Part 5 ~ The best thing about the future is it only comes one day at a time...

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by Mistress Watchful, Jan 1, 2009.

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  1. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Boring stuff today I'm afraid because I need to vocalise it and perhaps direct myself!

    I sit here looking back at last week and wondering what the hell happened (again!) It just *has* to be cycle related, it's just so crazy. I know I'm a broken record, but what do I do about it? I know I should go to the Drs but don't think I'll be taken seriously - surely all women go a bit ditzy around that time of the month?!

    It's just that when it happens to me there is a complete lack of confidence, a sudden violence (not to people, usually to objects which end up being thrown across the room!) lots of tearyness and just complete apathy and despair at what on earth I am doing on the planet!

    (I may print that out and take it with me if I go.)

    I don't have many (any?) female friends that I can talk to about this, so I don't really know if it is normal and I'm over-reacting.

    It really screwed up my week though, and could have had detrimental effects on my Uni work. What if I was like that when I get an executive PA job... I can't afford to be a quivering wreck for one week out of four.

    Hmmm...

    Anyway, back in the realms of reasonable normality in the Watchful Household.

    pet would not shut up about marbles last night. I hadn't forgotten but I was busy with Ben and Jerry at the time, and something good on tv.

    He was fiddling about with the gems (our substitute marbles for the moment) on the bed and kept knocking them over.

    I eventually finished my ice cream and went to get changed in our bathroom. I had to FIGHT with the numerous items of crap hanging on the back of the door to get to my silky robe, whilst pet fiddled with the gems.

    I tried not to get too annoyed and he said I looked pretty when I emerged, so that perked me up.

    We added another gold gem to the pot for friday gone (even though we hadn't been playing) and counted up points for today (which were a bit random because we did lots of "special" jobs rather than chores today).

    pet has 79 positive points and negative points were back to 0 because we are starting the new month.

    I hooded pet and then realised that I hadn't made him count the gems. So I counted them. Twice. There was a red (base) gem missing. I teased him for a little while, saying he was trying to cheat, and he was getting in a right tizzy, sat there in his hood, swiping his hands over the bed trying to find if a gem fell out when he was playing with them!

    I warned him that I should really put a blue gem in because he'd obviously messed with them, but I said as this was the first time, I would just replace the lost red gem.

    So - 3 gold orgasm gems, 3 blue gems and 30 red gems in the pot. pet drew red. I made a sharp intake of breath for effect (teehee!) and pet was gutted to see the red gem when I unhooded him.

    He sat there looking all pathetic and miserable. I don't know why that makes me hot, but it does. Then he started apologising to his locked up penis, which was hilarious, but very cute.

    I decided to tease him for a bit. Nothing too major. I wanted my black, silk gloves, but can NEVER find anything in this damn bedroom! (We so need a dungeon when we move!) Fortunately I still have some of my Christmas outfits in a bag at the end of the bed (ya see why I can't find anything!) and knew I had some gloves in there.

    They were red opera length ones, and my robe was red and black, so I figured they would do.

    All the time I'm just chatting to pet and he's watching me... then I start putting the gloves on... yep, having the desired effect. He starts getting all twitchy and admits to being nervous.

    I hooded him again, removed my robe so that I was just wearing gloves and panties, and start stroking his body with my gloved hands.

    By the time I got down to his poor trapped penis, his balls were tight and it looked as if the cage were about to split open!

    I carried on stroking and playing with his balls, and tweaking his nipples (my new favourite torture!)

    We stopped for a while, but I was obviously sooo horny about the way things were going, so we got chatting about the Feeldoe.

    I'm still a bit shy about some things, so I hinted that I wanted to try it for a fit, etc, etc. pet took the hint and I asked if he would help "warm me up".

    Well... events overtook purpose and I ended up acting like a complete slut and enjoying being fingered so much that I came hard.

    After that I didn't feel like playing with the Feeldoe and just wanted to go to sleep.

