Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by thekeyholderwife, Jul 15, 2016.
I think that rigt and its a good job as well and i don't mind not keep making a mess.
Great points! Mainstream porn is so often the catalyst that brings out latent submissive and dominant desires, but it is also a horribly and hellishly unreliable source of information on how to sanely and successfully initiate and further a loving alternative lifestyle relationship. Countless failures in FLR's and fem-centric relationships that could otherwise be resounding successes fail miserably or are debilitated or miserable due to reliance on porn as a How-To guide.
You: "Her levels of assertiveness are growing constantly and this turns me on so very much. And just because I am not allowed PIV it doesn't mean I am not getting to sexually satisfy her in other ways."
LOVELY! Life the way it should be. A healthy relationship evolves, and it sound like she, and you, are both evolving--hopefully together. If I am reading your couple dynamic correctly, the more your penis becomes irrelevant, the more your pleasure will be derived from serving her and catering to her pleasure. Beautiful! She seems to be pushing your limits and you seem to need your limits pushed. I am constantly nudging my husband's limits, and he mine. Much care must be taken when limits are tested and pushed, so make sure you both are aware of and consider your own and your partner's needs when doing so.
I so agree that intimacy and sex are about so much more than the insertion of a penis into a warm orifice and depositing DNA. Imagine where porn would be if there were no depictions of these acts? Who knows? Maybe then FLR and fem-centric sex would be more an accepted norm rather than in the fringe. But who really knows.
You have given me food for thought and the seeds of further contributions: again, thanks for sharing!
I have not had intercourse with my wife for as long as either of us can remember. We are guessing at 20 years. For me it was not difficult. I am sexually submissive and during intercourse I was always the dominant one. Plus I prefer oral sex. The smells and tastes turn me on better than intercourse. My wife gets her orgasms from direct clitoral stimulation so oral sex is better for her too. Plus she had some medical issues that made intercourse uncomfortable at times and our relationship with her girlfriend turned into them both sexually dominating me. They also thought of intercourse as a male dominant thing since the male is doing the penetration. Old fashioned thinking but you still see the male as the dominant one during intercourse in most porn today.
How do I feel? At first I missed intercourse a lot but being denied it fed my sexual masochistic needs. I got used to being submissive to the ladies' needs. However, I did have intercourse with a few other ladies but that ended 15 years ago when I got stalked by the last one who wanted me to leave my wife. I tried to get her to join us in bed but like previous efforts with women I had sex with, she thought it was weird and very uncomfortable to have sex with a guy's wife there.
I just stopped thinking of intercourse, but 6 years ago before we started chastity I used to get the urge to have intercourse again; sometimes very strong urges to penetrate her and dominate her sexually like the first 24 years of our marriage. She just tells me that nothing will ever go in there again, so learn to live with it. Chastity has made it much easier to forget intercourse since I get so horny after a few weeks or months or orgasm denial that just a hand job feels great. Plus my wife has gotten more and more into giving me oral to make up for the lack of intercourse. I always enjoyed receiving oral more than intercourse, so it is fine with me. I cannot complain because threesomes were most of our sex life for 30 years. Even without intercourse it was still a lot of fun to have sex with two women who tried every fetish I asked them to try. Some men live without oral sex. I live without intercourse. No different in my book.
I agree, tease and denial has added to our sex live, not subtracted from it.
Absolutely. I assure her that nothing she has done so far has come close to pushing me past my limits. I do not encourage her to go any faster than she is comfortable with. She does however find my little boy need for all of the toys in the toy box NOW amusing, and doesn't pander to that need.
And this is why we take it at her pace. She is much better at taking things slowly but thoroughly. Each dynamic change is thoroughly embedded before we move into the next. I used to wonder whether anything was actually changing but if you compare our relationship now with where it was pre-chastity and FLR there is a huge improvement.
Awesome! Life as it should be. Congratulations on your successes. Enjoy your dynamic and have fun and lots of love along the way. Thanks for sharing.
Oh my. So sorry to hear of your plight. Sexual denial in absence of attention to sex is neglect. As I have experienced in my relationship, you can enjoy sweet intimacy without a man's erection getting in the way. While my husband's little penis is irrelevant to my sex life, intimacy with him is more important now than before we began to practice PIV chastity and FLR.
"Lock and leave" without regard to sexual interaction and intimacy is neglect and toxic to a healthy relationship--unless that is what both participants agree to and continue to support. In any case, I do not feel that it is part of a successful relationship.
In other words, an irrelevant penis and amazing sex are not mutually exclusive. Bravo! Well done!
I know this is an old thread, but I thought I would add my feelings. We fall into the category of long term chastity. Usually several months at a time. My wife would like it to be permanent, but we aren't there yet.
Much like the original poster, when I'm locked up, there is zero penile stimulation, not even during lovemaking. We don't do edging or anything like that. She will tease me like crazy, playing with my balls and touching me in all my sensitive areas, but not unlocking me. We tend to have great sex like this.
However, where we run into trouble is the "locked and left" situation that others have mentioned. My wife has periods where she is interested in sex, but then long periods where she has zero interest at all. She can go months at a time without touching me sexually, or she will let me touch her but she is obviously not there emotionally or mentally.
It's during these dry spells that I always fall off the wagon. I always end up secretly unlocking myself and masturbating like crazy. After a few weeks of noticing my behavior and attitude change, she figures out what's going on, confronts me, and we start over again.
She has expressed multiple times that her preference would be permanent chastity for me, but she just can't keep me engaged well enough to make it happen.
Chastity has brought big improvements to our marriage, but it hasn't been without its challenges.
