Seeking Advice

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by WEC, Sep 20, 2017.

  1. WEC
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    WEC Long term member

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    If anyone has experience explaining your desire to be in chastity to a vanilla or even submissive wife, I would love to hear about it.

    This is from my "new here" post...

    Hello,

    I'm a male in my 40's married to a younger wife. Always fantasized toward submission. Last year to try to improve my marriage I stopped masturbating and made some confessions to my wife. This went along fine for a bit and I was blown away by the changes in my feelings and physical response that occurred. I also got very familiar with the female cycle and predicting what she would want and when, and was spending more time with her and being attentive at night. At one point however my wife told me that there was not much in it for her to be the dominant one. We went several months where I dominated her and explored lots of bondage and scene play, and she likes it when I take her in the morning. I honestly loved that too and got really hooked on making her dress-up sexily and experimenting with bondage.

    During this period where things were sexually charged she seemed ready to try being he evil dominant some of the time, but I didn't want to break the roles we were playing...I was the Master.

    BUT... recently she has simply had a low libido due to "life" (work, kids, etc)...and I have begun to crave a dominant wife again. Our communication is far advanced from last year. And last week in a spontaneous moment I ordered a CB6000. I have it on right now and I LOVE it! Very interesting sensations, this is the 3rd day. I take it off at home so that no one notices.

    So now...I have to figure out what my goal is and how to introduce to my submissive wife. Am I shooting for occasional play? Lifestyle? what can I get her to agree to and enjoy? Seems like this is where the struggle begins with wife that may play along but may not really get much from it unless is a game that we play when she is horny. Another real problem is the fact that she does like to cuddle with me hard and to be taken sometimes, not always.

    So, welcome to my conflict. -WEC
     
  2. guest 2942
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    guest 2942 Long term member

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    As I see it there are two ways you can play this. Stay the dominant one and still have your wife hold the key so that you stay focused and ready for her. Or simply tell her your feelings about trying out the scenario where she is the dominant key holder. I think there have been a few lady's on this site who started out submissive and ended up the dominant one. I guess the key is that you two communicate together on want you want to do and try. If she's open she will try it, if not she might just want to keep things as they are. Also I have to say I'm kinda shocked your wife said there wasn't much in it for her being a key holder. I don't think she fully understands. You might want to get some light reading for her on the subject. Just for starters it could be less house work for her, only having sex when she is in the mood, back rubs, cuddling with no intent to have sex. I mean the list only ends where she wants it to. Hope that helps.
     
  3. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    Just go slow. Don't introduce any more kinks at least until she is comfortable holding the keys. Start off playing the dom role and the only rule is that she holds the keys and unlocks you when she wants to use it. It guarantees that you are always ready and willing to give her 100% when she is ready for it.
     
  4. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    The general rule is, "What's in it for her...?" So steer clear of her making any kind of a performance of it and perhaps focus on serving her.
     
  5. WEC
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    WEC Long term member

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    I wrote the post below Giles and then thought to myself...she was uncomfortable when I was doing stealth submission and serving her....maybe now that we are downstream of so many fantasies shared and her spending a couple of months being highly submissive...but now realizing that life will limit our ability to do those kinds of things every month...she does want my needs to be satisfied...anyway...

    One big problem right now is that she is going through a bit of a depression from some things at work, and is just really not interested in Sex. If that wasn't the case I think I would have more starting points at the ready. Its probably simply the wrong time to bring it up. But... She knows I can be an arse if I am masturbating daily, and while I am more loving when not masturbating, I can screw up if its been 3-4 days since release... our rhythm was every 3-4 days and maybe I try to make it through her period "clean". perhaps I propose the device and once per week with no asking unless its been 7 days to start..plus anytime she is interested. We were together this afternoon and though she has no knowledge I spent 3 days locked wow what a feeling. I'm sure it only gets infinitely more spiritual.

    Bad time for me to discover all of this. What's in it for her...not being bothered or certainly less often, sex not being a "duty" multiple times per week ...even today I rubbed her back prior to anything "fun". Though, it did hurt (my feelings) a bit that the obvious incredible experience I had with her were a bit lost on a depressed and racing mind. OK I am writing this and realizing I need to help her get healthy first. Duh.

    I will tell you though, wearing the CB today even without someone else's control, was an incredible feeling. I couldn't tell if it was bliss or if my health was in danger. :)

    Hopefully sometime down the road it can be more fun.

    -WEC
     
  6. guest 2942
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    guest 2942 Long term member

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    yeah could be bad timing. My wife is going through something similar with her work. Might be better to wait it out. I would suggest though that even slight depression can lead to bad things. Moderate exercise and a vitamin B complex can help immensely.
     
  7. WEC
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    WEC Long term member

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    Totally agree that diet, exercise, access to good social network...all of these things have immediate effects. I'm struggling a bit to get her to change her routine but we'll get there. I'm making a list of "what's in it for her" tonight. There could be quite a bit.
     
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