Part 4 ~ Putting the "FUN" in DysFUNctional...

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by Mistress Watchful, Aug 31, 2008.

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  1. curious44
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    curious44 Member

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    BINGO! I couldn't have said it better myself, Jimi. A home run!
     
  2. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    Thanks Curious. I have spent a lot of time trying to iron out these problems and there is the Medical (for me) / the Emotional...

    And both are very different and how you solve them takes lots of work. But its so worth it!
     
  3. newsub4a
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    newsub4a Senior Member

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    Maybe. I am not so sure.
    No apology required as far as i am concerned. Many men are like that (not sure about the masturbating for all of them though).

    You seem to be going through the standard emotional issues that a lot of couples do. Talk to him then talk some more. If he is unwilling to listen and react to what you have to say, you might have some hard choices to make! :sad:

    It is true that relationships are a 2 way street. Maybe he feels that his needs are not being meet (i know it sounds crazy, but that might be that case). Start by setting aside some time every night for couple time. No kids, no x-box, nothing but just the 2 of you!

    One very important thing... let him fake it when it comes to sex. So he says he is not that horny, YOU are. Have him fuck you until you are satisfied. If he cums too quick... well you do have that wonderful pink strap-on. Maybe if he knows how unhappy you are, he will get back in line.

    Good luck and remember that there are a lot of submissive men out there that would love to serve such a beautiful mistress!
     
  4. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Well... we managed a quickie to break the ice the afternoon, so hopefully we are back in happy-street!

    It was pretty good, so I asked pet how he could possibly not want sex all the time, and he replied with a big grin "neither do I"... so hopefully he will just jump in more often!

    And I bought some new underwear today, so I definitely am in my happy place!
     
  5. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    Hopefully is silk or something sheer... :wink:
     
  6. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Both, with sparkle!

    Well it's a busy morning... I woke up, seduced pet into a quickie and am now running around preparing for the day.

    I'm at toddlers with baby and pet is off to college. Not sure what hubby is doing, or if he needs the car... I wish he'd keep me informed! Blah.

    I'm soooooooooo tired. pet was really restless and woke me up so many times in the night. :sad:
     
  7. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Wow... so busy! This is a quickie too because pet is up in bed with a pot of Phish Food ice cream (YUMMY IN MY TUMMY!) and I don't trust him with it!

    I'm sorry I haven't got round to divulging my sexual exploits. We have been very up and down (in more ways than one!) and it's mainly been quickies and brief but intense orgasms for me. Not the most exciting of sex, but it keeps the ball rolling.

    Yesterday I was painting flower boxes, today I spent in the roof, with dust and spiders, learning the delights of coaxial connections... yes - I have fixed my daughter's digital TV, the aerial wasn't connected! I'm quite pleased with myself.

    pet is enjoying college (and his new best friend... Joanna - don't get me started... grrr!) and hubby is behaving himself by keeping out of the way.

    Nothing else to write really... hopefully tomorrow will be a hornier day for all involved! :bigsmile:
     
  8. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Not much to post other than what happened in the last 24 hours.

    It has been commented on (by someone I hold very dear) that I went surprisingly from angry bitch from hell to (can't remember the exact word now) demure.

    I'm just exhausted, again. Everytime I think I'm up to speed with what pet wants, I get a slap in the face. I guess I'll just give up and let him get what he wants when he wants it.

    I'm so confused I don't know if I want to be a Mistress or vanilla stepford wife.

    I should just grab him by his cock and lock him up for good. But I don't think that will get us to planet happy.

    He needs me to look after him, feed him (emotionally as well as nutritionally) and help him towards that bright future he deserves.

    And who knows... once he's through college and maybe University and has a wonderful job, he'll turn around and tell me he's in love with someone else. Or I'll find out, by getting into his email, that he is having an affair (been there, done that!)
     
  9. MasterG63
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    MasterG63 Senior Member

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    Well I dont know about the 'Fun' part but you seem to have the dysfunctional part off to a tee! :tongue:

    Seriously though, in spite of everyones advice you are the one living this & you are the one in the situation.

    It is also YOUR decision - no one elses!

    If this is what you want then you have my 100% support (as always!:angel:)

    I wish you both well!

    xxx
     
  10. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Still feeling a bit rubbish. Looking back it seems that everytime we get into our happy/stable place in our relationship, something really fucks up big time.

    The worst one was last year (about this time) when pet gave me the most beautiful ring and told me he loved me so much and just wanted us to be together forever. It was one of the rare moments where I was able to let go inside and feel completely safe with someone. I feel like I relaxed completely, let my guard down, and for some reason within a week pet was gone.

    We spoke about this yesterday and pet said that was completely different, he had a breakdown. We split up for 8 weeks and it was pretty awful. Baby was all of 6 months old and I'd just gone back to Uni to do my final year. Christmas was fast coming and pet just seemed happy to be back with his mum and his xbox. It was horrible, something I don't care to repeat.

    I keep getting little flashbacks to the porn. I know it's stupid. It was pretty much general BDSM porn... nothing outrageous (but heck, can you imagine if I was a vanilla wife finding it... lol!) it's just that, as ever, I feel like I'm not enough... pretty enough, dominant enough, thin enough (all the usual Ms Watchful crap!)

