Pulling in opposite directions?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Mistress Watchful, Dec 23, 2009.

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  1. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    I've always known pet wasn't a pain slut. It didn't matter, I wasn't a pain giver.

    The more I get into playing though, the more I want to inflict pain.

    I can't describe why.

    All I know is that lately, after cumming, I have this intense need to spank, whip, paddle, or crop pet. Like I need to release pent up tension. The orgams are as wonderful as ever, but I feel I need to "thrash" something out.

    I'm not angry, I don't really want to hurt him in a malicious way, I just feel like I need to cause pain.

    pet, on the other hand, is not dealing with this very well and did something very silly last night. He wouldn't use his safe word, he said he was being "polite".

    I had a HUGE go at him and told him that I need him to 100% use his safeword so I can safely play within his limits. Especially if I'm playing with another and he's feeling unsafe, or uncomfortable and I'm distracted.

    But what do I do if he decides "no pain".

    I had no idea how multifaceted this lifestyle is. It's very confusing. I guess I feel a little bit lost today!
     
  2. PuppyMastersPet
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    I find the easiest pain to deal with is that of being flogged. When Master uses the flogger the pain seems a lot less intense, Don't get me wrong it hurts but it's not bad pain. Pet and I seem so similar, I hate pain also, but the idea of a red bum does turn me on a bit.

    I would agree that using a safe word is imperative. I will always try to take as much pain as I can but I will use the safe word if I need to.

    Pain is also important in the lifestyle though, specially if the sub doesn't like pain it is very effective as punishment and it should be the doms right to inflict pain. It's striking the right balance and level of pain that is important.
     
  3. maid katrin
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    maid katrin chaste sissy maid

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    Dear Mistress Watchful,

    You are definitely right, this lifestyle can be so multifaceted and sometimes quite confusing. I was and am a true paislut and utterly submissive so i would never have imagined to handle the giving end of a cane. However, over the years something has changed inside me ... or may be just awoke ...

    I am still submissive towards Women - no doubt about this - but towards sissies and some kind of men i feel more and more to take the dominant part and rest assured, i can be a real bitch and i truly enjoy a good spanking ... or more on a subs bare behind *giggle* ...

    May be You'd move the limits of Your pet slowly ahead ... a dragon cane or a heavy scottish tawse are definitely not the implements to start with but teasing and tickling his bum with a light flogger or a soft(er) paddle are good for a pain wuss. Over the time You can link pain with other sensations and may be, in a few months, Your pet can become more advanced in receiving pain.

    *curtsey*

    maid katrin
     
  4. mikecb
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    mikecb Member

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    I agree with what's been said. I think you need to build up to it. Even though I'm a pain slut, there are certain things (like Nipple Torture) that I found EXTREMELY painful at first that I don't mind so much now. I think a tolerance can be built slowly. I think you just need to make a project of it!

    Also, I think it's important to make sure you do what's necessary to get pet into subspace BEFORE you start with pain play. If he's feeling more subby, and he knows you're going to do some light play to build him up... perhaps even with a negotiation about how he tells you how it's going, then I think you'll get more "practice time" in with the pain!

    Best of luck!
    mikecb
     
  5. Mistress Michelle
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    Mistress Michelle Magical Mistress

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    Welcome to My world MW!!!!!

    No one can understand the intocicating effect holding a cane or whip can have on Us.

    Now I can enjoy giving a good 'whippin' to My pet and any of My sissys, but for a real, no holes barred, no safe word, no getting out of it session with all the begging, squirming, pain inflicting torment...I need little pet for that.
    katrin, I did not remember you were a pain slut, wonder if I make it over there if your Mistress will let Me borrow you if I cannot find a pain slut of My Own for the week?

