Saga of the Fatkid

...and I'm back. I was given permissions tonight to participate again. boy do I have a lot to reflect on and get "on paper" for you all. Since my last report not a lot has changed. A lot of nakedness, and at least one more way above average performance by me, but no real status change. I have been mostly wearing the HT2 clone from the time I get home until I get in the shower for work the next day.
We have had several short conversations about this proposed change, but she is still not all on board which is not concerning this early on. She has thrown out the token, "it is your body" statements...but did make a hard rule about not wearing it all the time, specifically not to work. Interestingly enough her biggest concern is about hygiene. I will also add that she is not interested in having anything to do with it actively. She will spoon in bed while I am wearing it, but has not seen it on me, nor felt me up.

Moving forward...

The feel of being locked brings a quiet over me. I do not speak as much. I also find I do not like to discuss topics where my opinion is not the same as hers, as mine does not matter. It is out of a feeling of respect and obedience to her as the owner I hope she will be. Sometimes at night I almost just want to go find some work to do to keep busy and ensure I give her enough space.

I hope it does not upset her that I am locked each night until I wake up the next morning. I am afraid I did upset her last time we were intimate, as I wore it to bed. I was expecting that I would be giving her pleasure in other ways, but she wanted PIV. The situation created some drama and stress, and I was unable to perform, which is always a fear of mine. I have been somewhat hesitant to approach her since because I am ashamed that I disappointed her. I just want to please her in all aspects of life. I just hope that someday she will accept me, and take me as her own. I was thinking today and came up with some non-physical punishments she could enforce on me some day.
1. Not allowing me to kiss her on the lips.

2. Not allowing me to embrace her, or kiss her face.

3. Not allowing any physical contact except foot rubs and back rubs.

4. Silent treatment, except to give orders.

When I am allowed I would like to propose these. I think they would all be very effective, as they are all very important interactions to me. The thought of the first time she leaves me locked on purpose to assert dominance and control over me excites me. It is scary, but it would send such a message of acceptance to me at the same time.

The last thing I want to do is overwhelm her, and have her entirely retreat from me. I gave her what I thought was a very good article last night. I hope it will help ease her mind and accept me. I just want her love.

 

As I said, if I am allowed. Thanks for the advice, though. I’m glad to be back.

 

Really nothing huge to report, just touching base. I spent a full 60-ish ours without locking because we had company, but have been locked since mid-day Saturday. I will stay locked until morning when it is time for work, as Beautiful has allowed me. We have had no discussions for at least a week, and I will certainly will not push. I am trying very consciously to let her have space and allow her to approach in her own time. She has been allowing me to rub her feet and legs, and kiss them most nights. I took this coming Friday off from work specifically to stay home with her for the day and cuddle. I hope she allows me to please her.

 

I hadn't taken a day of vacation yet this year, so I took yesterday off. My wife knew of course that some of m intent for that day was to get busy. I tried to set things up early in the week mentally with her so that there were no surprises or unneeded drama.
Wednesday night while I was giving her her nightly foot rub ( which I love doing),I asked if I could speak. This is how a approach here when I am asking for her approval to have a conversation about intimacy, our FLR dynamic, or chastity. Granted. So I asked her if she would consider some of the details of our day together. I expressed to her first that it was up to her if she wanted to grant me any attention at all, and that she could decline any activity at all that day if she wanted.
During the Thursday night massage, I asked (after permission granted) if she had thought about "date day". No. I asked when she wanted me to wake her up the next morning. She said to come back to bed as soon as I get back from dropping off the kids. Knowing that she is not on board with chastity yet, I asked if I should be locked. Again I got a reply of, "I don't want to deal with that." I actually had been locked for a couple days straight, against her instruction of not while at work. I went ahead and unlocked before I went to bed and put on a cock ring in its place...just in case she came to bed with a night before hunger.

I got up the next morning at my regular time to shower, shaved very diligently, and got dressed to take the kids to school. When I got back I climbed right into bed as instructed. Quickly neither of us had clothes on from the waist down. She said she wanted dick in her now. I bought some condoms with sensitivity suppressant the day before...Victory alert.. Within minutes I could feel nothing. I was in her until she said she was done...needless to say I did not come.
We cuddled for a while, then she said that I had not used my fingers yet. That escalated to a vibator, and her over the edge again...still nothing for me.
We have talked enough that I have expressed the concept that I do not matter, and it brings me pleasure knowing that I have given her pleasure. In short, she never made a move to touch me except to get me semi-hard for the initial PIV.

