Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by thekeyholderwife, Jul 15, 2016.
Sounds horrible for you locked up boys
It is. It isn't exactly fun for the keyholder either, they are missing out on all the fun they can have that teasing gives them. My Wife absolutely loves the effect she has on me after several weeks of tease and denial.
We have amazing sex all the time. I play with him all the time. It's just also always locked up.
My lovely wife has had a year and a half of miscellaneous health issues that has led to a lack of sex drive. Still a mental desire, but no physical. So we have been without any real physical sex that entire time.
Apologies...hit send before I finished my thought...
So now, afterall this time, I feel awkward trying to spark something. I really miss being with her. We had a very active and creative sex life. We joke about it often. Alas, my hand and various, mostly self impossed chastity scenarios rule the day, so to speak. This is definately hindering our progress.
Absolutely nothing wrong with that; if anything, you sound like a very wonderful and loving wife! There is no rule that says love and intimacy have to include a male ejaculation. Your relationship seems more romantic than the vast majority of relationships out there. The benefits of his chastity to your relationship far exceeds any occasional annoyance.
My most common saying since my Wife became my Mistress and keyholder is that this not having sex is the best sex I have ever had. When we first started she didn't do much tease and denial but over the months she has come to understand the power and fun this is for both of us. Now something happens pretty much every day. Nothing as intense as you write about but it still makes both of us extremely happy.
I haven't gone as long as a lot of these guys who've posted ahead of me but the last third of last year and the first couple months of this year I was completely denied penetrative sex. I was still allowed to cum via mistresses hand jobs but that was the only way she would allow (I wasn't complaining ). I felt a longing desire to be inside her and have that type of intimacy with her. I wanted to embrace her and feel her large breasts squishing against my chest as we made love but that was not to be over that time period.
She told me it wasn't that she didn't want my cock but that she wanted to deny me what I wanted most. Also at that time she wasn't really letting me pleasure her very much either so the combination have me a kind of lonely feeling but at the same time it really did make me desire her more. Personally I didn't really care about being able to cum so much I would've just preferred more intimacy if the form of cuddling and kissing and for her to allow me to go down on her more often.
Oddly enough, after we took a short break this year mistress has allowed me a a lot more PIV as well as orally pleasuring her. I'm not sure what changed her mind but it was a nice change after not being allowed to have it for so long.
It sounds like you two have a great dynamic, and even though you guys have lots of kink and intimacy in your relationship especially with the other couple that joins you, it might not be a bad idea to give your guy a break every once in a while where it's just the two of you. Make love together and remind him what he's missing out on with you. I think it would make you more powerful to him by giving him a reset every so often just so he knows what he's missing out on.
The feeling of being inside my wife's vagina and surrounded by her warmth, softness, and wetness is incredible. I love the physical and emotional connection of being inside her even if I'm not permitted to thrust. Sometimes, I will ask her if I can come inside her, just for that connection, knowing that I won't be allowed to cum. So not being allowed inside her, while being teased about it is a total mindfuck. There are a 100 things that she could say or do to intensify the torture and longing. Eating her out while in my device is powerfully self-abnegating.
The sole time I cheated on my wife, I went down on her. We didn't have intercourse and she never touched my cock. For me pleasuring her is more of a turn on than getting my rocks off.
Right now I'm at 217 days since I last had intercourse, and in the last 25 months, I've only had intercourse twice. It feels very normal to me now to not have sex. I've gone over a year recently and I don't feel any great need to have it again. In fact, I want to go much longer without and to have sex again any time soon would be very disappointing to me.
same..... My wife and I have sex all the time as well...she just keeps a lock on me
my wife like her wand and toys -
I only had PIV once in 2 years I think. She doesn't tease - only sexual tension I get is when I get her off with her wand - I do get a a big case of blue balls.
I learned to enjoy the feeling. I really don't miss PIV
My wife and I have not had sex in years.
Her sex drive is totally gone. The first few years were very tough for me.
I felt so rejected, After a period of time, I dont even try anymore.
We have become roommates, and not the best ones at that.
So whatever you decide to do. make sure that he knows the love you have for him
Make him feel loved and wanted, If that goes away, all is lost.
