Prostate cancer?

Interesting and timely topic for me as I was just informed that I have this as well. I am just starting the journey so I will have to get back to you on your questions. I just wanted to follow up that I am interested in this topic as well.

 

Very interesting subject, although I did not have prostate cancer about 5 years ago I had a mild form of bladder cancer, went through all the ops and chemo and all clear and end of this year should be my last camera check, bloody well hope so.
But going through that most assuredly changed my attitude.
I really need to think long and hard about my change in attitude before I can put it into words, hadn't really thought about it until I read your post.

 

Since you posed the question the other day I have been doing a lot of thinking on it all.
I guess it is natural but from receiving the diagnoses, I think every desire need what ever related to sex etc just disappeared instantly. But again it is pretty understandable considering everything.
However from receiving the all clear Sept last year, what a change. We have gone from nothing to can't get enough almost daily.
The other change I have noted is my change in attitude, I can not say I was a prude, bit had to being in a long tern Master / slave relationship, but I was far from an exhibitionist. Prior we never would have posted the photos that we have, in fact we had never taken photos on that subject before.
But going through everything and all the treatment things and attitude have changed considerably. I feel I must be very close to holding the world record for having the most number of people who have , looked at, played with, and poked thinks into my dick. It was almost like I would arrive at the hospital say hi and flop everything out for the next tour group to inspect and play with. However I have to say I did get a couple of smiles at my grooming but never an adverse word.
So yes we have experienced considerable attitude changes post the big C, but all for the good

 

Curious about this too. Going in for my third biopsy in a week, and at least a simple prostectomy in May. Maybe more.

@Lovemetal, yea I get the poking and prodding thing. It seems everyone I meet, wants in on the action. And, why, do those cameras have to be so damned big?

I am going to ask this question at my next appointment.

 

Yes Xileh just about every one wants to see and look at your tackle and play with it. One thing for sure any modesty you may have had will no longer exist almost to the point where when you meet someone you you almost automatically just flop everything out for their inspection. In a way it is good to overcome that modesty.

 

Ouch,
My sissy submissive was diagnosed with testicular cancer and the doctor said that she would have to remove his balls. He saw three other doctors and they all said the same or it would spread to other parts of the body. So he had the surgery.
This was before a time when biopsy was done, now days they can remove a testical biopsy and put it back, but back when he was being diagnosed they did not do it, so he had surgery and they did the biopsy after. So it turns out that there wasn’t any cancer, just tumors. He can’t have an orgasm, maybe a little pre cum, and can’t get a good erection either. I don’t know what is worse? Prostate or testicular? I think the doctors all four that thought it was cancer but it wasn’t.
Mistress Jennifer26
PS
I feel sorry for you guys. My sissy was castrated and it wasn’t necessary. So we just have fun anyway we can just try to make it erotic by trying to do different things.

 

/end lurk
I was diagnosed with prostate cancer at the end of 2018 (Merry Christmas! Not.) I had the robotic surgery early 2019. I had the double whammy of also having low testosterone for years, so luckily my endocrinologist was keeping watch on my PSA level like a hawk. When it jumped up she sent me to the urologist. The urologist immediately took me off the T as T with prostate cancer is the medical equivalent of a gallon of gasoline on a dumpster fire. My biopsy showed there was 4 out of the 12 samples had cancer and my Gleason score was 3+4 so at my age at the time (50), the urologist recommended that it go. After the surgery, I had to go a year with unmeasurable PSA level before the urologist would OK going back on the T. Finally went back on the T in February 2020. Here's what I discovered sexually during that time.