I again asked to speak as we cuddled. I said that last week when I was unlocked I did not treat her properly. I could tell my focus on her was not there, and I felt bad. She said she just thought it was because we had company, and I was trying to be noticeably different. I said no, I didn't realize it until I relocked, but I was just not properly focused with out "the feel".
I told her that I planned to keep locking myself at home on nights and weekends. I also said that I guessed that she knew where my key was kept, and she could take it anytime she wants.
"But I already have a key on that necklace"
...smh....I told her perhaps she could view locking me as a game.
"What do you mean?"
Well, if I was to come home and you were maybe wearing the necklace, I could take it as a queue to go lock up and bring you my key to keep for as long as you wish.

"Hmm", was the reply...until next time.

 

Nothing earth-shattering this week. I have been self-locked since a week ago Friday in the afternoon, so 9-1/2 -ish days. I have been out 4 times to clean and shave and switch cages.

The HT bio-resin clone has a few issues. The (for lack of better term) receiver forks are spreading which introduces two issues. 1. The lock may come out on one end eventually. 2. It allows willy to go way over to one side due to the seem of my pants to force it that way.
I also have a bit of turtling going on, resulting in willy sometimes being nowhere near the end of the tube. I actually went down a size on ring (surprisingly no comfort issues) thinking maybe it was a slipping down issue. Nope, didn't matter...thus the switching of cages. I guess for now I will stick with the A271.

It has been "grumpy week" here, so no play of any kind, or even intimate discussions. Last Friday went so well, I want that to be the last intimate memory for her when she thinks of me. I have at least offered a foot and leg rub every night, so she has declined.

Hopefully I will have something worthy of more frequent reports in my future.

 

nothing too eventful lately. I went 13 days straight, but hat to take a break do to a sore. I am back in the saddle now, nearly back to 2 full days.

We did have some cuddle time saturday night, but I was unable to get up without P-E (stopped before that happened), so I pleasured her with toys.

I made no further attempt to sway her into participation, only did a bit of checking in to ensure that I was performing properly within the bounds of what she currently expects of our FLR.

the very evident best course of action based on what I have read here is to wait for her to find her own comfort in participation whenever that might happen. Not gonna lie, it is hard basically waiting. But it is my best chance for her to join in.

And so I wait.

 

Had a lengthy intimate discussion last Friday night. We talked about life, expectations of each other within our FLR, and chastity. At this point she still does not want to participate, but did me to send her some articles and key words for searching so she could at least learn and understand why it appeals to me. No real contact, no intimacy.

I had to unlock after work tonight due to a sore again, basically same spot. Not a big deal, we have company coming tomorrow anyway. Made it basically right at 14 full days this time.

Sorry I am not real interesting lately.

 

Also, I have noticed while unlocked I don't like the feel of all the contact and movement with my underwear. I guess I like the stillness of being locked.

 

Saturday morning we had another cuddle in bed and talk session. I was messaging her breast, and said how I really wanted to taste them. She said after breast feeding years ago it really didn't do much for her, as she couldn't feel much and prefered my hands. It was grumpy time, so it wasn't going any further anyway.

From there the topic shifted to pleasure: her vs. us. She didn't think it was fair to not allow me to cum. I then explained the principle that allowing me would naturally relax my focus on her, and my willingness to obey. "I didn't think of that", she said.

I went on to explain that denying me would keep me eager to keep pleasing her in every aspect of life. I said yes, I would like to come, but if she only allowed it occasionally as a reward it would be meaningful. I also told her that this is a reason I volunteered for chastity for her. It is a tool to keep me dedicated to her my not allowing infidelity or pleasuring myself.

She then said she wanted to try out the penis sleeve I bought next time. I said sure, fucking her with a numb dick last time was actually awesome for me and fit the denial aspect well. I also said that she also had the power to punish me if I cum without permission. "Like spanking?" Well, ya, but there are many other things you could do too.

Overall it was a good conversation. I think it was a successful effort to sway her into participation in the future.
I'll just keep being patient.

 

Yep, definitely need to go down a ring size. I’m having sinus trouble, and sneezed so hard over lunch that I backed a nut through. Still half a day of work and a 25 minute drive to go before the situation can be fixed...

 

So I sat here in my desk chair, and about an hour and a half later, there must have been just the right squeeze on things. All of a sudden there was that sharp pain you guys probly know, and it went back through all by itself. So, I’m good to go again...until the next catastrophic sneeze.

 

I was granted permission to speak and ask questions about being locked-up last night for the first time in a few weeks. I started with stating that I needed to make some adjustments to my equipment, which meant I was asking permission to buy another one...Permission granted. Okay, step one went easy....now one to a more delicate topics.

