Regarding Reluctance to Take Charge of the Keys

Comunication is the key i think. I have tried to reinforce the idea with my mrs, that the game is only fun if she likes it as well. And the stricter she is the more I will like it.

 

completely agree! Talk, talk and talk some more!
Not everyone is as open about having fetishes, so they may feel embarrassed to admit it, even if you are telling them you feel the same. I was lucky as it was my madam who introduced chastity to our lifestyle, and it was her insistence that it should be 24/7.

 

I don’t get why anyone would be reluctant to hold the key when they can unlock and use the contents whenever they want. Maybe they feel it’s emasculating to their man which could be a turnoff for a woman. It also puts more responsibility on the female to initiate things and many women are reluctant to initiate sex. Honestly, I hate initiating sex with Mistress. I much prefer to be the passive partner.

 

Don't wear a device

 

To me I can never understand why my wife is reserved in holding the key. She does but I feel it’s to please me. However in chastity I am offering her total sexual honest which surely is the most pure gift a man can give?

 

The only reluctance on Mrs Chaste part is letting me have orgasms! Once she got her hands on the "keys to me" there was no way I was getting them back!

 

My Wife wouldn't hold keys as she thinks devices are weird, and that if I'm in chastity I should simply do want she wants.

 

The keys belong to your keyholder. Just because they're in easy reach doesn't mean you're allowed to use them
Compare your own usage of the key to shoplifting or finding a strangers wallet.

 

Reluctance is due to all the other baggage that can come with us being caged and inevitably - wanting to be toyed with and managed. Sometimes she prefers to be badgered for the odd quickie rather than the 'chore' of teasing and denying!

 

My Wife has expressed a desire to no longer hold my keys.

I am disappointed but of course will defer to Her

I have no desire to unlock myself unless She tells me to, so that part of chastity won't change

 

Obviously it sounds like you need to have a conversation about what "owning" you means for you vs. what it means for her, and go from there.

'Playing this game' (as you put it) may mean that for her it's more about obedience, service, honesty and/or true submission--as it is for me, although I don't consider it a 'game' at all, but rather a lifestyle--than about whether the key is accessible to you or not.

 

I hold my husband's keys and have done so for several months but it's only recently that I came to appreciate my role as a keyholder. The main reason for this is that my husband has had a very clear understanding of what he thought chastity was - and I didn't. So when I was trying to figure out what I could do he was getting frustrated because I kept 'overthinking' my role. I finally told him that, unlike him, I didn't have this whole thing worked out down to the last detail so I needed to find my own way in it (which is what I've been doing over the past several months). We agreed that my orgasms are his way of enjoying intimacy - and now I feel a lot less doubtful about my role as a keyholder. Early days, I know, but I think we've had a shift in the right direction.

What I'm trying to say here @tecolote is that your wife might have to spend some time figuring out the details of her role. And her view of her role might not be your view - and you'll need to decide if that's something you two can live with or negotiate around.

 

Respectfully, is it a gift that keeps on giving? Or taking?

 

Wonderful post, so happy for you two!

 

My wife wasn't shy about saying that she didn't want the key. When I first showed her the chastity cage, she said it looked painful and uncomfortable, and she didn't like the idea of me wearing it. Later she said okay, occasionally. Now she doesn't mind so much, but still only when she approves.

So far as the keys, she doesn't want to touch the cage or the keys. Last night we talked briefly, and it came up. She'd recently joked about telling other people that I wear it, and asked how I'd feel if she told someone. I told her it would be embarrassing, but that it's not my decision. It was an occasion to bring the key up again, so last night I reminded her about her comments, and asked how she felt about wearing or carrying a small key, like a TSA-size padlock one (she doesn't like the 2" key that came with the chastity device). She said that's something she'd think about doing. She said she's happy to put one on her keychain.

Wearing one, we discussed, is more symbolic and our secret in public. She's not opposed.

Her other reservation with taking the keys is the implications if the device needed to be removed for any reason. It makes sense to her, and to me as well, that I have a means of removing it should I need to; consequently I have the keys.

I'm also abroad frequently; I'm thousands of miles from home right now, in a hotel room, and if the cage is going on, I have to be the one to put it on and take it off. It's still her choice, of course, but by necessity I have the key. She will be wearing a symbolic one.

