Out With The Old... in With The New!

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by PuppyMaster, Jan 1, 2009.

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  1. Miss D
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    Miss D Expert In Femming

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    A krissi sex doll.... I like that idea a lot!

    :yes1:
     
  2. PuppyMaster
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    PuppyMaster Puppy Master

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    Things have taken a turn in the house of Master and Kris, to be honest I think Master and Kris have moved out. Things started getting back to normal about a week ago and then nothing. Kris was complaining about being tired, which fair play he is working a stupid amount of hours at the moment so he can be excused for that.

    We had some sex and it was Kris that made love to me, it was great until then the guilt hit me, it was like I was feeling crappy that my position as master had been messed up again.

    We had a chat about the fact that Kris thought that with play it was a case of him not being allowed to cum and me using his constant hornyness as a way of getting sex, which if I'm honest it was, If I was horny but not in the mood for any bondage then I would get him all worked up knowing full well I'd get sex.

    Kris doesn't seem to happy about this, and if I'm truthful I did kinda think that him being the sub and not being allowed to cum so he was in a constant state of arousal was part of the play. I guess i'm wrong.

    So anyways, we do seem to be back in our vanilla ways, for how long I don't know, could be a week, could be even longer, who knows.

    Kris and I though are good, He seems to be more horny but I'm not getting what I need (sexually) half as much as I used to. I think it has to be expected though when you have a higher sex drive than your partner.
     
  3. PuppyMaster
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    PuppyMaster Puppy Master

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    Hey all, things are slowly getting back to normal, well in a master/sub kinda way, and I do mean slowly.

    I'm not complaining, not in the slightest. It's nice. Kris is slowly getting back to asking permission for things like toilet use, it makes me feel wanted and needed in my state as master.

    I have decided Kris is allowed to have a full orgasm on sundays now (and it was good) I'm turning into a bottom in the bedroom, I like it, it's good. I do still prefer to be the top but I'm good with either.

    I've spent the last few days ill again, need the doctor to try and figure out a prescription which is a bit more long term than the one that I have, I wanna feel on top form all the time and be the hot 24/7 master Kris deserves, instead i'm all bloaty and ugly.

    I know Kris does not think of me like that though, he wouldn't dare haha!

    But yeah, we're getting there slowly, enjoying each others company along the way. I feel quite content which is strange, I only thought i'd feel content when we got back into the swing of things 100%

    I'm gonna take each day as it comes, I've decided I will no longer make plans for play, they never come through and always lead to disapointment and guilt. I'm just gonna let the mood and time take me, and hopefully things will be better for Kris this time round.
     
  4. xcitex2
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    xcitex2 Back from the past!

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    Just getting caught up and wanted to say welcome back and keep up the journey! Having just lost my dad please know I feel your loss of your relative and adding illness to the situation has to make a tuff hill to climb. None the less keep up the courage to live your life ti it's fullest. And by all means keep on working on that idea of submissive as sex dolls. hehe
     
  5. PuppyMaster
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    PuppyMaster Puppy Master

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    Hey all.

    Kris has updated his blog so it's time for me to do mine.

    Things have started to get good again, and then not so good again, we had a stupid row this morning, it pretty much ended with me saying I can't be master anymore.

    I think I've been too hasty and just said it because it's the easy option. I know though it's not what I want at all!! Why do I say stupid things like this!!??

    Yesterday I had all sorts of plans and ideas of what I wanted, a points system for example, where if Kris was well behaved, carried out his chores and such he would earn points, which if he hit the required number would be allowed a treat that he would pick at the start of the month (like the maids outfit he wants) on the other hand if he didn't hit the target he would get nothing and then he would not be allowed to request that item for 6months.

    I also wanted to help Kris get over his confidence issues, so last night I ordered him to dress up as a sissy again, he wasn't keen but did it for me, he also removed all his body hair (which he did and decided to do by himself)

    When we got into bed, I started playing with Kris and he played with me, something didn't feel right though, it wasn't as passionate, when we talked Kris said he didn't like that i'd been questioning him earlier about being a sissy (ie) what he got from it? why he liked it? I was only asking so I had a better unbderstanding and could be a better master this time round.

    I do want to be master and I do want Kris to be the sub, but I want so bad for things to be perfect this time round, and it feels like i've ruined things already before they have fully started again.

    I love Kris with 110% of my heart and don't want our sub/dom relationship to affect our vanilla relationship which is what i'm scared of.

