How important do you think patience is when taking part in chastity? I see a lot of newbie lockees and keyholders expecting instant results.
Well, certainly. My wife/ KH and I were together for 36 years before we found the male chastity lifestyle. I’ve now been locked for 3 1/2 years, more or less 24/7. If it’s worth having, it’s worth waiting on.
I think patience is incredibly important, because there are so many factors involved: If one doesn't want to self-lock, there's finding a partner who might be willing to give it a try. If the partner is willing, then there's the long, drawn-out process of realizing that their agreement does not mean that they will automatically, and presumably by either osmosis or mind reading , become one's fantasy bossy, dominant, teasing, demanding key holder / orgasm manager. If devices are being used, there's the expense, time, and process of finding a device or belt that fits properly during all stages of flaccidity and tumescence, and settles well under most if not all clothes. Then there's figuring out what the heck happens with the keys. Is the key holder wearing one? Is an emergency key being left with the chastised? Is there a lockbox somewhere? Then there's duration, which is generally something slowly worked up to. If one isn't patient, I envision driving away a lot of partners with an obsession, or at least one very awkward doctor visit. And the first four could take years.
Slow and steady wins the race. I think people often start with unrealistic goals and want to run before they can walk. It takes a lot of trial and error to find a device you can wear for prolonged periods of time. Once you've found a device that works it still takes time to build up endurance and get used to wearing it for longer and longer. Being locked can have an impact on day to day activity so then you have to set/negotiate realistic goals as to how and when being locked is practical. In my experience 24/7/365 is not workable. It can take a while to Separate the fantasy from reality. This only really happened for me when I first locked longer than a week with a keyholder holding the reigns. Whilst the keyholder should lead, people often forget that is ok to have limits. It's ok to have and use a safeword. It's ok to say no. Chastity should be fun for both parties.
As the old saying goes, “Patience is a virtue”. A man who wishes to embark on this journey should accept that it needs to progress at his keyholder’s pace. Failure to recognize this will likely lead to frustration for both parties and may turn off the other person forever. Initially, Princess seemed to take to playful key holding quite quickly. Foolishly, I tried to push her into a more sexually dominant role (despite being a dominant personality, she’s naturally more sexually submissive) and at one point a couple of years ago she told me to take off my cage and forget about chastity. Sometime later she told me over dinner that the best sex she ever had was when I was locked. I asked if she would like to try again. She replied that she didn’t want to. About eighteen months ago, she agreed to give it another chance. It’s been working out pretty well since. Recently we’ve begun using ChastiKey to relieve her of the guilt she feels keeping me locked. Chastity as we do it isn’t a lifestyle, but at least for now works for us.
it’s vitally important! If I’d had more patience when I was younger, we would not have had half the fallouts we had!
Patience is fundamental, in my view. The short explanation: Patience is necessary to find the right device (assuming a device is used) and the male's body getting used to it. Patience is helpful for the keyholder, as her/his lockee learns to adapt, physically, emotionally, and psychologically. Patience is essential for the locked male. In my own experience, it took me a long time to adapt to the condition of not being allowed to release when I wanted, if at all. And I backed out, needing a break. But I returned to her. Now, patience is needed on my part, wondering if i will ever be allowed to cum again, or even to get hard. The latter will probably come around (I think), but if so, it will be a very long while, I am told. Yes, patience is essential in chastity. Waiting for something that may never come......
Patience is even critical when the shoe is on the other foot. My GF wanted this for years and never let on until the opportunity was at hand. Even once I was wearing she was incredibly careful, step by step to keep it interesting. Still does. She doesnt lie and has told me that she has ideas I am not ready for but that I should relax and trust tuat she wants us to truly enjoy this journey together no matter how slow or what new directions come. Of course those words have caused a lot of sleepless nights. If she had gone 1 notch faster I would have bolted.
Patience is a must. I also understand that newbies must go through a self discovery process as well. What seems most important in my personal experience has been to keep the burden of chastity off her. It takes a lot of time to adjust and trust each other in a new dynamic. If that means starting by showing her that you can control yourself, then start with that. But above all, be patient.
I think it will vary by individual, but patience will usually be required for at least some aspect. Finding the right device and adaptations might be quick and easy, or might take a while. Desires and expectations of each partner are liable to evolve.
I got angry for my wife last night..she promises that i got unlocked this morning and she say "You got angry at me...so no unlocked this week" Damn i already 1 week locked.. So yes patience is important
Trying to think of something clever to say about this, hadn’t seen @L-u-c-y new photo till now. Oh lordy. I’ll just agree with everyone, yes, patience is very important.
The very concept would indicate time and delay. The experiences of most have shown that the benefits, regardless of the reasons for chastity, don't start to become apparent after at least several weeks. At the risk of sounding cliche, I would tell impatient newbies that good things come to those who wait, or don't come, as the case may be.
Most of our stuff has taken years. Even wanting something deeply, it still takes years to re-wire and have it become your new normal. The only thing that works instantly is horny, when you're new to it and have a denial fetish. I remember not being able to get soft enough to lock, 20 years ago! Now it's ritual and routine, and I dislike being unlocked.
"Good things come to those who wait." I can't remember who said that, but the words always stuck with in the context of chastity. Chastity should bring a keyholder and lockee closer over time, and probably more than anything else that requires patience from both sides.
Patience and keep communicating are paramount! However, chastity starts with giving up something yourself first to prepare yourself for be ready for submission and acceptance of guidance.
I agree with many of the reasons already given. I would add that patience can be a very important virtue for the person in chastity when the keyholder is not constantly devoted to teasing and playing and when life naturally takes their mind off being a keyholder. I am sure I am not unique in saying that being in chastity keeps me constantly aroused and wanting to serve my wife/KH. However, it's not the same for her, and being a busy working woman, a wife, a mother, having a monthly cycle, etc... All of that means that while I am at all times hyperfocused on my locked penis, she is of course not. And that's where patience comes in. Realizing that even though she can sometimes admittedly completely forget that my penis is even locked, she will remember again and tease me, and of course she will always gladly accept my obedience and servitude.
Its critical, if you dont have it, you'll never get anywhere with it and ruin what could potentially be a huge source of fun in your relationship.
I am very new to this lifestyle but I have never felt closer to my wife. I want to please her in every way. When I approached her with the idea of chastity, she was hesitant. I bought her a book on male chastity and asked her to read it. She patiently put up with me and tried to appease me. I think that she is getting into it and punishes me by taking away strokes while whipping me. Heaven!
Patience? Ii depends what you have asked and agreed to, is there an initial trial to see if both are willing to proceed deeper into FLR/BDSM lifestyle. I was given a six month trial initialy although was released for 2 weeks due to excess chaffing of the device. But as always reality differs from the fantasy and some may fail to proceed deeper. Should the Mistress be patient or cut her losses, depends on the type of relationship and if she thinks the slave is worth working with.
Assuming the parties don't come together both knowing they love male chastity, so there is not perfect common interest at the start, but both a degree of mutual interest and a degree of conflict in agreeing the terms of the relationship, then I think it must depend on who has first mover advantage, @L-u-c-y. If it's the KH, and she signals a commitment only to start an ongoing relationship if the lockee gets locked, she gets instant gratification I assume, whereas the (somewhat reluctant) lockee has to take it or leave it, so needs a lot of patience if he decides to "take it"? Vice versa if the lockee "moves first" and the KH is reluctant for some reason for a while.