Saga of the Fatkid

I can't dispute that. I know better. I overstepped, plain and simple.

 

So, been a while. Since I have a chance, I will fill in the blanks on what the last couple weeks have been like since I got in trouble....BORING.

To start, I wrote her an apology letter, which led to a long conversation. It was a couple weeks ago, so here are the important points.

1. I was told that I am to no longer try to prevent myself from cumming when we have PIV. If we are that far along, then it is understood that I can cum. I did say that I was concerned about my ability to perform. She said that is fine, it is nature. Specifically, no more numbing cream.

2. I have been self locking the last 6 months, basically 24/7. She knew this, didn't like it, but allowed it. That is over. I am no longer allowed to be locked at work. Nights and weekends are still permitted.

3. She didn't like the amount of time I was spending on CM, so a mutual ban on electronics has been put in place; effective at 8pm every night...for both of us. She always has either a phone or tablet in her hand. This rule was not clearly communicated, though...It turns out that as soon as I was going to bed every night (roughly 10pm, she is a night owl) she was right back on her devices. I am still disappointed by this. My hope was that with no devices she would get bored and sleepy, and come to bed earlier at night. Guess not, after all, it is not my rule.

Other than that, nothing has happened since. Barely a hug and a kiss here-and-there, and certainly no conversations since. It has been rough for me mentally. She claims to like the FLR, and says she has no wish to stop or go back...but it does not feel as though she is engaging in the relationship at all really, let alone leading. I am scared to bring it up as she does not like those conversations, but I just don't know where I am or who I need to be. I feel lost.

 

PIV is what she knows, is comfortable with. Her libido is sparse...maybe once per month, maybe not. If you go back to the beginning of my story, this is the reason I attempted this path, to attempt to increase intimacy.

 

At the same time, I am giving consideration to walking away from chastity. Your point is super valid.

 

I sweat way too easily for a HT . I've been using an open style steel cage for quite some time.

 

Hey, folks. It has been a big week here since I decided I would take a break, but I have a few questions I'd like to hear some experiences you folks have had. I will get on sometime and do an update on life, but not now...still a lot of moving parts. Things have come a long way as far as what is acceptable to her, but more on that some other time.

I have a few mental barriers in my wife's mind to deal with. The first couple I will just have to deal with, and perhaps time will allow for change. One being that she is against full-time locking, no going to work locked. The other is that she wants no part of seeing the cage on me. Like I said, these I will just have to wait these out.

Here is where I am looking for perspective, experiences, and "here is what I did" stories if you had this to overcome. She does not believe in denial when it comes to intimacy. Teasing, yes, but not in the case of actual PIV. She actually gets teasing now, and does find it amusing, but she feels that if I make it that far that I could release, it is nature to let myself go. How have you conveyed in the past to a partner of similar mind that you really do wish to put them first? I have tried to explain that I don't want to go through drop and end up not treating her appropriately while I recover for lack of better term.

 

Here is a recap of the last two weeks in two parts, copied from where I originally wrote them on 9/28.

I have been asking some probing questions of my wife lately every here-and-there to gauge where is is mentally on us and chastity. She said that when I am locked there is no visual sign. She also said that she can almost never tell it is there when we cuddle/spoon in bed. I asked if how I have been wearing it to bed when we are intimate, and taking only the cage off bothers her. Again, no, with the added comment that the last couple times I have done this the sex has been incredible. I saw an opportunity to take a gamble. So, two nights ago, knowing my wife was stressing about the doctor I asked if I could provide her a distraction in the form of a love letter. She said "sure".

Basic summary, I wrote her a page and a half of sincere devotion to her, that everything I have been doing has been with the intention of providing her happiness. I again offered my keys to be hers. I asked to think about them as a symbol of power that she has in life and over me mentally and physically, and that no matter how helpless or defeated and down she feels I am there to take care of her, and that I will always be responsive to her every need. I wrote out a list of promises such as obedience, no porn, and that I am only asking her to manage the keys and me. She never has to see me locked. I went on about my commitment to her, etc...and with all I have committed to her if she would/try this one thing with me it would mean the world to me. I told her I am not asking her to really do anything different, except know that she truly owns me.

