Part 2 ~ The Reluctant Dominatrix

Good morning everyone.

First thing I do, every morning, with my cup of coffee in hand, is check the site. Then I reply to all posts, then I write my blog (if I still have time!)

This morning is a little different because mid-post reading I find pets journal and need to respond at the same time as reading it!

Firstly hell, pet is waaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy down the line on the cuckolding thing, a lot further than me. This surprises me. Given how much he adores me and having talked about infidelity with him I thought he would be devastated if I had sex with another man. I also had a moment at the weekend where I read an online experience and it made me sick to the stomach. How on earth could I let another man inside me? It is incredibly intimate and invasive and once its done it can never be taken back so in my mind I had pushed it back to the 10-15 years schedule. Then BB turned up yesterday and pet took the ball and ran with it to the moon apparently! We have so many other things to discover before this.

Secondly I really need to learn to be more specific when I let pet do things when Im out of the house. He started really well with the laundry at the weekend, but now its piling up. When I allowed him to play on the Xbox while I was out, I thought he would multitask. Its very easy to play Xbox and do laundry simultaneously because there are waiting periods between loads nope, didnt happen! Spent his time surfing toyshops online! Lol.

Ah well, back to catching up with posts...

 

I'm not in a great mood this morning.

pet was up about 50 times in the night, so finally at 5am I told him to get out of the CB and let me get some sleep.

I was ready to throw that damn thing out of the window.

I'm so tired, but baby woke up early, so I think we will just snuggle lots on the sofa today and pet can do plenty of housework to make up for his lie in.

I hate days like this. I now feel that the 3 days locked up was wasted because he's up in bed now and can do what he wants. Part of me knows I should go and force him to put it back on NOW, but we'll see how he goes without. I'm pretty sure I could tell if he has cum by his attitude.

I'm hoping for a parcel of toys today! YAY! I can't remember what's in it... I love that... it's like birthday surprises. There were just a couple of fun things for the weekend, and I had a good clear out of all my old toys yesterday and I know where everything is in our bedroom now.

I have an overnight bag full of vibrators and anal toys, although I got rid of lots of old ones that I didn't like anymore.

I have an overnight bag which has blindfolds, small teasing warmup whips, older style handcuffs, nipple clamps and cock rings.

I have a smaller bag where the harnesses and strap-on dildos go, and a bag the same size where all my rope bondage equipment is kept.

I also have a lockable metal case where my NEW toys and extra special toys are kept, so that pet cannot get to them. This contains things I have bought to use in the future, hoods, gags, the inflatable butt plug, harnesses, etc.

If I've planned a session I usually grab the bits I need and put them in one bag and hide it ready for later use. If I'm being spontaneous, everything is now within reasonably easy reach!

 

Thanks Burger... that's just what is under the bed, you should see the wardrobe! Books, gloves, boots, hats, and then the section with all my dress up stuff.

We bought a new bed recently with the stipulation that it had to be sturdy (we have broken the last one!) easy to attach bondage items to, AND have lots of space underneath for our kinky boxes.

I woke pet up and got him locked up straight away, then told him today he would be charlotte.

Charlotte is pottering around the kitchen as we speak in a grey t-shirt (which enhances her breasts wonderfully... I'm jealous!) which has the logo "Horny Girls College" on it in pink, a pair of grey short shorts with white poka dots and bright pink sparkly flip-flops (thong sandals?)

So far she has whinged about her hair getting in the way, her hair not being nice enough, having too much body hair, not being allowed to wear make up today...

O M G... sissies are soooooooooooooo vain! Just tidy the damn kitchen already!

I have just switched Ipods from pet's to mine, and it's currently playing the album "It's a Girl Thing" which I thought was far more appropriate.

Stroppy charlotte pouted "I like these tunes anyway" and I left her cleaning while I read a few more of my books. :xd:

 

I feel like I spent all day on here today! I have been doing other things, honestly!

Here are pictures of charlotte in her outfit today. She did very well tidying the kitchen, considering I kept distracting her with other errands.

A parcel arrived! HOORAY! I love parcels.

There was some fun, travel size lubricant pouches with soda flavours, a butt plug with hearts on it - very cute, a hood with eye holes and a mouth hole - because pet wants to remain hidden at first if the cuckold thing happens, and a lovely vibrating cock ring to go over my big, fat, pink dildo strapon.

Well I have to go take baby swimming now and the kids will be home after that, then my brother is coming over to play Rock Band... so it's mummy mode all the way until bedtime.

I'm soooooooooooooooo horny now, I can't wait to play with some new toys.

 

I'm aiming for a 2 bedroomed dungeon (sorry... flat) in Brighton before I'm 50!

That would certainly make for interesting couch conversations!

