Pondering, Is self chastity beneficial.

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Dev810, Aug 16, 2017.

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  1. Dev810
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    Dev810 Active member

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    I have been pondering this today.
    You see my girlfriend wants no part in chastity, and I have in the past, and will likely again soon, practice self chastity. I was pondering though is self chastity beneficial and in the spirit of what chastity really is... Or is to me anyway.

    I know that's probably different for different people. For me... I do desire an element if control in my life (as this seems to alleviate my Anxiety) but over all I see it as an intriguing way to become a better person and man. Utilizing my sexual nature for more useful ends. To grow as a man and couple with whomever I end up with in an exciting way fueled by desire aimed at her.

    I find that self chastity can help with my loneliness and need for control a little, but I wonder if it is negatively effecting future chastity experiences with my current or future SO or hopefully one day my wife.

    I suppose it's kind of like if you have an epic meal coming later but you eat lots of snacks leading up to it, I wonder if experimenting with self chastity now will spoil my future true chastity experiences, that is of course if the person I end up with will intertain this activity.

    Dunno just pondering these things I guess.
     
  2. Hybridoflife
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    Hybridoflife Member

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    I self lock primarily as a masturbation inhibitor, and am just generally more comfortable not feeling my erections through the day (I wear a full belt, so everything is thoroughly restricted). I don't actually have any desire to have a kh though as I am a very dominant person.

    I guess it depends really on what you are looking to get out of it. If I did give a key to someone, it wouldn't be from the desire for someone to control me, but rather to make sure that I follow through with my desire to limit my habitual sexual activities (which I probably should see a therapist for, but that is a whole other can of worms).

    So I say it really does work as long as it is in line with what you are looking for. If it isn't, it will likely be a fight with yourself to stay locked.
     
  3. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    I would say that there are two angles to this. The first is you have to keep yourself happy. If wearing a device makes you happy then go for it. But you have to do it in a way that doesn't clash with the second angle, which is to keep your girlfriend happy. If you do the first right then maybe, just maybe, you can get her to be involved as well. Get it wrong and you will put her off forever.

    The first thing to do is to be upfront about it. Be honest and tell her that you are going to self lock. Tell her that you do not need her to be your keyholder or do anything different. Have a conversation about why you want to do this. Ask her if she has any questions as she may have all sorts of strange worries about this that you can easily resolve.

    You may be told by some people that self locking isn't really chastity. My advice is to ignore them. Don't be put off by people telling you that it isn't chastity until you are truly controlled and have no escape. You need to be able to get this device off when she wants you to be intimate.

    One way to get her more into this is to look at things like tantric orgasm control or karezza devotional sex. Tease and denial is also a sexual practice that doesn't rely on a chastity device. These are ways in which you can help her understand why chastity is a positive force for good in a relationship, not some outrageous kink that is hard to understand. Why on earth would someone not want an orgasm? Well, it's all about training your brain to be more sensual, more close to each other, for the male to balance their chemical factory (also known as the brain) and to increase the feelings when sex is allowed. The male ejaculation is actually a bit of a disaster when it comes to sex.

    My own personal choice would be to use the tantric approach, I would have more orgasms set to a timetable but greatly reduced over what I experienced prior to chastity. It doesn't suit my Wife's desires though, so she has gone from being ok with me wearing a device to being my keyholder and Mistress in a little under two years. I have gone from weekly orgasms at the beginning to an average of one every two to five months now.

    Control is a positive thing if that is what you want. It has transformed me and I truly wish this had started years ago.
     
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  4. Vinny
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    Vinny Locked up again. Starting year 6.

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    There is no right or wrong. Whatever you like is valid. My thoughts are that the basics of chastity are missing in self locking. At its core, chastity is a transfer of control. Self lockers have no one to transfer that control to. They are not also not experiencing the things like teasing, obeying your KH, doing it to please someone else. edging and what makes chastity different to celibacy, having regular sex to make you exquisite the torture of having sex without an orgasm which is another biggie that you will not get.

    Celibates are chaste and also do not engage in sexual activities which is basically what self lockers do. Those in chastity have sex with a partner with or without an orgasm. However, labels mean nothing. My point is that what you do is a very different thing than what most of us do. Also not much to post about since posting that you are still locked up grows old very quickly. We can talk about the kind of sex we have, how our KH's punish and train us, D/s, cuckolding, etc..

