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Our new way of LIVING...

Discussion in 'The Vault' started by ABITNUTTY, Oct 18, 2017.

  1. The subject of chastity for us has come up many times over the past 25 years, never really amounting to much mare than intermittent fantasy play, then dropped pretty quickly, mostly because it didn’t do anything for me at all, quite the opposite. You see, my husband was my first and only ANYTHING, and I remained a virgin until our wedding night at age 28. He, on the other hand, had just divorced prior to meeting me.
    I don’t remember how the subject of chastity came up, but over the years, we have purchased and tried out several different devices, none of which fit properly. They each would slip right off. Of course, none of them were measured to his specific build. Also, I still was not able to wrap my brain around the idea. Each new device, he would tell me that he didn’t know why he was wired this way, but he needed for me to take complete control of him sexually. I remember thinking, “How can I do that when I really don’t even know much about the whole SEX thing to begin with?!?” I felt defeated and I hadn’t even begun to know myself yet, sexually. How was I expected to take complete control of him sexually??? The first year that we were married, when I THOUGHT I was having an orgasm, I realized that I wasn’t really having one was when I actually DID have an orgasm, only by the use of a vibrator, the one that he bought for me.
    Each time the subject of chastity came up, it was dropped almost as quickly, mostly because of me.
    Fast forward to the beginning of September of this year... I started going down the darkest road I have ever traveled, figuratively, and switch into FULL BLOWN CRISIS MODE... I’m admitting right here that I have had MY ENTIRE LIFE trust issues that chew at my soul like no one’s business, and my husband is well aware of that. Well, he didn’t really know to what extent I had issues.. Anyway, I got the bright idea in my dim little brain that my husband of 24 years MIGHT possibly be getting from someone else that he had obviously not been getting from me!!! The more I thought about it, the more I thought I was going to LOOSE MY EVERLOVIN’ MIND.
    He came home from work, did his usual thing. Each of us sat down in our respective chairs, and the tv was on whatever channel, I can’t remember... We don’t usually say a whole lot to each other on this particular night, mostly surface type things.. I sit there in my chair, my insides churning and rumbling, about to spew forth like a VALCANO... I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I had to ask.. “Whose house were you at???” Oh, that went over REAL well.
    Fast forward a little more... The Jail Bird came up again, only this time, I’m COMPLETELY ON BOARD. NO DOUBTS. I’m the one who expedited the order. Now, here I am, in my 50s, much more sexually aware of who I am and finally taking completely to heart what it is that he needs from me.
    I would say that there are still some reminants of crisis that linger, but I believe that I am definitely not where I was. There is NO ONE that I am willing to talk to about what’s been going on with me...no one I trust... because that’s what I do.
    We have drawn up a formal agreement, signed it, and embarked on this new way of living, and I want to be what he needs for me to be. I also am expecting MANY changes for the both of us. We BOTH deserve it from each other.
    I am looking forward to our new way of LIVING and the changes it is bound to bring our way. I AM ALL IN.
  2. Wow - wish my wife had the sudden motivation to try something -
    ABITNUTTY likes this.
  3. Thanks for sharing your story and opening up about issues, it means a lot. There is no one-way to do it. Chastity can begin for different reasons and be beneficial for different reasons. I'm glad it's working for both of you :)
    ABITNUTTY likes this.
  4. Normally I would say that adding a chastity device because of trust issues is a recipe for disaster, there is more to chastity than wearing a cage and holding a key. But I will say that although it is not the primary reason my kh enjoys me in chastity, I think she would be lying if she didn’t think of it as a very nice side benefit.

    The absolute certainty that I won’t be physically unfaithful I am sure makes her feel good, as well as the fact that I willingly am ok with it.

    Good luck to you both and hope you two have fun
    ABITNUTTY likes this.
  5. It sounds like you have found a reason to enjoy something that your husband finds important. Here’s to hoping you both will see improvements in your marriage.

    I travel a lot for work (3-4 days most weeks) and even though fidelity has never been an issue, my wife does like knowing that I can’t do anything while I’m gone. Definitely no cheating, and no masturbation.
    harddenial and ABITNUTTY like this.
  6. @ABITNUTTY@ABITNUTTY well please Mistress has Your man been a naughty man and gone off with another Lady. i has read what You sayed but i still don't know really. If he has he needs a smack.
  7. The thought of any form of unfaithfulness, whether it is physical or emotional, is enough to send me into that outer realm of darkness, and I would hope that my husband would just end our marriage right away if he thought he wanted to get something started up with someone else, physical OR emotional. I pray that never happens, but people change. One never knows if the person they have chosen to spend the rest of their life with recripricates those feelings.
    I do realize that chastity is far more than just a cage with a key. My husband is wearing that cage to which I have the only keys. He has explicit trust in me that I “do the right thing.” He told me he trusts me with his life.
    I mustn’t let him down. Right now, this is as much about him as it is about me, but I want it to turn into much more...
    Nicoftime likes this.
  8. @ABITNUTTY@ABITNUTTY It's been said to men "Don’t think of chastity as losing your masculinity. Think of it as giving your manhood to a Woman who’s better suited to control it."