I would be in a situation like Shepardsflock. My wife goes thru the same swings and locked and left would be unacceptable. I work toooo hard supporting my family to accept being ignored. She has made suggestions to explore this and I was up front saying that the standard was going to be measured in an improved sex life and that it was going to be defined by both of us, not a one sided deal. She hasn't answered/.agreed so we are a no go. My penis is as irrelevant as my paycheck. I figure if one is ignored then the other can be as well. Again, this is something she is pushing for, not me and I don't see this as a win/win.
It all depends on what you both find important. I myself, would find locking myself up pointless if she disengaged from sexual activity.
If I didn't have the hope, or eventuality of an orgasm, I would be bored rather quickly. For some that is totally fine, they feel that it's a form of service, and a sacrifice. I am comfortable with what we do because I know her needs and desires. I'm ok with going without for maybe long periods, but I know her, and it won't be forever or super long.
Apathy towards another's sexual needs is not healthy within a relationship. That doesn't mean penis in vagina with ejaculation must happen, it just means that the other must engage intimately and keep them sexually satisfied.
I've never really understood very long term lockups. Yes it may take a bit to get back into subbie mode, but a few days especially with some heavy teasing should be enough to do it. I think it would be selfish of a keyholder to take away all ejaculations because they didn't want to be bothered by a few days of unsubbie behavior.
Don't get me wrong, I've given her control of our sex life and her penis, that doesn't mean I don't ever want to use it.
I would venture to say that not many practicing chastity do well with set it and forget it. There has to be some effort by both sides or whats the point? It doesn't take much time at all to pat you on the but or have a quick grab at your crotch to get your attention. A whisper in your ear reminding you of your situation will keep you going for a while. A couple of these a day is all it takes to let you know you haven't been forgotten.
As for your sneaking out, a great part of chastity is in your head (like most sexual activities). I understand why you are doing it but, since no device is really 100% able to keep you from knocking one out, you have to want to stay in it. If your going to try and defeat it, whats the point?
I agree, and that's the struggle. Without the encouragement to keep going, I lose my resolve and give up. Then I feel stupid. I don't want to cheat and "defeat" the device, I just get tired of trying to keep it going and start feeling like it isn't worth trying anymore.
I don't know if this is the right move or not but maybe you could muscle through it. She could see your resolve and her interest renewed or, nothing changes. Either way, maybe a conversation is in order. Ask about her needs first. Is she getting what she wants and needs, then your turn. Don't go overboard, keep it realistic. What is the minimum you need before this is no longer fun for you both?
Thank you ma'am, we need more great women like you to spread the word.
Gosh, I am surprised how many guys here seem to be not-that-happy with their lot.
From my POV the whole thing would be pointless without intimacy, and this is usually my going down on her. I seem to be able to persist in being denied as long as we still have the intimacy. I've not had that much T&D, it's a new thing for her, but she seems to be going there. We're also 100% monogamous, so I don't struggle with any jealousy or concerns that she's "getting it" elsewhere.
I think long term or permanent chastity can work very well with cuckolding.
If wife and hubby can agree that they both do not really need his small penis, it can remain locked.
If wife cuckolds him, she can include him in the sexual activity. Hubby can service them orally during PIV sex,
he can also hold the base of the lover's penis when he cums in wife's vagina or mouth. Put it back in when
it falls out, enjoy the cream pies, etc.
If he's given a way to participate and still get some contact with a penis, neither of them will miss his caged penis.
Hubby call also use a large strap on above his cage when she is between lovers.
I'm trying to work towards this arrangement with my wife.
Be careful. Not many relationships can stand cucking. While my wife and I have not decided to proceed on this path ( she wants, I don't) I have already made up my mind that the cucking that has been discussed in this and other threads would result in great bodily harm. Serious Alpha male, former marine and not willing to share. Would be a deal breaker and life changer.
Thekeyholderwife,I can tell you that my KHwife has never let me forget the urge for having orgasms nor for beeing inside her.
It took me a long time and effort to convince my traditional wife to put me into chastity,and although she always absolutely prefered oral vs penetrative sex and doesn't miss my dick at all,she chose the strategy of keeping me hard,teased and longing to cum as often as possible.
answering your question,she lets me twice a year,anniversary and my birthday,inside of her ,and that is why I never ever can foget about the feeling,although the rest of the year I'm not permitted this privilege.
My wife does not orgasm from PIV sex. She never has. She doesn't enjoy it.
She cums from a combo of oral and a vibrator.
She has always preferred giving me oral vs. PIV too.
So having me caged is not a problem in regards to her orgasms.
I prefer getting oral sex too but would miss never having PIV ever again but I could live without it.
Just a quick update. I finished 428 days of no PIV at the end of February. As usual, I lasted about 10 seconds stsrt to finish, and had the feeling of a big letdown afterwards.
I'm going to try and avoid PIV from now on at all costs. I don't think it will be difficult at all. I've been told I don't deserve to be allowed inside a woman many times, and I'm going to do my best to make that happen. It's already been 3 months, so I'm off to a good start.
Running my own statistics, today I'm at day 500 without PIV and at day 353 since my last full orgasm.
But I couldn't have done this without being convinced that my wife gets all she needs.
That is what is important to me: her satisfaction in whatever way she wants.
Can you imagine: I'm even proud of it!
A free cock extra in the relation would not make too much difference for me, as long as she (you in this thread) really enjoys it and I (he in this thread) don't let her (you..) down in any aspect.
Really it is up to her (or you in this thread) and that is what makes me happy.
We chaste men are probably a rare species, but above is what makes us (or at least me) tick...
enjoy and the more you enjoy the more he will! no matter how you chose!
I have found it's not a good thing for him long term. However I have found that letting him in for a few min, without cum ing in me, then doing some other activity to me and then letting him in again, alternating this way, sometimes even just for a few strokes keeps both of us interested and happy. It gives us a real connection.