    Kris has dashed off to work because he was running late, so I can't say how I feel face to face, so hopefully he'll read this blog on his lunch and text me to say he has and that everythings going to be ok.

    I wish we were not both in work today otherwise the sleep sack would be out and he'd be in it and we'd be having fun, and it wouldn't result in me sitting in work all day worrying.

    Jeez it's been ages since i've blogged and i'm back with a whiney one! I just needed to get everything off my chest though.
     
  6. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Baby steps, baby steps.... you can have everything, but you can't necessarily have it all at once!!!

    I love the points idea, it sounds like a twist on the marble game, and that worked really well for us.

    I know how you feel. I'm DESPERATE to get back into Domme mode, but I keep telling myself not to think about it until we've moved.

    Glad you're back with us though. :anim_65:
     
  7. PuppyMaster
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    PuppyMaster Puppy Master

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    I'm glad i'm back too MW! :sign0066: Haha!

    It seemed like for a time I wouldn't be back, Kris and I had this whole don't wanna play thingy goin on, it sucked!

    Things are good though, play is back on! YAY!!!!!!! (I'm really happy over that!)

    Kris is taking to serving really well, he's looking after my needs more than ever now, which to be honest is always good.

    This is a short post I'm afraid as I have a million and one things to be doing.

    Hope everything is good with everyone else, and I promise I won't leave things so long this time.
     
  8. PuppyMaster
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    PuppyMaster Puppy Master

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    Kris seems to have pretty much summed up everything that has been going on recently, So if ya haven't read his blog then i'll tell you, I'm soooo happy right now!!! Like really happy, the happiest I've been in ages!

    I seem to be back to my most dominant, I'm being consistant in reminding Kris where he stands (or kneels) it seems to be doing the trick, he seems his most loving and submissive he's been for a long time.

    I also seem to have gotten over a few of my own issues, I had a whole hang up that Kris didnt find me attractive because he wouldnt always get hard from physical contact with me, I beat myself up pretty bad over it, thinking that I was ugly and a sh*t master, that seemed to affect us alot.

    It was only the other night that we were in bed together, I was extremely horny and went on to tease Kris and talk to him in my masterfull/playfull way, i was saying that if Kris was good and followed the points system (details in Kris' blog) that he would look all hot and sexy in the pink zentai suit, he could be my faceless little whore who I would use for my own gratification, it was really hot, and Kris was the hardest I've seen him in a long time.

    Needless to say the sex that followed was amazing!

    So thats what I've learned Kris does want me, he just gets off on different things.

    Now I'm off to order myself some hot new underwear to up my confidence even more, Why should it just be Kris that gets rewards hehe!
     
  9. mikecb
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    mikecb Long term member

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    KM,

    I think you're right on about kris just being turned on by different things. I think it's a problem we all share. Sometimes, the very things that turn us on most are either "eh", or even a turn-off for our partners.

    My Wife feels her sexiest when she gets all dressed up with makeup, clothes and the whole nine yards. Though I can see the look of confidence on her face when she does that, it does no more for me than seeing her in sweatpants and sweatshirt. I'm just not visual that way. It's not a aphrodisiac for me.

    Being together for so long, she immediately knows that getting all dressed up did nothing for me. I can't hide it after 22 years together. But rather than perceiving that it's because I'm not turned on by "dressed up", she perceives I'm not turned on because she's not sexy. It's a damn shame, because I think she's beautiful, and tell her all the time... but the things she does to make herself feel more beautiful just plain don't do anything for me, so we end up in a negative feedback loop.

    Hell, I'm a guy... I'm ALWAYS turned on.... but if she wants to elicit more reaction, screw getting all dressed up... smack my ass, or pinch my nipples! She'll have my undivided and rapt devotion! But, that just doesn't work for her.

    I think the same problem happens some times with you and kris, and I've seen the same thing in MW's blog too. I think you feel more sexy when you're being validated by the reaction you expect from your partners. But the behaviors that make YOU feel sexy don't elicit the response you need from your partner.

    I think you and MW both falter when you forget to differentiate the behaviors you THINK should cause a reaction from the ones that DO.

