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Permanent chastity

Discussion in 'The Tower' started by shadowman6, Jun 30, 2017.

  1. I'm currently in short term chastity to Mistress Nikki (my wife...) and it has been so much fun to watch her go from small town vanilla to a capable and ever-improving key holder. After 20 years of going through the motions, we have both come to understand that the dysfunction in our marriage has been a misunderstanding about our roles...I was raised to be a stud, when in reality I am a beta male sexually. Chastity has helped us both assume our proper roles in the bedroom, and neither myself nor Mistress Nikki has ever been happier.

    She has come this far in a relatively short time (6 months since I asked her to click the lock and keep the key) and she's beginning to understand that my sexual pleasure derives from her getting hers, and that, to me, being forever horny and edged is like an ongoing orgasm for me...to the point that I have asked her to make chastity the standard operating procedure in our marriage and I'm thinking of asking her to take my orgasm away...forever. I want to stay horny and edged for her, and I've gotten her to understand that men have no physiological need to cum.

    I really am thinking of asking her to lock me into permanent chastity, with no orgasm...ever again...

    Anyone in this situation have any advice? Am I totally crazy? This has been an amazing ride, and I want to see where it takes us...I hope it takes us to a place where my wife denies me so that I may serve her needs...forever.

    Thanks for your time...
    Mash2214 and Mark Owen like this.
  2. I'm surprised that this has gone for 36 hours without a reply. Permanent is a big step and may not be the right step for everyone. Why not just keep encouraging her to go longer between unlocks and see where it takes you? Ultimately, it is her decision and you'll do as you're told.
    Peter Rabbit and shadowman6 like this.
  3. After 4+ years my wife seems to actually be trying to deny me forever but realistically if there is no reward for me, there is no incentive for me to keep on playing. Our chastity play is basically orgasm time indeterminate and I am led around with a carrot on a stick with an orgasm just within my grasp, only to be pulled away at the last moment. At this point I really do not care. I cannot get any hornier and the edging sessions are exquisitely frustrating. My wife is having extremely intense orgasms the longer she denies me. Things are working well for us so we will just keep going denying me as long as we can. I do not pretend I am forced into chastity. I can end it at any time which is why I say we, not her. I am no one slaves. I can only be rented, not bought.

    I owe my wife for sharing her girlfriends with me for most of our 44+ years or marriage. My wife has shared me with other women since the second year of our marriage until just 7 years ago. I have promised her that sex will focus only on her and I can go as long as she wants to take me without an orgasm. I cannot say how long that will be but right now but there are no orgasms planned. She has always said that if she had her way I would never orgasm again due to how good she was at providing me with girls and looking the other way with my own girlfriends. She now has her way but realistically, she is not my domme and if she senses that I am in physical or mental distress, she will make me orgasm. I am fine with that and if that is permanent orgsam denial, that is what we are shooting for. Either she or I will feel that I need an orgasm sometime in the future but since we have only gone 4 months in the past, we will both find out how long sometime is.
    Mark Owen and tomf_22033 like this.
  4. My wife and I finalized our new sex life. Chastity will be our normal sex from now on. There will be no scheduled orgasm dates for me. I essentially am denied an orgasm unless a lack of it affects my well being is affected. My wife will provide hope that an orgasm may be coming up in a few months but then cancel it or just let me perform oral on her. She understands that with no hope she has no control over me since no matter what, I am not going to get an orgasm.

    We also worked out something to take care of those times when I complain about a lack of orgasm and a few other things she finds annoying. I will be punished for as long as she deems necessary. It will be either either her paddle, strap or cane.

    That is it. Lockup is permanent but thinking orgams denial is permanent is more in the the area of fantasyland for us. My wife loves me after all and does not want to see me suffer too much. So I have a safety net knowing that I will not be having mental problems due to no orgasm. That will relieve any anxiety I sometimes get knowing that there is no orgasm in sight ever.