Let her know that I had been full-time on my own for quite a while. "Even at work?" Yes. I had initially promised her I would not wear it to work. I said I only take it off for overnight company, to clean and shave, if I get a sore, or for her in the event of intimacy. She said is still just seemed wrong and a little gross. I again explained that it was a devotion to her, and that I thought of it as another wedding ring. I told her it kept her always on my mind.

And the tears started, but not for what you would think. "Well, I don't even have one wedding ring right now, and you are wearing two." (Hers needs to have three prongs fixed and sized up so she can get it on her slightly plumper than it used to be finger). I asked if the wedding ring symbolism was at all flattering, and she admitted she did feel flattered by the thought.

At that point she said the conversation was over. She just need to be done with that topic for the night. So we left it at that. I got up this morning and wrote her the following email because I wanted to finish my thoughts from last night.

"I still feel terrible for making you cry. I know you said it was about your ring, but I started the conversation and am more than willing to take the blame. I am very sorry for my lie, and deceiving you. I would like to further explain, though.

Yes, I have been full time for a while now. I do take it off when we have overnight guests. I take it off to clean and shave. I do take it off for a day or so every now-and-then if it starts to rub and get sore. Otherwise, the only other time it comes off is at your instruction for intimacy.

For what it is worth, in my mind you are already controlling the keys, if only verbally. This is fine with me, and I am not asking you to change that. The keys are yours to take freely whenever you want. Cleaning can be done easily daily without removal because it is made of stainless steel. So should I not have the ability to remove it for quite some time, if keys happen to disappear, it will not be an issue unless one of the other situations above comes up.

For you to think about, below is the hottest set of texts you have ever sent me in one day. I was locked that day, so you had my attention in a new way I had not ever felt. With some teasing, even just mental, your power over me to get whatever you want could be limitless.
-


I am always more than willing to talk more about this, but will speak no more of it unless you bring it up, or am given permission.



I just wanted to finish my thoughts from last night.



Devotedly yours,
Sunshine"

And that is where I left it.

 

Seems like this last week has been a popular one for a lot of submissives on here to learn some lessons on relationship dynamics the hard way. Add me to that list.

I took the day off Friday for a stay home day with my mistress, as school is about to let out for the summer and that will stretch the next opportunity until fall. I asked her the night before if she had any special requests or instructions for morning after the kids are gone. She said, "Be prepared for anything." Which means I need to be unlocked and available. She is still non-participant in chastity, as in wants nothing to do with it...exact words, "It is gross."

Naturally, I did the dumbest thing possible, and created confrontation by coming back to bed still locked. We still played, she was pleasured with toys, and I was untouched. I asked if I could take my shorts off. NO. So on I played. I experienced a new incredibly pleasurable discomfort. Her dick was trying to bust out as I used her big vibe on her while she used her little one on her clit. I got to be down there to see it moving in and out. It was truly a different experience to participate in while locked. I can't wait until it happens again some day.

I was sure to tell her it was not because I didn't want to have PIV with her. She said, "Ya, but it feels like you were forcing me to deal with it. It is gross." She was right, that was my play. She then said, "As punishment you need to take it off for the rest of the day." So I did.

I took her to the nearest big town for the day. We had a burger at a resturaunt we had both been wanting to try. Got a new phone for our daughter, as her 4 year old phone pooped out. Then I took her shopping, and got her a couple outfits. She even admits I am better at picking out clothes for her than she is. I remained unlocked the whole day and overnight.

It payed off. The next morning I woke her up with gentle messaging. Soon she had no bottoms. I asked if I could be naked too. "It depends, are there any extra appliances attached to you?" With a hardy no, off came the shorts. This again turned into a session of toys only being used on her, as she enjoyed it so much the previous morning. I asked if her dick was being replaced, and she said she still likes it, but today it was not what she wanted. I told her that if she ever told me to be prepared for anything again, I would not make that mistake again.

 

No real progress to report as far as winning my wife over to hold my key, so I'll just give a rundown of the week. I got a new cage Monday, which I really like.
I upset Beautiful on Wed night with a comment. This resulted in her writing me an email bitching me out. I ask permission to write a letter back and she granted it. I wrote an apology with a list of several pledges I have made to her. At the end of the day we were on good terms again.
Friday morning she was clearly "looking" for me, but I had to go to work. That night...yep, she wanted me. I was given the instruction that when I went to bed to prepare myself accordingly, which means be unlocked. Romance ensued. I messaged her feet and legs while kissing them. Every now and then she would take my balls in her hand, which would stop me cold from what ever I was doing. Eventually she said it was time for me to be inside her. Anticipation got the best of me, and I became ruined inside the condom, still soft, and never entering her. It is embarrassing to not be able to please her the way she wants. I was then instructed to use her large vibe to fuck her. She did not reach orgasm, but had to stop short due to a cramp in her butt-cheek. This ended the night. She went back down stairs to watch TV. I locked back up and went to sleep.