    In your case, maybe foreplay for kris isn't touching. Maybe it's being dominated and controlled. When you do that, kris is happy, you seem to feel validated, and by all reports, the sex is .. well... :penisdance: !!! :)

    So, if you can dominate kris, and that butters his toast, is that good enough to make you feel sexy? After all, none of us will look like greek gods and goddesses forever.. but we can all be sexy forever! Sexy IS as sexy DOES. If you can turn on kris with your sexy behavior and your dirty mind, isn't that better than just depending on your body anyway?

    mikecb
     
  10. PuppyMaster
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    PuppyMaster Puppy Master

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    Thank you again Mike, I think I should employ you as my personal therapist, everything you say always helps me put things in perspective, so once again a big thank you!

    Everythings good at the moment, things were a little rocky on saturday after I drank too much vodka and let all my emotions and worries out, but in a nasty 'I hate the world, and I hate you' kinda way, Kris obviously getting the blunt of it, I was an arse and I'm sorry, I think Kris has forgiven me though so it's all good.

    The points system seems to be working very well, Kris is being really loyal, maybe thats why he was so forgiving when I was so nasty.

    He has clear goals and obviously wants to earn his treats and rewards, It's making my life alot easier as well, I seem more content and happier in myself, I've bought some new underwear so may get Kris to get some photo's so you can all see, I don't have enough pics of me up, I think that needs sorting out.

    Hope all is good with everyone else.
     
  11. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Yeah mike... you are very sensible when it comes to these things! Make wayyyy too much sense!

    Kris' Master, lay off the vodka! :character0071: It's a mean ole drink! I used to drink HEAPS when I was still with x2b. I used to get through a bottle of red wine each night and then fill myself with vodka whilst chatting on the internet... I was a pretty evil person when I'd had a skinful, still am.

    Not drinking takes a hell of a lot of effort, and can be pretty boring sometimes, but it's so much better for you! (Sorry if I sound like your mother!) You gain so much time back too... no more days spent with your head down the loo or hiding under the duvet!

    If you're anything like me, you drink for confidence! And I still get really panicky at big events (aka Blame it on the Vodka night!) and have to drink to get me through it... and look what happened then! :sad0020:

    Ok, I'll shut up now! Enjoy the odd glass and get tipsy, but stop when your lip starts to feel fuzzy!
     
  12. chastityslavejohn
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    chastityslavejohn Mistress Irianna's pet

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    Mistress Watchful, i love "x2b".

    mine is "fx"...future ex
     
  13. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    I find "ah" works just as well... I'll let you figure it out! :evilgrin0036:
     
  14. chastityslavejohn
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    chastityslavejohn Mistress Irianna's pet

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  15. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Ohhh... you know him! :manga_angel:
     
  16. chastityslavejohn
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    chastityslavejohn Mistress Irianna's pet

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    lol, no i don't but i think that's what fx calls me...lmao!
     
  17. PuppyMaster
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    PuppyMaster Puppy Master

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    Thanks for the advice MW, don't worry about sounding like my mother, I look up to you and your advice is always good. I seem to have a jekyl/hyde relationship with Vodka, Sometimes I'm fine, and sometimes i'm pure evil, it's never good.

    Things are on the up again, we've had a quiet ol' week, no play, no sex, I sarted getting all down again and feeling somehow that it was I who was unattractive and the reason Kris wasn't interested, I hate being in this circle of one minute feeling hot and sexy to feeling like I'm the reason Kris isn't interested.

    Kris posted in his blog that he was feeling asexual, I saw this and freaked, well inner freaked, I didn't rant or vent my feelings, I just bottled them up.

    I think Kris realised something was up, after I had put the washing in the machine (Kris wasn't even doing any tasks) I walked in the bedroom to find Kris naked, and a porn dvd just about to start, he told me that he was all lubed up for me, I instantly got hard and we fucked, it was good but then I felt a bit crappy.

    I think it was because I didn't want a quick fuck, I wanted to feel wanted, to be kissed all over and all the nice things that go with love making, I guess I'm weird like that, most people reading this are probably thinking WTF! Kris offered himself and your complaining!?!!

    So anyway, we went for a little walk and had some chips, it was nice, it's been really hot and sunny here all weekend, we did some talking, mainly about porn. To me Kris has always been against it, but earlier during the confusing session Kris decided that he wanted to watch the porn and cum on my face, he even said which shots he liked. This got me a bit horny to be honest as I'd always felt like a dirty sod for liking it, and always felt Kris was disgusted with me, turns out I was wrong.

    When we arrived home, Kris asked permission to use the toilet!? Ok now I was really confused, I said he could, I couldnt hide my raging hard on though, it was hot to me! It was like I was getting my master-ness back! Happy Happy!

