I have struggled to understand self locking beyond the initial excitement of wearing a chastity device which we have all experienced. In various forums and Fetlife, I have not seen self lockers last long. They come and go quickly as the initial excitement wears off. I look at it like I looked at my brief stint as a sub to an online Mistress (who ended up being a guy fooling around). Being told what to do by someone you do not know and do not love, is not the same as all. You cannot whip yourself. You cannot humiliate yourself in front of your Mistress and in general, you end up wanting your online mistress to do all the things that you want to do to yourself, but feel better if you think you are doing them for someone else. I am trying to understand self locking other than wanting a fetish and having no one to do it with. Self locking to me will eliminate most if not all of the things I like about chastity with my wife like: - Power or control exchange to someone who can be there physically to make sure you do as you are told. - Give up my orgasms out of love or to a Mistress that I know and trust with a physical presence. - Being edged and physically teased - my number one reason for liking chastity. - the feeling of anticipation of an orgasm which I have absolutely no control over. - Making love and focusing only on the pleasure of your lover. - Performing oral sex on command without getting anything in return. - Having someone to acknowledge and appreciate the sacrifice I make every day. - To get an orgasm when you least expect it. - To get pegged, spanked, whipped or any other physical punishment or pleasure. - To be humiliated, shamed, praised, make laugh, excite or many other things to someone physically playing with you. There is more but these are the ones that come easier to mind. So the question is what do you get out of self locking when you are your own jailkeeper and can let yourself out anytime you want to? I do not want to hear about not having an emergency key because that is a red flag to me of fantasy play and not a real chastity player or at least one I would want to know. The problem I have is not understanding what anyone would get from self locking other than the initial excitement of wearing a device. We all know we can orgasm with or without locking up so we do it for our keyholders pleasure, the power exchange or the exquisite feeling of being edged over and over again or otherwise teased. I imagine a self locker can do it to intensify his orgasm, much like in tantric sex but I hardly ever hear that as a reason. I also do not understand why guys on fetlife are asking total strangers to determine how long they should wait before they unlock and/or give themselves an orgasm. I suspect they are just trolling to see how many responses they get. Personally I would not forgo orgasms for strangers. I keep trying to wrap my head around it since I am always reminded that solo S&M is just not nearly close to being sexually tortured by a Mistress physically doing it. I have tried that and it is exciting for a little while but most times I stopped when I wanted to and no one was there to push me further than I wanted to do it. Please note that I am not saying self locking is invalid. It is just different and I am trying to understand: - what is the attraction/excitement? - if it is for masturbation control, how useful is it really when you can make yourself orgasm even when locked up and have access to at least one key? In my opinion, if you lack self control, you will also lack it when locked with or without a KH. - If to increase the intensity of your eventual orgasm, how long would that be. I know before I got married I would edge myself an put off masturbation for a few days to have a very intense one but why wear a cage that interferes with peeing and other activities in my life. I am not putting anyone down. I have done things that most will think are weird or disgusting that others will not understand. So I am not casting stones, just genuinely interested in why, because my interest in chastity has a lot to do with having a loving key holder. Without my wife or our girlfriend, I would never forgo my orgasms otherwise. That is why I cannot wrap my head around self locking and why it seems to be focused so much on just wearing the device, which i completely understand since most of use got hard just trying to put it on. However, after a few weeks that excitement when away.
