She broke me

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  1. Guest 0388
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    Guest 0388 Member

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    I was hyperventilating, sweating profusely, and shaking. It was a struggle to speak as my throat felt dry and tight. Muscles cramped; I couldn’t open my hands nor uncurl my toes. The more I tried, the more concerned I became about this loss of control. I was terribly confused and felt as if I had blacked out, because the last 20 minutes of our session were a blur which I still cannot recall. Despite the cramping, my body felt light and tingly, particularly my core and chest, and this “numbness” persisted into the night. I felt so sensitive, physically and emotionally, for the rest of the night. But her sweet words and caring touch soothed me and kept my tears of frustration away. She reassured me and guided me back to safe ground. It was exhausting.

    I’ve experienced some of these things, albeit to a much lesser degree, in the past with my SO/KH. But last night was something else. I may as well have been on another planet. I’ve never been so deep in sub space. Despite the depth, I feel very well today with no hint of sub drop. I feel refreshed, and my head feels remarkably clear apart from the lingering ringing in my ears.

    I’m so fortunate to have her to share these experiences with, to put my trust in, and to guide me into such sweet surrender. Very fortunate indeed!
     
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  2. MissyB
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    MissyB Active member

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    Wow, sounds like you had a moving experience. Sometimes it does get overwhelming, doesn't it?
     
  3. QueenOfSwords
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    QueenOfSwords FLR Queen
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    Mmmmm! Sounds wonderful. I would love to know what she did.
     
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    CuriousJay Active member

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    I think we all would (0:
     
  5. filltee
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    filltee Junior Member

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    Sounds a little ominous even if you are otherwise healthy and even at your age you ought to consider seriously the idea of seeing a professional medical person and getting checked out.
     
  6. Guest 0388
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    Guest 0388 Member

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    I appreciate the concern and I'll seriously consider doing that and reporting back. Based on my experience with varying levels of cramping, numbness, etc. from play in the past, I think it's the result of falling very deeply into sub space and all of the adrenaline which comes from it. Dr. Google informs me that adrenaline draws blood to the vital organs and muscles and away from other parts of the body, causing the tingling or "numbness" in some areas and muscle twitching in others. It also causes sweating and affects breathing. The blackout, however, remains somewhat disconcerting to me.

    It is not so much what she did that night, but also the slow build-up in the preceding weeks. I apologize in advance for the lengthy response, but here's some of backstory first:

    We had always agreed to make nothing permanent, including chastity and orgasm denial, and that either of us could quit at any time. We also talked about whether this makes our dynamic something of a competition: she believes I will want to quit before she does, and vice-versa. Well, she has been pushing my limits much, much further as of late. The off days where I have wanted to quit in frustration, she emphasizes how she genuinely prefers our new dynamic and enjoys it more with each passing hour, and so has thankfully dragged me forward along with her. As the adage goes: be careful what you wish for.

    She had been teasing me a lot in the weeks leading up to last night with a lot of sexy talk. Among that talk, she very recently introduced words like "small" and "little" to describe my penis, which I used to not like to hear before. But since it turned her on to describe it that way, hearing her say it quickly grew into a turn on for me as well. She then decided to limit any physical teasing, since she reasoned I enjoy this teasing more than she does at times, and she felt that she has been doing a lot of teasing for my sake rather than because it interests her to do so, essentially making it a chore for her. This was probably because I had been whiny and entitled, but she quickly nipped that in the bud and got me back to refocusing on her satisfaction. A little denial goes a long way.

    Fast-forwarding some, she had oral surgery last week, which very much limited our usually vigorous sex life, but didn't entirely stop us from talking naughty and my lovingly licking her to completion a couple of nights. When I wasn't working I was preparing meals for her and doing everything possible to make her comfortable. A little more demanding than just doing the usual housework as you can understand, but I was happy to do it.

    She finally felt well enough to propose a long session last night, which was to include pegging (both ways) and some hot wax play (which we ruled early out because we were low on wax). She had also hinted at sounding as a possibility if I did not perform my oral duties well enough. So expectations and desires were very high for both of us.

    After licking and fingering her to an orgasm or two, she started to pet my balls. I was so sensitive that her skilled touching there had me gasping immediately. The words she whispered to me had a very strong effect as well. I told her my penis was hurting because it was trying, in vain, to get erect in the cage, and this only turned her on more. She told me it was good that my penis was hurting, and that all my useless penis deserves is pain, not pleasure. Then she began punishing my aching balls with her hand while playing with her beautiful self, telling me it was ridiculous for me to bring up my penis at all when she was finally giving so much loving attention to my balls. She was right.

    Despite nothing being permanent, she also told me that my ejaculations were a thing of the past as far as she is concerned, as she has no use for my messy semen (we do not intend to have biological children) nor my pathetic penis. It wasn't just what she said, but how she said it. She started looking very annoyed with me, and the determination in her voice became increasingly...startling. I began to feel, as I often do, that her will is indeed stronger than mine, and it was torturous to think about the possibility of never ejaculating while under her control.

    She then instructed me to begin masturbating (i.e. fingering my ass, meaning that pegging was likely coming up next) and slapping my balls much harder. Sometime between this and her cumming by playing with herself is when I began to really break, and I regained what was left of my wits sometime after she stopped punishing my testicles and slid her finger into me as well. I told her I couldn't control my hands any longer because they were cramping up so terribly, and I was in a panic from the intensity of these feelings and realizing I had just blacked out as I did not recall her entering me. That's when we had to deescalate and bring me back to baseline. She assures me that I did not pass out, only blacked out, as we apparently had whole dialogue exchanges and had been mutually fingering me for quite some time, none of which I really remember.

    I would have liked for us to continue, but I was scared and exhausted, and we both agreed that surprise black outs make consent precarious.
     
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  7. QueenOfSwords
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    QueenOfSwords FLR Queen
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    WOW @Modus thank you for sharing the details so openly. You went through a lot!!!
     
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