    Needless to say, Kris and I had more sex, but this time for points (the points system is back, and Kris has shit loads of work to do to hit target) and it was on my terms, I wanted to be loved, wanted to be worshiped like a master, and Kris was more than happy to oblige.

    Theres still one more day til I'm back in work so i'm hoping there's no excuse for lack of play tommorrow!

    Also I'm feeling in more of a mind set to keep my diary updated and post those new pics I want Kris to take for my profile.
     
  18. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    I'm not thinking WTF... I'm thinking "ohhhhhh I know what you mean!".

    I never take my own advice, and my usual advice to get out of a sex rut is to just get on with it and get it out of the way... having said that, pet has been trying to initiate sex through cuddles for about 2 weeks now (at least!) but I need it to be more than a quick fumble before we get up or before we fall asleep. I want something a bit more sexy and romantic... :sad0137:

    Anyway, it sounds like you got it together afterwards, a nice walk, some chips and some chatting... sounds wonderful! :heart:

    Glad to see you back posting. :manga_cloud9:
     
  19. PuppyMaster
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    PuppyMaster Puppy Master

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    I said I was going to keep my blog up to date, and I'm gonna stick by it, even if there's no kinky goings on it will just help me offload my day, and give me summit to look back on.

    Today has been a quiet one, Kris and I though have spent all day together, it's been really nice, we did the usual easter things of visiting family and scoffing chocolate, feel fat now though! I shouldn't be allowed cream eggs whilst Heroes is on. :evilgrin0036:

    The points system is still going strong, I just checked. Kris needs to average between 4-5 points a day now for the rest of the month to hit target, He's being very well behaved so I think he can do it.

    My only concern is that I'm not being hard enough, when I threaten to take points away Kris whines and gives me his cute look so I feel like I can't take any away.

    I'm babbling on a bit now so will leave it at that until tommorrow.
     
  20. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    What's your creme egg limit? I can only manage 3 before I start to feel all woosy! :party0019:

    The whining and cute smile thing is a difficult one. I guess it should be punished somehow, really, but having said that, they do look cute when they do it!
     
  21. PuppyMaster
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    PuppyMaster Puppy Master

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    MW - I can normally manage 2 or 3, started to get migranes from them now tho! DAMN!!!!! I love them though, why is it things we love start to be bad for us?!

    Things are still a bit slow, Kris hasn't earnt any points for days, and we have had no sex. I did start to feel like I was slipping into my old headspace of it's my fault, why would Kris want an unattractive master, that kinda shit. I have managed to pull myself out of it though, well I'm still in that mindset a little bit.

    I'm trying though, thats all I can do, my confidence issues won't be solved overnight, I think if I accept that rather than just hoping for a quick fix then it's better, then I won't be beating myself up for not getting over things as quick as i 'should'.

    Ah well, the weekend is nearly here, hopefully things will pick up a little.
     
  22. PuppyMaster
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    PuppyMaster Puppy Master

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    Kris, it apears has started a new blog.

    I'm gonna carry on with this one though, It will give me something to look back on at the end of the year, to see my ups and downs, and how I coped.

    I started today with a good old cry, my confidence is completley smashed, I have no idea why, I'm just feeling fat and ugly, add this to the fact Kris and I have not had any sex and feel more distant than ever, it all just got to me.

    It was only when Kris was out at work I decided to myself screw this, I'm going to be master again! If it's too soon for Kris i'm sure he will say, and then I can leave it again. Thank god he didnt turn me down because I'd probably be feeling a million times worse due to what would feel like yet another rejection.

    I started by rubbing his nipples and massaging his sissy chest, he seemed to be enjoying it, it was then that I knew we had to go out, so I instructed Kris to put his love balls in, to which he eagerly did, his sissy clit had swelled and was rock hard.

    I was very happy, it felt like we are finally getting out of the rutt.

    This was backed up by the fact that Kris has spent what seemed like ages in the bathroom removing all his body hair, he's even dressed all fem, He looks alot happier, so i'm happy.

    I just pray this time things won't fizzle out after a week like they tend to do.
     
  23. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Hooray!

    It's probably the sunshine... Good luck. :character0100:
     
  24. mikecb
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    mikecb Long term member

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    I'm so glad things are picking up for you, again! Stay on Top if it! Arr Arr ;-p

    mikecb
     
  25. emsprisoner
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    emsprisoner Senior Member

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    Try 9.. My baby's personal best but then being pregnant gives her the excuse :character0104:
     
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