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Part 2 ~ The Reluctant Dominatrix

Discussion in 'Mistress Watchful's Blog Archive' started by Mistress Watchful, May 12, 2008.

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  1. Although, She should insist on them making it a Mistress' degree.

    //knightservant (with an M.Sc.)
     
  2. This is the same issue that Goddess deals with about us. So i will remind you of the same things that i did Her...
    • YOU are the dominant and whether pet gets to come out of chastity (or cum) is up to You. YOU define what chastity is to in Your relationship, not anyone else (ether real folks or us net people).
    • Who says pet has to cum when he makes love to You? Use condoms, delay spray and cock rings to keep him going long enough for You to have an orgasm (multiple would be nice, but often difficult for a chastity slave to delay orgasms that long)
    • If pet does cum no one says it has to be a "real" orgasm... Goddess is actually very fond of ruining my orgasms, it gives Her an incredible power rush to force me to stop and let my cum drain out without a real orgasms after i have given Her several myself. She also feels that it helps to maintain prostate health.

    Also, if You do allow pet to have a real orgasms it might help if You are "extra" dominant with him for the next day or two after to force him back into that mindset. Just get him into positions and remind him that YOU are in charge and he has to cater to YOUR wants and needs and put himself at Your disposal. An intense bdsm scene the next day might help things too. IMO, the true mark of a submissive is one that can be submissive even after an orgasm (and without doing it for the sexual thrill).
     
  3. Thank you everyone for all your advice... as usual it is excellent!

    I've just been snoozing on the sofa, and I think I have come up with some sort of solution which will deal with all aspects of the situation...but of course I can't tell you just yet!

    I can't explain what it is that I *need* about the vanilla sex thing... maybe it is something that only women will understand (no offence anyone!)

    But as I said, I think my sleepy but kinky mind has found me a happy ending! In fact, I'm very excited about it! I hope it works. :angel:
     
  4. This is where you need to decide WHY pets chastity is so important to you...?? :cry:

    Of course, chastity & a loving, intimate sex life are a complete contradiction to each other :squigglemouth:

    But isnt this where cuckolding comes in? :tongue:

    You really can have the best of ALL worlds, without compromising your relationship with pet & without breaking his chastity, while still being sexually satiated yourself & taking pets humiliation to a whole new level! :angel:
     
  5. A further complication now is that pet admitted last night that he isn't sure if he wants to be in chastity anymore.

    Sometimes I just completely lose the plot...
     
  6. richard
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    richard Just me
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    He is having a moment of weakness. He will only change his mind again. Be strong for him.
     
  7. :squigglemouth:
     
  8. You, apparently!

    Ahhhh, now MasterG has removed his comment this looks a bit odd! I guess that's why I should remember to put quotes in my posts.
     
  9. Hang in there Mistress. I know that for myself I had the same things running through my head with whether or not it was worth being locked up. It is a two way road as you know. Once he realizes how much it pleasures you to be chaste AND realizes the rewards he will get for properly serving you (in more ways than one) he will realize that if he is truly submitting to your desires he will do this. Hopefully this makes sense as I went through the same thing.

    I used to get sex maybe three times a month when we were pure vanilla. the first month in chastity it was twice and I was left wondering why? It was better the other way. then I started thinking about everything I read on here and took others advice to heart. When I started treating my wife the way the device and this forum made me think the rewards have been worth it-AND even if it was only a couple or three times I was released she was having numerous orgasm's which is something that never happened. As she received each one it made me want her more and when I finally got my release-Wowowow. Hang in there and remember although it is ultimately communication that will help you are the Mistress!
     
  10. Thanks xcite... I need to take my own advice don't I!?

    Yet more odd developments. I appear to have completely lost interest in sex. :squigglemouth: I feel utterly disinterested and distanced from pet.

    This is not like me at all. Very odd. When it's warm and sunny I usually get horny. I haven't had traditional (him cumming inside me sex) since 20th June, nearly 4 weeks ago. It's not hormones, this is peak horny time.