1. You can lose an inch or more of length. When they remove the prostate, they pull the urethra back the width of your now former prostate and hook the plumbing back up. Since the urethra is attached to the outside bit, the outside bit goes backwards too.
2. While the robotic surgery is nerve sparing, the nerves are injured and take quite some time to heal and get back into shape. I started getting really whimpy erections about 6 months after. I think my wife and I had sex maybe 3 times that year.
3. Viagra helps enough to get a stuff-able erection.
4. Orgasms are dry and weird. I'm lucky, my orgasms have gotten much stronger post surgery. Some stay the same intensity, quite a few get less intense. They burned for probably a year after surgery. Yes, you will miss seeing your cum.
5. You can leak urine pretty badly at orgasm - pick up a watersport fetish and you are good to go. My wife... not so much but we've figured it out.
6. You can have a completely limp/flaccid orgasm. Get a magic wand and an attachment for the guys. Stuff it in, turn it on and enjoy.
7. Things get better once you can restart hormone replacement therapy or end the hormone reducing therapy. Once the T was flowing (out of my buttock muscle since my balls long ago gave up that job...) I can get 80% erection without the V regularly.

I started doing chastity about 6 months ago so here are the things I've discovered after starting chastity.
1. Since "the horny" is a result of your system dumping testosterone into your system, for me the levels of change from not horny to horny are small, and I haven't really noticed a perceptible difference between having a prostate and not. Pre chastity I would note an up/down with my peaks of urge over the weekend and my lows midweek when I'd get my next shot. The teasing/denial/whatever does seem to let a slow simmer get going that stays beyond my weekly up/down, but it never builds to an "OMG I'M SO HORNY" level.
2. Lack of prostate means no cum, so no prostate orgasms. While I don't miss the doctor and his finger, I do miss the wife attacking me with a plug and vibe.
3. My wife has noted that all it takes is for the device to get locked on and in about 2 hours I am more passionate, more willing to please, pretty much more everything, so I think a lot of the physiological aspect of chastity is in the head and your head is 80% of sex. What I notice is the feeling of the cage, how everything is moving in it, etc and it immediately redirects my focus to HER. I cannot stop touching, kissing, staring. doing things for her. Works for us as both are enjoying our sex life again. We aren't doing super long term lockups yet but I just did 18 days leading up to our anniversary, which then proceeded to get cock-blocked by a sick child so now on day 21...

Anyway, long rambling post to note that orgasms, horny-ness, sexual feelings don't end after removal of the prostate. Things will change, most definitely but it still can be fulfilling.

KF.

/begin lurk

 

Thank you for ending your lurking, you have plenty to offer and your post has helped me to process the future. And, the future hurts. Loosing erections and ejaculation is a big deal. One that is not talked about enough.

Thank you for sharing.

 

Xileh - I wont sugar coat it. Cancer sucks, but if caught early it is survivable. I'm now in year 3 cancer free and while that first year SUCKED in terms of sex. I will tell you this - 1000% DO NOT practice chastity while undergoing treatment and until you've past your year one all clear. I highly, highly recommend getting attachments for the magic wand and use it regularly. Why? You need to retrain your dick on how to get an erection, so ultimately masturbation is a form of physical therapy. My doctor proscribed a low dose of Cialis to take every day to help get blood flow back into my dick and help everything along. Once I knew that I could at least have an orgasm again, that was a big relief. (And believe me, that was a HUGE fear. The last time making love to my wife before the surgery I sobbed figuring it was the last time. Ever.) If your partner is willing, have them join in with your "physical therapy" session (wish I had done that with my wife earlier) , and if they are anti that, point out that it is physical rehab, which it is. If you got into chastity as part of the stopping a porn/masturbation habit, avoid the porn as much as possible. Think of it like rehab-ing a broken ankle. You've got the exercises you don't want to do, but do them anyway. Just so happens this exercise has a "happy ending" so to speak. Next thing you know, you'll find yourself all locked up again with your partner telling you to be prepared when they come home because you aren't getting any.

Any guesses what I'm doing this afternoon?

It does get better.

KF.

 

My wife is an ordained Christian minister so you want to talk weird? Especially since we are into the kinkier side of life?

I never got the pump so I never had the fun of that, but I did discover that a cock ring would help get an erection at least 90% of full so there was that.

As for leakage, kegels, kegels, kegals! You and your partner can do them together! The joke around our friends was based on what the urologist told me. If you are practicing your kegels right, you should be trying to pick up a quarter off a coffee table with your butt hole. Now I sneeze and look at my wife and say "I'm turning that quarter into a diamond". Gets a laugh out of her.