Good question. As in all things kink, I can only speak for myself. I am a Male Dom in a LTR with my female slave. Like many of us I have been kinky since before puberty and I used masochistic/self-bondage play then and at various times in my single life as a substitution for dominating someone else. While I am not really switchy in a classic sense I do have some tendencies. Truth be told I am a sensation junky and am endlessly curious, especially when it comes to BDSM. The physical sensation of being caged is appealing, especially if the cage has just enough freedom for me to get erect and strain against the metal. I love the weight of the metal devices and the subtle and not-so subtle ways it reminds me of its grip on my sex. It's kind of like a metal cock ring with bells and whistles. Which brings me to the next thing I love about cages/chastity devices: the way they look. It really is cock jewelry for me, without the painful poking with needles and bleeding and all that comes with real piercings. The cage is a reminder of who I am (a kinky male) and it looks sexy as f*ck, IMHO. I love masturbating with the cage on and having one locked in place has never stopped me from abusing myself (quite the opposite as the feel of the device is erotic itself, often leading me to even more masturbation). Since we both like T&D play it fits right in with our D/s play. Often I will wear it on and off for a few days before a scene in which I will tease myself with her suffering then remove it to reveal hard, swollen, cage-marked cock flesh. Yum. Of course I often wear it anyway just because I like it. I guess it fulfills a desire for a little CBT. Sometimes I have given myself small chastity goals, mostly to increase my own desire in service of fueling my Dom-space and to just give it a try, along with denied and ruined orgasms. As I said, I'm curious but also empathetic to submissive head-space. I think I fantasize a bit about being controlled and teased, milked, locked, etc. but am not interested in altering my D/s play other than turning my slave into a service top for my limited sub desires.
Dear Vinny, I certainly cannot speak for all who are self-locked, but I am willing to explain my reason for it, which may hold true for many others, or maybe not, due to their personal circumstances. I live in a relationship, but in a long-distance one so far. My female partner is not my KH, as she is a sub herself, and does not know how to handle those things or to draw any pleasure from it (although from the mainstream chastity propaganda she would have to, or even from real-life experience, but I will explain later about that). But to tell you very honestly: Due to the long distance relationship, we see each other about almost any weekend, but in the meantime, I could continue my separate online sexual life as always, masturbating mainly to gay or other porn, which of course interfered regularly with our weekend reality sex-life. And it did interfere a lot on my side, by bad performance except for mainly only a few lucky occasions to my very shame, where my fantasy from online-stories overtook for me. But I of course want her to feel happy, wanted and sexually desired, I really do. But the easy accessability of online-porn when I am away from her of course distracts me from that. And online, virtually, I can seek for all and every stimulation I want - I can choose from any porn I desire to fuel my horny mind in her absence. And although I had my best orgasms from her, being with her, having sex with her, I still cannot fully give up my online activities concerning that, seeking for even a better thrill while away from her due to my lonely past before being with her, where I got my most powerful orgasms while watching supreme online-porn. Yes, my past - more than 10 years from now, and thereby longer than my current, wonderful real-life relationship. Yes, I consumed any kind of porn, but for the last about 10 years increasingly gay porn, as I conceived it to be more realistic and thus turning-on for me than the others, or sissy or trans porn, including so-called hypnotic porn, which I found to be very hot. And I developed many fetishes, like latex, rubber, leather, bondage, and also chastity back then - although I do not intend to blame my ex-wife for my development. And I have lived my fetishes either by myself or on public fetish-parties then, but not in any personal relationship, until now, where my female partner is open to a lot of my fetishes, except chastity for me. But let me return to the actual topic: Why I lock myself now. Well, first, it is actually because of my first marriage to a wive who I am now divorced of now who had not any interest and even fear of sex - in our four year's marriage, we have not had any intercourse, which did not change after divorce. I just felt guilty to have any sexual urge as a male back then. But of course I had and have sexual urges, as any human being has, male or female - as it is just normal. But without a real-life partner, where will such take you? In this modern times, at least in my case: to the internet, to fuel any sexual desire, and fulfill any sexual wish one might have. And it led me even to gay porn, as heterosexual porn turned out for me to be too unrealistic and too fake-like, which for my taste it still is. I even thought that I am gay back then because of that - although I have not ever entered any gay relationship, which would only have been a natural consequence, but it never happend, as it obviously was just a self-lie due to lacking other experience or self-confidence I suppose, supported by my online-experiences watching all the vids available and turned on by them, shooting many loads while watching. But my inner self is just not gay, even if I get excited even now if watching gay- or transsexual porn these current days, with my lovely female partner waiting for my sexual attention remotely. But this is why I indulge in self-locking right now: I just want to get over with that. My long-distance partner does not want to keep me locked, and she does not even desire to do so or would get any pleasure from it, quite unfortunately