    Hummmmm.....I guess your pet is going to blame this new desire to inflict pain on Me too! LOL

    Mistress Michelle
     
  6. maid katrin
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    maid katrin chaste sissy maid

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    Oh Mistress Michelle, rest assured i am ... my Mistress will have a close eye on me but She definitely wouldn't mind ;-)

    *curtsey*

    maid katrin
     
  7. Rachel
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    Rachel Owned by Mistress Michelle

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    This is how MM handled me. The first time i went to see her you all know i was chicken shit scared but she was kind as i could tell she didn't give me what susie got. It was however enough to get her point across. Somehow she knew just where my safe-word limit was maybe it was my screams or the way i tried to get away,lol. Now i am very vocal but i only scream when it hurts and i don't know that there is a correlation between the amount of pain and the intensity of my scream as i am not concentrating on that but rather the feeling in my sissy candy ass. i ask her to safe-word me at the gathering but she didn't. Then the last night at her place after the gathering i was bound and determined not to use it during my good bye, I love you Rachel whippin. All the while she was hitting my ever more stinging backside she kept saying you have a safe-word rachel go ahead and use it, go ahead use it. i didn't but believe you me i wanted to but at the same time i wanted to try and take what i saw some of the others take at the gathering, not that i can but i wanted to see how close i could get. There were also some underlying factors that made me feel like i deserved all i could stand and then some. i made it through though and when she stopped i was glad and disappointed at the same time.

    i guess what i am trying to say is somewhat in agreement with mike it depends on how deep you are in subspace. The night at her house i was in a deep deep subspace because of what transpired at the gathering. i don't know if i will be able to take that much again but i am sure i will find out sometime. Now don't get me wrong MM could get me to use it in 4 or 5 whacks if she really let loose with all her strength but that is not the idea of all this.That is meant for punishment spankings. i have only had one of those from MM and i DO NOT want or desire another. That switch hurt more then any implement she has used one me but part of that is how hard her swing was and where i was struck. Discipline spankings are meant to be sensual, exciting, erotic and painful all at the same time. MW maybe that's where your pet was the other night and he just wanted to see how far he can go. MM ask me at the gathering why i wanted her to do that. i told her because she somehow knows just where my limit is and i don't. Now how she knows that i am not sure but it sure gives me the ability to put my full trust in her. i have been so close so many times and then she will stop if just for a brief moment and it's enough to let me settle down, get past that feeling and take some more.

    MM told me on the first trip after my first whippin, you are gonna make a good pain slut which is something else she knew about me that i didn't. While i wouldn't call myself a pain slut yet i have come a long way. There are times now when all i want is a good bottom reddening from MM. Part of the reason i though is i want MM to fill with pride when she thinks how far she has brought her sissy along this road.

    MM's sweetpea
    rachel
     
  8. PT109
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    PT109 Senior Member

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    You may need to taken a different approach. If he is not into pain, you may have to train him to like it. Training is a topic that used to be frequently talked about in the D/s community but for some reason is less popular now. It involves quite a bit of work for the Domme because she needs to be very careful about how she proceeds. But the idea is to condition the sub gradually by associating small amounts of pain with sexual pleasure. One example would be to flog or paddle him very lightly, gradually increasing the intensity, then stop and tease his cock for a while. Return to the flogging but still keeping it light. Back and forth until he builds up so many endorphins that an occasional harder slap can be applied. If you do this don't continue flogging as hard, go back to a more even and not very painful pace. More teasing and going back in forth- always keeping him in suspense that you may throw in a harder strike. Pace is very important because everyone produces endorphins at their own rate. If the pain never exceeds the threshold beyond which the endorphins can equalize or "normalize" the pain and the teasing is constant It would seem to me that overtime the conditioning would take effect and the sub would be come addicted to pain. But this is not to say he will ever be a "pain slut".

    About safe words, yes they are a good idea especially when playing with new people. But if you are careful and aware you should be able to control the punishment without worrying about safe words. And really why would you want to push your subs limits when you are still trying to condition or train him to enjoy a little pain.

    Anyway, these are just my thoughts and I hope I haven't offended anyone by expressing them.
     
  9. Ms.Linda
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    Ms.Linda No longer a member

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    MW- As You know, tiff can be somewhat of a pain slut, and has NO safe word. I have dealt with this by learning to read her body language. Although there are times when I misread or don't "hear" it loud enough, for the most part I think I'm pretty accurate. W/we've found out that the floggers are the way to go. They tend to deliver a very nice warm up and can continue on to higher levels should You choose to do so. With tiff, as I'm assuming it would be for Your pet, once "warmed up" they tend to be able to tolerate far more. Even going as far as craving it. At that point, with tiff, I can then move on to the harsher implements with little or no fear of causing an adverse reaction. This is where the REAL fun comes in!!!