It can be frustrating and presents a very real feeling of distance at times. That being said I would never give it up. I love the feeling of my wife being in complete ownership of when and how I get to cum.
This is going to sound really bad so please accept my apologies ahead of time. It is not intended to sound conceded in ANY manner.
I don't want sex with my wife every day. Our Chastity lifestyle involves near daily tease and denial sessions though, so physically sure, I am horny enough to chase her around like a love starved teenager bag of testosterone. The thing is, I adore her completely and the few times we actually do have intercourse are more intense an experience of pleasure for me than any of the most frustrating tease and denial would ever frustrate me. Does that make sense?
I derive intense pleasure from pleasing her....and I mean intense. Fortunately for me I suppose, my wife is seemingly addicted to having me inside her and I believe, based in part on what she has told me, that She doesn't want intercourse everyday either. She wants me in that way most often after she has tortured and teased me for weeks and longer first. But when she wants it, she gets it and there is no confusion about her desires.
If my wife wanted to make "no intercourse" permanent, honestly our relationship would survive because I love her enough to make it survive even that and I think she does as well. However, that is not who either of us are and it would certainly cause problems eventually. What we have is a chemistry and attraction that has never diminished since the very first time we became a couple and ripped each other's clothes off in order to attack one another. When we do have intercourse sex, there is usually a long trail of clothing stretching from our garage, through the first floor rooms, up the stairs to our bedroom or out the back sliding doors to our pool area or hot tub. Heck sometimes we end up on our tennis court because neither of us is paying attention to where the hell we are headed. lol Usually I am inside her before we are actually horizontal. A big reason for this is that we don't do this every day. Lovemaking is a rarer thing for us than for most married couples I believe. But so is the intensity with which it happens for us. We have been married for over a decade and while some couples discover a certain staleness occurs, it just hasn't happened for us that way. Not at all. I believe the reason is in large part due to our chastity and T&D lifestyle. The fact that intercourse sex for us is a very rare thing is not a problem at all. However, there is a LOT of other sexual activity taking place in the interim.
So if you want to know if not allowing your sig other inside you can make him want you more or cause real problems, the answer to both is yes it most definitely can.
Your specific question was how does not being inside my wife make me feel as a man. Or at least thats what I believe you were asking anyway. The answer to that is highly complex of course, as it should be when it involves two people's feelings, self esteem, passion and love for each other.
Between the times my wife and I have "vanilla" sexual intercourse, I experience extreme horniness. I experience loneliness but not a lack of intimacy. I experience a incredibly strong desire to demonstrate how much I love my wife. This desire manifests itself in gifts and in actions. I don't need teasing to motivate me to adore my wife but let me assure you that it certainly does help. My wife says that I have always been extremely addicted to making her orgasm, even before our Tease and Denial or Chastity started. She is absolutely correct about that. I am addicted to pleasing her in every way I can. At times that means she doesn't want me inside her and were She to have me inside her when she genuinely doesn't want to do so, it would bother me a lot. I would know that she was having intercourse for me instead of for herself and that would run contrary to my nature I think.
Having said that, we did try having me watch her having sex with another man and it did not work for either of us. Though i was watching two adults have sex, my penis remained flaccid the entire time. Evidence of the fact that I wasn't turned on by it. Neither was my wife who described the experience as her feeling she had just betrayed me. It took a long time to get past that.