KF

 

Hi, all. I was away for a while and now about four months into my recovery from a radical prostectomy. I am obviously at this early juncture still dealing with ED, but I have noticed some increase in length and girth during arousal even though I remain soft. This is encouraging since it’s so early. I have never had orgasms quickly, and now they really take a lot of time and a lot of stimulation. However, they are much more intense and can result in multiples sometimes. Wearing the cage still keeps me aroused probably more than before, surprisingly (You want what you can’t have). Haven’t tried the pump yet, but I think I’ll wait and see how I progress. Maybe I’ll chime in later when I have more time. Great discussion!

 

…just realized how late I am to this thread!

 

WOW!!! So sorry to hear that! We missed you but can't imagine the ordeal you've been thru.

It looks like you've been away for about 9 months, but you mentioned that you are 4 months into your recovery from surgery. I'm sure it took a few months to diagnose, do a biopsy, etc. Did you start to have symptoms? How did your doctor detect it initially? Did they catch it early?

It sounds like your recovery is progressing really well and more quickly than a lot of men experience. I'm surprised to hear that you are back in chastity so quickly. Did you take Viagra/Cialis/similar for awhile and are you still on it? Does it help with the ED?

How much of a damper did this put on your intimacy with your wife? Did she still want to be intimate with you while you've been dealing with this? Has it minimized the amount of cuddling, touching, massaging and giving of pleasure to her that you do?

I apologize for all of the questions; I know that we are all likely to go through health scares like this. I'm curious how couples manage to maintain their intimacy during times when one or both aren't capable of full sexual function. We are going to be leading a class on sexuality at our church soon. This is a question I've had in the back of my mind.

 

Hey, LG, I wondered if you’d see I was back. Hope you are well. Thanks for your concern, and I don’t mind answering your questions. It started with a high PSA blood test in October. I had my regular checkup in Janurary and my doctor suggested I see a urologist and that turned into a biopsy. I had the surgery in April. It seemed to be caught early. I have had annual PSA tests for years, so when it suddenly spiked, it was cause for alarm. Anyway, it was contained within the prostate and the lymph nodes were clear so it does not seem to have spread. I’ll have semi annual blood tests going forward to make sure it doesn’t crop up somewhere else.
Regarding the rest, side affects have been typical and expected, as I said. I am not planning to take anything for the ED. My wife has not been able to have intercourse without pain since menopause, so we had already adapted; I pleasure her with a vibrator and she pops in 5 minutes or less, and once in a while she alllows me supervised masturbation with a vibe. The cancer through a wrench into it all, so we are just now starting to explore the new normal.
The most frustrating thing is having to wear pads in my underwear for the occasional bladder spasm. I have good weeks and bad weeks in that regard, but it’s getting less frequent. I have every reason to hope that erections will return eventually, but it may be a year or two. All in all, I’m coping better than most because we had already experienced changes as we aged.
I think the best thing you can tell your class is that as you age and have to adapt, you have to look at it as a oportunity to explore new ways of being intimate. God blesses the marriage bed, so be creative and have fun with it! (This is easier for us kinky folks I think because being creative is half the thrill.) Remind them that your brain is your biggest sex organ, and that you don’t need an erection to have an orgasm. You can honor God without being uptight and weird about it… spouses need to be direct and talk about their needs without shame; and I think the church could talk more honestly about sex like you plan to do. I’m untested to learn how it goes.
One last thought about the class…I’ve always been kinky but always hid that side from my wife. As we got older, I started to slowly talk about my kinks and although she didn’t embrace all of it, she accepted me as I was and it made our relationship stronger. I felt seen, brokenness and all. There is a lesson in that I think.

 

For us, the revelation comes when you separate intercourse from intimacy. Intimacy is much more than intercourse.

We now incorporate a strapon for me to wear, vibrators, fingers, chastity, teasing, discipline, all kinds of activities. And intercourse as well.

Chastity opened our eyes to the possibilities that made loosing some amount of capability easier to accept. I wont kid you, loosing the ability to ejaculate really hurts.