for me. So I am on my own, having a chastity fetish due to my past experience, and at the moment just want to lock myself from the option to get any online, virtual sexual inspiration, as tempting as it is - and from my perspective, the porno industry is very tempting to any male on the planet, but it lacks reality. As real-world always breaks the miracle of any virtual fake-experience or even orgasm induced by any porn. Although I have to admit, that I with my lonely, long-year experience of virtual porn could not break this cycle easily, but a chastity device, even if self-imposed without support by a female partner can help with that imo, at least in a situation I am in with my past and my current long-distance relationship. So my conclusion for self-locking men is: The men who do it seriously are brave, as they are at least not every time indulging or falling for the temptation that the current porn machinery would like to deliver and almost forcefully tries to do so for anyone male. Especially if they are single and do not know otherwise what real-life sex in a meaningful relationship could mean, who like I did in the past may lecture about the benefits of any type of chastity. Self-locking means the refusal to all that silly online-temptation which is almost everywhere, just fueling just fantasy - and remember, this is a full machinery against you, promising to fulfill any sexual fantasy of yours. I regret that my female partner is not into in it, to keep me effectively chaste and away from all that when away from her, as it would be for her very real-life benefit, and mine also btw, as a short online-porn-provoked climax does not measure with any climax I got real-life from her. And I for my shame must admit that I still fall for this very easy online porn stimulations too often, even seek for them while away from her. But I think due to self-locking me, I found a solution to that, at least temporarily. However, I have to administer it to myself, with the key available, and unfortunately, but for every man understandably, not enough will-power and self-discipine, to just spare myself for the one who is most important to me, my lovely female partner, without a device, which I self-impose to me for that purpose, if succeeding to be kept locked even in a time of temptation, which I on myself cannot do as strictly as I actually wanted unfortunately, even if you, Vinny, told us all the way, that a life without masturbation, even without a chastity device, is the one to go. And I do not want anyone but her to keep my key in case, if she ever wanted to - and she knows about my failings as I told her honestly over and over again - but I can not and do not want to change her at all, even if I I really want to be a better sexual lover to her. But that's where my current self-locking comes from, for you and everybody else to understand, as imperfect as it or I is by now, obviously needing a chastity device under strict control to cure me of my short-comings, as my own discipline to keep my hands of me or to access porn that excites me when not with my female lover still gets me in trouble. Best regards, Keuschling
Thank you for your honest and thoughtful reply. I can understand that. I was at the point of watching porn all day long when I should have been working. I would masturbate so often that when my wife wanted to have sex, I could not perform. So I get that. I can get out if I like using a little ingenuity. In fact, in an emergency I will often just unlock myself rather than go through the procedure to free the emergency key and then have my wife seal it again. So I completely understand your reasoning and it is a good reason. I am more curious about the guys who post mostly on fetlife who have no significant other in their life and just lock up because the thought of having their penis locked up is arousing. Some state that they lock up to control masturbation which I certainly can understand because that is why I started this whole chastity thing in the first place. However I made a promise to my wife not to masturbate and that is what keeps me from doing it, not my chastity cage. This year we took a two month break in me being locked up and I still did not masturbate. However, I missed being locked up because it made it easier for me to resist temptation. It required an extra step and time before I could masturbation and that was enough for me to reflect on what I was about to do. As for your sexuality, I do not think chastity will change that. My wife is bi with a preference for women, except for me. She fantasizes only about women, never men. She is 64 and still likes girls even though she has been away from our girlfriend for the past 7 years. My wife suffered until she gave in to the fact that she is bi and lucky enough to have me as her husband since I was OK with that and encouraged her to explore that side of her. I hope that your girlfriend is open to your bisexuality. if that is what it is, and I suspect that is the case. My wife fought her sexuality for many years and was much happier when she accepted who she was. Funny enough I have had three relationships from the time I was 15, all with bisexual women. I did not know they were bi until well into the relationship. I have been part of websites for bisexual and their spouses. I will just alert you to the problem many have which is marrying someone who demands monogamy and it eats them up inside not to be able to explore their bisexuality which frequently results in cheating. You may not be happy in a relationship or marriage to someone who is not open to your bisexuality. Our girlfriend left her first husband for being an alcoholic and homophobic. Her second husband was found online and knew she was bi upfront, so she was able to continue her relationship all through her second marriage by splitting her time between us and her hubby. She finally found happiness and I hope you do the same. Please do not try to bury your true sexuality. That never ends well. I have not had intercourse for 15-20 years. We cannot remember the exact time. My wife likes the kind of sex she has with a woman and I am fine with that.