    I was feeling all smug and happy and asked pet if he was happy. But he just pouted and said no. So that made me feel really bad. It's such an odd situation.

    He seems happier this morning, although he had a bad night with baby. I asked him to play with my feet and he looked at me as if I was mad! I will be mad if he keeps on with the attitude.

    So... off swimming with baby this morning, then MASSES of coursework to catch up with.

    Speak soon. X x x x
     
  2. PuppyMastersPet
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    PuppyMastersPet Long term member

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    Sorry to hear things aren't great at the moment. I don't think you're alone in having vast changes in mood, it's one of those things woman unfortunately have to put up with in life. If pet is completely understanding then he's doing well and you can take comfort in the fact that he understands you.

    I think you could help yourself out by taking some multi vitamins maybe some Well Woman which is supposed to be good for woman of all ages. The vitamins will help improve your body which should in turn help you feel better about yourself. And if you don't already you should try some light exercise half an hour every day, according to my last councillor this would help you feel a lot better.

    I know they only seem like little things but it's little things like that which stop changes in mood turning into depression. I should know, I've been sitting on the edge of depression for a while now trying desperately not to fall in and let it consume me.

    Hope things pick up for you. :love0028:
     
  3. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    I meant to say (cos everyone is always pestering me about vitamins!) I do now take a daily supplement and also some Actimel too... pet makes sure I do.

    I think I have been taking them for a good 6-7 weeks now... still no change?!
     
  4. PuppyMastersPet
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    PuppyMastersPet Long term member

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    I think it can take months to take effect. It may already be doing good you just don't realise it. If you stopped taking them then you'd find you could feel the difference. Keep at it, after all it's can only do you good.

    ps we oly go on becasue we care :innocent0002:
     
  5. mikecb
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    mikecb Long term member

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    Have you ever tried homeopathic stuff, like St. John's Wort? My wife swears by it. I certainly appreciate her doing anything she can to keep her moods even! lol. :character0074:
     
  6. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    I might have to try that. I've heard good things about Ecinachea (sp?!) too.

    It does seem unlikely to me that anything can stop what seems to be an utterly uncontrollable Jekyll and Hyde transformation.

    Today I'm on top of the world, I feel gorgeous, I feel confident and just wonderful... I want to feel like this ALLLLLL the time!
     
  7. dubsub
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    Evertime I look at your profile you look amazing, therfore you look amazing every day! You must gain some confidence when all your adoring members drool over you. Its so nice to have you back online.

    dubsub
     
  8. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Thank you dubsub... but you only get to see the good shots! :butterfly:

    Where to start?! Busy busy in a good way...

    Firstly - 4 DAYS TILL VALENTINES DAY!!!!!!

    And I've never EVER been so excited about V-Day in all my life, which is strange, because this year I don't want a single thing from the man in my life.

    Usually I stress over hoping I get the perfect gift. This year... don't care! I know the whole of Facebook will be filled with all my girlfriends showing off their boring red roses, chocolates and stuffy toys and I'll be sitting back, thinking "so your man made an effort for one day" and gloat... Tee hee!

    So, what did we get up to last night?

    I spent quite a while tidying our bedroom, going through my lingerie, and sorting out the kinky items I like to have close to hand!

    When pet came up to bed I decided to test out my "shower procedure" whereby I chain pet's hands to the shower bar and remove his CB and wash him myself.

    During the CB removal I managed to break the damn thing! :spider: Well, I say I broke it, it actually fell apart in my hands. One of the prongs just popped out of it's hole... bugger! Fortunately we have spare parts from the one I threw down the stairs, so tragedy avoided!

    After showering pet and playing with him for a little while I left him there to dry! I popped back to put the hood on him, and figure that if he slid one hand up and one hand down, he could reach his cock. I remedied that (as he grumbled he hadn't even thought about doing that!) and left him for a bit longer... returning to give his cock a brief sucking and licking to arouse him... leaving him again, and returning to put nipple clamps on.

    It was fun, but hopefully I'll warm up to kinkier things in the future.

