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Part 5 ~ The best thing about the future is it only comes one day at a time...

Discussion in 'Mistress Watchful's Blog Archive' started by Mistress Watchful, Jan 1, 2009.

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  1. The best thing about the future is it only comes one day at a time...

    The quote is Abraham Lincoln... I liked it, it reminds me to walk, not run (especially in high heels!)

    New year, new journal I hate to be a pessimist but I dont expect the great things of 2009 that I expected of 2008.

    2007 was the year that I was introduced to chastity by pet. It was an exciting year, we moved in together officially, had our beautiful baby girl and spent our first Christmas together, which was all utterly perfect.

    2008 had its struggles, which you would expect. It was the stage where we became so comfortable with each other to take each other for granted, but it was also the stage where we trusted each other enough to seriously start to indulge in our fantasies.

    Unfortunately the downs of the year included terrible troubles with our Ms Lori device, pet lying to me on a couple of occasions (albeit about insignificant things, they felt serious at the time) and us drifting apart to the stage where we now have not had penetrative sex for 6 weeks and neither of us appears to care that much.

    Im assuming pet is removing his piercing and taking care of matters himself. I am becoming best friends with my power shower!

    I feel today I have regained my status as housewife rather than Mistress. pet has been feeling poorly and I have thoroughly enjoyed tidying up to *my* standards in the breaks between writing my latest assignment.

    I have great things in store for myself this year. I have very specific ideas for decorating the house mainly classic, calm, neutral with a splash of colour here and there. If Im honest it is the type of house I would a) be happy to be photographed in, and b) the type of house I would be happy bringing home conquests to.

    I also aim to look after myself better (I say this every year!) but I have a more specific reason this year I want to enter the work place a stunning 30something blonde with brains. It shouldnt be important, but it is. I want to visit all the high-end stores and buy wonderful sexy-but-classy outfits to wear when I go to work.

    I will also be pursing my love of all things secretarial. I know people want to cry when they think of me, a potential MSc, going to work as an executive PA. I have my reasons. Studying a PA diploma will be enjoyable, it will help me feel secure in the office environment, and it will provide me with ample opportunities to temp while I look for my perfect job in Urban Sustainability!

    So there we have it. Im not sure how much sordid sex will turn up in this New Year blog but one of my resolutions is to ditch all the underwear I currently own (I must own in excess of 100 outfits currently in circulation not counting those for special occasions) and treat myself to one favourite outfit/set every single month! I promise photos.

    Happy New Year Everyone x x x x

  2. I hope there will be photo's! I may give this idea a try, anything that would be a confidence boost can't hurt. I hope you have a great 2009 and hopefully we'll be able to write nice things about Kris and Pet :anim_63:

  3. Good idea, Mistress Watchful. A new start! Dollyanne needs to start a new journal for the new year too!

    Well, Mistress Watchful, once You become that "stunning 30something blonde with brains" (Dolly thinks You are already there) watch out! Hot cuckolding may be in your future this year!

    Nice vision of decorating--understated so it emphasizes the splash of color and other things. Dollyanne likes that. Sweet, but sexy! And yes, dollyanne for one hopes You are in a photographic mood in 2009, especially with all those great new outfits! And, hmmm...whispers of cuckolding...dolly doesn't know how pet charlotte feels about that (dolly can guess!), but dolly would certainly be very turned on by the prospect of "conquests" in 2009!

    Wow...this is a great goal, Mistress Watchful! Dollyanne bets You will be a stunning hottie who will turn heads everywhere She goes!

    Dollyanne sees nothing wrong with this and is envious (and dolly has an MS also!). It sounds like a fertile field for "conquests" too!

    Hmmm...dollyanne can't wait for those photos! Maybe You can sell those outfits on eBay?! With the new outfits, dollyanne feels that "sordid sex" will follow!

    A Very Happy New Year to You and pet charlotte, Mistress Watchful! Dollyanne is looking forward to Your new journal!

    Deep Curtsey,
  4. Thank you Kris' Master and thank you dollyanne. :manga_devil:

    Fingers crossed I will be able to stop feeling sorry for myself and take some direction this year!

    Lol @ dollyanne's obsession with my potential cuckolding!

    I didn't manage to get up and exercise this morning. I think maybe I need to just admit I'm not a morning person and fit it in my evening routine!