    I understand self locking because at one time I was practicing BDSM alone. Fun at first and relieved some of my stress, but not the same as having a Mistress involved. I had very little in common with the BDSM community because of that. Yet, I found satisfaction from it for a few months. What you do is not wrong or right, it is simply a very different experience than those with a KH.

    However it seems that the majority of those practicing chastity these days are single males. Check out the chastity fetlife forums to see what I mean. So your version of chastity may be more popular than those of men with a KH though most of them just like the arousal of being locked up and not the benefits described above. I have done most of what you can do in sex and did it my way. I did not care what others thought of my version of a fetish. As long as I had fun and/or got benefits from it, it was the right way for me.

    I am afraid that if you join a forum filled with self lockers, most will be gone in a few months or weeks. I have seen it happen over the last four years online. Self locking now should not ruin it for when you have KH unless having someone else in charge of your penis may be something you do not enjoy. Two different reasons and experiences to sample. Good luck.

    P.S. - you will find self lockers come and go all the time or post very little. I have been active on most chastity forums and that has been my observation. As long as it fills a need in your life, just do it. I always have. :)
     
  5. filltee
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    filltee Junior Member

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    If and whan you want to do it ... do it.
    If you have a partner then if you really want to do it and they do not you may over time be able to convince them otherwise but if they remain opposed to it and you are determined to do it.. you may well have other issues that you may want some guidamce or help with if you want to save your relationship.

    This I feel applies not only to TTTWD but to many other aspects of being in a relationship and the type and dynamic of the relationship.
     
  6. ChasteCharlie
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    ChasteCharlie Active member

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    As a previous self locker I found it met a need but I've found it more fulfilling since my wife became my keyholer
     
  7. Giveitup
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    Giveitup Long term member

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    Complicated situation. I am a stealth self-locker. I have multiple reasons:
    1. My wife is vanilla, I am kinky.
    2. My wife is good with having sex once in a while, and while I always try to make sure she has an orgasm, I'm not sure she cares if she doesn't have one.
    3. I orgasm at least once a day, if I don't self-lock.
    4. The time I spend masturbating could be much better spent elsewhere!
    5. I am normally an A-male, through and through, and I am not altogether sure I want to hand-over my key, and therefore, control of my orgasms, to anyone. Especially my wife, who appears to be unable to care less about sex, let alone my kinks.
    6. My wife, though I love her dearly, has great disdain for B-males. If I asked her to be my keyholder, and ease her into it in the wrong way, she could see me as a B-male, lose respect for me, and that would kill me (and likely the marriage.)
    7. But, based on #5, what if I do get her to understand that I want chastity, NEED her to be my focus of my sexual desires and energy, and that I need help controlling my porn and masturbation habit... What if she LIKES it?!?! Eeeek! That scares me too!
    8. I want to make sure I can handle wearing a device for multiple days, before I even take the chance, so I am self-locking and going for longer and longer lock-ups while one or the other of us is away on business travel.
    9. I find myself self-teasing, by watching chastity (and other) porn, getting off in my cage, playing with ruined orgasms, or using the hot tub jets to cum. This tells me that I still see this as just another kink, and that relates to #8. If I cannot build-up to long-term wear, stand the skin irritation and adjust - without pulling my pud in some form or another -- this is just another kinky phase I am going through, and as @Vinny suggests, I will lose interest. Why present someone with a key, if I am not prepared to be sincere?
    So, am I overthinking it? ;) You decide. But that's my attempt at all the same questions running around in my head too...

    -- Giveitup

    P.S. - But I have been at it since May! :)
     
  8. ChasteCharlie
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    ChasteCharlie Active member

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    I see a lot of the situation I was in in your post especially in your reasons 1 - 4. I found the hardest part was getting the courage to speak to her about it. probably linked to your reasons 5 and 6. When we did finally talk about it she said that she didn't see herself in a dominant role and it was convincing her that I wasn't necessarily looking for that. Once she felt that I wasn't trying to force her to something she didn't want she agreed a trial. Whilst there are some on this forum that will say this is not true male chastity, we are now in the exploring male chastity together which is more fulfilling than my self locking ever was.
     
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  9. Giveitup
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    Giveitup Long term member

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    Good advice, Charlie - Thank you.
     
  10. cb1984
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    cb1984 Long term member

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    It was similar for us as well. It was a slow process. I mentioned it, but it didnt really go far then slowly my wife warmed up to it and after a few trials and finding a device that was able to be worn for long periods she has now decided that I will be staying locked
     
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