    Yes... I know hair removal needs to be dealt with. I have told pet he can earn a gold marble (his latest obsession) for full body hair removal.

    So we went back to bed and pet reinstalled his CB and we counted out marbles.

    pet then had a dilemma. To buy a gold marble and drop his points to a ruined orgasm, or risk pulling a gold marble today and losing all his hard earned points! He ummed and aahhhed over this for quite a while and decided to buy a gold marble.

    So - 4 golds, 3 blues and 30 reds. What did pet pull? A red..... :haha4: (Sorry - I'm turning quite evil!)

    At this point we started to have baby trouble... which went on for HOURS!

    I slept soundly once she was asleep and woke when I felt pet get up BEFORE me! Shock horror!

    I spread out all over the bed and snuggled down for an extra 10 minutes, when pet appeared with my coffee and vitamins and a smile on his face.

    Someone must have said something to make him change his miserable morning ways!!!

    Well - must dash, lots to do today... speak soon.
     

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  9. mikecb
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    mikecb Long term member

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    Hot dang! :yes1: Sounds like a great night! :)

    I'm glad my evil suggestion helped. I'm sure pet hates me now! lol.

    I actually have a few suggestions for him (helpful, less annoying ones). I'll put 'em in his blog later. Gotta run to work.

    sigh.. my shower is going to be VERY distracting now. lol.

    must---remain----chaste!!!
     
  10. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Very quiet last night. I have a 4500 word report to write by the end of the weekend, and I just don't wanna! :mad0260:

    Going back to Uni today after taking just over a week off.

    I'm very nervous. I'm behind with all the reading and I'm not sure how people will react to me... I don't know if they will be nice or mean! Silly I know.

    At least tonight I am going out with the girls. I'm quite excited, but also very nervous about that too!

    Crumbs - I should be a sissy really! :sad0004:

    Got a bit annoyed with pet last night. Probably stress, but I feel that there is no attention towards me lately... it's all waiting for the Gold Marble.

    I tried to explain to pet the other night that if I don't get attention/affection I'm less likely to want sex when the marble turns up... but he didn't seem to understand, and when he pulled a red marble last night he pretty much tried to go to sleep straight away.

    Complicated! :interrogation:
     
  11. tomf_22033
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    tomf_22033 Long term member

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    MW, hang in there. it's tough keeping up with the reading. One thing you can do is learn to skim the chapters if you're behind. Just read the first sentence of each paragraph if you don't have time. Now this isn't a smart thing to do all of the time, but since you have class and not much time at least you'll be able to go to class and not look like an idiot (which you're not) or unprepared.

    As for writing, if you haven't started one trick I do is to just write something. Anything. then start putting things down. They dont have to be very good nor even in complete thoughts or in order. Just start the process. Once you have enough stuff you can start moving it around and expanding it. And once you start seeing that you no longer have blank pages (or a blank screen) it gets easier. and you know what happens to a body in motion......
     
  12. mikecb
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    Hmm.. something else for the point system perhaps? After the draw, perhaps he needs to spend 20 minutes giving you any attentions you request - sex, hugs, backrub or just a cuddle. If he doesn't, it's a deduction against the next day.

    One huge benefit of the marble system is you can lay out behaviors and point schemes for conditioning, and if this isn't a conditioning issue, I don't know what is! Teach him how to be a good slave and partner! :chores011:

    Lol, I could imagine this getting carried away.... *imagines*.... Charolotte comes to the bedroom, exhausted, clipboard in hand. The 15 pages of checklists neatly ordered, with every box checked. She kneels... "For your approval, Mistress".... "Tsk, tsk, pet. I see one box, on the back of page 13, Row 27, Column 2, unchecked. I guess no marble tonight. Cuddle up, now, or you can't check the first box tomorrow morning." *giggles*
     
  13. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Thanks tom - that is something I do, just write drivel to get started and tidy it up later or delete it completely!

    mike - I think you're a Dominatrix trapped in a submissive's body!