Kinkish... you're too funny! No it wasn't quite that bad, we have been systematically losing parts of the headboard due to tying or grasping it too firmly! :xd:

 

I'm feeling incredibly subdued today... no idea why.

I'm tired, that I do know. I didn't get to bed late due to visitors and pet was up a couple of times, then moved downstairs to sleep, then came back at 4am and asked for the key.

I think we may have gone to sleep on bad terms, I'm not sure.

I got incredibly horny yesterday, parcels arriving, pet as charlotte, surfing too many cuckold sites... and pet and I had been flirting a lot of the day and were looking forward to some playtime.

Of course by the time we went to bed I was sooooooo tired I didn't want to play. If I had "played" it would have been very much "this is what pet wants, so I'll do it" and that's no fun. If I'm going to play I want to be in it 100%.

Also I had a phone call with a new friend. pet was bouncing off the walls when he found out and was full of so many questions.

Again, I was tired and explained it was a basic "getting to know you" conversation, told him the important bits, and started to fall asleep.

pet was a bit huffy, so I asked if he was ok and he said yes... what more can I do?

I'm annoyed that pet is unlocked again, but there's nothing can be done about that. I won't have him in uncontrolled pain, he needs a device that fits and is secure and comfortable.

Also when I woke up this morning I hated what I saw in the mirror. I had gained again at my weigh in at Weight Watchers, and convinced everyone it didn't matter because I'm happy with myself and don't have any body issues... what a load of crap. I hate how I look and I'm too overwhelmed to sort it out.

So, not a great day at the moment.

I'm off to toddlers this morning, and then I think I will start packing for our weekend away when I get back.

*sigh*

 

All of that is true... and on a good day I will agree with you!

I'm more than happy to be curvy, my ideal size is a 14-16... I want boobs and butt! BUT... I do need to work on firmness.

Cameras *DO* lie and I only ever post the good pics! :tongue:

I love my food, and I don't want to restrict myself, but I really need to get off my butt and exercise! I have every excuse in the book not to do it... I *want* to do it, I just never get round to it!

Maybe I'm scared of failing?

 

Sorry...

BIG ramble this morning!

Yesterday pet seemed a little offended that I did not force him into his chastity first thing. At the time I figured that because he was taking the children to school it was a safe time to leave him unlocked, and they were running REALLY late.

pet insisted on putting on the device which I found curious, but didn't annoy me or worry me in any way... later on I found out that he is preferring to wear the device for more emotions issues (feeling owned, etc) rather than preventing him from touching his cock.

He commented last night that even if he was free, he cannot imagine himself masturbating because he knows he would feel so bad.

I'm having issues with his apparent lack of horniness. He explained at the moment he is still dealing with pain and that the removal of the device recently has led to him feeling annoyed and fed up. He did comment that he is feeling really horny, it's just not showing!

I read an interesting comment by ladynsniffer in another blog where he says that women marry men not other women because they want a hard cock as well as oral, and denial of this cock can damage their self esteem... I can't help but agree with him and wonder if that was one of the reasons I felt so down and unattractive yesterday, especially coupled with the lack of horniness from pet.

pet treated me to lunch. I was a little annoyed because I was trying to start my diet (yet again!) yesterday, but I went because we needed to get out of the house and he thought he was helping to cheer me up.

We spoke lots over lunch about our new friend, and how we would have the opportunity to meet him at the weekend. I was very excited at the prospect of being able to go to a club with him, or dinner, leaving pet to babysit after he had helped me get ready... but I also felt huge pangs of guilt. We have waited AGES to have a break, just the 3 of us, without the other kids and housework worries. So we had to turn down our friend. :sad: In the long run I believe this is best, we need some time on our own without complications, but it still pains me...

I was soooooooooooooo tired yesterday. I decided to have a nap in the afternoon, and because children were well out of the way (afterschool clubs and friends houses) I let pet lap away at my pussy gently and make me cum before I drifted off to sleep.

I had a rude awakening when my son returned home and rang the doorbell about 50 times because everyone was in the back room of the house and couldn't hear him. That annoyed me, but I was too tired and went back to sleep.

I spent the evening helping at Brownies, but most of it I was yawning and just hoping they would SHUT UP!

(Mad house here today... will finish in a bit!)

 

Well I had hoped to finish off my journal early this morning... the day did NOT go quite as planned and this is the first chance I've had to sit down.

I graduate tomorrow (hence why so hectic) and as soon as the ceremony finishes we are going away for the weekend.

We had not booked wireless internet in the room... but I think that will be the first thing I do at check-in LOL!

I have to eat then sleep. Scared about tomorrow, nervous I guess.

Hopefully I will be online at the weekend.

 

Hehe...

Oh Sophie, it's not that, its the complicated process behind having my mum, dad, husband and our 3 kids, boyfriend and our baby all in the same place at the same time!