    Pilates is quite relaxing, so it shouldn't interfere with sleep, and I will follow it by a relaxing bath and beauty treatment.

    Off to do some shopping today, then home to carry on with my Hydrology assignment which I MUST finish today to keep on track!
  5. Year end reflections always add a bit of perspective that helps to mold the future. A "stunning 30 something blonde with brains" is exactly what you are.

  6. I agree with Miss D 100%. It may be your goal to enter the workforce as a thirty something blond with brains but in fact you are already there. Too bad you can't make a good living doing what you are doing on this site, because you are providing a valuable service to many very thankful people including myself.
    Good luck in 09 and thanks again.
  7. It's been a fun-filled 48 hours here. NOT!

    I will give you all a full update, pet missed a lot of things out of his brief recap of our sexual endeavours, so to keep everyone in the picture as to what is going on emotionally, here it is... In 3 (or 4?) parts...
  8. The Night Before

    Wed had quite a pleasant day shopping in pets home town. Id been very sensible with my budget for the month, having promised myself one lingerie outfit and one outfit for baby as a treat. It actually felt quite nice having a budget and I didnt feel quite so overwhelmed and intimidated by all the lovely things in the shops.

    Because we had done quite a lot of walking, I was starting to get back twinges, so by the time we went to bed I was having problems if I wanted to roll over or try and get comfortable. Pet offered to rub some deep heat in for me, and I accepted because it sounded like a good idea.

    Pet was very considerate when he started the massage and for some reason his hands felt really soft. I told him so, and he asked if he should continue, and I let him.

    Its probably the best massage hes ever given me. Maybe because I felt attention starved, or because my back hurt, but I was starting to get horny. Due to the fact we had reached some sort of sexual stale-mate, I thought it best to go with the flow and push things forward. I told pet to get the baby oil spray and carry on.

    He still took his time, and I kept pushing my body up at times to encourage him to be more sexual with his touches. He still didnt rush ahead, so by the time he did start with more intimate strokes I was begging for it.

    I came really hard, and if Im honest, I could have fallen asleep there on my stomach. Because I wanted us to fix things, I asked pet if he wanted to have sex. He didnt hesitate in fact he was in such a rush I had to remind him to remove his piercing!

    It was reasonable vanilla doggy-style sex. Id like to be more graphic, but thats all there is to it.

    We chatted a little afterwards and snuggled, but because of the things that have happened since, I cannot remember what was said or agreed because it is now insignificant.
  9. The Morning After

    Eager to continue on the path to normality of some description in our sex life, I woke pet up by slowly stroking his cock. Again, I wasnt feeling particularly horny at this point, but knew I would catch up!!!

    We started to have sex and I noticed something didnt feel right. For some bizarre reason pets cock just felt really small, I was craving something big and hard to fill me up. Stupidly, I told pet. I dont know if I was gearing up for a humiliation session, or if I was angling towards using the strap-on, or what I didnt think it through, it just came out.

    Pet got up and wandered to the bathroom, came back and I suggested we carried on, it was probably something to do with me. He joked about having to compete with the power shower and we carried on.
    Because I wasnt enjoying sex as much as usual, I delved into fantasy land, thinking about cuckolding and big cocks I think I started to talk to pet about it, and that resulted in him cumming quite rapidly.

    For some reason at this point, my Inner Domme kicked in.

    Baby was waking up and playing in her cot. I asked pet to turn off the monitor (she was happy and is only down the end of the hallway, we could hear her if she wanted us, but I really didnt need amplified distractions!!!) This should have signalled to him that something was going on in my head. I NEVER ask for the monitor to be turned off so I can have sex.

    I took pets hand and told him it was my turn. I know hes squeamish about his own cum, but tough luck today I wasnt messing around.

    He started to stroke me, but I wanted to be licked. My Inner Domme took over again, and I told him that as punishment for having such a small, pathetic little dick, he had to go and lick me to orgasm. He immediately started to get stroppy.

    No, fuck it, Im going to do this my way today, Im not backing downso I pushed his head and got him between my legs. The look on his face said it all. Normally I would have given up at this point, but Im sick of doing things by halves, so I carried on.

    I pulled his hair. He squealed. I told him that he could be useless and it would take longer. Finally he started lapping away, in a pathetic, stroppy way.

