Our new endeavour

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by TheEncoded, Oct 22, 2020.

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  1. TheEncoded
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    TheEncoded Member

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    In October of 2019, my wife and I were on the brink of divorce, so I figure now would be a good time to start a journal.

    Back then, I had become distant and cold. I didn't tell my wife I loved her ever. We never really touched each other. Sex was once a week or less and had become mechanical and perfunctory. One day she looked at me over dinner and said, "do you love me anymore?" My silence spoke volumes what my mouth could not.

    That night, we had a conversation; it wasn't even heated. In the past, a topic of this nature would have undoubtedly exploded into a knock-down-drag-out argument. But all the passion was gone. We agreed that we would ask a family member to take the kids for a weekend and that we would rent a hotel room to sort things out.

    So we took a couple days and talked and talked and talked. I told my wife I had become resentful of her. I felt like I had sacrificed for her career and that I was always taking a back seat. Where we live, who goes to school, who has what responsibilities, etc. It all seemed one-sided to me.

    She listened to me and let me get things off my chest. She told me that she had some things she needed to talk about too but that it would need to wait because she didn't want to turn the conversation into an endless string of "me too". We talked. We cried. We left feeling emotionally raw and exhausted but like there was a path forward.

    Unbeknownst to me, she had made a decision that weekend. She was going to give our marriage 1 year and then make a decision about whether to divorce me or not.

    I was at a place of general indifference about the future of our marriage. I felt OK with whichever way it went. I started seeing a therapist of my own accord to help me sort through things. Ultimately I decided that I had a responsibility to my children to make another effort at repairing my marriage. I wasn't going to "stay in it for the kids" long-term, but I had to try to see if we could turn things around.

    Over the next 9 months, we had many conversations and I was able to work through many of my resentments toward my wife.

    About 3 months ago, I sat down with my wife and told her what I wanted our sex life to be like. This was something she had asked repeatedly of me in the past and I never had a real answer. I brought up chastity.

    She was overwhelmed by what I said and told me she needed time to think things over. I was disappointed, but accepted that I had just dropped a bombshell on her.

    A couple of days later, I had a revelation.

    I had presented chastity as an activity "for her" but in reality, it was for me. I had just put new window dressings on my selfishness, nothing more. I had a Eureka moment where I realized that I had been self-centered for our entire relationship.

    I had a follow-up conversation with her about this. I told her that she did not need to engage in chastity play with me, but that I only wanted to orgasm once a week. I told her I wanted to pleasure her as many times in a week as she wanted.

    I started doing as much of the house work as I physically could so that she could spend her time doing more enjoyable things. I started to go out of my way to do little nice things for her. I turned down the bed for her. I gave her massages and back rubs. I stopped bristling at her when she asked me to do something or corrected my parenting with the kids. She started feeling more comfortable giving me "feedback" or criticism knowing I wouldn't get defensive.

    I loved this new way of life. It felt amazing to focus my energy on her. I loved pleasing her.

    Then, about 5 weeks ago, she told me to "buy a chastity device" and so we have started down the chastity path now as well. She has not followed my chastity script at all and is writing her own narrative; I could not be happier about that.

    She told me about her 1 year decision period and that she was pleased with the changes I had made in our marriage.
     
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  2. homebody
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    homebody In awe of GoddesofHomebody

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    I am really happy that you both were able to do the difficult work to break down the barriers that had built up and bring new hope and love to your marriage. And I think the biggest winners in all of this are your children. I believe that one of the biggest gifts a man can give his children is to love his wife. And that is exactly what you are doing. Congratulations and good luck going forward.
     
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  3. KittensProperty
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    KittensProperty Kitten's Happy Property

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    I know how you feel. We were on the brink of throwing away a 45 year marriage when I asked her to consider male chastity. We had lived as housemates for almost 5 years and our relationship was much like yours.

    All I can tell you is to keep talking to each other and for you to keep putting her first in your life.
     
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  4. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Active member

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    hope it works out for you both. You're certainly taking a mature approach to resolving your difficulties. Good luck.
     
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  5. TheEncoded
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    TheEncoded Member

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    It definitely helps that my wife is a psychologist. Without her patience, insight, and grit, I think things would have ended differently.

    I couldn't agree more regarding children. Kids are going to learn and imprint the behaviors and attitudes demonstrated by their parents. Showing them a loveless, resent-laden marriage is going to give them a blueprint to unhappy and difficult relationships for the rest of their lives.
     
  6. TheEncoded
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    TheEncoded Member

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    This week's summary:

    My wife locked me up each day except Tuesday. She had to go in to work early and the opportunity was missed.

    On Tuesday, she allowed me to go down on her. She must have been very excited because it didn't take long.

    Then she told (commanded?) me to enter her and come. It has been 9 days since I was last permitted an orgasm. In that moment I felt very disappointed. I was hoping she would refuse me for at least 2 weeks this time; I have become very fond of her goal of denying me for 3 month intervals.

    She gave me the best orgasm of my life. I don't know if it was the 9 days, or just the connection we had in that moment, or having just experienced a "vicarious O" through her, or all of those things. I was nearly brought to tears. I felt more gratitude to her then I have ever experienced toward another person in my entire life.

    I can only imagine what the experience will be like when she has denied me longer.
     
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  7. JackStrap
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    JackStrap Member

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    Her wish. Her cock. Her decision.

    I would not think about the duration of lockups. I would be happy if she is happy.

    Happy for your second chance!
     
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  8. Jah Rubbings
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    Jah Rubbings Jah Rubbings

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    Feel like we are in a similar situation. Though divorce was not on the table, I can see how it could have been. You ladies are the rocks upon which we stand or fall. We owe you our lives and our love 100%
     
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  9. TheEncoded
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    TheEncoded Member

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    Vasectomy was had yesterday morning. My wife was not without sympathy but reminded me that she gave birth to two children and nobody gave her any days off. That said, she made it clear that I was to take good care of her property. She didn't want any delays in recovery.

    Last week she assigned me some "homework". I often write to sort my thoughts out which she knows I do. She required me to send her anything I had written so far. I was anxious about that because I had never intended to share any of this. She also asked me to write a bit about how I think chastity has been going so far.

    We had a really good chat about it all. I have a strong desire for her to cuckold me. But after I asked her to engage in chastity with me, I decided that I had asked enough of her and would not ask her to do that. Because I had written extensively about this, I told her that I was not going to ask her to cuckold me. Instead, I gave her carte blanche on the matter of sleeping with other people. She was a bit taken back by my gesture. Ultimately, she told me that our life circumstances right now will not permit any exploration of cuckolding, but that she's definitely going to re-visit the matter in the future. It might be some years she said.

    Honestly, this is a better outcome than I was expecting and I am totally satisfied with the fact that she's going to consider it in the future. Even if it never happens, I am grateful to her for entertaining the idea.
     
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