One night my wife posed a question to me of "Would I be willing to allow another woman to tease me senseless while She watched and gave directions. At first I was honestly not sure I would like that, but when my wife made it clear that she believed it would be a huge turn on for her, I agreed and my wife brought in a good friend of her's. I was tied to a table and my wife's friend teased me for several hours, doing only that which my wife instructed her to do. At first it wasn't working for me but when I saw how worked up my wife was watching us, that changed. I was amazed at the effect it had on my wife and because it was making her happy, I started to become extremely turned on as well. I managed to make it through the night without losing control and this particular thing has become quite commonplace for my wife and I. It never happens without my wife present and issuing specific instructions and her friend understands that she is there for my wife's pleasure and not mine. There are no romantic feelings between myself and my wife's friend and the second my wife tells me she doesn't want to continue doing that, its done. My wife enjoys watching me be tortured and the torture very often includes CBT and spanking, not just "pleasurable teasing" or edging. In fact our most recent session like this, was solely CBT with not one single stroke of my penis. None of her instructions were for "pleasurable teasing" activities such as stroking or caressing my genitals. It was all mildly to sometimes heavy CBT and my wife got off multiple times watching me struggle to endure it all. In case you are curious, it was a punishment for my having lost control one night and reaching orgasm without permission. My wife did not do the other woman session for my pleasure. She did it to punish me because that is what she wanted. My wife knows that her friend does not have the same level of familiarity with my limits and that her friend would do things as instructed by my wife in ways that would definitely stretch my own limitations for pain and embarrassment or humiliation. During these sessions my wife does not speak directly to me. Everything is through her friend. There is something highly arousing about seeing my wife so aroused by watching me be tortured. They have both discovered that sometimes I come very close to losing control when my wife reaches orgasm while masturbating to our show. I am terrified of what would happen to me if I ever dared to lose control during one of these sessions. lol
So my point is that, great caution should be given to deciding on a no intercourse lifestyle. Your sig other needs, in my opinion to be absolutely certain of his desire to please you and do or not do things for your pleasure above anything else. You and He need to be brutally honest with each other about this because if he is not absolutely sure of himself, it can absolutely lead to serious relationship problems.
Personally I can go a long time without having intercourse sex with my wife but I KNOW without question that she knows what makes me happy is making her happy. (Good grief thats written horribly lol) Would I feel the same way if there was no teasing and denial play happening in the interim? I think so yes. Would I be okay with it being permanent? No I would not....but not because I need sex. Rather it would not work for me because I know it would not work for my wife either. I don't believe either my wife nor I are built in the way needed to be able to make no intercourse sex permanent. I need her to be happy and she would not be happy without intercourse sex when she wanted it. Just as she would not be truly happy if I refused to allow her to torture me or watch me be tortured.
Does all that make sense? I hope it helps. In case there are some thinking "Wow! That sounds really hot!" Know this...when my wife has her friend torture me, it does not "feel good" physically. It hurts and can be truly frightening sometimes. However, seeing my wife so turned on by it, makes me want it every bit as much as she does.
Thank you for your reply. My husband and I are very open and honest. He can quit this at anytime but he knows that this is what I want and so he goes along with it. He knows it would let me down if he ever decided to invoke his ultimate safe word to quit chastity. He has other safe words two exactly. One for when we are playing and the other is in regard to chastity. He is not allowed to invoke the chastity one unless he is telling me that he will no longer participate in that practice. So it is on him. He loves me though and I him. I think he probably gets more sexual attention than 90 percent of men out there and not just from one woman! He just doesn't get to use his penis.
It works for us...at least, he hasn't bowed out yet. At the end of the day, all this would stop if it would lead to us having serious marital problems.
It sounds like you and your husband have thought this out well. I think that there is a lot of credence to the many who maintain, what works for them does not necessarily work for others. So if no intercourse makes the both of you happy and content, then it's probably what people call "right".
Communication in this is everything as is honesty of course however you guys seem to have things well in hand.
I often wonder how I would explain what my Wife and I do, how I would convince someone that chastity based sex was so much better than how it was before with 'normal sex'. I don't have any sexual contact with anyone other than my Wife, she is not interested in sharing me with anyone else or with having sex with anyone else herself. But I still get much more sexual contact with my Wife than we ever did before. I just don't get to use my penis.
We haven't got a safe word to do with chastity. A simple "I don't want to do this anymore" would be enough. But like your husband I have no intention of stopping this. I love the way my Wife's sexuality has blossomed since we started this, I love the way she cares for me and the obvious enjoyment she gets out of it. I trust her implicitly.
I couldn't do this with a lock and forget Mistress but thankfully that isn't what Elle wants our arrangement to be.
Not sure I can add much to this discussion. Rather, I'll probably just echo much of what's already been said with the hope that it strengthens their arguments. Or maybe it just titillates me to write about these things in my current, sexually frustrated state.