    This is the longest we've EVER been without sex. Last time was 3 weeks, after baby was born, and we were desperate for each other... we couldn't wait the advised 6 weeks and were practically ripping each other's clothes off.

    No ripping off of clothes here. pet does not seem at all bothered, and this is trashing my confidence. I feel unattractive.

    pet's reasoning for not being bothered is that he is trying to ignore his predicament and get on with life. I know I shouldn't read much into other's writings, but I do. They are all salivating over their gorgeous Mistresses and desperate to cum... not pet. :sad:

    My conclusion? It must be me.

    I know I haven't been teasing him, and I am 98% sure this is where the problem lies for him. But if my libido is dropping, why would I want to spend time doing sexual things with him that don't afford me any gratification? (Am I selfish?!)

    Because I am effectively banned from having sex, I'm also ignoring any urges and therefore begin to forget how to feel sexy. This is what happened in my marriage. Hubby would go away for 6 weeks and be home for 2, during the 6 weeks I would forget about sex completely and it was very easy to go without.

    Although in the first couple of weeks I had pet make me cum whenever I wanted, the urge to cum just dropped away.

    Now I'm back in that strange place. Do I just "let him" have sex with me to up my urges? Will that have wasted our 3 weeks of chastity. I won't enjoy it... I don't feel sexy at all, and it will feel like a chore. But once I've done it once, I know it will kick my urges back in.

    The *perfect* Mistress would have been teasing her pet all this time, and never allowed this to happen. But yet again... I fucked up.
     
  11. I would say pin him down and force your pet to have sex with you on your terms. It’s not about giving into pet it’s about you getting what you want when you want it.
    Pet can be put straight back into his CB and made to do his usual chores horny or not. If he wants the lifestyle he’ll try his best to submit to you when his hornyness levels are low.

    As for pet not wanting it, There are two things that happen, well at least with me anyway.
    Over the weeks and months you slowly get conditioned and resign yourself to the fact that your not going to cum so you’re attention shifts to serving your mistress/master.
    Another important fact is that with all this tease and denial and constant domination the level at which it takes to get to a horny peak increases. I find now that I need Master to take the lead before I start to get horny, I find it hard to get myself horny when Master is not being dominant. I’m sure Pet still finds you very attractive and still wants you very much.

    I think that’s one of the problems with being in a dom sub relationship the sub gets so used to the domination that he/she craves it. It’s not about the dom lookins sexy and attractive it’s the fact that the sub is now conditioned and his/her hornyness levels are directly effected by how dominant the dom is.

    We had a similar period like this when Master didn’t feel very good about himself because is appeared that I didn’t want him at all but we got through it.
     
  12. Great advice from slave kris! i can't remind You enough... this is about YOU!
    I would say this is a must.. even if you have to have your pet use the strap-on! Goddess has gotten the same way in the last few months. Although She enjoys playing with me in a bdsm sense, it does not make Her horny and since we have not been having sex on a regaler basis She has gotten where it is not something She normally needs. (when we were vanilla it was 3-4 times a week!)

    Long and short of the issue though is that it is not about sex.. it is about the intimacy. Keep that alive and you will keep the relationship alive. Sex is often equated to intimacy, but true intimacy is a mix of physical and mental communication.
     
  13. Based on what I've read in your blog, you somtimes have confidence issues with feeling unattractive and not sexy. Well, flex your domme muscles.... "Pet, pamper me. Make me feel beautiful tonight."

    I can only imagine that with that order, you need only lay back, relax, and enjoy. Perhaps a bubble bath? Pedicure? Massage? Nice music? Your favorite adult beverage? All this can be yours with a simple order. I'm sure it could set the mood for you to get back in the groove.

    That order is a two-fer too. Your pet will love doing it for you, because he loves YOU.

    Of course, afterward, when you're feeling your sexiest and all hot and bothered, put that strap-on gag in his mouth, and ride him until you have to muffle the screams in your pillow!