But, we are more intimate now than ever before.

 

You two are an inspiration to me! I, too, am learning much of what you share about intimacy being much more than intercourse. My wife is also unable to have intercourse because hip pain. She's at the point where she almost can't get on a bicycle because she can't get her leg over the bike. We have adapted also in terms of physical intimacy. I have to honestly say that intercourse was never entirely pleasurable for me either for various reasons. I think we are enjoying physical intimacy much, much more now that PIV's off the table.

Not having to have orgasms has also opened us up to physical sensuality so much more. My wife is starting to have some performance anxiety about orgasms, so I'm trying to figure out how to dial it back a little so that it doesn't become a serious problem.

My wife is probably like yours lckdnpnk in that she has no kinky desires at all. But she has been open to hearing some of mine. But I've learned that whatever we do together, we both need to be comfortable with it, otherwise it can lead to negative emotions that will dampen her libido. That's the last thing I want to do. I heard one secular neuroscientist / sex therapist say this week that oral sex performed on the woman is the equivalent of objectification by the man if she isn't comfortable with it. That struck pretty close to home. My wife is more open to receiving oral sex now that ever before, but I'm not sure she can enjoy it unless its right after a shower and the setting & circumstances are right.

As far as kink goes, I've really discovered that Christian sex therapists are more open to things than ever before. As long as it doesn't violate one of God's moral laws (such as cuckolding), it's pleasurable physically or psychologically for both spouses so that one is not uncomfortable with the act, then the "world is your oyster". It reminds me of the story of Peter in Acts 10 where he has a dream of a sheet being let down to earth with an assortment of non-kosher "unclean" animals and God speaks to him and gives him approval to eat what he has seen.

I'm glad to hear your cancer was detected early. I have a friend at our church who is also our lawyer who had prostate problems that went undetected because his Dr didn't take the appropriate steps early on. It had metastatized and now is showing up elsewhere. He's been on all sorts of experimental treatments to slow the growth but at this point they know it's terminal.

I've met a man recently who has become a friend who had his prostate removed about 8 years ago. He's a peculiar individual who hasn't pursued recovery of his sexual function like you are. Yet he has virtually no intimacy with his wife and struggles with the fact that she's not interested in intimacy with him. His problem seems to be an inability to structure his thoughts and pursue a step by step plan for anything in life. I think he needs professional help. But because of his inability to focus, he can easily slip back into pornography for easy dopamine hits. It's really sad.

How quickly did you recover from surgery to the point you could orgasm again? Was that really difficult to achieve the first time? And have they reached a place where they are as pleasurable as before your surgery? Does the lack of ejaculate affect your experience negatively? I've achieved an orgasm a few times without getting an erection back when I had ED prior to the restoration of intimacy in our marriage. I remember them being pleasurable. But nothing has been nearly as pleasurable as orgasms are now after lengthy periods of denial and my wife's involvement in administering them.

I've heard that some men never are able to get erections after prostate removal surgery. Is that entirely dependent on restoring / saving nerve function? Are there other variables that matter such as physical health, cardovascular disease, high cholesterol, etc? Is your doctor confident or highly optimistic that your erectile function will return? I'm very grateful that my erectile function has been restored (at least when she releases me for play about once a month) after having had ED for a few years. Erections make the sexual experience extremely pleasurable, that's for certain! Whatever the case, I look forward to hearing how your journey of intimacy with your wife progresses and is blessed by the Creator in the future. Thanks for sharing!

 

Yes, nerve preservation is key, which has a lot to do with the surgeons skill and experience using the Davinci robot. It can take 1-3 years to get erecting back but some men don’t at all. I haven’t had one since the surgery, but it hasn’t even been 6 months yet.
My first orgasm came at about 2 months after the surgery using a tens unit. I didn’t know what to expect so it took me by surprise how intense it was. The second time I really relaxed because I knew what to expect and enjoyed it more. It was so intense and long lasting that I realized I was going to be okay without ejaculating. It takes some getting use to but it’s pretty great. Less refractory time though; great for men who enjoy chastity.