 

Thank you very much, Ma'am.

 

A shift in direction/dynamic is at hand. More detail tomorrow night.

 

I would like to start by saying what a great resource/community this is. I have had some very helpful conversations lately that have helped me see things in a new way. Based on that I approached my wife the other night to have a conversation about our relationship, to which she agreed. I explained to her what I had learned here and that I was wrong in the way I was treating her sometimes. I told her that I realized I had expectations of her that were, well, based on the fantasy version of a FLR. What I need to be doing was what she needs me to be doing for her. Anything else has no value to her, so will not help us move forward.

She stopped me and asked how I thought the relationship was going...which scared me, seemed like a loaded question. I cautiously answered, "I think well". She came back with, "I really like it." Holy crap, what a relief. Thinking back on it since it means more and more to me each time I think back to it. I went on and explained that I had a made some good connections here that have really helped, and had even extended an invitation to her. She said she would consider it. I closed out the conversation by asking if she had any change in mind set about me being locked. "No."

I pondered it the next day and conferred with a few folks here. It became clear it is time for me to unlock for her. When I got home I unlocked. A while later when it happened our kids were outside, I told her I had done so to follow her lead. I said maybe someday there will be a time when it is right, but that would be up to her. She said, "It is your body." I replied that it is more important to me to honor her wishes and follow her lead.

 

Well...June went by in a blaze of vanilla life since my last post above. I coach youth baseball, so between that, company, and umpiring every night at an all week tournament. Our anniversary was in the middle of all that, but due to her cycle, there was nothing more than dinner as a celebration. We didn't even get each other gifts. Follow that with a week away on vacation, it lands the time-line on this past Saturday night when we returned home.

One back-step...Beautiful and I have had conversations over the last few weeks where I apologized for my focus on her falling away terribly, and not serving her as I should. She down played it, saying I was really busy with baseball and to not worry about it. I thanked her, but could not accept it in my own mind.

Back to Saturday.
When we got home I was ready for a shower after two days in a car. I grabbed some "relax time" clothes and a cage. I trimmed and shaved, washed, and locked back up. After, I wrote her the following email.

--Happy Late Anniversary
To my Dearest,

Thank you for sticking with me for another year, and putting up with my hopeless romantic efforts. You mean the world to me, and I can’t wait to see you everyday. I love the sexy and silly texts you send me, they let me know that you think of me all the time too. I feel like we are closer now than we have been in years, and I thank you for trying my ideas for pulling us closer to each other. I believe it is working well.

I also know that my focus lately has not been on you as it should be. I am very sorry for that, and I hope you give me the chance to make it up to you. I pledge to you that I am renewing my commitment to your happiness. I will serve you however you would like, and as you command.

I know you do not approve, but I did lock myself after my shower tonight to help get my mind back to serving you. Please don’t be angry, as I believe it does help my focus. It would make me very happy to stay this way to serve and pleasure you, the only pleasure I need is to be allowed to pleasure you. If you asked for the keys I will proudly hand them over to you as your slave. If you choose to allow me to stay locked by not reacting and ignoring it, I would still gladly serve you just the same. If you disapprove and order me to remove it, I will do as you wish.

I do hope for a chance to prove myself to you by serving you. I would also like to have some time to talk about these things and cuddle and pamper you whenever you are up to it. I would love to give you a long full body massage, because you deserve it. I would then kiss every inch of you, and please you however you wish.

I love you very much, my Mistress.

I am here to serve you always.


Love, your Sunshine."

I then told her I had sent her a mushy email she probly would not like.
She read it and said, "That was just right, my kind of mushy."

Not another word was said. We have not had any conversations on this or any other intimate topics since then, so here I sit. Locked.

 

Had a great heart-to-heart late last night. After many years we are still learning more about each other. With our crazy schedule lately, it turns out she really misses me in terms of intimacy too. It felt great to hear that. She also said she felt she had been neglecting me romantically, and felt guilty about it. I thanked her and reliever her of guilt by saying I am always willing to wait for her. She asked what she could do for me, and I said she only has to allow me to please her.

