I was rejected 2 nights ago citing (too much pressure), she asked and received service yesterday morning, and I got rejected this am. That folks, is a rejection sandwich...and I'm definitely starting to feel "needy", which is perfect. When I asked her why she would reject me in the evening and then be looking for an orgasm 8 hours later she said "because it was my choice". How perfect. Yes, I'm enabling this behavior, but...she is seeming a bit more comfortable being the "Goddess who bestows all pleasure and relief"...at least for now. I have my orgasm calendar built and will share it with her once when I get maybe one more month into it. I think she will love the idea of trying to be more "equal". Sorry I am not coming from the standpoint of "serious chastity" right now. I think to some extent for us that may end up being "play". I feel like we may both be getting a lot of what we need with me simply on an honor system. But we'll see. Don't throw me off of the site!!!
Lets see, dependent on wife’s approval before affection is given or received...check, no cage...check, and receiving mixed signals...check, Yep, sounds like you’re married. Don’t worry about doing it right or wrong, if you’re both having fun, it is what it is.
It's great you are giving her some True Control It's great she is playing the way she wants. Just a mild caution, it seems we guys love to keep calendars, set records, sort of make it more complex of a game. In my experience, many woman don't enjoy that or even want to see or know about that. It might take away from her feeling like she's in charge and making up the game. And pretty likely she won't want the work of maintaining the calendar either. Maybe your wife will love it, but you might consider letting her keep making the decisions and don't make the chastity play any more complicated than that. Or, you might just leave it as a gentle verbal comment, "I'm pretty sure you are getting more X than me the last few weeks" or something like that. Keeping score isn't generally sexy to women I suspect.
You seem to be having two different sets of expectations. To fix this you need to stop. Get a written agreement about how this will work for both sides. Your expecting something. Are you allowed to expect something? Are you allowed to ask? Did you have an agreed schedule? Do you have a copy of your agreement? Did you agree on terms at all? If you have expectations that where not written down it was a error on your part. You can not expect her her to meet and keep a rule she never saw. I bet she is thinking everything is fine based on what her rules are. Did you have a written agreement that you went over point by point. This sort of agrangement is no one place to not be very clear on expectations.
I would ditch the orgasm calendar idea as well as the score-keeping. My wife would just say "This was your idea" in response to any of that stuff.
While my KH has made me write out the expectations for how things will be along with what some of the punishments should I break the rules, she is flexible within her own rules where and when she wants to be. Others may be very strict with their calendars and arrangements while some take it day by day expecting nothing necessarily for themselves at any particular time.
Thanks for the reply...I've mentioned in some other posts that sex and power exchange play is pretty low on our list of priorities right now. I'm on a self directed honor system with some lock up time because I am trying to improve our marriage, and because I find it kinky and interesting. So, we have no contract, rules, or schedule. Plus, sadly, my wife does not drink from a "man tears" mug...she's reasonably vanilla / submissive. We play different games and themes but not right now. I'm just trying to cede control to her gently and make her feel confident that she can say no and feel no expectations from me. The last time I totally gave up masturbating i also heaped a lot on her and I am attempting to correct that in this new start. Going very well so far with the exception that due to her work and emotional situation its really not play. But its forcing me to really focus on the giving and lowering expectations aspects, which is good for me. Make sense?
I told her about "the sandwich" yesterday, reminding her playfully that she denied me, got hers, and then rejected me again. She said "Isn't that great!...anyway you love it!"...she's right.
sounds awesome. Even if she isn't really in the mood to play all the time she is at least having fun denying you