Psychological origin of being submissive

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by <Jack>+<Costy>, Aug 14, 2021.

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  1. <Jack>+<Costy>
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    Has anyone investigated and understood the personal reasons that lead to desire submission? Do you know the personal reason why submission generates pleasure and excitement?
     
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  2. Queens servant73
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    While I haven’t investigated origins, I know for me the excitement just comes from giving up total control of my body, especially when for almost 3 decades I was the driving dominant force in our sex life.
    Giving up control, the anticipation of what might happen, your imagination amping you up, the fear of realizing your enjoyment rests solely in another’s hands all becomes a new and intoxicating rush. These things all drive my desire to worship my Wife / KH.
    And I think the losing control is the driving force, I’d guess similar to extreme sports or things like that
     
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  3. bondinchas
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    bondinchas Active member

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    It's a long story, but the essence of it is this:

    As a species, we're social animals, because we're more successful when we live in groups and individualy specialise in different jobs for the benefit of the group as a whole.
    If we're all doing different things, it needs coordination, and that means someone in charge, which means people need to conform to customs and rules. If everyone pulls their weight, then society flourishes. But, if you have too many chiefs and not enough indians, then instead of an ordered society, you end up with anarchy and chaos.

    So, the most efficient society has a few dominant people, and many submissive people.
    Which is reflected in the fact that it's far easier to find a sub than a dom, and there not being so many natural leaders, which may be why we have so few good ones!

    People like being part of society, so it feels good when someone is in charge.
     
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  4. Ma'at Rebekah
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    Ma'at Rebekah Active member

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    sounds plausible but how would you explain those who claim to be alpha at work and beta in the bedroom?
     
  5. Guest 8927
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    I tend to think those are typically Alpha by need, submissive by choice. The world teaches the Alpha that weakness "can't" be shown, but in ones bedroom, anything goes, including the hideaway from traditional roles.
     
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  6. Ma'at Rebekah
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    Ma'at Rebekah Active member

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    a person who can not be true to thy own self nor be honest with others?
     
  7. R2002
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    When I was a little boy my big sister, whom i worshipped, would pin me down and give me "tickle torture" which I absolutely loved. I suspect that planted a seed
     
  8. Jah Rubbings
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    Jah Rubbings Jah Rubbings

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    The same way we explain bisexuality. It's not a black and white, on or off thing...It's all colours and flavours inbetween. I'm mostly alpha except in the bedroom.
     
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  9. bondinchas
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    #9 bondinchas, Sep 30, 2021
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2021
    That's easy enough.
    The tribe elder tells a man where to take some other men to find food, and instructs the woman to look after the children. (All very misogynistic I admit, but it's just an example). So in the context of the team hunting the team leader is dominant, in the context of the group of children the woman is dominant, but they both are, like everyone else in the tribe, submissive to the tribe leader.

    We naturally work in hierarchies, we're programmed to have different roles in different situations. Every human organisation has a hierarchy where people in the middle are dominant over those below, and submissive to those above, whether it's at work, in sport, in religion, or in our social and sexual lives. Most people are actually switches, or possibly just submissive. Even sexual dominants obey laws, policemen and other forms of authority. There are very few solely dominant people - they're considered odd or dangerous, the megalomanic. Most alphas obey the speed limit and don't go around killing everyone they don't like. Society breaks down if there are too many conflicting dominants, you just end up with chaotic anarchy.

    Those that think they're Alpha, are they really? When they act in an Alpha way the main reason they do is is cultural, they crave acceptance by their peers that they meet the group norm.
    If you think about it, doing what others expect of you is a submissive trait, isn't it?
    It's anything but black and white.
     
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  10. Guest 8927
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    There might definitely be some of that, girl. Prior to my current situation, my whole life was a pile of lies by design to keep the truth hidden.

    Hope you are well out there. Thanks for interacting with all of us crazies again.

    M.
     
  11. MissyB
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    Personally, not sure why submission seems right for me. I can think back to events in my childhood that might explain it. But those memories are influenced from where I am now, so not sure they really would be a root cause or just an early expression of submissiveness. Now, i'm past wondering why or how, but more focused on enjoying it in my current life.
     
