She got the Job

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by PouchPantyLover, May 11, 2019.

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  1. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Long term member

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    Quick back story for those that don't know it. I own my own construction business and my office is attached to my house. Since 2009 my wife has been the only other person in the office with me working as my administrative assistant. This is not her chosen field, but it made sense given the economic realities of the recession when we started and it worked out well for our family and her. She rarely works more than 15 hours a week, so plenty of time to be active with the kids and enjoy a healthy social and active lifestyle. When we discovered chastity and it morphed into an FLR a few years back it made our work dynamic challenging at times, but we worked through it.

    An opportunity came up for a very good paying job in her chosen field recently and she decided to go for it. She has been hired and I'm thrilled for her, but also nervous for us and this lifestyle. She will be working full time away from the house. Not that there's been a ton of mid-afternoon frivolity, but there has been some. Even leaving aside the D/S side of things I will just be spending much less time with her.

    The optimist in me sees this as an opportunity for her to become a boss in work and that will expand and enhance her leadership in our FLR. That over the next couple of years I will be able to gradually close down my business and become a stay at home house husband. Freeing me from the alpha personality I wear at work that frankly just feels odd to me. That while our contact is diminished in quantity it is improved in quality as she becomes stronger and I am free to embrace who I want to be.

    The pessimist in me says this is the death knell of our Chastity and FLR. She already struggles to find the time to dedicate to her role in this relationship and she just added another 30 plus hours of work a week to her schedule. Now she will be too tired to do anything and this will just become annoying to her. We never do much of anything when the kids are at home and now she will never be at home when they are not.

    I guess time will tell, but no matter what I am thrilled for her. She is so excited for the job and she has spent over a decade doing work she didn't love for the family that she does. She deserves this and I will support her in every way I can. Including giving up on this lifestyle if or when the time comes.
     
  2. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Long term member

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    Good luck, hope your optimist is right. Most likely, of course, is that it'll be somewhere in the middle.
     
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  3. John
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    John Member

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    Honestly, I think it's better you keep control of the company. But let her control everything else. Giving away that controlling part could maybe also be bad for your business worst case she would maybe lose a little respect. Understand it's a turn-on to give everything away and someone else is in control and the relief. Think you would do yourself a favor to keep this one. But you could make her have authority if she decides something or punish you for mistakes you do in regard to her in the business. That's just my opinion. Had same thoughts
     
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  4. lockit
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    lockit Advanced Member

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    It sounds like you are putting FLR before your wifes career.
    Be happy for her and support her.
    Focus on whats best for her and not what you may or may not lose.
     
  5. Billus
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    Billus Laconic.

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    I think you're misunderstanding the situation. She's getting a job in her field. What's that got to do with his company?
     
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  6. iome343
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    iome343 Long term member

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    she will feel valued as a person, thanks to a job well paid and giving her greater satisfaction: you just have to be happy for her as your wife.
    Chastity games & your doubts about FLR dynamics must be in the background.
    Just be happy for her
     
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  7. Consensus
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    Consensus Long term member

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    Trepidation is natural. It sounds largely positive, as you say, and time will tell with the rest.

    Congratulations to your wife and well done you for supporting her despite your fears! That's a big deal right there!
     
  8. KittensProperty
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    KittensProperty Kitten's Happy Property

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    FLR is about what SHE wants. Obviously one thing is to work in her chosen field. She got the opportunity and took advantage of it. Your place is to accept her decision.
     
  9. Mistress Jules
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    Mistress Jules Professional Dominatrix and Owner of Lockit
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    Congratulations to your wife, I am very pleased for her that she has succeeded in her chosen field after being away for so long. Not an easy thing to do and she will be counting on your support, especially as she finds her feet in this new role.

    I would advise to let chastity and FLR to take a back seat whilst she settles into the new role then once she is settled you can bring things gradually back into play.

    The last thing you want is for her to think that her professional success means less than your sexual fantasies.

    Good luck to you both x
     
  10. Peaches
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    Peaches "kinky guy"

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    Business owner to business owner.