    So.... how did today go?

    Complete and utter meltdown... twice!

    Wasn't looking forward to going in, but went because I had to. Halfway there there is a "road closed" sign. 3 cars and a van ahead of me ignored it and drove on so I did the same!

    Glad I did, because I didn't have a clue how to get to Uni without this road and all it was, was a little bit of flooding from the snow melt. Well... a lot of flooding, but I have a big car and drove right through it! Lots of dead cars round and about the super-puddle though!

    This meant I was late. Got into class and it wasn't on what I expected! Good job I didn't try and prepare. The class was great and I felt boosted. Gave 3 of my friends a lift to the other side of campus and went to pick up paperwork from last week.

    This was when I was confronted with those marks again! This time I saw them with all the scribbles that go with them and a comment that on one paper I relied on one article ONLY! Bollocks!!!!! I read masses and quoted from several journals... anyway... meltdown!

    Went to find a PhD student I get on with and he looked them over whilst I sobbed into my coffee. He dusted me off and told me that the marking was irrational in places, but the marks averaged out to a pass, I was better than I thought I was and blah blah.

    Off I went to see if my Supervisor was about just to say "hi, I'm back".

    He asked me if I was ok. I said "yes" and promptly burst into tears again!!! He calmly walked behind me, shut the door, and talked me through everything. I need to stop comparing myself, this isn't a competition, the marks are a pass, I'm not failing, my contributions to class are on the mark, I need to talk to people more about what I'm doing as I'm doing it... etc etc.

    So it all worked out in the end!

    Anyway - super busy - need to do some reading and then go to Brownies and THEN go out to dinner with my girlfriends!

    Takes three for a coven, so we are off to Sabbath on a Wednesday!!!! There won't be any naked dancing though, because its 2 days past the full moon! :spider:
     
  14. Mistress Watchful
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    Eugh!

    I'm up (late) and I'm tired! I had a wonderful night out with my girlie friends (and a lovely gentleman who ended up joining us!) but I have to dash before I can tell any details.

    Nothing super exciting or sticky!

    Keep an eye on pet for me, because I'm out tonight and won't be home until tomorrow.
     
  15. Mistress Watchful
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    OK. I'm very limited in what I can tell you all about what has happened in the past few days. I'm waiting for pet to blog.

    As you will have noticed, pet was blogging on a daily basis because that became part of the conditions for the marble game. He had to be locked and blog once during the day.

    Things have taken a new twist over the past couple of days, and I really need pet to give some indication of where he is emotionally.

    Hope everyone is well. Have a great Valentines Day.
     
  16. Mistress Watchful
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    So here I am, on Valentines Day, posting about the fact that I have slept with another man.

    For those of you who haven't read pet's blog... I indulged in what I thought was cuckolding.

    I realise pet wasn't there in person, but for some strange reason, the fact that I videoed it (with consent from the man) somehow made it legitimate.

    To my mind, cuckolding was in my mind, not being unfaithful, not just picking up a random guy and fucking him because pet wasn't good enough... it was just a natural progression of things we had discussed before.

    The guy was the one I spotted on the first day of Uni. The dark, sexy Belgian guy (BG from hereon). Does that make all of this pre-meditated? I don't think so.

    I made a very silly mistake. I got drunk. Although I was fully aware of what I was doing, I wasn't making coherent choices.

    I would LOVE to tell you all exactly what happened, but I can't subject pet to that right at this moment in time.

    I will tell you that I was stunned that BG appeared to make a move towards me at the end of the night. We had all been messing around with my camera, and I struck a sexy (lol - drunk sexy!) pose up against a wall. He brought the camera over to me and said "this is my favourite photo, sexy ****" and looked me dead pan, right in the eyes.

    I kinda shook myself and then practically dissolved.

    The night ended after vast quantities of vodka shots and 3 (or was it 4!) bottles of champagne. BG and I were to share a taxi back to the hotel, and I assumed he would walk back to halls after dropping me off.

