Reducing Mistress management responsibilities & stress

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by b2please, Dec 17, 2016.

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  1. b2please
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    b2please A fun and powerful game!

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    Over years of experimental chastity play, two things have most often caused our chastity experiments to end suddenly.
    1. Keyholder tires of the daily responsibility/ tires of the very unequal status.
    2. I start feeling abandoned (which is mostly my problem to figure out). Usually when she's had an over abundance of fun sex for 3-5 days, and loses all interest in the "chastity game".

    This note is mainly about #1, and how I seem to be lucking into an idea that is working, at least for now. I'm only in day 5 of a very fun lockup, but it just got extended a couple days. At least for me, having any kind of a goal, like 30 days, usually backfires.

    We've tried so many interesting things with chastity play, that are always super hot, fun and sexy for at least a few days, and sometimes a couple weeks.

    I am more kinky, and she is a very busy adventurous person. She will try most things, and make the best of them, in whatever spontaneous way she finds authentic to her, or interesting enough to try.

    I would say our most common chastity game is 1-4 days, where she gets a lot of great sex, and I get deeper and deeper into my submissive chastity state, thinking it's an amazing adventure. And then it suddenly ends when she removes the device for sex, and has no big desire to get it reinstalled, or she removes it just because she's a bit tired of it (thinking about it, thinking about when she wants to unlock it, thinking about how to tease/ motivate me while I'm locked up).

    A month ago, we had a really hot week, and it ended suddenly, when I was thinking it would be really hot to be kept this way for a month!. And she commented she can start to feel lonely. She misses the equal relationship and her equal partner and wants him back. This was the first time she articulated that, and I found that really interesting and compelling. She has often commenting on feeling the keyholder role as an additional responsibility she has to be in a certain mood to be up to the job. I have tried many ideas to make it less stressful, but this lonliness- wow, that sounds real.

    This innovation:
    What seems different this time is

    a. I try to be her equal partner
    I'm acting 95% as my normal, equal partner self, except we both know I'm in chastity, and she hints at a couple things she'd like done, and sex is certainly very different when I'm in chastity. But I have many ways of pleasing her, and years ago came up with the idea that one of my goals in chastity is "To strive to make her normally great sex even better when I'm in chastity". Which has gone pretty well.

    b. The key is out of reach for 2 days at a time, and she doesn't have to think about or manage that, unless she wants to extend it, and today she did.
    Instead of playing the fun game of begging for release and her being strong or strict and saying "no way, I like this better." I locked myself up, and set the key up on a timer release system for a couple days. During sex, she asked when the key is available, and I said not til tomorrow. She said good, and we had great sex. She didn't ask me to relock or stay out when the key becomes available, she left that to me.

    So last night we're having fun sex and she says when is the key available? And I said Noon tomorrow and 4p two days after that, for one minute each. She said, good, so all I have to do is distract you for those 2 minutes, and then I keep you as you are. I didn't even respond.

    So today, she did indeed start making out with me, telling me I was not going to the garage to the key box, and it was so sensuous. After making out for 5 minutes or so in the kitchen, she mentions a few things about the weekend, and went to do some writing.

    So she doesn't have to worry about when will I/ should I/ get out. Often she would unlock me for sex, and loose interest in the game after being satisfied.

    Details:
    How do we lock the key away?
    > There are various apps for phones. I use photo time lock using a Master Key Box and the phone. It just took a few tries a year ago to learn a good process for taking a photo of the combo, and locking the key away for a preset time. But this method opens the combo and keeps it open when the time arrives.
    > The key box we have that is open for 1 min. every 2 days was a home made key safe project. Very sturdy wooden box, 7 day appliance timer, electronic "Strike" that is activated (like an automatic door a security guard opens by pushing a button). And the inside is big enough for a Master key safe, so there can be even more complexity. Anyway, she was kissing me while the 1 minute passed today, so I didn't go to the garage, and now it's a couple more days to the next minute, and she asked to know the schedule.
     
  2. Vinny
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    Vinny Locked up again. Starting year 6.

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    We learned early on that being a key holder can become a chore. We had chastity contracts and my wife felt like a prison warden. We tend to forget that we are locked up and constantly reminded of our chastity and lack of orgasms. Our KH are not thinking about it all the time like we are. In fact they may only think of it during sex.

    We simplified being a KH like this;

    - only one rule: My wife makes all the rules, does not have to tell me and can change them without prior notice.
    - I gave my word that I will make sure that I lock myself up at all times so she never has to check or struggle to lock me up anymore.
    - I will not masturbate while locked up or not.
    - We will not let anything take control away from my wife, like games or chastity contracts. She is the only one who decides when I get to orgasm. * for the first 4 years we negotiated the minimum number of orgasm I would get but not when. The reason for this is that my wife truly does not need my penis since we have not had intercourse in over 20 year and prefers to play for the girls team rather than the men's. My wife warned me that if I leave it up to her I would never orgasm so we negotiated. She always started at zero but each year we negotiated a few orgasms but less than the year before. For 2017 I no longer have a say in the number of my orgasms.
    - My wife's control over me is strictly for sex. I will not try to turn her into something she is not. Our marriage runs the same as always unless she wants to change that.