 

Wow.

Seems rather like a base jump while someone tosses a parachute in the same general direction. I hope it works out.

 

My wife was initially very enthusiastic about chastity as I was. We both saw it as a sex game. She has little feeling in her hands so she always instructed me to lock-up. Usually in the morning. Back then we worked together from home. She would tease me during the day by being flirty or revealing body parts. At some point she would unlock me and we would have sex. This was always the same day and sometimes as early as lunchtime. When I broached the idea of going beyond these lock-ups measured in hours she became resistant and didn't want to go there. When I questioned her on it she saw the cage as being painful and mean. She didn't want to be "responsible" for being mean to me. Ultimately we created an app on her phone that set my lock-up time. It was a wheel of fortune type app with the shortest being 8 hours and the longest being (gasp) 72 hours. We had another wheel app that had mainly things for her interspersed with things for me. When I say things for her it was like "do a load of laundry" (she used to do all the laundry) or she gets a massage. Things for me were like a tease and denial session. I think by making it a game it gave her time to get comfortable with it in a non-threatening way. It also allowed me to provide positive feedback to her about the experience. The lock-up time wheel grew until I eventually did a full week. As we were coming to the end of the week she asked me how I was doing and how I liked how things were going. I told her I was very happy and that I loved everything we were doing. I also told her that I was troubled by the fact that I thought she was limited by the wheel and that she should feel entitled to demand these things when she wanted as opposed to relying on a wheel to get them. I was referring to just the benefits wheel, but she took the comment to heart on both. That was the day we began our transition from chastity as a game to a FLR with chastity as a component. It has been a far from perfect journey as you know @telcote. Never the less she has never been shy about holding and maintaining control of the keys through out that process. I think without that "fun" gradual break-in period, she wouldn't have embraced that level of control.

 

My wife doesn't yet get the whole chastity thing. I have said that I like the physical sensation of being caged, like someone is gently holding and pulling down on my penis / testicles. Her main comment so far is that "I must be getting something out of it to be doing it", probably based on my comment about the enjoyment of the cage itself.

I guess I haven't actually spoken about the discomfort an erection / attempted erection causes, but I am trying to stay away from porn or other thoughts that would lead to one. But equally, its not wholly unpleasant either as its a reminder of what I can't do.

Her concern is the physical well-being of me, that I don't damage myself or worse, incur an injury that leads to an inability to perform. Neither of us want that.

As with most things in life, its a marathon, not a sprint so to go at a pace that is comfortable for her is best for us.

Sen

 

Did she say why?

 

She struggles with my kinks and has a hard time being dominant.
She didn't like when I would ask for the key when I needed to either tighten the screw or take ut off briefly (for non serial reasons)

 

Non sexual reasons

 

My wife wanted absolutely nothing to do with chastity or anything else for that matter. She refused to talk about it, she refused to try and understand it, she was completely against anything kinky at all. It was this way for for many years, and it was very frustrating and depressing.

About 4 years ago I was on a forum and met a husband and wife that live a 24/7 flr and the wife and I spent hours chatting. The long and short of it was I was making it all about me. I decided I had two choices, I either had put all the kinks down and be willing to accept my wife for who she was, or I had to move on from the marriage.

So I put them all down and focused all my energy on being the best husband I could be. I did this with zero expectations and threw most of my kink related stuff away. I was willing to get rid of everything but she wanted to keep a few things. Over the last 4 years things have changed remarkably, and most of these changes have happened in the last year.

Today my wife is a completely different person. She is now a very strong and assertive women in her everyday life, and is actively participating in the lifestyle. I never initiate or push anything on her ever. However when my wife introduces something new she is now willing to talk about how it, and how I envision this type of play to be.

She now has me locked for as long as she would like. And she thoroughly enjoys when I plea for my release, and she is ever so willing to deny it. She has indeed made this her own with some solicited input from me. In the last 6 months she has accelerated her dominance and has me wondering what the hell I have done! She has decided there are a lot of things that I needed to change, and it takes an incredible amount of effort on my part to make those changes. Be careful what you wish for gentleman you might just get it!

She has decided there was a lot of things that need to change and she has invested a considerable