Our Journey

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by pantyboy79, Dec 9, 2008.

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  1. pantyboy79
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    pantyboy79 Property of Miss J

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    First off, let me thank everyone on this site for providing so much informative, educational, inspirational, funny, sidesplitting information that I can relate to. This is the reason I am writing this journal. Hopefully some folks can help me out, and maybe I can help someone else in return.

    A little about me and my wonderfully caring, loving, understanding, wicked (when she wants to be), incredibly sexy wife, Miss J. I am in the US Army, she is a full time Mom and Housewife. We are both very good at our jobs, and take pride in what we do. We have three daughters, ages ranging from 2 months to 5 ears old, and I am in deep trouble when they grow up. They got their Mother's beauty!!!!!!! Aww F-CK!!!!!

    My wife and I have been dabbling in the D/s game (monogamously) for a few years now. I came out to her with it and that was not a problem. The problem arose when she confessed shortly thereafter a fantasy (in the throes of passion) that she thought of me and another man together. I proceeded to tell her that I had in fact been with men on two different occasions; once before the Army (ten years ago), and once while in the Army (before we met). This all happened while I was on two weeks of leave from my first deployment to Iraq, and I had to leave two or three days later to return to duty, which meant tht all the emotions and confsion that she had to sort through with me was done via email and instant messaging. The phones in Iraq are terribly non-private so this was not an option. BIG LESSON: communication is key! Luckily she is the woman that she is and she came to grips with the fact tht her manly man was bi. While this was tough on both of us, I had a huge weight off my chest as I had kept this hidden from all the important people in my life. At this point our oldest daughter was three and we were succesfully trying (unbeknownst to us) for our second! Now keep in mind that I wear blue jeans and biker t-shirts, own a 60's Triumph Chopper and I am in the Infantry. I have been able to keep this from the world so far (I think), so she is stunned to say the least! Well we get it sortd out and continue on our merry way and I nearly screw up online, not once, but twice. The first time with a girl and the second with a guy. I came very close to meeting people outside of our marriage in selfih fits of idiocy. Knowing that she is worried I may feel he "bi" itch and need to go scratch it. Stupid. It is now my crusade to prove that I only need her in my life (and a nice dildo every now and again!!)
    Which brings us to now: I have recently returned home from my second tour and realized that not only would my wife be dealing with a 5 year old and a 3 year old, but she would have a newborn as well- I NEED TO STEP IT UP to help her. She will go crazy if I stick to my old ways of sitting around the house and using my job in the Military as an excuse for being lazy. Well I ordered a couple of books pertaining to kink, one of which was Lucy Fairbourne's Male Chastity and another that was not so kinky called Worshipping your Wfie by Mark Remond. I considered the book on chastity as I have always enjoyed the thought of my wife controlling my orgasms, I never thought she would pick it up and read it herself........ Well she is very interested to say the least and we have read both of those books together. We are now awaiting the arrival of a Steelworx Revenge device.

    I am proud to say that we are practicing mental chasity with great results while we wait and my household duties include (when I am home) all dishes, folding the laundry (I will learn to sort so I can take over the whole laundry cycle), taking care of the dog, as well as the normal manly chores. I feel as if I am falling in love with my wife all over again, and I cannot wait to see where this takes us.

    It is still a chore for me to get her to take the initiative in the D/s respect (feels like I am topping from the bottom). She seems happy and content with everything we have done so far, I just need her input on what turns her on, and anything she might like to introduce to our play time.

    Last night was a nice tease and denial session followed by her decision to sleep without panties (WHICH SHE NEVER DOES) as a reward for me being good. I snuggled up to her all night long and fantasized about it today which led to her decision to do it again, only this time as a tease technique..........

    We'll see how it goes as I have told her that I am interested in living a female led lifestyle in which she has control of EVERYTHING,including my penis and orgasms, and she seems to like the idea.

    This is an open discussion for all, so advice as well as questions are welcome!!!!!!!!!! Be safe and have fun everyone.:party-110:
     
  2. mikecb
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    mikecb Member

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    Welcome! :) ... and as a US citizen, let me also say "Thank you" for your service.

    Be safe!
    mikecb
     
  3. candide
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    candide Member

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    Yes! Welcome for your service and who you are, I thank you.

    What rings out for me from your post is how deeply, desperately men love women and what they will do on account of that love and that there are women who understand and share and respond to that love.

    Please tell us more.

    PS. Please break up your paragraphs into shorter bits. Online is brutal for large blocks of text.
     
  4. pantyboy79
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    pantyboy79 Property of Miss J

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    Hey mikecb and candide. Thanks for the patriotic support. It means a lot when we hear it. This war has been better on the troops than previous conflicts, that is for sure.

    On the paragraph thing candide, will do. I was kinda frustrated as I had written the post out earlier only to lose it due to a time-out issue on the site. So my first post was a re-write. But I know what you mean about trying to read big blocks of text on a puter screen.

    Well last night started out with a NICE round of sex (orgasm for her, but not for me), and we got into a bit of an argument when I recomennd that she begin to take mental note of some new things she wants to try or review the way we've played that has turned her on.

    She became rather defensive, which set me off on the same path and we ended up walking away pissed at each other. She went to bed (with her panties on), and I came down to the computer to check some stuff out.

    I am really focusing on a lot of what I have read in the wife worship book so I went back upstairs to apologize, and we smoothed it over enough to talk about it today. We'll see how it goes................:mad0233:

    Thanks for reading everyone.
     
  5. xcitex2
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    xcitex2 Back from the past!

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    First off great post. I think I have said this before but my brother-in-law fits yoru profile almost to the letter-just no kids. If he came home and told his wife or us for that matter that he was interested in men I think we would all pass out. With that being said I can see your position and have to say it must take a hell of a lot of courage to come out to your wife, and us for that matter.