We talked quite a bit about our FLR as well, and I explained who I was trying to be for her and that I will always be trying to be better to her. We also talked quite a while about chastity. I again supplied logic as to why I was doing this to myself, and that she may never have a use for it...I got interupted..."I didn't say never. Just not now." Well alright, then. I also explained so theoretical situation where she could use sex/chastity to maintain her power over me in different ways. Mental teasing, physical denial, punishment, etc... This actually got her attention even more.

All-in-all it was a great conversation, and this is by no means a reflection of everything that was said.
I've never felt closer to her.

 

Last night she was very transparent that she wanted some action. We both bathed and shaved (seperately), and returned to the living room to wait for the kids to go to bed. When she came out of her bath she said she was too hot for m the bath. I gave her a couple minutes then knelt before her to rub her feet. She pushed me away and said she was still too hot, or we would already be in bed....All right then.

Victory for the night - I was not given any instruction to unlock ahead of time. Usually I am instructed to "be prepared for anything." No instruction was given.

When we did finally make our way up, I went a few minutes ahead of her and waited kneeling on the floor. she came up and said, "What are you doing?" I replied that I was trying to be respectful of her as my Mistress. She told me no more of that, and to wait on the bed from now on. OK

We laid down and began to play. She reached up to my hand behind her head and started playing with the wedding ring on my finger. It wasn't her intent, but it put me in sub-space. This is the first time I have experienced this. It was very sensual having her touching what has bound us together, and how it now is a symbol of belonging to her...even if only in my own mind.

She often reaches for her mini bullet vibe for her clit. She often ends up putting herself over the edge, and I begged her to be careful as I wanted to stretch this session out and pleasure her for a long time. Then the conversation went like this:
Her: I just want something inside me.
Me: Do you want me?
Her: maybe
Me: do you want a big toy or me?
Her: You won't last long enough.
So I grabbed our big vibe and slid it in, and she kept on with the bullet. Again, asked her to be careful about getting to wound up...nope, she got wound up and ended up with muscle spasms....

She did lay there and cuddle for a while. She then did the typical thing and got dressed and headed down stairs to watch TV. On her way out she thanked me for letting her have all the attention. I told her I am always willing to do that.

It was a great night.

 

During the day yesterday my wife and I started exchanging dirty texts whil I was a work. One being a gif from her saying basically she wants to do me...Great! the texts went on for quite a while, and by the time I got home we were both obviously wound up. Hit a speed bump as supper did not agree with her. I ended up going to bed alone, but unlocked per her instruction. Another instruction I was given was to hide her toys so she can't push herself too far with them as she often does.

About 2:30a a beautiful naked woman woke me up with kisses. She said, "Let's just do thee fucking now, and the kissing later." Since I had not been touched in any way myself since early to mid June...didn't have to tell me twice. I lubed up with so numbing cream and a condom, and dove in. We went at it for quite a while, and eventually she said it was time for me to pull out as her hip was getting sore.

We cleaned up, as some cream had gotten on her pussy too. She then said she wanted something big and hard in her, and for me to get her big toy. I did and fucked you with it for a while. I was still really numb, so she fondled my shaft as I used the vibe on her knowing I could not feel her.

Eventually she hit a threshold of enjoyment and decided she was ready to stop. She rolled over and said, "You never did come, did you?"
No, Ma'am.
"Hmmm, it is almost like I used you."
No, Ma'am, you did use me.
"Ya, well, you loved it and you know it."

I can't argue that point.

 

Well, turns out I got in trouble. Yesterday morning when my wife was waking up I asked if she would like me to please her. She said know, only a backrub. So I rubbed her back for a while, then I started kissing down her spine. Then I pulled down her jammy pants and panties. "What are you doing?" I did not reply. I started kissing at the waiste line and down each cheek. she let it go on for about 15 seconds before pulling her clothes back up quickly. "Stop it." I guess I really didn't think that much of the encounter.

She did seem a little distant during the day, but I did not know just how much until bed time. I walked in and... "I'm still mad at you. This morning I asked you for a backrub, and you pulled my clothes down and started kissing my ass. You need to not touch me for a while. Every time I tried to get comfortable to sleep last night you were handsy and kept waking me up. Just don't touch me for a while."

Ouch. She was completely right. I had defied my own commitment to her to not touch her inappropriately without permission. I apologized, as that is all I could do. I asked if she intended to punish me, she said no. I told her again how sorry I was. I then told her that in the future if I am just not listening, not obeying, she can grab my balls and squeeze if she wants. I told her that if she gives an instruction in that manner it would get followed. "Hmmm."

I asked if I should wake her in th normal way in the morning, by rubbing her feet and legs. "No, do not touch me while I am sleeping."

Sorry, ma'am.

I likely have a long week ahead of me.