Being a professional negotiator paid off. She said YES! Well, something more like, "I suppose I can make an effort."
I told her where all the keys are, and that the only thing she will have to think about near-term is where she will keep them. I told her they will stay where they are for her to collect as she sees fit. She said, "I can think about that."
Then last night I snored so bad it chased her out of bed to her recliner to sleep. I wrote her an apology letter this morning asking to make it up to her because I inconvenienced her.

Other than the scary doctor thing in front of us, it has been a good week. Now I just need to back off again and let her set the pace.

 

Written 10/3 -

I'll fill in some blanks now. Scary doctor thing was annual exam for her that came with a "you have dense breast tissue to check out." this hung over our heads all weekend, as the appointment for the scan was not until Monday. So, I provided the distraction mentioned in the form of date night. Nice thing about haveing a 13 y/o and a 10 y/o, no baby sitter necessary. When we got home from the movie and the kids were in bed, I was allowed to paint her toes, which is a big deal for me as I am a foot worship kind of guy. Then we moved to the bedroom...she was wound up like I haven't seen in years.

Foreplay, which was me kissing every bit of her and some nearly nude dancing, lasted well over an hour. She teased me a lot too, kissing my neck and ears, and biting my nipples. Eventually we layed down, and she wanted my had down on her. Then she asked for her favorite little buzzer for her clit. I had a my had there too, but she suggested replacing it with the big vibe so she didn't end up breaking my hand by clamping her legs. Came close to that a few times in the past. Anyway, she got finished off and I never even got undressed.

She cuddled for a while after, and apologized for me getting nothing. "No, Ma'am, it was wonderful and I would do it all again with no change in the result. She then told me I could go wack-off if I wanted. "Thank you, Ma'am, but that would not feel right. All-in-all, the scene lasted nearly 2 hours.....great night.

The next day when we didn't have little ears around she had lots of comments about how good the night was throughout the day and evening. Monday was reality day...Doctor. Turns out, nothing going on. She is just really big, always has been...whew. I promised her that I would do my best to only have conversations about other topics for a few days so I don't wear her out. Last night her back was really sore when I got home so I promised a long massage to help her out. Well, with the Cubs game going so late, and us watching TV in seperate rooms, it didn't happen. It was pointed out to me tonight, so I guess I have cause to try and redeem myself!

So that is where we are now. Been a really big week.

 

Last Friday night she was ready for action. It was late in the evening and I just couldn't stay awake, so she sent me to bed letting me know she would be waking me up in a couple hours. She did. The agreement we have been under for some time is that I can be locked until she wants George (her dick). So I was locked. She woke me up and had me massage her and get her excited. She then told me it was time for me to be in her. I unlocked and wrapped up George....and had a miserably failure...unintentionaly self R/O. I was very let down, and embarrassed. I helped finish her off, then went back to sleep.

I woke her up the next morning with the traditional kissing and massaging of her feet and legs. She then invited me up to lay back down with her and cuddle. I asked if I removed everything if she would put her hands on me. I also explained that I had not felt myself hard for quite some time, and that per my commitment to her, it is not something for me to do for myself. She agreed, and played ans stroked me. She then said, "I have an idea to try." Then she decided that perhaps George should try to make his way in her again. I made it in, but she was so wound up and tight I only lasted about 4 strokes.

I went to the bathroom to clean myself, and when I came back she was quickly slamming her dresser drawer. She said, "I am taking your equipment away for a while because you deserve to be free a while. Also, we are going to have sex again tonight. Just you and me, no toys, no gadgets, no distractions." Yes, Ma'am. I then told her that I would not ask for the cage back, and that I would follow her wishes and be unlocked until instructed otherwise.

She told me that night to go to bed naked, and go to sleep. She kept her promise and we did it again that night, and it was great. She woke me by grabbing George, and I was quickly inside her. I was in her for quite some time, then I finished. I then helped her finish.

Sunday afternoon, she was oddly horny as hell, sending me all sorts of dirty texts about how she wanted me right then. We both tried everything we could to get our kids to leave and go play with friends, LOL, but with no success. Defeated, I guess her lust faded as the day went on. I would gladly have done her again, but I wasn't seething with desire for her as I had been satisfied 3 times already in the previous 48 hours. And so the week went on, me wild and uncaged, and recently satisfied.