    ML
     
  10. maid katrin
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    maid katrin chaste sissy maid

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    You are absolutely right Ms. Linda. A good warm up is essential even for pain sluts. When Mistress starts with a heavy tawse or a cane i can stand less than when She starts with a light paddle or over the knee spanking. Mistress and i don't use a safe word either as She can read from the wiggle of my bum how far She can go or when to stop.

    *curtsey*

    maid katrin
     
  11. mikecb
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    mikecb Member

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    MW, I agree with those above who suggest floggers. Even among floggers, there are varying levels of sting. You might find some gentle ones to start.

    I just had another thought on this one too. I think you started the pain play with pet AFTER he had cum. Most of us guys totally lose our head space and desire after a climax. I'd be willing to bet that your pet could have handle a lot more if you started BEFORE he had cum. You might even use it as an incentive. Like this last time you told him he couldn't cum unless he did cleanup duty. How about "You can't cum until you endure a flogging?" If you lead up with lots of teasing, and keep it going between brief spells of flogging, I would bet that pet could endure it better, and would not have so many issues after the fact either.

    So cliff notes: Tease him, Flog him, Bring him off, and then bring him down with lots of love.

    I hope those thoughts help!
    mikecb

    PS: Damn, MM's talk about needing a pain slut has me all hot and bothered! lol
     
  12. Mistress Michelle
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    Mistress Michelle Magical Mistress

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    I can help you with that mike, youre not all that far away!!! Come on down here and I'll introduce you to all these beautiful paddles tiff made Me....I am SURE you will LOVE them!!!!

    Mistress Michelle
     
  13. chastityslavejohn
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    chastityslavejohn Mistress Irianna's pet

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    in my experience it's important for a punishment session to start out light before bringing in the heavy artillery. in addition if it's been a while since my last beating i can't take as much. when we're able to have weekly sessions i can take sooo much more...and i love it more. all this talk about punishment is getting me sooo hotttt!!!!
     
  14. FantMstr
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    FantMstr Junior Member

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    To camp on to Ms. Linda's post here. Safe word in place or not, it is imperative that a Domme/Dom/Top constantly be "reading their sub." And while this discussion is about how to get the sub to take/enjoy pain, there is a flip side. When playing with a sub, especially one who is into pain, when the sub is sofar into subspace that they can't really sense that the infliction of pain will cause physical or mental damage or the Domme/Dom/Top is reading that something is going wrong it is the duty of the Dom to stop when the sub is wanting/begging for more.

    Okay, back to your normally scheduled program.

    What ever you celebrate, may it be warm and happy. :party-073:

    Fantasy Mstr
     
  15. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Lol - you're telling ME! I'm the resident pain slut in this house! I don't do STOP until I'm in A&E!

    For anyone who hasn't caught up with my Journal, I did only "slap" pet 5 times with the paddle. To me they would have been tickles, but I am aware of his own personal pain levels to a point.

    I felt he was doing ok, signals said he was doing ok, the bursting into tears thing had more to do with lack of sleep and stress than actual pain tolerance.

    That said, I FULLY appreciate everyone's input on this. It's always good for me to be reminded of what a sub needs when they are not quite such a pain slut as the person with the paddle!
     
  16. PGsslave
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    PGsslave Member

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    Mistress Watchful,
    you make a good point of what a domme wants and or what a slave likes or doesn't like. How does a slave tell his/her domme without hurting strong (girl) domme feelings? What can a slave do?? I don't know, this one is twisted all up in my mind too.

    slave
     
  17. chastityslavejohn
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    chastityslavejohn Mistress Irianna's pet

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    thankfully Mistress reads me like a book and knows just when i've had enough. i know it's stupid but when i think i'm getting close to using my safeword i look on it as my failure to please Mistress...and isn't this just what i wanted anyway, a good beating? this all gets very complicated.
     
  18. painpup
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    painpup painpup LadyJs toy

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    Yes a warm up is necessary for me to get into head space once i get to space i beg for the pain LOL hence the name :0)
     
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