Dear Vinny, many thanks for your wise reply and for sharing your experiences and thoughts. I am very well aware of my bi-sexuality now, as any human being should - as no human creature is just only male or female. But the point is imo that every human being has a choice. And that choice is of course reinforced by experience. And I have no doubt about that at least on average, heterosexual experiences are the best for the ones involved. Otherwise, our species would not have a chance to survive. That of course does not diminish other fantasies or real-life decisions or tendencies. I do not see homosexual actions as anything of less value; it just depends on the individuals involved. And if the ones involved are happy, who is to judge them, if they are just happy with each other. However, I feel that you might have missed my actual point about self-locking. And I have a major experience about self-locking, especially before I met my current girlfriend. The main point I wanted to make is, besides the hot feeling of being locked itself which I like very much: Being self-locked away from easily accessible porn, to prevent to build up a second virtual identity, being just too dependent on virtual porn instead of seeking for real-life sex experiences and partners. And at least the hope that self-locking might assist in some way to keep away from easily accessible porn which is easy in any way to consume or to choose from on demand, but seek for real-life experience or a real-life partnership. This is the real challenge in life, I think, to have a real partner and living human being at your side, instead of being able to switch scenes in pornos to your liking, as tempting and easy as the latter is. I really think that my self-imposed chastity back then before my current relationship was at least related to the attempt to get away from unrealistic but very tempting porn, which was at the end unfulfilling for me, did not lead to any personal growth, but just drained me from my energy in general and my sexual energy especially. And I think my experience is not so much different about that for many males. The temptations and offers the porn industry has are just overwhelming. And even this forum here might not be free from it. They just use our week spots, our actual urges, and offer to serve and sooth them in an easy way without any strings attached, but also without real perspective other than to come back tomorrow for another dose of that. They never promised to educate us to make our lives better, except maybe for some ideas one might want to try with a real-life partner as suggestions or inspirations, if the consumer of it really has a partner willing to try that. But at the end, the producers do not care, as they wish to make profit – and I have no problem with that. Sex sells, as everyone says, and this is very true. And the porn industry is not alone with that, as sex imaginary is almost everywhere, even in advertisements. So I can understand self-locking from also another point of view: Not giving access to oneself to any false promises which leave the ones who are falling for them just unfulfilled. I of course could write lengthy paragraphs about the thrill of being self-locked, even without any KH and outside any relationship. And it really is an adventure, although I do not want nor intend to advertise for that. I once even had a really wise online-Master, Master Chirenon, who guided me during my time before my current relationship. And he helped me along with more things than I suppose are aware to Him, for my case. And thus I really appreciate His actions, time and energy He put in me as being one in His famous harem of chaste online-boys till now. I have not forgotten and will never forget about this time, and I do not regret anything. However, there also was a self-locked time beside that. And to be very honest, also for the present time without any Master, Mistress or simply KH, self-imposed chastity too often just serves one purpose to me: to fuel my horniness, keep myself away from touching and masturbating too early and easily, feeling my nub fighting against the steel of my chastity belt adding to the intensity of the feeling, just to increase my horniness to a level where I then just unlock to jack off, mostly to porn of my liking during the week when away from my girlfriend. And I think that I am not alone with that. I even think that most self-locked males like me do it just like this – even if they might have had better intentions about being locked, also just like me. And even as I bought sophisticated devices like the ChronoVault, I tricked them as necessary to get access to the key for my chastity device when my urges set in too intensely. So this might destroy many illusions of single men wanting to use self-imposed and self-controlled chastity to curb any masturbation habit, especially if additionally actually addicted to any virtual porn. And I from my position do not even think that masturbation itself is necessarily a bad thing. But self-lie and manipulation from porn, restricting real personal growth, very much is imo. But to each his own, enjoy self-imposed chastity as I also do – and I cannot say that I do not fall for these traps of porn for myself so far, but I hope to improve on that in the very near future, especially as I luckily got a real-life partner despite any chance, which I met at a fetish-party while wearing my Neosteel-Masterpiece Shemale full chastity belt about three years ago, only down-side being that it is till now still a long distance relationship, which might change luckily quite soon, due to her pregnancy which was caused by me, and we both very much look forward to the time together and of course to the birth and upraising of our child. For the meantime: Chaste regards, Keuschling