    This is what has worked for us and my wife's KH duties are simply giving me the key when I need it for a valid reason and having orgasms. She does enjoy teasing and edging me so we do not need a rule for that. :)

    Enjoy and glad to see that you have worked on making key holding less like a job and more like fun.
     
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  3. jbleisure
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    jbleisure Member

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    @b2please Thanks for your post.

    We had the same issue with her feeling additional responsibility a couple of months ago. We had a long conversation where we put forward ideas for how we could adapt the 'game' we play and continue keeping me locked in a way she could enjoy more ( she already enjoyed it, but just didn't like the feeling of feeling all the responsibility). The main things that came out of that:

    Was we use the kitchen safe timer regularly now
    I do not pester her for teasing or release
    I manage, and then afterwards share with her, any feelings of being 'left alone' when she's busy with other demands/responsibilities

    We may also be introducing a rule for me that I just automatically lock the key for a period of days without having to be told that...this will probably come in soon.

    It's changed things in a very positive way...I've been locked WAY more than before...pretty much entirely for the past 5 of 6 weeks.
    She is enjoying it MUCH more; really laughing at my frustration. At the beginning of that period, just when we'd had this conversation to adapt things for her benefit...she gave me a date of 5th December (which would have been one calendar month) when I could come. In that month she gave me my first ever ruined orgasms and then just didn't acknowledge the month end but several days later allowed me to come in her...left me out of the cage for nearly two days..wanted a lot of PIV sex but wouldn't let me come. To be honest I had expected a lot of PIV sex that weekend of being unlocked but had also expected to be allowed to come several times...apart from the first ejaculation inside her ( which she then made me eat out of her) - she didn't let me come...in fact on the second day of unlock after I had been repeatedly been asking/begging to be allowed to come she said sternly "OK stop asking now" and "don't be greedy". Shortly after that she locked me again and I've been there ever since.
     
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  4. Ashley777
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    Ashley777 Active member

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    We find that adding more teasing of EACH OTHER in helps us both stay interested. Plain chastity can get kind of old quickly especially for him because he is the one locked in it. The female doesn't have anything different really but he does. Someone on here had the idea of a probably already well known dice game. He rolls a dice and has to perform oral sex on her that many times before he gets out. That keeps him courting her which most women do enjoy. For the right woman, the challenge is if she really wants penetration. She now has to wait in some ways just like him, so in that way you are sort of both involved in the game if you will. You still get his tongue and depending on your interest that is great but maybe not enough. We find if you can get some little game like that to keep us both involved it helps, at least for us.
     
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  5. Happy wifes matter
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    Happy wifes matter Long term member

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    We too seem to have the same problem . The first three or four days are exciting with me pleasing her and her teasing me . It usually ends with her wanting penetration and after she could care less weather I relock . The last time she unlocked me for sex we had sex again that morning and again that night . She was then getting tired of it and wanted me relocked . She doesn't always get off from oral so I'm usually the one wanting to do it . More than she wants it done . The same way for vibrators. It takes her a long time to cum and usually gets board or numb before Cumming . I would like to make it more of a game for her than another job. But her favorite way to cum is from getting on top and riding. I would like to keep my frustration buzz longer but when I'm unlocked it seems I have no control over my dick . I used desensitizing spray last night and thought it was going to work but after she rode me for about ten minutes . She had 2 orgasoms and I tried to hold out even numbed I couldn't so today I have to post orgasom hang over . How do I get her intrigued in mabe truined orgasoms or just stopping after she has came . She always wants me to come . But I would like to at least like to try to go two weeks without . I love the buzz !!
     
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  6. b2please
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    b2please A fun and powerful game!

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    Of course most women really want to please their man! And are conditioned that this involves making them orgasm at the end. They don't WANT to be "cruel". So even with lots of communication attempts, it can be slow to convince your lover that you really CRAVE denial for longer periods, and despite what you say in the moment, she'll really be pleasing you if she denies you multiple sex sessions in a row. There are mixed signals from us guys! and it's hard for her to be sure HOW to play and to enjoy ENJOYING playing her role of denying orgasms. (At least for us, it took quite a while to experiment and communicate lots and really better understand each other)

    She may think it's too cruel to deny a momentary orgasm that you clearly want so much. So you have to explain that you want her EVEN MORE to deny it and keep you in a state of slight sexual frustration. And that doing what your partner wants and fantasizes about cannot be cruel or mean.
     
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  7. JiL
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    JiL servitude4u

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    My KH also said she was having trouble with mixed signals from me, so our approach to this is constantly in flux and being retuned. I am also looking for ways to keep her engaged in the process. Expecting nothing right now and giving all I can is the best I can hope for until things become clearer. She has all the control.
     
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