    I was incredibly turned-on, which now didnt help because pet was not doing his usual best. Again, Inner Domme took over and I pushed him onto his back.

    He protested further. I moved to sit above his face and he protested even harder. I asked if there was a problem and he said he just didnt want to do it. At this point I very nearly backed down. I asked again, and he didnt safe-word, so I positioned my pussy over his mouth and lowered myself down.

    AGAIN, he should have realised something different here. I NEVER do this without him being hooded. I hate my body and would not put myself in such a vulnerable, unflattering angle without great thought. I stopped thinking about it, and realised just how incredibly turned on I was. I couldnt help myself and came very very quickly.

    And this is where it got totally fucked up.

    Pet pretty much spat and choked into my pussy. I managed to keep my composure, lie by his side and tell him that this had spoiled the whole thing for me and he would have to do it again next time.

    He lay there staring at the ceiling.

    I told him to get me a coffee.

    No movement.

    I leant over him, kissed his forehead, told charlotte to be a good girl and get me a coffee.

    Still nothing.

    By now my confidence is at an all time low and my ego is shattered. Still I manage to blurt out Dont make me angry.

    Pet didnt look at me, got up, went to the bathroom, made a fuss about washing his mouth out and went to make coffee.
  10. A Day of Communication

    I fetched baby and took her downstairs where pet was still making my coffee. He was now in a very good mood. My credit card had arrived. I have been waiting for this since before Christmas for two reasons. I need to pay my University fees and I wanted to buy a new laptop. Once those were paid for, card is to be cut up again!

    Pet is bouncing around like nothing happened, saying we need to go shopping. I said no, I need to finish my assignment, well go tomorrow.

    I did a fair amount of work on my assignment and decided I needed to get away from it, so we took the short trip to our local PC World to pick up my beautiful, luxury pink with sparkly buttons, Sony Vaio.

    Before we left, I checked pets blog and was devastated by what I read. Everything that happened this morning was condensed into a sentence. He was obviously not into my Dominance or the cum-eating, or the humiliation. I felt sick. I wanted to cry but couldnt. I left with a knot in my stomach.

    On the short journey we had a chat. Well actually I told pet to shut up and let me tell him how I felt. I told him exactly what he didnt want to hear. He doesnt want a Mistress and he isnt a submissive. He mentioned at this point that we should leave chastity out of the equation. I put forward that what he actually wanted 2 years ago when he asked to be put in chastity and be Dominated by me wasnt a D/s relationship. He wanted me to dress up in sexy outfits, be tied up and restrained and have things he liked, done to him.

    I told him he was lazy.

    He got upset, naturally, and said he didnt want to argue. I explained that in no way was this an argument. This was time to discuss what is going on and sort it out. I told him he really needs to decide what he wants. If what he wants is basically a kinky sex-toy of a girlfriend, then he needs to be up front about it. We need to figure a way around it. I need to ditch 2 years of trying to become what he said he wanted and return to what I was.

    Eugh. Theres still lots more. Im sure everyone is already bored to tears, and Im not sure if the rest of the days conversations will make anything clearer for anyone.

    Yesterday evening I had to leave the room and go upstairs at one point because the knot in my stomach was still there. I still wanted to cry. I managed to cry a little, but not enough.

    Pet came up to find me and I explained why I needed a moment. I was doing that stupid laughing-crying itll be ok you know kind of thing that I do when I get in a panic.

    I was angry with myself for being so ridiculous over our sex life, and a lifestyle choice. Why was I so upset that I wasnt going to get to be a Mistress? Ive tried long enough now and Im still not there!!! What would be so terrible about going back to being vanilla but kinky me?!

    Pet said I was hurt. Hes right, my ego is crushed. Im also in limbo. Pet still hasnt fully decided what he wants. I love him, I want him to be happy, thats all that matters to me, and is all that should matter in a relationship as far as Im concerned.

    He has declared that he still wants me to be in control. But no chastity, no cuckolding, no whipping/caning/spanking/flogging, no cum-eating

    I wanted to be his Mistress because thats what he said would make him happy. It actually turns out that it makes him miserable.
  11. So there it is.

    Not sure what the next step is. Gut feeling says give it up and go back to vanilla, but I've said that before!

    I know I just feel my ego is dented and confidence is trashed, but give me a few days and I might be ready to try again... if that's what pet wants.