    We are here with no kids (except baby) this weekend, and don't really have anything planned. I got up this morning and it's really sunny. I was going to do loads of housework, but I had the sudden urge to take baby to one of the aquariums on the coast. So I've packed a mini picnic and hopefully I can wake pet up gently and we'll have a nice family day.

    Damn... I just remembered, we had a bad night with baby and pet stayed up later than me... :sad: This could all go pear-shaped, but I remain optimistic! :angel:
     
  11. MasterG63
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    MasterG63 Senior Member

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    Well the sun is shining & it IS a lovely day! :angel:

    I sincerely hope you both have a wonderful day too - just relax, take the day as it comes & talk to each other.

    As our friends across the pond say... "Have a nice day!" :wink:
    xx
     
  12. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Yes, we were so lucky with the sunshine.

    Southend was lovely, I've never been there before. There's *so* much to do. Definitely going back with all the kids next time.

    Sex is sort of back on track. Just consistent quickies to try and build up intimacy again. You can tell we're not completely back in "sync" yet.

    I asked pet about the downloaded porn again yesterday. I was just curious as to how and when it was downloaded really. I knew he was spending a lot of time on the office PC but assumed it was (as he told me) messing around with downloads for college and his iPod.

    Unfortunately he just snapped and said "are we going to bring this up all the time?" I thought I'd been pretty good and was only asking questions as they came up. If I spoke about it every time I thought about it (ohhhh at least twice an hour) then I could see why he'd be pissed at me.

    I personally find this a difficult time, it's worse than being at the beginning of a relationship where you have this "blind trust" to start with and then build on that. Now I feel like I have "absolute zero" trust and I'm working from that level... so yes, it takes time to feel happy and safe again.

    On a brighter note, hubby is bringing my car back today and leaves the country tomorrow... so I can go out and buy lots of accessories for it! :tongue:
     
  13. subbutstillaman
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    subbutstillaman Senior Member

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    I sometimes watch porn when im chastised it heightens the denial experience for me and drives me nuts.

    Maybe the porn secret stash was him keeping his libido up for you until you needed him. Its just images on a screen at the end of day, maybe he should of told you maybe he was just quietly experimenting enjoying his sexuality.

    Personally speaking i wouldnt read too much into it.
     
  14. beltedone
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    beltedone Junior Member

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    I was worried about you Ma'am. Sounds like you are feeling better. Great!

    beltedone
     
  15. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    beltedone... thank you, but it's all Karma you know. I must have done something really awful in a prior life!

    subbutstillaman... I know, I do get it, I thorough understand porn. The fact it was all deleted still grates with me (how much was there, exactly what was there...I still feel like I'm in the dark).

    Stupid things still make me thing irrational thoughts, for example, pet went to pick up a take-away that we usually have delivered yesterday... was he on the phone to someone... did he just want to get away from me? (probably lol!). Little things that haven't crossed my mind for ages.

    I was doing ok with the "pretend everything's ok" stance, but I seem to have taken a backslide.

    Still asking myself lots of questions - do I really want it D/s or chastity life? Can I have that with pet? If not, do I give it up or move on? Is it such a simple, cold decision?

    Of course, anyone who has read my journal will know this is not all related to the porn issue... it was just the "issue du jour" that pushed me to breaking point that day.

    Back to my life... toddlers this am (pet is in college), hubby will be dropping off my very dirty car so I think I will clean that if baby sleeps (or she might sit inside while I powerwash... that might amuse her!) need to go grocery shopping and see if my timetables are up and running at University. Oh and I *MUST* rebook baby's swimming classes!

    Vanilla.... verging on Stepford.

    But first.... the ironing! :chores007:
     
  16. MasterG63
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    MasterG63 Senior Member

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    Would you like me to bring mine round for you to do too?

    I would let you do it naked while I watch! :xd:

    xx
     
  17. PuppyMastersPet
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    PuppyMastersPet Long term member

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    Now theres an idea. Mistress Watchfuls ironing service. Ill have mine shipped down. A van load ought to do it :tongue:.
     
  18. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Oh fuck it.... just strip me naked, tie me up and fuck me stupid...

    I'd go back to be submissive, but can you imagine how run ragged I would be running to pet's every beck and call, doing everything at a snap of his fingers....

    .... oh

    .... hang on! :xd:
     
  19. subbutstillaman
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    subbutstillaman Senior Member

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    Maybe have a combination of both extremes (sub and dom) you can have fun getting revenge on each other then!:nerd:
     
  20. xcitex2
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    xcitex2 Back from the past!

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    Now she tells me!

    Damn Damn Damn. How do I get this device unlocked without the key!?!?

    Oh heck now she tells us. LOL

    Hang in there Mistress. This one is tuff, been there myself. Porn is a powerful addiction that can really destroy trust. Find the root reason and then work from there. All else fails chloroform and then a chastity device LOL (OK seriously just kidding there)
     
  21. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Lol :bigsmile:

    I think a lot of my problem is that I'm a SAHM and have waaayyyy too much time to think at the moment. Not long till I get back to University, but I won't know my timetable until Thursday... they are soooooo disorganised there!

