed her both my panties and my cage. She then proceeded to tell me we were returning to me being her locked up bitch-slave. That I was to put her needs before mine in everything. That I was to resume all of my tasks most especially an immediate clean-up of the Kitchen and starting on the backlog of laundry. That I was to please her on demand sexually. That I was to expect no pleasure beyond the pleasure of serving her. That she would provide me with treats when she felt I had earned them. That I was to resume tracking my transgressions and weekly punishment would begin again. I responded with a Yes Mistress. My first time using that title for her in quite awhile. She gave a smug little smile and said go clean-up the Kitchen.

I did as told and joined her for the news after I was done. I was then allowed to please her with her toys before going to bed. It's too hot to cuddle right now, but after I laid as close to her as was comfortable and breathed in her scent. Grateful and hopeful at the moment.

 

Thank you for the best wishes and I do not think you are being too forward. In fact I think your analysis is spot on. This worries me as well. Locked and forgotten sexually I can handle provided she thinks of herself sexually. In other words I can do without sexual energy focused on me as long as she allows me to focus on her. My bigger problem is when she doesn't demand or expect my service. I just spent an hour folding and putting away laundry. I can do that without resentment or question if she demands and expects it. If she starts doing laundry or doesn't hold me to my appropriate behavior I start to feel like I'm doing this for myself and then I get mad and resentful. Going to try hard to avoid this and stay focused on serving.

Not to split hairs, but I think saying two personalities carries a bit of a taint of psychosis. I think we all have different faces, attitudes, method of speaking that we employ without having two personalities. How I act at work in a meeting with an Architect is very different from how I act on a job site with a construction crew. I act a completely different way with my kids than I do with my friends and neither of those is like work. My wife is a very kind person in general and I sometimes kid her about being a nicetress instead of a mistress. Just as it is a relief and pleasure for me to shed my alpha personality, she has found she enjoys the role of mistress. She can leave behind sugar and spice and be mean as a rattle snake. We both struggle at times with our transition and at other times it comes naturally.

For today my friend, for today. Let's see what tomorrow brings.

 

She did the thing that always gets me out of submissive mode. Empty threats and ignoring her own edicts. I was told to submit my punishment list to her on Friday morning and I did so. She said she would do punishments in our home office on the weekends. Not a great idea in my mind, but she is calling the shots. As fate would have it she worked from home on Friday. So I submitted my list by e-mail and then verbally notified her that I had sent it. Once I knew she was home all day I was sure she would take care of it on Friday as it would be easier without kids around. About an hour before my son was due home from school she sent me a text to meet her in the bedroom. I went up with great trepidation as I actually fear and dislike my punishment. once up to the room though I found her naked and was instructed to get her toys and please her. Relief washed over me, but I also had a sense of nervousness that she had forgotten.

I loved pleasing her sexually and I worked very hard over the weekend fulfilling my chores and responsibilities. At several times over the weekend she would say in an off hand way "we still need to deal with your punishment". These words would fill me with dread and I would always respond meekly with a Yes Mistress, but it never went further than that. The weekend came and went with no punishment. I knew on Monday she had a mid-days Doctor's appointment near our house, so I point blank asked if I needed to be at home during that time for any reason and she just said no. There were times where I thought I should remind her, but I always chicken out in the moment.

So all of this was leading me towards a spin out. Punishment has been her way of enforcing her demand for my servitude. When I fail or fall short in this regard I am punished. If she doesn't care that I fail or fall short, why should I? If she doesn't demand my service, why should I provide it? I know there are those of you that say the pleasure is in the serving. On some levels I get that, doing something nice for someone you love is fulfilling. Being a servant is not. So I was faced with my conundrum. I finally decided to have a conversation with her last night and laid this out for her. I told her that I saw our FLR as coming after more important things like family and work, but if we didn't hold to a certain level of consistency I would rather not continue.

The outcome of the discussion was that she agreed and wanted to make this work. That she wanted me locked up and serving her. We discussed methods going forward and her scheduling time specifically to deal with these kinds of things each week. Still no punishment, but I can write off a week if we have made a major structural change. Fingers crossed going forward.

 

So I sent in my punishment list which consisted of three strokes for her having to tell me a second time for me to prepare her fizzy water. I was a little surprised when she responded rather quickly to add 5 more for burning her hands. I'd handed her a cup of hot tea and I should have presented the handle. Instead I held the handle and she wrapped her hands around it. It wasn't a real burn, more of a ouch that is really hot burn. She also added I'll be home early this afternoon to deal with this.

Fast forward to this afternoon and I'm in the office when I hear her arrive home. Shortly later I get a text that it's punishment time and to go get the room ready. I'm feeling a little bit of self confidence in this moment. I mean 8 strokes? I've endured something like 75 in one session. Also I figure she's out of practice as it's been a couple of months. So I go to our room and close all the windows and doors for sound transmission. I then layout her implements which consists of a leather belt, a riding crop, a leather strap with the word slut on it (FYI it doesn't leave the word slut imprinted on my ass, in my experience that's a myth) and the dreaded heavy wooden paddle. I also pull out the deep blue, but I'm pretty confident that won't come into play given how mild my infractions are.