    That is as close to permanent chastity as we can get and be real about it.
    RexVa, gary170 and tomf_22033 like this.
  5. Doug and Vinny,

    That's how it's playing out for now...I've been locked up for 5 weeks now, no end in sight. What's odd is that I honestly don't want an end; in fact it scares me a bit to think of this ending. I love being horny all the time, and I like feeling dependent on Mistress Nikki (my own name for my wife of 20+ years...). I'm about to ask her for 6 months of denial. I think she finally realizes that this is all coming from a deep desire to finally please her...no kidding, I suck at sex. I'm just not a stud like guys of my generation were told to be...I'm a kinky, submissive guy. I prefer giving oral sex to PIV sex. I find myself sexually fulfilled by seeing my wife be fulfilled, and honestly this is not new; I've just opened up to her about it...I would rather spend my life making up for 20 years of bad sex by being locked and denied than to be granted an orgasm. I think eventually permanent denial will work for both of us, but your advice is timely and well heeded, too.

    I'll take it slow...thanks to both of you for your advice
  6. Joroincharge

    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!
    Staff Member Moderator

    Mar 10, 2009
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    IMO you are topping from the bottom. The relationship surely needs to be that it's your wife deciding what your sex life (if any) is to be: whatever, whenever, and however. With the option of permanent if and only if that is what she wants.
  7. Im coming up on 2 years being locked 24/7 365 my wife loves me locked and if she does let me out its very quick and then it goes right back on
    not sure what defines permanent to most but 1 or 2 orgasms a year and very short times when it does comes off seems like permanent to me
    gary170 and shadowman6 like this.
  8. Joroincharge,

    Well, you're not wrong...I'm still new to this and trying to learn my place. I just badly want to make up for 20 years of disappointing her. I'll figure it out...

  9. Seems like a likely scenario for Mistress Nikki and me...
  10. Permanent seems a bit unrealistic...even if that is what she wants. Extremely rare or only when she wants you, leaves the door open, keeps you guessing, and keeps it about her.
    filltee and shadowman6 like this.
  11. The problem is that not all men orgasm almost everyday. Someone at my age would need to have an unrealistic amount of sex. The problem with studies are that almost all are not conducted properly and you can always find some that disagree. Here is one that says it is healthier to have no orgasms. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/7242091
    shadowman6 likes this.
  12. I think Joroincharge has it right. And not just because of the "topping from the bottom" part. My wife intends for me to stay locked until our 10th anniversary (November 2018). But, just last week she very nearly let me have PIV (was nearly in her when the baby woke up and interrupted).

    What your wife wants can change over time. I think that Joroincharge's comment about whatever she wants whenever she wants is a better approach.
  13. I suspect, as with all such issues, that the truth lies somewhere in the middle, and is most likely where we will land...
  14. I do not see a problem with topping from the bottom in the real world. We men have read about chastity for a long time and it is unrealistic to expect your KH to just take charge. I have trained three women to dominate me, sometimes taking as much as 3 years to do so. They are not born with the desire to dominate men or know how to use various BDSM gear. They knew nothing about safe words and other things necessary for safe and sane sex that results in pleasure for both. As time passed I left them more on their own though.

    Make no mistake about it. In fantasyland the domme is in charge. In the real world the sub has all the power. The domme cannot dominate without the sub's consent and the sub can stop everything by withdrawing his consent or simply uttering a safe word. Furthermore, a sub can be submissive without needed consent of anyone. He just acts submissive. If a domme tries to dominate without consent, that is a felony. No it or not, the sub is always topping from the bottom. Go to a pro domme of BDSM club and you will see that the dommes are doing what they subs allow them to do. The subs may not go into great detail but will have stated their limits as I always did. If any domme tried to do something to me that I had not given permission for, she would not be happy with my reaction.

    There is a fine line between a psychological disorder to want to be a slave to another human and a sexual fetish. Most of us do the latter. I bet everyone here can stop what their dommes are doing one way or another. If not, call the police and they will stop it. Let's not confuse fantasy play with reality. We do give up control to the extent of OUR limits and likes, and not the dommes. If the domme does something she likes but we do not, we decide whether to consent to it or fight back. If we just take whatever is done to us thinking we deserve it or have no choice, that is an issue to take up with a psychologist.