    .... thinking about it, the taxi thing was his idea from the beginning of the night. I wonder if he had planned some of this?

    Anyway. Since that night I have not seen BG in person. He managed to leave his watch in my bathroom, so I will have to find a way to return that to him when the others aren't around.

    He hasn't been distant, he has just been "normal". I guess I said "this is sex, nothing more" and he's probably delighted with that...
     
  17. Jimi123
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    I read Pets post first then came here. I think he is feeling "cuckold Angst" and while he is a bit upset seems to be coming to terms with being a cuckold.

    BTW I agree with you in that you talked about it. Texted him and brought him a video - that this is NOT cheating. You could easily have not texted, or told him or presenting him with the video and he would not have known. That would have been "cheating."

    I think based on the post he made he really is coming to grips with this and the fact that he is still moving forward on a new CB and curious what you will do when he is truly 24/7 with him is clear that he is getting past the initial shock or anxiety. I think its hard for him to push the male ego yelling at him to be the angry Alpha male so perhapes encouraging his fem side will make it easier. Getting him locked up with this new device is probably important based on what I've learned. I think being strong is important and he might need that most of all.

    The video might seem difficult for him to deal with but I think in time???

    Anyway, Good luck! Be and be safe...
     
  18. tomf_22033
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    Mistress Watchful,

    I'd like to say that you might want to pay your pet some extra attention. I'm sure that he's having mixed emotions and if you show him how much you love him and how much he means to you, I think you'll find that he will respond much better in the long run. I know that when a former Domme of mine started seeing other subs I got jealous. Not because of her taking them on as subs, but because she was taking away from "my time." After awhile it jut got to the point of not working out as I was neglected and wasn't willing to subject myself to that. After all, there is being alone and there is being alone in a commited relationship and not being able to do anything.

    Anyway, I get the impression the two of you care for each other and that you've had some tough times. Hopefully this can help strengthen your bond and make the times much better.

    Good luck, and please keep us all posted.

    tom
     
  19. Respectful
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    Respectful Chaste by choice

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    be careful what you wish for

    My Vanilla comment is:

    Vanilla or kink, I wish you both all the best together. It is often hard for people to deal with realizing their fantasies.


    My kinky comment is:

    Either way, if I were Mistress Watchful's Pet I would make sure to clean her up with an eager smile the next time she let me cum inside her :)

    :scared0016: Respectful
     
  20. dollyanne
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    dollyanne Sissy who loves pink frilly things!

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    Mistress Watchful, this is a really BIG development! Dollyanne agrees with You that this was cuckolding--not cheating. Dolly suspected it would happen, but not this soon! The fact that You sent a text message asking for an OK was, under the circumstances, a remarkable thing to do. Not many Dommes would have done that! Dolly believes that this shows how much You care about Your pet's feelings.

    And the videotaping seemed to dolly also to be an indication that You were willing to ramp up the kinkiness in a direction that Your pet charlotte had indicated was a turn-on--at least the fantasy of it. Of course, fantasy and reality are different, and as they say, you have to be careful what you ask for. But however it plays out, dolly hopes for the best.

    Cuckolding seems to be a major theme in the mansion right now, and it appears to be a turn-on for many here. Of course, it is fraught with danger too! But the good news is that You and Your pet are communicating about it and working through the emotional guilt and anger it can bring.

    Dollyanne can't help but recall the saying on the t-shirts she saw in a store here in the U.S. called "Hustler"--"Relax, it's only sex!" And, dolly believes that's all it was, but what explosive emotions it can generate! Dolly hopes those emotions end up strengthening the bond between You and Your pet and move in a good direction--kinky or not--for both of you!

    Deep Curtsey,
    :manga_love:
    dollyanne
     
  21. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    The oddest thing is, I cannot appear to get my feelings "out" even though in my mind they are as clear as crystal!

    A lot of things came into play that night.