  12. Wow, Mistress Watchful, this is a perfect cuckolding scenario. Hmmm...it's interesting that charlotte came rapidly with the talk about it!

    There are cuckolds and submissives who are dying to hear something like this! But, apparently Your pet charlotte isn't quite ready for it. It's a pity because this is a really hot scenario!

    What an excellent description, Mistress Watchful! In dollyanne's view, Your pet charlotte missed a wonderful opportunity! It just takes being in the right state of mind. Some men--and even sissies--definitely have trouble doing that after a "full" orgasm. Still, as a submissive, and to fulfill her purpose of pleasing You, it was a perfect chance to make You feel good about the whole experience! It would also have reinforced Your "Domme-ness" too, which seems like it would have been a desirable outcome for both of you.

    Maybe there are some training methods to help Your pet charlotte overcome that mental barrier. Dollyanne will search her archives to see if she has anything that might help.

    Thanks for this excellent account, Mistress Watchful!

  13. By all means, dollyanne thinks You should try again, Mistress Watchful! You were quite dominant in an exciting way! Pet charlotte might think about the cum licking, maybe even practice it, maybe even work on the massage skills too. That is very important for a submissive sissy girl to learn!

    One possibility might be to not allow charlotte to cum until after You have. Another might be to squirt whipped cream on Yourself to improve the experience in the beginning. Or, do both, so it's simulated at first. It might take a more gradual getting used to for charlotte to come to grips with it mentally!

    Dollyanne thinks you both are on the right track. When someone falls off, it just takes getting back on the horse and riding again! Thank You for the post, Mistress Watchful! A very steamy scenario!

  14. Just some of My thoughts

    Where dose one start, or end? You both have put your life out on a platter for all of use to see. I know that I go in spurts, not those kind, but sometimes Tanya wants to come over all the time, and other times the wife asks me if she will ever come over again. Other times the chastity gets over powering, and I just give it up for a while. God knows I have more fantasies in my head than most could ever dream up. Most have not turned out. Some should have just stayed a fantasy, and for the others, well I guess someday will tell if they should have stayed in the closet or not.

    Family is number one. Job second, and all the play things third or so on. I would give up Tanya, all my fantasies, and everything to keep my wife happy. If she just didn't love me anymore, then Tanya look out.

    You two have a baby together and will have to stay in touch the rest of your lives for her/him. I have the same, and will always be there for her.

    Just take it one day at a time for now, and see where this thing called life takes you both. Just getting to know you from here, you are good caring people and will do the best for each other.

    If I am just off base with this responds, rack it up to late night, locked up, should be in bed, ratting. Missy Tanya

  15. Eek, what I rough 48 hours you have had, I hope youre ok. I really dont feel I could write anything helpful at the moment so I will let the more eloquent members write something useful.

    I will comment on this sentence though, this one stuck out amongst all the others. I cant believe you think this way, you are an attractive woman and from what Ive read are a great dominant. Im sure Charlotte thinks shes very lucky to have you. I really hadnt realized that was why you used the hood. You can afford to be a little more confident about yourself. If I were a Dom I would make having a better self opinion an order.
  16. Thanks everyone for your optimism. I can't believe you think this will work for us.

    I'm a little stunned myself at the switch which has taken place.

    boy asks girl to get into chastity and Dominate him
    girl gets into chastity and works ass off to become Mistress
    boy turns round and goes "fuck this, I don't like it"
    girl is left hanging, miserable and feeling like her sex life is crap, which it is...

    Grrrrr :danger:

    I'm going to throw a 2 year old tantrum worth of a pink frilly sissy stomping her little pink heels.

    You can't be a Domme without a sub.

    You can put yourself in chastity and be a stealth submissive... you cannot be a Stealth Domme.

    I have just spent a load of money on a couple of items for a life which does not exist. Why?! Stupid.

    I was lied to and I feel absolutely betrayed.

    I'm very angry.

    I could put up with the laziness, patheticness and selfishness, because he was supposed to be on some level inferior to me.

    NOW he wants to be an equal. Except in the bedroom where he just wants to lie there and be Dominated.

    The fire in my belly is awesome. I want to read up on CBT like never before, I want to order floggers, I want to lock him up and take complete and utter charge.

    But I can't.

    I have a stroppy teenager-in-his-twenties wandering round at the moment.