    Hope you feel back to normal soon!
    mikecb
     
  14. Thank you... this is why I blog.

    mike what IS normal for me!!!! Lmao.

    Well, the good news is, I get to dress up tonight... not for pet, for the adorable Brownies who now call me Pixie! Might not sound like it will have much impact, but I sort of hope it will.

    I get to dress up in a cute fairy outfit, do outrageous make-up, and be silly...and be someone else! Maybe stepping out in Pixie's shoes will be the tonic I need, a little bit of escapism.

    I hate being like this... It makes the most boring blog in the world. I only ever started to journal because I wanted people to watch me blossom from a scared, inexperienced, timid Domme into a beautiful, demanding, horny, uber-sexual Dominatrix....

    It's taking a lot longer than I anticipated! :squigglemouth:

    Just realised my dates were wrong earlier... pet last masturbated on 20th June, so the last time we had sex was before that... but I can't remember how long before... :sad:
     
  15. Mistress if I may,

    There is a lot of "things" going on in your relationship right now and the day to day life is sure to add stressors to that. First and foremost, and I know I speak for most on here, you are gorgeous! The first thing you can do for pet and yourself is realize that, above all else. I know when my wife has self confidence issues I try to get her to realize how beautiful she is by telling her and trying to show her how much she turns me on. HOWEVER, if she persists on staying in the "I am not attractive" zone it takes a huge toll on me because I then accept some of the responsibility of her feeling this way and the next thing you know you have two downward spirals. I am not sure how to feel sexy as each person has there own definition of what makes them feel that way. Strangely for me as a photographer I meet many women who want some form of erotic photography to make themselves feel beautiful. Most never need the photos they just need to look in the mirror. Perhaps you can have pet take some home pictures of you and make a fun date night of it.

    Secondly, as my Goddess and I are finding out, this is not an overnight thing. Especially the chastity. I still am yet to find the perfect fit that does not come back to bite me at some undesirable point. I know this is a frustration for my Wife/Goddess as she desperately wants to get on with the roles and when we have issues, sleep included, it stops everything. The key here is to remember that this too will pass and soon you will have that taken care of, as I hope we will soonl. (damn Lori tubes take forever and then you have other setbacks geeeeeese LOL)

    Lastly as Slave_Kris eluded to remember that pet will go through a series of transformations in chastity. I know I used to get erect anytime my Goddess would walk by me naked. I did not need any sexy clothing. Now even in her best attire she will see that I am not straining in my device and wonder if there is a problem. I know this is a HUGE ego shattering event for her and the problem is she is still desirable even more so than before. While everyone here is different I can say for me it is simple. I am pretty sure she is just teasing me and the numerous times I have felt the pain of the device reminds me to keep that erection from coming on in it's entirety. It has nothing to do with the fact that she is not sexy as hell, it has everything to do with not wanting to experience that level of discomfort. NOW, with that being said she is a smart woman and has found ways to secure me, remove the device, make me think tonight is the night, only to have me bring her to numerous orgasms and ever so deviously and quietly say something like "wow that was hot, it is too bad you did not get to cum" and with that she will smile and re-secure the device after many minutes of cool down time, and I am left wondering when the next time will be.

    This of course leads me to my last point. Although I am the sub in the sexual part of our relationship, I have a long background as a Dom (the whole reason this is still weird to me) so absolutely positively enjoy your sub in every fashion and make sure he is giving you what you need sexually. If you are not feeling sexy, get sexy. Walk in, change into something, and use him to make you feel that way. For us my wife has really blossomed as she was every bit the submissive natured person. Now she can simply put on nothing but a pair of thigh high boots and order me to clean them with my tongue. Of course I know where my tongue will ultimately end up! LOL Of course the less aroused she is to begin with the longer it will take me to get her there, but as she says, that is my problem, and let me tell you it can be my problem if she has left me locked up.