    Well, I got up at 5.30 this morning as pet offered to set up my Pilates machine for me before I went to bed. It didn't go well. I have terrible heartburn which is making me feel sick with the breathing exercises. I won't be deterred though and will try again tomorrow.

    Who knows, I might be slim by Christmas!
     
  22. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Happy Bunny!

    Im having a wickedly good day! Which is nice, considering how things have been lately.

    Actually, it got off to a bad start. Most of the clothes I treated myself to yesterday were a size too small, but instead of getting grumpy I figured I would just go and exchange them and not ponder on the fact Ive gone up 4 sizes in 12 months!

    Pet was happy to run me into town, but as we got in the car I had sudden inspiration!!!! Im desperate for underfloor lighting on my car specifically multicoloured ones that go with the music Im playing so I suggested we stop off at the local autoshop and see if they could fit the tubes if we bought them.

    They were useless, apart for the fact they directed us to somewhere that might help. Well pet went into this amazing looking sexy garage place and did all the boy discussion stuff. After about 10 minutes he came out to the car (Im shy!) and got me and baby and said come look at this.

    So inside the guy switches off the garage lights and fires up a red and white car with red ambient lights. Im SO not impressed! Ive got to have multicoloured I pout. He goes into lengthy details about how the cheap set Ive seen probably wont be big enough for my car, and itll be horrible and break easy and then he launches into the fact that he does know of a lighting system with multi colours and options that sound SO much fun but it comes at a price.

    My face drops a little. Im expecting a price near the 1k to 2k mark, so when he says 350 Im made up! Hell yes, we can do that! Im practically booked in! I just need to wait for my child tax credit to come in (dont worry, the kids wont starve!) and then Im going to get them fitted!

    Once that was taken care of, we went into town. Took back the clothes that were wrong and bought more! Ooops! Then we had a coffee and a chat and bought some things for babys room and my youngest daughters room that Ive just finished decorating.

    As we were wandering back to the car, my phone rings. Pet picks it up as it was hanging off the buggy and he was pushing. He grinned and passed it to me. My face lit up! I was so happy and my heart skipped a beat, and I told the caller just that.

    Who was it? It was my Big Brother. Not literally. This guy is the sexy man youve heard me speak of before. The potential Alpha Male who I love and adore who knows me better than anyone else!

    He was full of phone-smiles and had lots to say. Mainly that he has been reading my journal (oh and if you want to log in and post your id is Watchfuls BB how could you forget!) and thinks I sound much much happier lately. He thinks I was never suited to being a Mistress or a Domme, its just not who I am.

    I disagreed wholeheartedly and said its not who I am YET! And we agreed to disagree. But on the whole he thinks I sound very happy, which surprised me, but as he knows me so well, I think I should believe him. Lol.

    So Im posting my peekaboo pics below, to cheer him up, and remind him what hes missing. And of course, if he was my Alpha Male, then I would be submitting to Him and as He thinks Im happier submitting, then all 3 of us are happy all round!

    Gotta dash - lots to do while baby is sleeping!
     

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  23. xcitex2
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    xcitex2 Back from the past!

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    I may be off base but I know plenty of Master/Mistress's who have a sub on one side of their life and a Master or Mistress on the other. It was said to me sometime ago when I used to practice as a full time Dom that you have to live the other side first to know how to be a better Top. While I had no idea what they meant then, I am starting to figure that out now. Moral?-Go with what feels right. In the mean time I should probably figure out how long this journey is going to be as Goddess does not have any desire to give up control now that she sees how much fun she can have.
     
  24. newsub4a
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    newsub4a Senior Member

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    i have heard that too and not sure that i agree. That tradition was started in the leather community where you have to "earn your leather". Although it may be good advice there are some people who simply are not and will not ever be, submissive.

    (aside from that, MW was at one time a sub)
     
  25. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Well, I'm really hurt. I'm not going into what has caused it, but I was very VERY surprised.

    I use this journal to tell my daily tale and (hopefully) journey towards becoming a Mistress, even if that is 5 years down the line and cuckolding 10-15 years. It is the truth about what happens during my day and my emotions towards what happens.

    I had *no* idea that what I posted today would upset anyone. I treat all my friends equally, and expect no more from them than I would give back.

    If anyone wanted advice, comfort or support from me, I would provide it, unquestionably and unconditionally.

    Apparently advice, comfort and support requires a payback. I am surprised. I do not consider myself a selfish person, and do not think I have taken anything more than was offered... in return I consider that I have given my utmost attention when time allows.

    I am drowning here, in this house, under housework, paperwork and laundry. I'm struggling in my relationship. I'm working my backside off to keep my kids happy and supported in their lives.

    In 2-3 weeks I'm back in education. I said to pet only this morning, I have no idea how, or if, I will be able to cope.

    I'm gutted. I'm hurt that someone is upset with me, because I must be so fucking ignorant and done something awful.

    I am tempted not to post, and I am afraid of the backlash this will create... but I am what I am... I blog how I feel.

    And there it is. :sad:
     
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