    I can't help thinking that things won't work out this time. I'm not the same person. I didn't bloody create or ask for the new me.

    Yes I know I'm ranting.

    Yes I know pet will write yet another "It's all my fault" blog.

    Or he'll just stitch me up and abandon the site, or me, or both.

    And what is in my mind now? I want to take his measurements and order him the pinkest, frilliest maids outfit on the planet.

    But he doesn't want to play. He doesn't want to live this...

    I feel empty. Why do I bother? :sign0023:
  17. The fault is not yours MW.
  18. Mistress Watchful,
    Please do not let the attitude of your submissive get you down. He brought you to this lifestyle now he needs to deal with it. It is your choice how the relationship will work. Could I suggest your pet could use some discipline? I know it does wonders for my attitude.
  19. You can suggest anything you want! I think discipline would be a fabulous idea.

    What shall we try, seeing as pain is off the menu, and cuckolding is a no-go, and now so is cum-eating... what does that leave me with?! Chastity? Nope, changed his mind on this one too!

    I will say pet and I have had another conversation and he is very confused. As am I! I hate being in limbo land.

    He obviously doesn't want "this" to end, but I'm not sure what he's thinking. I don't want him to feel pressured into accepting a lifestyle he doesn't want because it was his idea.

    I just can't believe we're back at square one again. :sad0020:

    I'm done with the rollercoaster... I just need to know what's going on!
  20. It isn't clear from the entire thread whether or not he's "testing" you... While it's probably not the case I think you two just need to continue to communicate and take things slowly. I agree with Miss Tanya that the priority is your relationship, family, job, etc... This lifestyle should not come before your family.

    Keep open line(s) of communication.
  21. MW,

    So sorry to hear of all the problems. I guess I'd just say that D/s, cuckholding and chastity play all require enormous amounts of communication and patience. Also, as I related in an earlier post, few of us end up where we thought we were heading.

    I think you really need to spend time with pet to explore what he wants, not in an accusatory way, but just trying to sort it out. From the outside looking in, it kinda looks like pet wants to be a femanized housewife with you controlling the family, more than a chastized submissive. He certainly doesn't seem to get off on most of the standard submissive fantasies that go on around here.

    I guess my other observation is that one shouldn't look down on a vanilla sex life. At least you have one! lol. There are many of us here in marriages with dead sex lives. Because we value so much else about the relationship, we live without that aspect of our marriage. So, maybe cuckholding and Femdom have to live in your fantasies, as you're banging one out vanilla style. It still beats rubbing one off alone! ;-p

    Best of luck as you sort this out!
  22. You're right. Let's face it, I wasn't really cut out for the Mistress lark anyway.
  23. i would suggest a birch suffices too. There is no reason to question Your Mistress's abilities. i would if i would read You were doing things because You're supposed to do them as a Mistress and not enjoying them. Instead i see a Mistress taking control and a pet not knowing how to handle it. The fact that You worry about not making Pet happy only shows Your caring potential, essential for a Mistress. i look at it from the outside of course but it seems Pet is lacking confidence, especially since he is out of work. i think he is unhappy because he feels he is not serving You good enough. Don't forget also that his orgasms will temporarily dissolve his submissive feelings to nill, that's why chastity was invented. All in all: don't raise the bar too high. As the founder of this site all sorts of kinks are passing by, some fantasy some reality. Some are best left fantasy for some maybe, even to all...
  24. ..... "He has declared that he still wants me to be in control. But no chastity, no cuckolding, no whipping/caning/spanking/flogging, no cum-eating"

    So basically he wants a vanilla relationship with you on top from time to time. The question is, what do YOU want out of your relationship and is there an acceptable middle ground? As for me I just hope CM does not end up going away!! :sad0123: :loveCM:
  25. Mistress Watchful -- Back when I was sorting myself out, I read Mistress Kat's columns in The Spectator, an East Bay magazine. This was in the early 80s and Kat was writing the first advice column on BDSM and Femdom I know of.

    Mistress Kat's first and foremost rule to male submissives, when introducing their partners to Femdom, was "Never leave your Mistress with egg on Her face."

    Things went too fast for your pet, he panicked, and you got left with egg on your face. I'm sorry to hear it. My best wishes that you and he work things out.

    As others have said, this wasn't your fault.
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