I then wait on my knees in the room gagged and with wrist restraints on. I can do up and undo the wrist restraints myself. When she arrives she says hurry up, get into position. So I slide my arms around a pillow and lay forward onto the pillow so my restrained wrists are pinned under the pillow. I'm still kind of moving into position when she surprises me with the first blow. She went straight for the paddle and wasn't messing around. All sense of self confidence and smugness vanished. Two more in rapid succession harder than the first. My gag stifled my cries. She stopped for what seemed like forever, but was probably only 10 or 15 seconds. Then I heard her say you've got 5 more coming. She started in again and on the third blow I pulled away until she yelled get back into position and I complied. The last two were the hardest and all were with the paddle.

She drops the paddle and says we're done. I extricate my arms from the pillow and remove the wrist restraints. I then remove the gag and crawl to where she is laying on the bed and alternate between thanking her and apologizing to her for my poor service. I am allowed to kiss her feet tenderly for a moment before being dismissed to go and prepare a water bottle for her workout. I can never go back into my work/alpha persona after this, so I stay and fold laundry and stand ready to wait on her for anything she needs. Eventually she gets up to go to workout and I come here to type this.

For those who don't partake in this particular part of an FLR I would imagine what I wrote sounds terrible. On one level it is. During the punishment I experience real pain and I don't like it. Afterwards as I sit here with my ass throbbing all I can think is how lucky I am. That she is willing to exert this level of control and domination over me. There is no point where I feel more submissive than post punishment. I'm not going to call the experience "good" but I will say this is a positive trend. She has figured a way to incorporate our FLR into her new career as of now. Let's see where it goes next.

 

Boy this two career thing with kids is tough. I didn't realize at all what we were getting into. The last time she really worked full time outside the home was when my daughter was a baby over a decade ago. We both had busy schedules in the past when we both worked, but that was pre-kids. We had our evenings to ourselves and could do what we wanted on weekends. Now it seems every waking moment that isn't filled with work is either focused on the kids or figuring out what to do with the kids or simply passed out tired from all of the above.

She is super stoked on her job and I'm glad for her. It's new and exciting and she's in the field that she loves. I just really miss the alone time we used to enjoy where we could focus on one another. I'm sure there are many that have been walking a mile in these shoes for a long time saying welcome to my world. I guess we were just really lucky to be able to live the life we lead up until now.

I think her decision to turn her back on the FLR and chastity is based on a better realization than I had of what this change meant to our personal lives. I can tell she misses it at times, but that's mainly when she's getting her own coffee or doing the dishes. The rest of it she is fine without. I miss the chastity and FLR, but not as much as I miss her.

 

The best answer I can give you is you have to read the whole thread as well as a couple of different ones to get an understanding of our relationship. If you want the cliff notes it goes something like this. I am not naturally submissive, I am naturally dominant. When she becomes dominant with me I become submissive towards her. This started relatively simply with experimenting with chastity. It evolved over time to a more complete lifestyle for us. When we are both in our respective roles it's a very happy scenario for us.

Just as being submissive is not natural for me, being dominant is not natural for my wife. She likes the outcome so she embraces the process. Much like someone exercising or going to the dentist for a cleaning and exam. We do these things for the results more than the process. Over the course of our FLR she has fallen off the routine much as somebody stops going to the gym. While I can weather a few weeks of this, eventually my more dominant side starts to assert itself. Sometimes this has been a self righting ship for us and her reaction to my assertions gets us back on track.

The other element at play though is my wife is very passive aggressive in dealing with me. If I am unhappy with something or concerned about something I will try to talk it out. She on the other hand will not communicate and allow her actions to speak for themselves. At certain points in our FLR she in my opinion deliberately follows a course of action to torpedo the dynamic. I'm not sure why as she won't acknowledge or discuss it. Going back to the gym analogy I think she gets tired of going. After weeks away from the gym she starts to feel the negative effects of lower energy, more effort to do mundane tasks and added weight. Similarly in our FLR she eventually feels the loss of the control she enjoys and the service she adores after a few weeks.

I refer to these as spin outs. Like a car taking a turn to fast. Usually we push the car out of the ditch and take off again. This time feels different because of the job. I do want to make the point that I'm hardly shirking my load in my family or dumping everything on her. I still do 95% of the cooking and shopping. I am far more involved in child transportation which is now 50/50. Even during our FLR she handled 90% of that. Compared to most of the couples with kids we know I'm doing way more than most Husbands/Dads while earning twice the income she is.

I know there are those here who have overcome this hurdle. Trust and serve your Mistress kind of thing. That is not our way. I have tried. I have managed a month at my very best with zero dominance on her part, but eventually to me I feel like I'm doing it for myself and that makes me feel stupid. If she doesn't want, expect and demand my service, why should I provide it? This is just me and my internal conflict that I clearly can't get past. So I am less happy, but hardly miserable. We've been married 19 years and lived together a few years before that. We have two mostly wonderful kids and a good life. It's hard to be resentful under those circumstances.