    I hope this helps. Ultimately I was hoping for some major inspirational dialogue here but I really wanted to sum up by saying this-do not let past circumstances (I.E. your ex husand and your sex life) define who you are now. You are who you want to be or become. When you display that powerful, self confident, sexy, Mistress, Mom, Lover, College Student (no wonder your tired) to your pet he will respond in like ways. For us poor men we sometimes fall short of making the woman we love feel like they are rock stars in every sense of the word but trust me, we are just starting to figure you women out and probably will never know exactly what makes you tick 100%. With that being said please know we as men, sissys, or slaves think you are without a doubt, or rock star.

    Have fun being Pixie (actually by the time you get this I should say) I hope you had fun being Pixie!
     
  16. Thank you xcite… you really helped clear some things up for me.

    pet has expressed that I am sexier than ever and he still adores me and that my husband was an idiot to let me go. He also has tried to explain many times that trying to contain his excitement is just something he now *has* to do because of the device, as you said, it’s a conditioning thing.

    I am all too aware that my constant putting myself down is of no use to anyone, and that my problem with my weight has nothing to do with my perception of *me* and pet loves me as I am (and other’s have commented that curves are good things!) but I still have this bloody awful ingrained “slim is good, fat is bad” thing in my head, as do many other women on the planet.

    The bizarre thing is, I have surfed BBW sites to look at “larger ladies” and I see don’t see a place for me… I’m not big enough to be a BBW and I’m not small enough to be the uber-Dommes plastered everywhere else! I guess I have to settle for being *me*!

    I know that men go for confidence and attitude over looks sometimes… who wants to be with a conceited super-model who cares more for herself than for him. I know I can encourage an erection in a complete stranger over the fruit and veg in Tescos, and I know that I can make them wonder what I’m like in bed. (If only they knew what I was willing to do!)

    I know I need to get sexy in my head. There are days when I *am* sexy, and days when I’m not…but I haven’t lost loads of weight in those times, or had a new hair-do, or anything else, I just put on a different attitude that day!

    Ultimately, I’m scared of getting it wrong, I’m scared of losing my man, or worse still losing charlotte, who has the potential to become a great sissy and sex toy… if only I stop knocking myself over the head and give him a chance.

    On the Pixie note (sat here still dressed as I type) I had a few happy moment at Brownies. Everyone commented on my outfit… this is not just a wings and tiara thing, I don’t do things by halves… dress, tutu underneath, frilly knickers, bright pink tights, sparkly green shoes, crystal watch in the shape of flowers, flower and beaded choker, pink sparkly wings, pink hair and a stunning pearl tiara pet bought me last year.

    As I left a group of parents passed a few comments “where did you get such a beautiful outfit” “makes me wonder what you get up to in your spare time” (giggles) “makes *me* wonder what else she has in her wardrobe at home!”

    I love it all… I feed off it… the male in the group was obviously having a few wandering thoughts, and the mother’s were envious of the confident woman in front of them who obviously didn’t care what anyone else thought and was having a great deal of fun…. Everyone sees me as the woman I want to become! I must be a bloody good actress!
     
  17. For a giggle...

    ...because we all need to giggle from time to time!

    I know I don't need to validate myself, or prove myself to be a real-life person, but I'm going to anyway.

    For anyone who doubted I was sat here in a fairy outfit!

    ... actually I wonder if I should post more pictures of myself in "every day" mode... maybe that's a terrible idea, or maybe it will make me put more thought into how I look every day.
     

    Attached Files:

  18. You weren’t wrong, you really do go all out. I like it. Puts some of my very best fancy dress costumes to shame.
     
  19. Ohhh Fancy dress!! And a pink laptop!!! i need one of those!! :tongue:
     
  20. Sounds so Easy

    ..it almost makes you wonder why it is not sometimes. First off relax I doubt with what you and pet share he is running anywhere anytime soon, besides that is what handcuffs are for. Ah there now I sense a smile, and yet another.