I have 5 minutes before my dinner is served so...

I got home from Brownies and was so sleepy, but starving hungry, so I sent pet out for take-out... I really enjoyed that. It's not often I indulge in ordering pet to do something, and he was very annoyed as he was sat there in his underwear, ready to snuggle up. 1 egg foo young later and I was content, watched Big Brother and snoozed off.

So many nightmares. Mainly about my mother, and telling her EXACTLY what I think of her and how she treats my pet like he's sh!t and my husband like the sun shines out of his arse and it's all pet's fault I'm no longer with my rich, successful (robot with no feelings) of a husband!

OH MY BLOOD BOILS!

So, graduation at 11am tomorrow, then off for a very well deserved family break. I really need to recharge!

 

Awwww... thank you.

You are SO right! :bigsmile:

Well I was up at 5.30am finishing packing and getting myself ready. I'm going to shut the laptop and pack it after I've checked the posts.

We had a spammer last night, so now we *HAVE* to have the internet while we're away! (Hopefully!)

 

Well, we're back! :bigsmile:

I've been quiet since our return because I didn't want to throw one of my usual wobblies... and believe me, I have VERY good reason to throw a VERY big wobbly!

About half an hour ago pet came to speak to me and said that I shouldn't punish others [by not visiting the site] for what he did.

To begin...

Graduation! :bigsmile: Wonderful day, if a bit nerve wracking. Pet asked me in the morning how smart he should be dressed and I said reasonably formal because although I dont care what pet wears in public (to a certain extent!) my mother would have a field day with him being too casual. We arrived and I put on my daft outfit pet asked me at least 5 times if we could keep it, and we took the usual photos. I phoned my husband to find out where he and the kids were as I needed to get professional photos taken with them, I also found my mum and dad were on the shuttle bus to the graduation site turns out they were all on the same bus and found us at the same time. Pet was annoyed that my mother pretty much ignored him (but he was hiding from her) but the most annoying thing is that my husband turns up in a crappy t-shirt and crappy faded jeans and my mother says NOTHING! Just giggles with him like a little girl. Well blah, get over it, me, pet and hubby are all perfectly happy! Did the photos and was then ushered off to a room to be organised pre-ceremony march.

It all went to plan and before we knew it we were off to sunny Bognor for our 3 day getaway with baby.

The hotel was great, the pool was fantastic and baby adored it. We didnt do much other than play the slot machines and the toy grabbers and eat, drink and chill out together. Life was perfect. Ish!

I was relishing every moment of pet not being locked and baby being around because I was liking the time off from Mistress-Mode. Even my two potential alpha-male/friends didnt contact me all weekend, THANK YOU, I really appreciated that. (And I heartily apologise for going into hiding until today and not returning your calls and messages!)

So were wandering round hand-in-hand enjoying our normal vanilla time together when pet happens to mention in passing that its been ages since he came. I replied that I knew, it would be 3 weeks on Monday. Pet looked down at his feet and gave me a cheeky well sort of glance. I felt sick to my stomach and asked him what the look was for, so he admitted that he had masturbated the day before the CB6000 arrived the day that I was so pleased that hed stayed up and played on his Xbox instead of having sex with me, because I felt that was a huge mistake and would teach him a lesson

I felt like a complete idiot. I felt that anything which followed was a farce. I was so excited when the new device turned up and dashed up to put it on. I was so pleased when he said hed wished hed taken one last chance to masturbate he was lying to me and I didnt suspect a thing.

I really tried not to be angry, in fact I had a problem being angry, I just went quiet. Its only today that Ive really started talking to him properly again.

I know he regrets what he did but thats not enough. Part of me wonders if he told me because I was being so vanilla and he wanted to annoy me back into Domme-Mode and lock him up and throw away the key. Or get one of the Alpha-Males round asap to teach him a lesson, even though Ive said Im not ready yet.

I felt like shit, to be frank. Yet again, after all my efforts to do everything he wanted me to do, to help his fantasy become reality, and he threw it back in my face.

How many times do I have to be slapped in the face like this? I told him that if he wants to lock himself up, fine, if he wants me to wear the key, fine, but I dont want any personal involvement with the chastity device any more

It cant be hidden though the Dominatrix side of me. Looking at it now I do feel incredibly more selfish, which I needed. I feel he owes me soooooooooo much, so many apologies, grovelling, serving, humiliation

So will he be getting what he wants if I don those boots again with an ever more fearsome attitude? Was it all part of a master plan? Does it matter so long as I get the sexual satisfaction and domestic services that I require as a result?

Life just loves throwing me curve balls!


Below: The only photo of me in graduation attire currently on this computer... it's the "Kendra Signature Pose" for anyone who watches Girls Next Door.