The most prominent case of sub-drop I have experienced, no doubt.

 

I muddled through the week, unrestrained, uncommitted, and unconcerned. Things that are common place, like me always letting the dog in and out, giving her random kisses all night long, and even footrubs all just didn't happen. I started to come around about Thursday, but still just was frankly just lazy. Later in the evening she was even catching on and came over to me and said, "You haven't kissed me. Kiss me now." Despite that, she seemed, shall we say, friendly. Eventually I went to bed, but once I was there sent a text letting he know that I was again naked....just in case.

Just in case ended up being a sure thing, and a reasonably good performance too. I ended up finishing before her, but she did not care. She was still reveling in what she felt was a success with it being purely just us, no toys and stuff. I went to clean myself and upon return she was taking care of herself with a toy. I was still partially in a drop frame of mind from the weekend before, now with another finish...I decided she didn't need my help. I made no effort, and honestly wasn't even interested is watching. She finished, kissed me, thanked me, and went back down stairs to watch TV some more...

I actually took yesterday off at her request so we could go do some out of town shopping. That all went good and fine, I needed a new winter coat and found one. We had a nice "date lunch", killed a littler more time and then headed home.

On the way home told her I did not need to have a discussion, but asked if i could tell her what the last week had been like for me. "That will be fine." I went through a lot of my thoughts from the previous post and this one, and asked her after hearing this if it was acceptable. What she was missing and didn't even realize until I pointed it out shocked her. Her head actually snapped back with surprise as she processed it. I asked if she knew who she wanted me to be for her, because I didn't like how I had been this week, and that i was ashamed. I told her I have put is so much effort over the last 9 or so months, and I didn't want to go backwards and be less than acceptable to her.

She said he wants it all. She wants the me that pampers her like a princess, and the improved sex life. She also said that she really likes the new us (the FLR) us, and that no way would she want to go backwards. She said she now had a new understanding of the affects of physically restraining myself as it relates to behavior. About that time we pulled into our driveway where our kids were already at our house, home from school.

 

After we got the car unloaded and talked with the kids, I was ready for a nap. Hey, it was my day off....why not. It only took about 10 minutes, and here came my lovely Pam for some more discussion. So much for the nap. She decided it was time to give locking legitimate consideration in our relationship. She proposed that on Friday and Saturday night I just always go to bed unlocked. She also talked about how when I know we are going to be together ahead of time, the anticipation ends up messing with my head, I don't perform, and get angry with myself.

I counter proposed that if I go to bed and there is a key on my table, I unlock and go to bed. She said that sounds very doable, but what about being spontainious? Keeping me from anticipating is important. I told her she will need t train me and mix it up so I don't know what to expect. Have me unlock and only service her, unlock and her play with me but no finish, come after when I am locked, so that I don't end up with expectations and anxiety. I told her teasing and denial could be powerful tools for keeping me attentive to her.

I also said that if she wishes/wants me to be locked I will, but will only if instructed as I am trying to stay true to following her lead. She replied that she would tell me to lock now, but I think I want you without again later tonight. At the end of the night I was about to take a shower, and she said, "I don't think I will be keeping you up tonight." So I went and showered, and shaved, locked back up for the first time in a week, and went to bed.

I think I have a for real Keyholder, folks!

 

So, thought I'd drop in for an update. Well, nothing really to report. I have been locked for 17-ish days now, with a bit of light teasing and a lot of massages and footrubs given. It has been great. The other day I did strike up a conversation and asked if she had moved the keys to a new spot yet. "No. was I supposed to?"...sigh...I kept it simple as I could and described what a lot of couples do and why. I gave her a few scenarios of what he could do, but said it was ultimately up to her how she manages the keys, as they are hers. After explaining reasons why the 'held' individuals typically do not have access to the keys.

At current I am on barely a little more than a self-locking honor system, as she agrees I should be locked, but has not taken access to keys away. I was only providing information as to what the possibilities could be for the relationship with regard to how much control she could have, and how my responsiveness would become greater once I was held hostage to her will. Her reaction was, "Hmm, sounds like I need to move the keys." Again my response was that it was entirely up to her.