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  12. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    i dont know really why i am but i think it cos i got 2 older sisters and they always tell me what to do when i was little.
     
  13. Rpf
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    I grew up in a family of strong dominant women going back over 100 years. My grandmother was a working professional single mother in the 50’s, for example. I guess that explains my alpha role outside the house and my relief and happiness at being able to be submissive at home. This has made our marriage stronger and happier….we don’t argue anymore, we don’t get upset with each other, her life is easier and mine is definitely better. Discovering chastity and now having a flr has been a wonderful thing.
     
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  14. Jah Rubbings
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    I'm submissive because trying to dominate our sex life was selfish and made my wife feel pressured in to having sex with me when she didn't want to. Now instead of getting pissed off when she denies me, because I felt rejected, I thank her and am grateful for what I have.
     
  15. OwedbyJM
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    I think for some of us who have to Alphas in real world enjoy and need the brake in our personal lives.
     
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  16. madams-sissysub
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    I’m not sure why I’m submissive, but I always have been, I’ve fantasised about being dominated since I started masturbating.
     
  17. SubSnuggler
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    SubSnuggler Owned by Fiona with the Magical Velveteen Pussy

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    I’ve no idea why I am submissive but it’s just my natural state. I desire it. I crave it. I can’t get enough.

    My dad was a super alpha and was quite open in that he cheated on my mom. He told me of his conquests and taught me that all males should be that way.

    A therapist told me that you men tend to emulate their dad or be the opposite, there is little gray area. Well. I’m opposite lol.
     
  18. Manalba
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    Manalba Enthralled by Artemis.

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    As one of my friends would say: “Tell me about your childhood…”

    That is where I think it all starts for me. During the first few months of life. Not Freudian; more like Adlerian.

    After I was born my mother suffered from Post Natal Depression. It is my belief that my ‘alternative desires’ are simply an adult, sexualised version of reliving those very earliest experiences of helplessness and of being absolutely 100% dependant on receiving literally life-giving female attention.

    I don’t want to be feminised, or sissified or cross-dressed, or beaten with whips and chains, or infantilised.

    Me – I just want to be mothered!
     
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  19. Jack In A Cage
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    For me, I was married to a completely submissive woman. When we divorced I knew I didn't want that ever again. I didn't realize I wanted to be submissive myself until I started talking to @Destiny103181. It is so exciting to give over control to her and she loves the power, and I love her for it.
     
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  20. Aral
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    It is logical but not fully true, because:

    For me is nice be subordinate to woman only, not to (alfa)man.
     
  21. CagedandPantied
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    I grew up with a mother who had/has pretty high standards and is very organized and disciplined and expected the same of me. I am not naturally organized, and I’m generally more free-spirited than my mother, so I have a lot of memories/absorbed habits of needing direction & authority to keep her satisfied in those ways, and they have absolutely affected my adult, sexual self.
    I also work in an environment where I am required to exert a lot of daily situational authority, so I seek release through service and obedience at home.
    Finally, part of my relational style is to provide daily acts and affirmation of devotion to my partner, so I crave that means of expression in my marriage.
     
  22. CagedandPantied
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    7CCC74C8-B4C3-4B01-8546-202A5A39BBF0.jpeg Deleted duplicate post with bonus picture of my panties
     
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  23. Andy80
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    As soon as I started having sexual fantasies in my teens, they were often of a submissive nature, though my real life relationships as an adult have been much more vanilla and equal. I actually repressed my deepest submissive kinks for a long time as I felt it wasn't attractive, though thank goodness for the invention of the internet to be able to safely explore the wide world of D/s from home (and realise lots of men felt the same).

    What I've learnt through being with my Mistress is how much more relaxing I find handing over control is, and how as a sub I feel cared for (probably even seeking an element of mothering as others have said), whereas being in a more traditionally male sexual dominant role often stresses me.

    Submission doesn't for me extend far beyond sex though. In a work environment, or when I'm negotiating something like a car deal, I can be much more dominant.
     
  24. OldLockedCuck
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    Sounds like me.
     
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