    I know that a good part of my S&M play was due to my untreated depression and PTSD. Once treated, I took charge of my sex life and spoke to my Mistress to decide what she could and could not do to me. This same dialog happens with pro dommes and subs waiting in a BDSM club to be selected by a domme/dom. A domme, or at least a good and experienced one, would never select one of the kneeling subs and start off with having him gang raped by other guys. She will question him to find out what he is into and his limits. That is how it is done. No one is allowed to force someone to do anything against their will. Where I live, that is grounds for self defense up to and including the use of deadly force. :)

  15. vinnie first off that is not a study, it is a statistical analysis of death certificates in n.y. state. so if when he gets sick he is sent to a monastery in another state to die it's not counted( which is a common practice). second i wonder how many little boys were abused to help them avoid cancer. third, just because they are priests it does not mean they are not having sex.
    more over, living a stress free life helps avoiding a whole host of maladies. catholic priest live a very stress free life in upstate n.y. . on top of that, what priest is going to tell the bishop that he gets laid 21 times a month by 5 alter boys and ten wifes in the church. i have two xx friends who were catholic. both told me how when they were between 13 and16 they had regular sex with their priest because they believed what he told them "it was like having sex with god" better yet my puck wet to catholic school. he visited his favorite high school nun sister cecilia when he entered the seminary. she told him she was leaving the order the next day to marry a priest whom she was having an affair with since before he was her student. when the church found out they moved the priest to another parish in a different state. if he stayed in would that be counted as being celibate? how about showing me a real study that i can take stock in where the participant have no reason to lie!
    vinnie, i surely hope you did not think that i would be that naive to be swayed by your link. i certainly would not have expected that of you..... though here it is in print.
  16. I couldn't disagree with you more. Just because I give consent doesn't mean I'm in charge. You are very correct about the ability to stop, if you are physically forced to do something you are not willing to do, its assault. So just because We have a right to stop before felony assault, we are actually the ones with all the power? I'm sorry but I find that to be the most self centered thing I've heard.

    My chastity experience is about roles. Who's in charge of sex, what kind, how long, when, if, etc. Typically it's the males who initiates, pushes limits, and directs sexual activity, with the final say resting on the female. Just because she has the right to refuse doesn't change her role, or make her dominant. Same goes when the roles are reversed.

    I would rather not have a loosen paddle hit my ass 60 times tonight, just because I gave her consent doesn't make her any less in charge of it. She could change her mind, she could give me less, or more, she could decide to give me an orgasm out of the blue. My point is that it's her that decides and the fact that it isn't felony assault has nothing to do with who is in charge or who.

    If I exert my "power" and use my safe word and we go back to a traditional style...is she in charge then, because she has the final say on what she will do sexually?

    In your view it seems we all are topping from the bottom, manipulating our submissive wives who not doing exactly what we want, or we are living in a fantasy land derived from porn and vivid imaginations. Not all of us had to "train" our partner. I believe you feel you are topping from the bottom because you are able to and that you are the one that is in control, as for me I willl stick to bottoming from the bottom.
    Ma'at Rebekah likes this.
  17. i like your logic. i am from the non consensual consent camp. you are obviously from the ssc camp. though we disagree your logic is flawless based on your premise. well done.
  18. This raises too many questions to be answered here if they ever will be at all.

    In this context of prostate cancer and how it relates to whether or not which people do or dont have sex we have to stay in context. As far as emptying the prostate through ejaculation is concerned it matters not (or does it) who the penis is in at the time (or their gender) or if it through other alternative manual forms of stimulation or even if it is achieved with no physical stimulation at all as with mentally induced ejaculation or the more easily achieved leakage of pre-cum which can be quite prolific.. but is it suffice to reap health benifits ..if there are any? Does it have to be an orgasm?

    Do people whose prostates are frequently completely emptied run a lower risk of prostate cancer than people who's prostates are never consciously emptied at all?

    In a proper study many other questions have to arise, how often is frequently? does the prostate need to be drained empty? if so how often? Is a little regular reduction of prostate fluid build up suffice to make a difference? How frequently is often and how much is a little? Do degrees of 'emptying' make a difference or methods? Myriad questions arise when the subject is looked at properly.

    I do not believe a comprehensive detailed and closely monitored (how?) study has or even could be carried out.

    It is not as simple as the connection being seen between the earlier women have unprotected male/s ejaculating in their vagina sex and the incidence of cervical cancer compared with the incidence rates in women that rarely have or have never had unprotected males ejaculating in their vagina. The Whores V Nuns type of studies... (no offence towards historic or modern day sex workers intended.) where comparisons that led to studies. Nothing similar inspiring so grat an interest is likely to occur in relation the incidence of prostate cancer in people who consciously do not allow their genitals and prostates to behave in the more traditional uninhibited manner.