To be honest, my wife has not... yet... made a concrete decision to never allow me to penetrate her again. As it stands, she very rarely wants me inside her, and I think it's only then through a mix of pity and, as she says, it feels good to have a actual flesh and blood penis inside her, even as neither of us would ever call mine a "real cock" because of its diminutive size and substandard function. So I can remember in the not so distant past being inside her but unable to cum and then being told to pleasure her with her far superior dildo and my tongue and further denied my own climax. In any case, even when she will allow it I am almost never able to get completely hard and ejaculate inside her, because I am so completely dependent on humiliation for my arousal.
I have asked her many times whether she ought to outright deny me sex while assuring her that, in fact, I get so aroused by that idea that it would ultimately be more satisfying for both of us. She acknowledges that what I'm saying is true, and she further acknowledges that I can't satisfy her sexually with just my penis and that I am right to feel anxious and inadequate about pleasing her or anyone with my meager penis. So as it stands there is an implicit agreement between us that whether I am locked or not I am only able to please her with my tongue and her toys. But there is not yet an explicit statement from her that I'll never again be allowed inside her. The result is that I am at the moment I write this painfully strained against my cage and dripping into my panties just thinking about the possibilities.
I realized just now, that I never actually answered your original question. My apologies for having become sidetracked.
Not having "Regular" sex can be of course, frustrating in the extreme at times. At other times, as most of us may have done before our journey into Chastity, back when we were probably still trying to self evaluate and understand our feelings and emotions, not having regular sex may lead to friction and static between those involved. If a couple is not very experienced in this realm of "play" then the absence of sex may be misinterpreted as it often is in relationships outside the borders of Chastity, to mean a reduction in appeal, an underlying failing of some sort and it could possibly lead to resentment and isolation or depression if it continues without communication or understanding long enough.
Having said that, most of us here are acutely aware that what we are doing in this realm is ultimately voluntary and desired by both. Knowing that we both want to be there doing the things we are doing together, even when we "appear" to not want to do them or have them done, is a major component of this dynamic. Not having regular sex often results in an increased motivation I feel to do other things to insure my wife is satisfied and her desires are fulfilled. Yes it can be frustrating, especially on those nights when I really would like to "make love" in a manner not connected to anything but making love. You know the nights I mean. The ones which are closer to vanilla sex then to any other. Where denial, teasing etc etc are just not part of the moment.
I think the absence of PIV sex, is countered by an increase oftentimes, of other goings on. Whether those goings on is teasing and denial, oral etc etc. I think the absence of PIV and the effects of that is most often "softened" by an accompanying increase in other activity for a great many of us who have a practice of no PIV sex.
In my case, not having PIV sex is frustrating of course, but there are a lot of other ways that I can insure my wife is getting what she wants and desires. Sometimes what she wants is PIV sex and when that is the case, it is then that I am reminded of why total denial of PIV sex would not work for us. She doesn't want that and if we did it, she would not be happy.....which in turn would negatively effect me.
I should have also mentioned that I never fantasize about regular sex. On the contrary, with my wife I desire with all my heart to be denied sex in the most humiliating ways. When I look at other women I think only about worshiping them, kissing their feet, licking their ass, servicing them and their lovers. I don't get aroused watching regular M/F porn unless I can work out in my head that the man is fucking my wife. I sometime watch MFF porn and imagine I'm dressed in my sissy clothes and I'm one of the women in the video.
If I couldn't be with my lady why be with my lady
Although written last year, I felt an urge to respond.
This statement is so true and so profound, and so fundamental to female-led sexuality that it needs to be spread far and wide and kept alive here:
"There is no rule that says love and intimacy have to include a male ejaculation."
We are new to orgasm denial and tease. We have sex at least twice a day, and I have not had an orgasm in six days. I feel very horny and very submissive...and I love the feeling.
I would go a step further. I think a lot of problems with sexuality stem from the need for sex to be defined as a success almost exclusively with the end being the male ejaculation. It is undeniable that modern hardcore pornography is framed within a scenario that culminates in a male ejaculation. As a large section of society learns about sex from porn it is easy to see how this has come about. Pun intended.
I am learning more about long term denial. My last period of denial was for five months and a day. Elle has told me that this current period will be at least six months long. It makes me feel weak when I think about it. Her levels of assertiveness are growing constantly and this turns me on so very much. And just because I am not allowed PIV it doesn't mean I am not getting to sexually satisfy her in other ways.