We are just coming off, shall we say 'grumpy week', so we will see what happens. Either way, our life together as a couple has more and more enjoyable as the year has progressed. I feel our love has grown. She has said many times, she has no regrets and would never go back.

Life is good.

 

So just had a really interesting conversation with my wife. We were laying in bed, just hanging out. I asked her if she had gotten any good love letters from anyone lately. I usually writer her one every 2-3 weeks. She said yes, and it was full of sexual stuff that made her uncomfortable. But the good uncomfortable. She went on to say it was from a guy named Josh. I asked how often he is around. "Oh, every 2 or 3 weeks I let him fuck me. He is your alter-ego." I asked if there was any one else. "No, just you. You are just here to listen and cuddle."

I have to be honest, even though it was just play/talk, the thought of being cuckholded...even by my self???? It hit me mentally really quick. It was a turn on I was not prepared for. I still don't have my head around it.

 

We had a definite cooling off period through the end of Nov-most of Dec. We have had personal difficulties related to employment...just in time for the holiday. Great....We are ok, and still us. I asked her early on to please continue to be the us we are now and not "take a break". It has been a mental help for me to be able to continue to focus on her when we are together instead of letting "life" dominate every waking moment of every day. Physical intimacy did have a lull, but my serving her has not.

I was locked for roughly 45 days straight with only one short release for being physical and a couple for cleaning and shaving. We did take a road trip before Christmas, for which I was told I would not be locked. As soon as we returned she agreed I would secured again as soon as possible. Right after we returned was also my birthday.

I was allowed to write a letter with my birthday requests. My number one (and only thing I really wanted) was to please her orally. I had a few other trivial requests such as would she wear some body jewelry...stuff like that. That night I was instructed to go wait in bed bare, no cage or clothes (she still strongly does not want to actually see it on me.) She bathed and came to bed with freshly shaved legs, but that was all the effort she made. I didn't mind, I really only wanted to taste her.

We kissed a lot, I was allowed to worship her beautiful feet, and my hands did everything instructed. She did sparingly take me in her hand a few times, but not for long when she did. She knows being allowed to pleasure her is important to me. The oral did not happen, but she did say "I want something in side me, and you can pick what it is. It can be you if you want." I was nowhere near hard as the focus had been on her, and I was scared to disappoint her, so I used her large vibe. She had a very intense finish, left me in bed to lock back up and go to sleep. I did a good job pleasing her, so my aching balls and I went to sleep accepting that the night was over.

 

The next day I was on my knees in front of her in her chair, and said, "I hope I didn't upset you last night when I.." She interrupted, "Shot me down?"
Yes, Ma'am. I hope you are not upset.
"No, I left satisfied."

The next morning in bed I again apologised and we had an intimate conversation while holding each other and kissing. I talked about what it was like to feel like her slave. She replied that it made her hot hearing me talk about it. At one point I went on to say how I did miss the feeling of being held in her hand. She said she liked holding me in her hand and, "if you weren't locked, I'd play with you right now." I said that it is up to her when I unlock, and she could always play with her toy while it is locked and torture me. We talked more about what she could do with the keys if she chooses (the keys are not hidden currently, just in her drawer.) I told her how if I didn't know where they are I would have no choice but to serve and obey her, and would be even more her slave. "Hmm, interesting."
So I had to ask, "May I unlock for you?"
"yes"

I unlocked and came back to lay down. She grabbed me and almost never took her hand away for quite a while. I was so hard. "Ma'am, if I make a mess that touches you I would clean it off you." Eventually she took her hand away and left me hard. "Are you done with your toy, Ma'am? Should I lock it back up now with it hard? I will do that if you wish."
"You can go take care of yourself if you need relief."
Would you do it for me? I am so hard I wish I could be in you.
"We can do that if you want."

I didn't ask twice. I put a condom on and ans guided me in. I didn't last long, and pulled out when I felt it coming. I then cleaned up and got back under the covers to finish her as instructed. I used my hand on her, and I told her I had pulled out, and why I had. I went on to explain how it was less satisfying and that if I had done it the other way being there to make sure she was taken care of would mentally feel like a chore, where instead I was mentally still very into it. She asked for her mini for her button, and finished herself with my fingers also helping.