For myself I can't do self locking , Sure I can put a device on for a few days to make sure it fits and safe to wear for if by luck I do find a keyholder then I'm prepared for her and won't have the usual possible problems with starting a new journey in a new device . Other than that I just can't do it , this may sound needy but I need someone to tell me to do it and when not to etc and be in control of it . Just can't do it for me . My biggest problem is my brain ,yes I look at porn on occasions but my brain is my biggest porn site and I feel guilty after I have cum to another head fantasy I've had but can't bring myself to self lock . It's the same with my girl clothes , wearing knickers to work etc and was great when a Mistress introduced me to it (never thought about it or done it before that) and told me she wanted me to do it and I did enjoy it but mainly cos it was making her happy . Yes sometimes I dress up a little at home but yet again I imagine a lady telling me to do it and while I enjoy it it's not the same as doing it for someone who genuinely wants you to do it and I felt guilty doing things for myself . I take my hat off to the people that can do it and enjoy it . Like I said I may sound needy but that's just me and what I'd like . We are all different and that what makes it us who we are . Thank you Vinny for a great subject matter ,I love reading your posts and insights
I self lock because I need the physical barrier to help me fix some of my major problems (porn, masturbation and sleeping with every woman I visit). I am far from a submissive personality, and have absolutely no desire to give my key to someone. I will take it off when I feel comfortable with it. I would never blindside someone with chastity, but I need the barrier to make sure that I either discuss things first or just stay out of the bedroom until it is not just about fucking. Yes, it takes some willpower to not pull out or get off, but it does make it just inconvenient enough and minimize feeling the erections through the day to help break habits. Considering I used to tug anywhere from 5-10 times a day and am now at once every couple weeks...... I call that a win. Those are the more topical reasons I self lock, and there are a plethora more that require a full detailing of my past..... Long story short, there are some damages that chastity is helping me solve. And so I use it as a tool, and I feel more comfortable with the cage on than off, so I see no reason to remove it.
i self lock and could not be happier with how things are going. I asked my wife to allow me to be in chastity and she thankfully agreed. She has no interest in locking me up all the time though. She is great at tease and denial and gets me constantly in a horny state. Our texts during the day are steamier then they ever have been and we are cuddling non stop caressing each other every evening. She loves the constant attention I give to her and loves the fact that she drives me absolutely wild. In exchange for what she is giving to me, I don't disobey or take advantage of being able to unlock at any time. I have never once cheated. I have been self locking for a year and a half and things continue to get hotter and hotter adjusting to this lifestyle. As is often stated, there is not one way to practice this lifestyle. Self locking works magic for us and our relationship.
When mistress gets the shits with keeping me locked up orrr...we have a bingle for whatever reason I inevitably end up uncaged and over masturbating. I end up locking myself back up...just to limit masturbation...usually I end up asking her to hold my keys...although I have been playing with emlalock a bit lately...but I cant get mistress interested in that right now either. In an ideal world mistress would constantly tease and deny me..and i would give her many orgasms and I would get none Reality unfortunately is something quite different. Come to think of it I dont think mistress has cum this year yet...and I am simply placated every now and then ...to be fair Mistress has been having a very hard time with her health and I have to be understanding So self locking it is.
1). It's fun. Sure enough, finding someone to lock you is more fun, but when that's not an option for the time being, self-locking is good enough. 2). For nofap. 3). To try practicing something new (usually connected with nofap), like prostate orgasm or milking for example. Besides, brain is an interesting thing. Oftentimes, it can make you have some very intense experiences - if your imagination is good and you take a bother to create a good environment for that.
I just found this for those of you who like to self-lock... I'm personally getting it to limit my intake of treats. I might even use it while I'm gone on trips so my husband can see "my" keys but not use them. Of course a hefty penalty would be in order if he were to break open the container. https://www.thekitchensafe.com/