    Why would you want to close down your business? Is it not profitable?

    I own an auto repair business and am the sole income provider for our family. She is dedicated to our children and their education.
    But I don't know your the details of your business.

    Otherwise you are gonna have to double down on your efforts to make sure she does not become overwhelmed. In my experience the more stressed she is the less time for "activities" she will have.
     
  11. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Long term member

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    OK there is clearly some misunderstanding on my original post especially from @lockit @iome343 and @KittensProperty . To be clear I will repost my original closing paragraph.

    @Mistress Jules I appreciate the congratulations and usual sage advice as well as the positive support from @Rectrix and @Consensus . My wife and I are approaching our 19th wedding anniversary and we lived together for about three years before getting married. I'm not in this marriage to get me dick locked up, I'm in it because I love her. The chastity and FLR lifestyle has brought us both a great deal of happiness marred with some frustration and setbacks. I think we both want it to work, but it's success or failure has nothing to do with the health of our marriage.

    In regards to the question of my business there is no scenario where I turn it over to her. If one of my key employees were interested I would sell it to them. As far as to why in my optimist scenario I would close the business I guess I can just say it's complicated. My business is quite successful and even with her job it would be a net loss for our family if I did stop working. While I love parts of what I do, I'm somewhat tired of it. I am approaching my 20 year mark owning this company and the 30 year mark of doing what I do. I don't have the fire I once had and that can be dangerous for a business owner. I'm also just burned out with how much the government is making building hard. I go to work everyday knowing I'm in violation of something as I just can't keep up. Also this lifestyle has really brought out portions of my personality that I love. I love being soft and submissive, I love my sissy self and that personality is not welcome in my career. It is hard being the person that was once so natural for me. Finally I work really long hours. I don't have many years left before my kids are grown and gone and I really love the time I have with them and want to spend more time with them. So yeah, complicated.

    What isn't complicated is joy for my wife and her success getting this job. I supported her when she applied for it, I advised her as she interviewed for it and I will do what it takes to give her the freedom to pursue it.
     
  12. Consensus
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    Consensus Long term member

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    Well said!
     
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  13. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Long term member

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    This paragraph encapsulates so much of the conflict many locked husbands have between their public life and their locked life, and also of the growth and letting go that happens as one matures. This level of honesty and insight is one of the reasons @PouchPantyLover is one of my favorite CM posters.
     
  14. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Long term member

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    I feel like I need to preface what I'm about to say with A) this is not a complaint and B) My support for my wife is unwavering.

    I'm really struggling with how much I miss her. She isn't even full-time yet as they are having her work part-time while we hire someone here. Also our trip is coming up and they figured she could hit the ground running after that. Never the less I am seeing so much less of her and our time together is more hurried and focused on dealing with work/kids/life schedules. Ordinarily we used to eat lunch together at least 2 times a week, we would go swim laps together, go for a beach walk together and it was all alone time without kids. I know at times I struggled with was the glass half empty or half full, but now I see it was overflowing. The D/S relationship has pretty much disappeared and I get that. I'm saddened by it, but not distraught. Missing her though is really hard. I've made excuses to end up in the vicinity of her new office around lunchtime to see if we could go out, but she's too busy. I'm sure we'll adjust and figure out other things and I just need to swallow hard and keep on going. I guess it's a positive thing that I like being around my wife.
     
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  15. Consensus
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    Consensus Long term member

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    This is to be expected with a job move and i seem to recall you predicted it. Doesn't make it suck any less, but this too will pass. It's clear that you love one another and so you will adapt and change.

    My wife says that one always makes time for the important things to you. And so, as you know, you'll find a way soon enough!
     