I have tried to be very conscious to be attentive to her, as I am sure I am still having a bit of drop. Last time she got very growly when she realized I had not been giving her kisses in passing, and not waiting on her as usual. I am trying hard to keep my head in the game.

It was a great morning.

 

Preface: As detailed before, I am in between jobs, but my wife has started one recently after over 2 years as a stay-at-home mom. She is still getting used to being on her feet all day again, and comes home with sore legs and feet.

Here was my morning today.
She had a later start time today, so we slept in. I was awake about 7, but stayed in bed as quietly and still as I could. She woke up about an hour later. We exchanged good mornings, and I asked if I could do anything for her (referring to personal services such as massages.) "No, I am going to sleep a bit more." Five minutes later, "Rub my feet." Yes, Ma'am. So I did for quite some time before being told it was enough and to come lay back down with her.

We cuddled face-to-face, her wearing jammy pants and a shirt but no bra, I in just boxers and a cage. She is 50/50 on sleeping in a bra because of her large..."personality", shall we say. I put my arm around her with my hand on her rear. Even with pants, I could feel myself running out of room from the contact. I apologized, saying that nature reminded me my hand did not belong there with out asking or being told, and moved it to a place that did not intrude.

"What if I liked it there? What if I want your hand on my boob? What if I took my shirt off?" Now I was definitely hard...as my cage allowed anyway. Then she sat up, pulled her shirt off, and laid back down pressing her bare chest to mine. I thanked her, and that it felt so good. "I know, I love the skin-to-skin contact." She kissed me with a probing tongue. I kissed her collar bone and down her breast. She lifted it for me to take the nipple.

"You know, I was going to let you feel inside me this morning, but my legs are too sore."
Oh, the torture. Then a few minutes later, "You know what I was just thinking about?"
No, Ma'am.
"The feeling of your dick inside me. I'll just leave you with that."

And she got up and left the room without another word.
My boxers were a slimy mess inside.

Pretty sure she gets it.
Pretty sure she is enjoying it.

 

Still on the job hunt...Yesterday was my wife's first day off in 8 days, and with kids in school a long morning cuddle was planned once they were gone. I dropped them off, then came back and crawled back in bed in only my cage. She briefly woke and said let me sleep one more hour...sure. Once the our was up I slowly woke her with a gentle back rub. After a few minutes, "Go rub my feet now." I was down there for quite a while massaging and kissing, then worked my way up the rest of her legs. "I need to go to the bathroom." So I stood and covered myself and waited for her return, she still doesn't want to actually see the cage on me.

When she returned she said, "I've had enough foot rub." She stripped off her shirt. "I want your hands on these instead." The pants came off too, but not panties. You can do what you want with whatever is uncovered." I kissed and carressed, and we talked...mostly her saying little things to make me hot. At one point after some silence I said some day when you do decide to punish me, I wonder what you will do.

"I guess you will find out tonight. I'll just leave you with that." And she left.
She has never punished me before.
I was speechless.

 

Another thing that was said yesterday morning was, "Tonight I am going to hold my toy in my hand."
She teased me throughout the day with texts and hot kisses.
Ex:
I love the feel of you inside me, gliding in and out while I squeeze.

I was leaking nearly all day. When night came and the kids were in bed, we sat on the floor and made out like teenagers...It was awesome. "I didn't leave your keys out, but you know where they are. I am going to go clean myself and then fuck you." I tried to take the servant road. Yes, Ma'am, I will please you however you want. "I want you in me. Am I being direct enough?" Yes, Ma'am. Now I was really dripping.

I went up, unlocked, and waited. When she came in and laid down, we kissed passionately for just a minute or two. "I want you in me now." I was ready, and I think I did pretty well. I asked permission to cum, granted. May I finish inside you? granted...lasted nearly 5 minutes.

"MMM, thank you, that is what I wanted. Go clean yourself and come finish me."

It was a great night.
Just hope my drop is not too bad.
Never did get punished.