I have recently introduced her to my desire to be dominated by her in and outside the bedroom and chastity of course. She’s been nervous a lot when trying to do stuff in the bedroom, she just doesn’t seem as devoted as I am towards learning about this stuff. I’ll send her stuff to read to help her and she doesn’t read it. (Says she forgets) she will do things like leave my chastity keys at home with me while I’m alone (no not a test, just genuinely forgets) or she will cave into me when asking to have it taken off if she asks if I want it off. Idk how to help her, I feel like she doesn’t care but says she does. I don’t bug her about it bc I don’t want her to think I’m pressuring her but it’s like she doesn’t on her own time take the time to read up about this stuff and understand what it is to be a dom. Are there any doms in here who were really timid about this stuff at first? And if so what helped you?
The good news is that she's open to the idea. This is leagues ahead of a lot of guys who want this. The best advice is probably patience. I have similar issues with my wife. You can gently remind her that you are still interested in the idea, and hope that she comes around. It will likely happen very slowly. No matter how slow you go, you are still pushing her into unfamiliar territory. It's probably best for both of you to move in small increments. One day, the dam may burst, and you might suddenly find yourself being pushed into unfamiliar territory by her. Or maybe that will never happen. Count your blessings that she's willing to try something new at all. Lots of lovers won't try new things at all....
Yeah I mean it’s not like she forgets I asked her to do it. I just feel she doesn’t take initiative herself to figure things out about it. Idk I feel like I’m topping from the bottom y’know? I don’t know how to come off without sounding inconsiderate or like an asshole. But yeah.
My wife was similar to start with. I realised I had to make it attractive to her! So I became very attentive and would do as much as I could for her! After a month or so I took the cage off and stopped being so helpful! She noticed and said I need to be in my cage!
It means a huge change by the way! We were at a wedding recently and my wife was tipsy and I probably was too! She was telling a story and got a bit of the tale wrong so I corrected her. All was fine and people laughed. On the way home in the cab my wife was quiet and I asked if she was alright? Yes she said. When we got home she really had a go at me! How dare I over talk her! Remember my place and the next time you will be punished! Not sure how I will be punished yet!
Your one step (possibly two... even 3?) further along than she is. She has accepted you wearing it but your past the next step of her actually owning the key and controlling it... your onto doing kinky things and pestering for the key back. In her eyes it’s complicated and confusing and, in my experience of people encountering something like that, they ether throw them selves into it (and accept they will make mistakes) or show little interest as they are scared to get it wrong. Slow down Talk to her Reset everything back to the start and keep it simple. Ignore all the written stuff you have sent and especially your expectations. It’s her key to do as she wants. I’d suggest the only two things you ask of her are, to lock you up immediately after she’s let you out for what ever reason and not to give you the key unless for cleaning (say, twice per week). Then have patience If she will read something, I’d suggest this: https://denyingthumper.com/2015/08/05/keyholding-101/ Just my advice
Why not log on here, and pass your phone or laptop over to your GF and let her take a look through the key holders section, sure she would find it very helpful.
So, the thing is that some women are going to get hung up on this idea. It's related to feeling unloved, because they think that the cage is like cheating your emotions. Like they aren't 'good enough' to get the perfect man without this cheat. And I guess it is a cheat, in a way. But it's a cheat that will only work for your one and only queen. The thing is that you need to emphasize that thing that you would like to give her is only being given because of your deep love and trust of her. Maybe it's also serving a kink of yours, but it's not something that you would offer to just anyone for your own kicks. You can only offer it to her because of deep emotional ties that are already there for her. Equate it to something your wife only trusted you with after you earned her trust. Maybe this is something sexual like oral sex, but it could also be a painful memory of hers, introducing you to family she's ashamed of, or...whatever. The idea is that at some point, she let you in on something that gave you some power over her (such as the power to break her heart). And now you are giving her power to actively shape you in her ideal image. And just because a tool is involved, it's not a magic wand. Even if someone else had your key, your wife is the only one who can actually use this tool effectively. This tool... It's like fucking Excalibur! To anyone else, it's just a sword in the stone, but for the rightful queen, the one and only queen, it gives her the power to claim her rightful place upon the throne.
Don't Top from the bottom, it sounds like you could be. You've told her how much it means to you. So put it on and keep it on until she tells you to take it off. Even if she doesn't seem to be on board do not take it off in frustration. After all it means so much for you to be caged so show her. It will be on your mind 98% of the time and on hers 1% if your lucky. Don't keep going on and on about it and smother her. Actions speak louder than words so show her what a good boy it makes you whilst it's on. Eventually she will take notice so you just have to persevere. Remember it's not for you to bring a raft of kinky ideas to the table this is about her hopefully discovering her inner dominance and you learning to submit and do as your told. Do bring it up now and again but be breif about it. Be prepared to be moulded into how she wants you to be. That's my take on it. Careful what you wish for.
Or maybe put it aside and try to be "like that" without. She still may come back to your idea later on
Seriously. When my wife locked my up I couldn't believe my luck and went out of my way to make Her never want to go back to how it used to be. I do everything I can for Her, super attentive and whatever she wants to do we do it. I tell her that I think about her all day long because she has me locked up. Try it. Eventually She might ask why are you being so nice/sweet or along those lines. Tell her it must be the effect of the cage
When I brought up idea to my wife, she seemed pretty accepting of idea, but not totally into it. My advice is to make it about her. Not in a door mat kind of way that will turn her off. No kink, etc. but sensual and caring. Figure out what she really likes. Turns out my wife really likes foot massages, which was a win-win since I love her feet. But, maybe back rubs, flowers, breakfast, whatever she appreciates. Dont expect ANYTHING in return. Keep in up for a couple of years, and look out. You will never get out of that cage, and you will be servicing her in ways you never imagined. Take a SLOW, and enjoy making her happy.
I’d suggest that you agree to a 4 week “game”. It needs to be long enough for her to see the benefits for her and really make that connection. Buy a lock box so she doesn’t have to keep up with the key or even better, buy a Kitchen Safe to keep the key in. The only rule is you don’t get an orgasm during the game. If you make her happy and she WANTS it, she can let you have pleasure but no orgasm. Approach it as a game and not a lifestyle and it may evolve from there.
My wife was only kinda interested and the first cage we got simply wouldn't work. So the next one I picked two out and let her decide which one she liked best. Well it kinda worked but because I'm a grower and it being metal caused it to fall down along with the ring size it would slip off a lot. So now I have a holy trainer knock off and she is more interested because when picking it out I kept showing her the pink one. One day she finally said well what if I don't want pink. I asked what color she wanted and she said purple. I found one in purple we got it and so she feels like it is more hers than the prior.
Yes. I have to remind myself to be patient all the time because my male brain is telling me to keep pushing for that thing that brings me pleasure It's all about Her if She's the KH, and You have to adjust to the reality of being a submissive being different to (but you'll find it's better than) your expectations. So, act like a locked submissive and make it all about what She wants. Why would She be interested in your little guy when it's locked up like that? it's of no use to Her in that state. Out of sight, out of mind for Her. Give Her everything She wants even before She knows She wants it and don't pressure for anything You want and be patient In relationships we act like She's already ours when we should be acting like She could be someone else's any day
I'm so sorry to hear of the breakdown in the communication between you and your husband. It seems like you're in there trying, which is great. One thing that I've learned from being caged most of the time is that I don't always get what I want. In fact, I usually don't but that has come to be okay with me. I think I've grown as a person. Obviously I know zip about your relationship but it would be great if your husband could enjoy and appreciate the efforts you're making and be less attached to the results.