    1. I was incredibly nervous. I was going out with gorgeous, sexy, 20somethings and was feeling out of place before I left the hotel anyway.
    2. As is usual, the fact I was very surprised that someone found me sexy, and the fact I found it unlikely to ever happen again, helped me make the decision to sleep with him. (It was almost as if this was my only chance at cuckolding EVER!)
    3. BG is quite a catch. I kinda expected that if/when it happened, it would be with someone desperate!!!
    4. BG caught my eye on the first day of Uni. There was "something" there, so I almost felt it was inevitable.
    5. I got drunk. This is my biggest regret. Although I couldn't say I wouldn't have gone ahead if I was sober, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have videoed what happened.

    Some questions I still have unanswered:

    1. Why didn't he mind the video taping? I can't quite get my head round this. This also legitimises it for me. It's as if we both said "this is sex, nothing else, basically making a porn video... it's a one off"
    2. I can't help wondering if he hadn't had some sort of plan. I hope so. I hope this wasn't one odd, desperate night where he just took what was on offer.
    3. If it doesn't happen again, is it because I told him I didn't want it to, or because he didn't enjoy it?!

    About pet:

    1. I feel closer to pet than ever before. I feel much more nurturing, and that I want to look after him and be with him much much more.
    2. I can't get enough sex with him at the moment. We've probably had more sex in the last few days than we have had in the last few months! I'm just wanting more and more, and kinkier, and more Dominating, I just feel more secure in my Domme Role.

    The rest:

    pet has completely gone off chastity. He has this belief that it pushed me to go and have sex with another man because I wasn't getting any at home. That is utter rubbish. There is also this belief that when we have sex, it's not good enough... also utter rubbish.

    There is still a lot of talking to be done.

    Hopefully he will look at the video properly at some point. I think he will be very surprised at what did/or didn't happen. It definitely wasn't first class movie sex! It was normal, good sex, between two horny people. Nothing more. Nothing special.

    Would I do it again? Almost definitely yes. I very much doubt BG is going to make another move when he is sober! But if he did, I think I would have a hard time deciding what to do.
     
  22. Miss D
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    Miss D Expert In Femming

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    MW, I think BG knows what this was all about - that's why he shared the taxi - that's why making the movie was okay with him and that's why he is okay with it all now. A good choice by you, I must say.

    Don't downplay how sexy you are. It is not a surprise that BG finds you attractive. Self assurance is very sexy! And, everyone here knows what a wonderfully kinky mind you have. charlotte is a very lucky sissy cucky.
     
  23. dollyanne
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    dollyanne Sissy who loves pink frilly things!

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    Dollyanne agrees with Miss D, Mistress Watchful--he knew what was happening and You are very very sexy--more than You know!

    Dolly loves how this has increased Your feeling of sexiness and confidence and is making You want to be more and more Domme. You are finally getting all the sex and attention You so rightfully deserve. Your pet should lavish You with loving attention to ensure that future encounters are "just sex" as they no doubt would be. That's what dolly would do--lock herself in chastity to intensify things and lavish You with attention, making sure to comply with Your demands!

    Whew! Dolly finds all this sooo exciting! Dolly is sure to stay glued to Your journal!

    Dolly has to go shave her legs extra smooth now and play "come hither" with her power shower!

    Curtsey,
    :manga_bath:
    dollyanne
     
  24. tomf_22033
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    tomf_22033 Long term member

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    Mistress Watchful, I agree with Mistress D and dollyanne you are a very beautiful woman in your pictures, and I'm sure even more lovely in person. Don't ever think for a second that you couldn't pick up any man (or woman) that you wanted.
     
  25. lauren1fem
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    lauren1fem Gurl

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    Tacking on to what Tom said... Over time your extra attention to Charlotte after these escapades may help to condition him to 'look forward' to the next time. That is probably a looong way off, but if you gave him something extra just now as a 'reward' he could one day be cucked to the point where he starts 'salivating' if he knows of an impending adventure. How twisted is that?

    Just be safe. We all care for you both!
     
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