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  16. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Long term member

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    Chastity appears to be off the table for the foreseeable future. I was unlocked on Friday for sailing. Unlike most times when she gave me the key there was no admonition that I must lock-up as soon as I got home. So when I got home I didn't. I stayed unlocked and waited. Nothing was discussed or spoken about it. She knew from snuggling that I was unlocked and she said nothing. Yesterday morning I initiated sex and she happily took part. I thought she might then want me to re-lock, but again nothing. This is coming on the heels of her ignoring the last three weekly punishment lists. So I finally just said "It seems like you've lost interest in our chastity and FLR, do you want to take a break?" She confirmed that she does and cited the stress of the new job, training her replacement at my company and preparing for our impending vacation. I suspect her interest may be rekindled after our trip, once my new office assistant settles in and most importantly she establishes her routine at her new job.

    I'm not really shocked by this as I somewhat suspected that something would have to give in terms of our lifestyle and I was pretty confident that this would be the first item on the chopping block. I'm saddened by this development, but not surprised. She still as always has my love and support. I hope this is a temporary setback, but either way we'll be good.
     
  17. Peaches
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    Peaches "kinky guy"

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    Temporary set back indeed. She just has a lot on her plate. I regret now not being patient with my wife after the kids came.
     
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  18. eoniss
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    eoniss Devil's advocate

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    So how is it going now, did you get back to a FLR? I don't really see the logic here because if she becomes the main breadwinner and you a stay at home dad, you won't be seeing her more than you are doing now since she'll be working full time. You might feel inferior to her and reinforce the D/s but that would be just that.
     
  19. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Long term member

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    The main thing for me was regardless of sexual dynamic or anything else I needed to support her in pursuing this job. She put her career on hold for our family and our family business. She really wants this and I want her to have it. Just because I love her. In regards to how's it going I've done a few updates in different posts, but this seems like a good place to summarize where things stand, so -

    1. 2019 was a very good year up through April and then we started having troubles with our chastity and FLR.
    2. Once she got the job and started things simply stopped. Eventually i was unlocked for a routine event and she never asked me to re-lock. She stopped her weekly punishments and she dropped any pretense of being in charge.
    3. I wanted to support her, so I went along with this development and let her know it was there for her if she wanted it.
    4. We went on a family vacation for 2 weeks and towards the end of it she began making it plain to me she wanted me locked up and to go back to our FLR.
    5. We get home and decide we are going to ease into it as right after vacations can be stressful times with a lot going on.

    So that is where we stand now.
     
  20. Peaches
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    Peaches "kinky guy"

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    Good news!
     
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  21. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Long term member

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    Yes it is and I can share a little more detail today as I have a little more time. As I've laid out elsewhere I'm always unlocked on family vacation anyway, but was unlocked for two weeks leading up to it as well. I wasn't a dick to her during this time. I was still very supportive and contributed around the house, but we went back to pre-chastity roles. For example bed was left unmade, I didn't touch laundry, but I was still shopping and cooking. Left the dishes for her most of the time. Sex was good and enjoyable and up until we left had no shades of domination in it. I could tell she missed the element of absolute control and the ability to curb my tongue when she wanted. All in all though we were happy, busy and looking forward to our trip.

    I won't go into details about our travels, but trip was phenomenal for the whole family. First half of our trip was camping or sleeping in close proximity to the kids. As a result nothing of any sort sexually happened. She started making statements though when we were alone like "everything is going to change when we get back home" or "Watch yourself as you'll pay for that comment later". I played it off as banter and joked back, but noticed it.

    The second half of our trip we had separate rooms and wasted no time in getting busy. She usually cums while riding me in the cowgirl position and had moved there after some foreplay and initial action. Instead of starting to grind her way to an orgasm she stopped and started talking to me, saying "when we get back home, you're going to lock up and be my bitch". These comments were interspersed with face slaps and questions like "isn't that right bitch?". I of course am agreeing to everything, but still wondering if this is pillow talk (she loves to talk dirty and dominant while having sex) or genuine reestablishment of control.

