i have been self locking in an explorer for best part of 6 months, my wife who i love dearly is not interested, well until this last weekend. i have numerous fetishes involving leather/pvc, femdom, etc i told her about the fetish wear very early into our now 11 year relationship, she occasionally wore a pvc dress in the early days but didn’t like it and so it was discarded. i still had urges for it and bought some femme pvc wear for myself to wear when self pleasuring which disgusted her. we were then intimate very rarely and it was always very vanilla, i tried to kick the fetishes but to no avail. i had mentioned chastity and again this disgusted her and she said she wanted nothing to do with it. when i got my device i tried to put my reasoning across, i thought it would aid in my desire to quit masturbating (3-4 times a week, oddly she turns a blind eye to it as long as i do it when i’m away at work) aswell as lower my higher than her sex drive and i also had a habit of bending my penis down ward when morning wood arrived which has resulted in a permanent bending when hard. a few weeks ago she told me that she would like another baby, we have two primary school age children, and there was more passion when kissing from her and she was more receptive to my touching and suggestions of intimacy. we have made love about 6-7 times so far this year and i think i have desensitised myself through my fetishes as i was unable to cum each time, obviously this isn’t great if you are trying to conceive. if i was to dress up and masturbate i would have no problem, & inevitably post cumming i would always feel guilty and ashamed and vow to not do it again, i told her this in a chat after my latest failure on friday night to provide the required goods and i said i would, with her blessing, lock myself up and would she hide the keys away from me so that i couldn’t take them to work with me. she was not very responsive at this. i locked early the following morning and left the keys in a red velvet bag that my device came in on her bedside table. when she woke she thought i’d left a gift, and i told her i did, that it was our baby. i wanted her to hide the keys because as sure as day follows night if i had access to them when away working i would just do what i do and i won’t break the cycle. now she seemed more accepting of my desire to be locked and was ok with it. she left the keys on the table for most of the day and i mentioned to her about keeping them safe because if they are lost then we most definitely won’t be picking out baby names any time soon! she picked the bag up and put them in her top drawer. i said that it wasn’t a good hiding place and that i’ll know where to find them with a cheeky smile, still they stayed put. we spoke today and i asked if she’d removed the bag and hidden it where i can’t find it and she said that she had, and that she’d waited until i was at work before doing so. it’s a small victory for me that she is seeing my reasoning for chastity and i’m doing all i can to break my bad habits and that i want to give us both a new little one. her ovulation date was this last friday and so i’m expecting to be locked until her next date, although i fear if i’m away working it will be even longer. my longest continuous self lock was about 7 days, it came off once during that time for a good clean, i’m looking forward to smashing that record with gusto. another problem is that she doesnt want to see or feel my device, that’s her choice which i respect and i’ve never shoved it in her face, i can’t lie, but i would love to show her it and maybe take away any fear she has about what it is, she has admitted that she does not even know what they look like and has no interest in knowing, but i’m hopeful that now she has the keys and has agreed for me to lock until she decides she might soften her stance on this. are there any ladies who feared them before finally seeing one and could offer some advice? i won’t push her or encourage her, ive always told her i will have an open conversation about what i’m in to with her anytime she wants but she’s an out of sight out of mind type of woman take care all. r.
Sounds like chastity in this case is being presented as a chore to her... Maybe if you can show her some benefits of it and give her a reason to actually do it... she might be more interested.
I think i would want a serous chat before having another kid. If your having sex issues now its not gonna be better with sleepless nights. After she gets pregnant will you be happy to go back to been ignored sexualy. If the kink is part of who you are, she needs to acept that, then both decide what that means. If you dont, your just going to end up resenting each other. But equally you should be very willing to try anything she wants.
It reads like she is simply going along with things to get what she wants, a baby. You have stated that you cant cum from PIV, only from masturbation and that unless caged you can't resist masturbating, this is probably your first hurdle to overcome. You have probably become used to the sensation of your hand, the tightness of the grip etc and you don't get the required sensation from PIV sex to orgasm. Only way around that is to not masturbate and get reacquainted with the feeling of your wife. A cage takes away the physical ability, but you have to get your head around not wanting to do it as well. Have you discussed whether or not you actually want another child? Each family is different and have different wants and/or needs, no one can tell you whats right for your family dynamic, but you have to be certain that it is something you both want. Lots of things to go through and I would think more discussion is required between you both. I would only suggest that maybe you do this when you have plenty of time and are away from distractions (like tending to other kids in the house for example), perhaps organise a night out, get a baby sitter for your children and really talk about things.
it’s not presented as a chore, these last 5-6 months i’ve adjusted my behaviour at home, not that i was a complete b-stard, i talk with her and listen more, i help around the house as much as my short time at home each week allows, I've told her that there will be benefits from me being locked and she has acknowledged this and said i’m not pestering her for intimacy and she prefers me this way. in holding onto the keys i’ve told her that i don’t expect her to indulge in fetishwear or to dominate me to give me a thrill, she does not have the strong personality for it which i recognised early on. i long to be closer to her physically and mentally and i said i believe my chastity would be the key to it, i feel that she thinks it would lead to my fetishes being acted upon.
I think you have hit the nail on the head there, I think maybe you should consider seeing a Councillor before trying for another baby.