    I think not only is the jury out on this one I don't think it is likely to ever come back with a comprehensive and useful set of verdicts.
  19. Perfect. Hadn't thought of that final stage in the reasoning!
  20. First off I was just showing that studies and information is always flawed. I spent years doing studies for government agencies and could skew them to what they wanted them to say. It is like the Pro-gun/anti-gun argument. There are studies for both sides and all of them are flawed.

    I would not thought that you would bring sex with little boys into this but you did. Are you suggesting that no one lied in the other studies either? I am not disagreeing with what you say because we are aware of the issue but at my age I would need sex more than once a day to have a slight benefit. If you do further research you will see that the benefits are more for younger men.

    The sub has all the power so who is in charge? The one with all the power. Believe what you will if it makes it more fun for you. I just have too many years invested in BDSM to think otherwise.
  21. Very much the same deal in our marriage:)
  22. This is a typical D/s relationship https://thefemdomdiary.tumblr.com/post/111884412072/lifestyle-bdsm-relationships Notice the give and take and slipping into and out of role play. That is what I do. BTW, statistics trump studies everytime. One is a prediction based on a sample while the other are actual results on a sample. What you are saying is that if a study shows 5 in 10 will die if they do X but a study shows that 3 out of 10 die, the study is more accurate? Dragging sex with boys into an argument is an undignified method of trying to discredit and defame what is said. This is what our current President does to his discredit and shame of our country.

    Where the studies you quoted double blind? Most are not. I am old enough to remember the studies that said X is not good for you and then a few decades later the studies show it is good for you. The study of studies is interesting and few are conducted properly. I choose to make up my own mind and not blinding believe all that I read, not matter what the source. Study the history of medicine and see all the "facts" based on Studies that are ludicrous today. I am not saying the studies you quoted are wrong. I have read them before. I am saying that when it comes to your body, you should be in charge. I know that am and the medical profession is called a Practice for a reason. :)

    Not looking for an argument and my opinions are mine. Do what you want. Following my own advice has worked out very well for me. YMMV.
    traveler likes this.
  23. Yes it makes me feel better that my version of chastity is giving up control and power, and to do so she doesn't have to be part of the slave trade.

    You can believe whatever makes YOU feel better, but Your version isn't fact because you believe it to be no matter how many decades, threesomes, or fetishes you have experienced.

    To me power comes from the ability to dictate action, not the ability to stop it. For everyone has that.
  24. I do not want to argue because I did not say I disagree. In fact I do believe that frequent orgasms lower the risk of cancer but it depends on the age group you are in when you had all of that sex. When you get to my age I would need sex more then once a day to get a very small benefit. Anyone in Chastity is taking a risk unless they are having sex 28 times a month or thereabout as your studies suggest. Also note that studies like to quote increase of risk but we do not know what our risk is to start off with. So if based on my personal background, nationality, family history, my risk of Prostate cancer is 6%, a 33% increase in my risk is nothing to worry about. It will make my risk 8% which is still small. This is what scares people all the time. They think of my gosh my risk is going to increase 50% if I do this but they have no idea of what that "risk" referred to in the study is to begin with. You need to know your personal risk before you can figure out how much you are actually increasing that risk. 50% of 1 is not a lot. 50% of 60 is a lot.

    Here is some interesting research linking the number of sex partners to your risk of prostate cancer. https://www.livescience.com/48858-link-between-sex-and-prostate-cancer.html

    It shows that those with more sex partners have developed less Prostate cancer. Now they are debating if it is the frequency of sex or the number women you have sex with. This brings up the flaws in studies. You can say that the number of women you have sex with will determine your risk of Prostate cancer. However, because you have had a lot of sex partners, you also have had a lot of sex. This is the cause and effect problem found in studies. Is it the number of times you have had sex or is it the number of sex partner's. Both studies will produce similar results and the ones that studied the frequency of sex did not study the number of sex partners so perhaps since a lot of sex partners results in a lot of sex, it is really the number of sex partners that matter. I did a study and found that everyone who dies of a heart attack, drinks water. This is true but is drinking the water really the cause??? :)

    Also those studies do not say if you have not had as much sex as quoted, what happens. Does your risk decrease or do you have to meet those numbers to get the benefit. In any case, those in chastity are not going to be orgasming every day. The whole fetish is about less orgasms so warning about the dangers of less orgasms to chastity people is like warning soldiers that they have a greater chance of dying than civilians. They know and accept the risk.