    Seriously the one thing I have found already in talking to member of this and other similar groups is they all have one thing in common. Commitment. For those couples who share mutual desires and experiences this lifestyle seems to strengthen bonds in all parts of the relationship. I mean think about it for a minute it is hard enough in RL to start over after a failed relationship regardless of who's fault it is. To share something this intimate and then try to replace it-I don't even want to think about that. How do you find an attractive woman in today's world who fits every thing you are looking for and then say oh by the way I want you to dominate me in our sex life. As funny as that may sound it is rare to find that in relationships and those like myself, yourself, and others here a very very lucky. I know I would have never ever cheated on my wife as it happened to me in a past marriage but I am a guy and looking is something we probably all do once in a while. Funny now as we have started this that in and of itself is no longer the case. Sure probably because I am reminded with this plastic prison, but seriously I now have a much deeper interest in my wife that I could not expect to replace. And for the record she is not the super model type in anyway shape or form-She is so much more because of what we share in all areas.

    The only thing you get wrong is not communicating with each other, otherwise if it is right between you as a couple then it is right.

    Sorry if I have in anyway overstepped my place but you along with so many other beautiful, exotic women, like my wife need to know there are some of us men out there (much like the guy checking you out in the ferry outfit) who appreciate more than the outer shell. Now don't get me wrong in a purely chauvinistic sense I love playing with my wife's outer shell! :wink:
     
  21. i certainly love the fairy dress, Mistress Watchful! Reminds me of some of the costumes i have seen at the renaissance fairs here in the states... makes me want to dust off my outfits and head over to see some jousting and general mischief and mayhem at one of the areas fairs!
     
  22. xcite, yes I was smiling, and again!

    Thanks for the comments on my outfit everyone. I love dressing up... some people may think I look daft, but I love love love it!

    The pink laptop was one of those things that I bought *accidentally*. I went out to buy a blind for the living room and came back with a pink laptop! pet was gutted... he walked into the kitchen and saw the box and went "you bought a James Bond laptop"... and was further more gutted when I got it out and it was pink!

    I do forget that kinky women are somewhat of a special breed. I need to keep that foremost in my mind.

    I am unique... that is pointed out to me by every man I've ever had the fortune to either sleep with or *nearly* become intimate with. I'm not stunning by magazine/model standards, but most men see something special in me!

    I'm feeling better today. I went to the salon today to have my nails done, had a great chat with Jayne, who said "chill out and cheer up" and then went shopping with pet, spent some money I don't really have, but we chatted to each other and cleared up a few more things.

    I do feel that either the mood is passing, or was lifted by the salon, shopping or chat with pet. I say it a million times, but maybe I need to get myself to the Dr and have a little check up.

    Today was our last child-free day... no kinkiness now until September! Well, outrageous stuff anyway. I'm going to have to think of some quiet stuff to do, oh and get pet to fix the lock on our bedroom door!
     
  23. Oh oh oh... I forgot some things.

    On the shopping trip we were in La Senza (very nice girlie underwear store) looking at pyjamas and such and I was saying what would suit me, and what would suit charlotte... when pet saw one item and said, fairly loudly, "I think that one would suit me better". Didn't see if anyone noticed, and didn't really care, but it made us giggle for a while!

    The other thing we chatted about was lack of teasing and how I find it hard to tease if I'm not in the mood, and I need to get my head around the idea that tease = torture and is not necessarily pleasant, but is definitely frustrating and pet said "it doesn't have to be anything nice" so I would like to say that I was listening and this was duly noted! :angel:
     
  24. From experience it's totally normal for libido to be up and down - My Wife is the same and I have to accept when she is not in the mood. Just be reassured that you are the one in control and it's you who should make the decisions on when and IF to tease.

    That said, I have to say that when my Wife is at her most bitchy and the teasing is harsh and sometimes not pleasurable at all - That's what is the most enjoyable to me - Weird huh :squigglemouth::squigglemouth::tongue:

    Keep up the great blog


    jj
     
  25. Maybe it is, but that is how i feel also! Maybe we are just kinky!:sex020:
     
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