    You have indicated (above) your personal growth and he's demonstrated his commitment to you. Now it is time to step across the imaginary line to indulge in future delights. Indulge. For the imagination is the spur of delights … all depends upon it. Is it not from the imagination that the sharpest pleasures arise?
    boisub and ABITNUTTY like this.
  9. Welcome to the Mansion Nutty :)
    ABITNUTTY likes this.
  10. @jemima@jemima, let’s hope he hasn’t gone off with another. I’d have to do more than smack him, and he knows that. He knows that I mean business.
    jemima likes this.
  11. Keep the lines of communication open. Don't listen to the stuff about topping from the bottom. You have a whole new world to explore and you need to guide each other. He will be giving you input on what is working for him and you do the same.
    ABITNUTTY likes this.
  12. Chastity doesn't have to be complicated. Simply keep him locked at all times unless you want to take the cage off. It's actually more comfortable to wear 24/7 than to use it on and off. It can even be fun to make it where you can't get to the key yourself without a little planning so that if things get unexpectedly heated, you feel the denial too which can make for a big turn on. You can use a Keysafe or leave the keys at work or something like that. Just make it fun and exciting for both of you and enjoy the journey!
    jim48 and ABITNUTTY like this.
  13. I wish you and your husband the best of luck through your journey. It can be very exciting! Communicate through the entire journey as it begins to mold into what you want. This is what you want and how you want to use chastity. You have your rules set, and the will change and develop over time, but you'll embrace it more each day that passes.
    This is a great site and a safe place to have discussions. :)
    ABITNUTTY likes this.
  14. My wife and Key Holder is ABITNUTTY. When we found the ChastityMansion community we agreed to share our story. We'd like to thank the folks who make this site possible as this is the only way we have to communicate with other people like us.

    First of all, Nutty is the most wonderful person that I've ever known. She is a smart, highly educated professional who works very hard to make a difference in her patients lives. She is funny, goofy, REALLY LOVES CHRISTMAS and is the best MOM and Grandmother on the planet. Honestly, I have no idea what I'd do without her. I can't imagine life without her.

    We've been married a long time. Although our marriage is good it could be much better. In fact, it could be great with the right effort. One of the key issues is her unjustified lack of trust in me regarding sex. I believe she has a natural lack of trust resulting from her child hood but also from my lack of physical attention and showing of affection. Frankly, I have a whole lot to get better at in this regard. I'm embarrassed to say that I might be ok as a lover, but certainly not good. I get that my deficiencies in the physical side of our relationship could cause her to begin to wonder if I had something going on the side- which I would never do. So for her, chastity gives her the opportunity to work on my lack of physical attention and relieves her tendency to let her imagination run wild. We'll never know why her imagination runs wild, but with the new life style its a nice add on benefit that she knows NOTHING can happen without her unlocking the Jailbird.

    For me, I've always known that I'm a submissive. I have no idea where this came from but like my wife, my life has been far from ideal starting with my childhood. I won't feel "normal" until I can take refuge in her being a strong, DOMINATE, independent woman. Not that everything is about sex, but our relationship is starting to be aligned how i've always needed it to be.

    NUTTY ordered a Jailbird from Mature Metal and we have had a great experience with it. It fits perfectly and arrived early. I was able to eliminate the sore spots by using lotion and wearing compression shorts over my underwear.

    At first, I didn't think creating a chastity agreement on paper was necessary, but after going through it, I highly recommend it. The process really allowed us to work through the issues and helped me come to terms with actually going through with what I've been asking for for years. We signed our agreement on an over night date to a nice hotel.

    We don't know where this is going to take us, but we are committed for at least a year.

    NUTTY, I love you.
  15. The feelings that I’ve been experiencing since we have begun our new way of living, have been wonderful!! I thought today that if I wake and this has all been a dream, I would be devastated. Our agreement currently states that we will try out this life of chastity for one year. One year probably isn’t going to cut it!!!
  16. I love you, Jailed!!!
  17. Don't put too much pressure on yourself, this should be fun. Not every second of everyday fun, but fun none the less. If it's fun you'll stick with it. If it's a chore you'll come to resent it.
    ABITNUTTY likes this.
  18. So far, no resentment and lovin’ every minute of it!!
  19. After four days of continuous wear of his cage, J developed a few areas of broken skin beneath the double ring of his JB and one fairly large area on the underside of his penis. We knew that the cage must be removed to have a much better chance at healing. He has been free of the cage three days now, and he is healing up nicely around where the double ring goes, but still needs some time underneath.
    Let’s just say this situation is a double-edged sword for me.... Part of me is happy to have free access to the uncaged, but the other part of me wants to move forward with locking J up, teasing him, having him pleasure me... See where this is going? We have barely begun and have come to a screeching halt... I’m a little frustrated as I’m sure J is as well. Patience... So happy to have begun this journey. I’m still in this 100%. :) @Jailed@Jailed
    slave_m likes this.
  20. I use baby oil gel once in a while around the ring
  21. yeah maybe some sort of lubricant on the underside of his scrotum before bed would help. Night time erections can cause some major chaffing in that area. Try a few lubricants and see if it helps. Personally I like 2 toms sport shield roll on. Its designed for runners to prevent chaffing skin. Its long lasting and only a little bit needed.
  22. Why is it that you both KEEP ON SHOUTING?

    We are mostly a nice bunch, you don't have to shout at us.
    DGuy91 and Mistress Lucy like this.
  23. Glad to hear it’s a positive change for your marriage. The fit of his device might not be optimal. Some adjustments or a different device may be needed.
  24. Who is shouting? No shouting here. :)
  25. A lot of people like silicone lube to prevent this. I actually use regular old lubriderm lotion. I apply after a shower or swim and just before bedtime. It also could be a fit issue. Ask the people at MM, they are great for this kind of stuff. He should be able to wear it without damage unless you are doing fairly rough teasing play while he's caged.