Seeking advice

I find this similar to me and my Queen but I got reading on here and I just let her go at her own pace and see how it goes and have to say there is no pressure on her now and she enjoys it just got to take it a day at a time. Us men would of been thinking all sorts like what you see in the porn films it’s never going to happen and the sooner we all admit it then we will not feel the stress too. Just tell him to let you do it your own way your own rules and if your like my Queen you will really enjoy it and brave it. I get teased now by my Queen in ways I wouldn’t think off and it’s great so it’s nice to be more laid back and just let it happen slowly we have thought of this for years for you it’s still new it takes time to adapt

 

Yes I bet it is and that will take some getting used too we are the same as you 2 kids and both very busy with work my Queen is tires a lot so me doing the jobs around the house is making a massive difference in her life now and think she’s liking it. Chastity can certainly bring a happy couple even closer together I can’t see life being any different but it will take time for us to get to the level where we are both happy and the same will be for you both too. If he’s not on this site yet he must join and he will soon realise how to serve you with the pressure away from yourself

 

It will work very well as long as YOU--as the dominant--find your enjoyment in this dynamic, whatever makes you happy.

 

I'd be careful on applying to much advice based on other peoples relationships. If what they say works for you, great, but my experience is that every relationship is different just as every person is different. I'd suggest trying to find time to communicate with each other outside of the dom/sub dynamic. You may surprise each other with what you discover. My wife and I used to do this once a month. We'd make a list of three things we each liked about how the relationship was going and three things we wished were different. It was limited to once a month because all I ever wanted to do was talk about it.

 

I melt when my wife takes control.
i experienced this only a few times in the 20 years we have known each other before chastity.
since introducing chastity and me giving it my best effort of not pushing her to be a kink dispenser but to really embrace making her life easier, not pushing for kink or sex(even if its me giving her sex and receiving none myself)
she is slowly finding her comfort zone, what she enjoys. i think at first she was overwhelmed and afraid to do anything i was all but begging for. after showing her how excited and appreciative i was of her embracing her new power and control. it is slowly taking hold

 

Many keyholders don't get that they don't have to do much to keep their subs happy but some attention is required. Just put your hand on their cage for a few seconds and tell them how you love that it's locked up and useless unless you decide to unlock it. If you don't feel like playing at bed time (or whenever) and your sub wants to, don't just roll over and act disinterested but put your hand on the cage for a bit and tell them that you don't want to play so they will remain locked and denied. All of that together takes less than one minute a day and will go a LONG way in keeping your sub happy. The worst thing for the locked is to feel forgotten. For additional points, send at least one text a day reminding them that they are locked and you have the key or send sexy pics (google image search is your friend) to them and remind them that their toys are locked away until YOU want to play with them.

 

I'm permitted to only share 1 idea a day and that's the end of if. Simple rules make my KH life more enjoyable.

 

100% agree! And talk with them, communication is key, talk and discuss what you both want as often as you can.

 

We are retired but have 3 grand children living with us. Bondage is an option but only with me being restrained and not often. Chastity is near 24/7 with any release time being unscheduled and at m'Lady's discretion. It is more than a kink for us and while I can make requests/suggestions I rarely do so.

I do ALL the housework, laundry, dishes, etc. Her only responsibility is to cook supper most of the time.

Enjoyment, especially sexual, isn't one-sided. Having orgasms is, but my enjoyment is in knowing she is satisfied.

It may be his kink, and chances are it was his idea, but it is you that are in control. Have fun with it and if he suffers a bit in the progress so be it. If there is not discipline regiment in place yet, start one. Warming his bare butt, while he may enjoy it a bit, will get the point across that you are in charge and don't like his constant 'suggestions' especially if you make it real and not playing.

 

Congrats on seeing the benefits of this lifestyle.

I'd say enjoy things. As others said, many of us are happy to have a FLR and a woman who loves us. Just do what you can when you can and make it about pleasing you. If he's like me the more he pleases you the happier he'll be.

I'd also suggest that you get to know other female Dominants. There is something about being part of a community and having others to share "secrets" with. You can get to know some here and online in other Fem Dom forums. And you can also go to events where there are dominant women.

Other than that, stay involved here and be part of discussions and know that many of us think what you've done and are doing is great. Keep up the greatness!

 

tomf's suggestion that you get to know other female dominants is good. We have found a few local Femdom groups through Fetlife and m'Lady has made some great friends through them. They have been more than happy to help her along the path we are now on.

BTW, we just marked one year of our/my chastity on June 30th.

 

on one hand ...
if that's what you think, it's probably accurate.
trust your intuition.
my apologies to your sub

on the other hand ...
I realize that its not that simple.
and 3 kids would add complexity for sure!

does he really turn his fate over to you & accept your decisions?
does he ever express an interest in you being stricter?
is it more a kink stage than a lifestyle at this time?

I don't profess to have answers.
I ask you the questions I would want answers to myself.
if that helps you, great.

you are in the correct place to ask for help & it looks like some good ideas are being shared.

best to both of you.

 

Good advice!

 

Do what suits you!

My wife liked chastity as soon as I introduced it, but was irritated by the whole business of keyholding... and certainly not into teasing milking etc. Things instantly worked better as soon as we switched to timed chastity, then open ended chastity.

 

Do you practice strictly chastity? Or are you also in an FLR? If you are in an flr, then it is important to remember that YOU are the boss. YOU set the pace of the relationship. So whatever YOU decide to do, is the correct way to do things.

As the submissive in an FLR, i oftentimes need to remind myself of this when i feel i am not getting enough attention. If your sub is complaining about this, you should remind him in ways that only you can. If he does not want to comply, then i would say an flr is too much for him to handle. Im mot saying you should be the dictator of the household. You should definitely take his suggestions into consideration. But you are still in charge, and you make the decisions.

But bottom line, you should never feel like you are not doing it correctly....because as long as you are in control, you are doing it correctly.

 

Married. 3 young children. Full time Domme Slave relationship. It’s hard. But we do it. We have to stay committed to the process. For example. She used to plug me every AM. But when the baby came and me getting lunches made and making breakfast and etc. we just don’t have the time. So, the plug is in my work bag and I plug when I get to the office. It’s a simple example of how we have to adjust to stay committed to our lifestyle.

 

% on target!

 

A lot of good advice on here being offered.
Jessica's is probably the one containing the best suggestions for you whilst you get your bearings, so to speak. Once you learn what you want and get get out of being his KH then you can strive towards that and push what ever boundries you feel like testing.

But repeatedly letting him know you know and like him being locked for you is probably the best advice Jessica gave.

Guys are usually wired differently to most women so what to you feels like you are ignoring him provided you let him know is actually the opposite.

Ironic I know but he seems like the type that wants and will grealy appreciate being reminded constantly that he is being ignored for days at time ..imitially. where you chose to take it from there is really almost entirely upto you.

 

Just remind that if you need some free time you have to takes it from his free time.
Select the chore you like (like playing with child or whatever you like) and let him the one you don't (cleaning the toilets ...).

If you need a break, take it and ask him to do the things you need to him. Not easy in a large family.

 

Very true, little touches, texts or pictures would go a long way. I think it’s just the feeling of being wanted by your key holder that is important.