    As the second part of our vacation continued there were more scenes like this, but every time I was allowed an orgasm and there was no mention of anything outside of sex. Perhaps the best occurred mid-day. Kids were off doing activities and we were reading on lounge chairs. I finished the book I was reading on my Kindle and looked in my library for what I wanted to read next. I came across an old purchase from a long-time ago called "A Sissy's Delight". It's a story of a couple that decides to experiment with a threesome that eventually leads to a cuckold and dominant wife lifestyle. It was a good quick read and highly erotic. I opened the book and passed it to her and offered to go get her a drink.

    She was engrossed, she didn't put the kindle down. I sat and nursed my drink and waited. She finished in about 30 minutes and handed the Kindle back to me and I asked "did you like it?". She simply responded "yeah, but I'm horny as hell. Get your ass down to the room, right now". That was some great sex and some of her most verbally and physically dominant action.

    Still it was all in bed. So in one of our quiet moments alone I brought up my question as to whether this was just pillow talk or if she were serious. She confirmed she was quite serious and that we would resume full chastity and FLR upon walking in the door to our house. Now many here would think score! This is great! However I've been around the block enough times on this to see when we are setting ourselves up for failure. So I told her that if she decided that was what she wanted, I would follow her lead. I pointed out though that we were walking back into a buzz saw of activity. We were going to have one day to prepare personally and work wise for the work week ahead. This would be her first week of being full-time at the new job. We still had the new employee at my business that needed extensive training and help. Our younger child was starting summer school and our older child had to pack and prepare for a month away at summer camp. I suggested that we would have a better chance of success if we eased into it instead of diving in. She agreed to think it over and let me know her choice. The last night of vacation we had sex and she informed me this would be the last time I would be allowed to be inside her.

    The buzz saw of activity was in full swing when we arrived and we dove in and started dealing with the realities of family and work after a 2 week vacation. She made it very clear that she was in charge and I was to do as she instructed, but there was no chore list, no chastity cage. I was instructed to prepare her healthy lunches and snacks for the work week and complied. Other than that the labors were pretty evenly divided. She added a few demands the second day, but still no cage or expectation that I address her formally.

    Last night when we got to bed she initiated sexual activity, but when I tried to enter her she told me "NO, remember I told you no more. Now go get my toys." She had me please her with her toys and then told me to kneel by the bed and masturbate while she watched. There was a good deal of face slapping and ball abuse punctuated with a speech that is too long to quote. The bottom line is she is in charge and I am to refer to her as Mistress. She added a few more chores for me to do, but made it clear we are easing into this at her pace. That I am to expect nothing, she will let me know what she wants and when she wants it. She then made me stop masturbating without cumming and bring her the deep blue. She rubbed some on my balls and told me to go to sleep. That was one instruction I couldn't comply with until the burning wore off.

    I am still unlocked and have no idea what her intentions are in that regard. All in all very positive developments for us. I'm happier with her in charge. I look forward to seeing where she takes this.
     
  22. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Long term member

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    I really appreciate the non-fantasy of trying to integrate your chaste FLR with your real life. You're doing better at it than we are.
     
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  23. Peaches
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    Peaches "kinky guy"

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    Sounds like you guys are doing great. I wish my wife and I were where you two are. Patience.
     
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  24. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Long term member

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    I appreciate the compliment, however from your posts it seems like you are far more steady at this than we are. Frankly the last week of our vacation was the kind of world where our particular dynamic could thrive. We had zero responsibility; our meals were made for us, our room was cleaned for us, our kids were entertained for us and we had limited or no phone/internet connection. When the competing attention of real life step in it becomes much harder.

    Also thanks for the compliment. Where we are now is great. When we are humming on all cylinders we both love this lifestyle. I am confused a bit at this point as she seems to be slowly integrating the FLR component, but has no interest in either orgasm control or chastity for the moment. I am following her lead and being patient. I don't really mind the uncertainty this time around. At least for now.
     
  25. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Long term member

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    As of today we have been easing out of it more than easing into it. Seems like Monday night was the high water mark and it's back to low tide. Still she said she would ease into it as her own pace. I'm trying to be patient and wait for that. On the bright side she loves her job and it is really nice to see that.
     
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