    Now in regards to the quoted text be careful here. I know you are trying to help but speaking purely from experience your wife may view this as you being pushy and at bare minimum depending and what she has read may view this as you topping from the bottom. Be patient. I am sure this is all new to her and there is much to sort out.

    Other than my uncalled for two cents thank you as well for serving!
     
  6. pantyboy79
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    pantyboy79 Property of Miss J

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    Hey thanks for the input Xcite, and I gave her time to cool off and come to me when she wanted to talk it out. She did and her thinking was that I was expecting us to be farther along than we are, which is not the case.

    I explained that that is exactly what I was doing- topping from the bottom.
    I have been the one that has bought the books for her to read, spent a couple hundred dollars on equipment and toys (as well as displayed my creativity through the local hardware store), all for most of it to collect dust. I have bookmarked pages on the net full of info for her to read and research, and even bought instructional DVDs concerning D/s activities.

    One of the reasons I took up helping out around the house was so she wasn't so stressed out and had some extra time to look into stuff she may be interested in.

    She knows what I like and she has expressed things we've done that she enjoys. And that is what I want, is for her to enjoy it as much as I do. A lot of the time I feel like she is just going through the motions to make me happy. A little feedback and "scene negotiation" between the top and bottom is what would help us grow together in this.

    But we're good now. This is definitely a lesson in patience and understanding, and I feel closer to her now than I ever have before. I have been building a bond with her over the last couple of months and we are falling in love all over again. I find myself a little down if my day requires me to leave the house for more than a few minutes. All my drinking buddies are wondering what's gotten into me! I think we're gonna settle down to watch a movie and do some light petting tonight.

    She did buy me something from Victoria's Secret today and she won't tell me what it is............:penisdance: Miss J's Secret????
     
  7. pantyboy79
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    pantyboy79 Property of Miss J

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    Well last night was awesome. Miss J stretched her Dominant legs and punished me with her new paddle (first time with that one it hits pretty solid- ouch!) a bit for some forgetfulness, and then told me part of that punishment was no penetration during sex. I was to serve her orally. Well I guess I was doing such a good job down there that she needed to feel me inside of her and I obliged of course.

    After she reached her orgasm she decided she wanted to train me for stamina, so we continued to have sex and she used her inner muscles to tease and torture my penis, edging me a bunch of times before she decided we were done.

    This all gave me a severe case of blue balls before we cuddled up to go to bed. Miss J asked if I wanted to cum to alleviate my situation, but I declined. Not sure if she was serious or not. She might have laughed in my face if I had said yes.

    She didn't wear any panties again, so she could tease me. My blue balls are gone, this starts day 5 of our mental chastity game. Life is good.

    I am in close correspondance with Dietmar at Steelworx (he is actually 6 hours away from me). I am going to get a German PO Box so he can send the device straight here. The way the APO (Army Post Office) works is depending on where you are stationed outside the US there is a major mail collection point either on the east coast, or west coast. I am in Germany so my device would leave Germany, go to my APO collection point on the east coast of the US, then get shipped back here to me in Germany. So I have opted to use the German postal service.

    On a side note- Dietmar from Steelworx is very helpful and very patient. Communication via email is next day at the LATEST.

    Stay safe and thanks for reading guys.
     
  8. pantyboy79
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    pantyboy79 Property of Miss J

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    So Miss J is feeling bad today. We had our youngest daughter this past October and Miss J hasn't started the dreaded cycle yet. Well she says she feels like it is starting now so I'm gonna see what I can do to make her feel a little better. Trying to help out around the house as much as my big dumb man-self can do......... but I'm learning!!!!:chores009:

    Last night was great other than a small tiff which was due to my hyper-sensitivity. I am really having a hard time dealing with how emotional I have become since we started exploring chastity. Any other guys encountering this?? I mean it's almost like my hormones are overreacting for me and my feelings get hurt and a lot of other mushy stuff. I'm just going to have to be aware of this in the future.

    Once we resolved our little misunderstanding I was allowed to stroke myself to the edge, which was followed by some oral service to her while stroking myself to the edge a few times. Once she got close to climax, she threw me down on the bed and mounted me so she could cum. It made me feel good to be her piece of meat!!! Damn I was so turned on.

    Then we snuggled up "spooning" in the bed with my hard-on nestled in between the sexy cheeks of her beautiful round ass..............:character0100:

    Needless to say I was fully content that she was fully content.
     
  9. pantyboy79
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    pantyboy79 Property of Miss J

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    ARRGH-

    I got a boy's night out at a buddie's house tonight. It's a bash for a bunch of the guys in my unit that are getting out of the Army next week. I've made a lot of strong bonds and been through a lot the past few years with these guys and I may never see them again.

    BUT-

    I don't want to go. I have become so close to my wife on a friendship level that I know I am going to miss her all night. Hopefully I get into the swing of things with the guys and can have a good night partying and trading war stories with them.

    I really just want to hang out with the wife and cuddle and get marvel at her sexyness all night and maybe get a chance to play together some. Well she did say to sneak into the house as quietly as I can late tonight and wake her up with my tongue since she promised she will sleep with no panties on. SO HOT!!!!!!!!!!!:smilies_xxx09:
     
  10. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Wow... I didn't realise you had a new baby! They're the greatest aren't they :party0011: (I'll stop there or I'll get broody!!!)

    I hope you took the opportunity to go out. I understand how you feel, I had a really hard time going out the other night (even though I am the Domme!) and I really missed pet and the kids... but it helps reinforce the feelings of "self" and that makes you a lot more grounded and further appreciate what you have.

    Ramble ramble!

    Anyway, hope all is well with you today.
     
  11. pantyboy79
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    pantyboy79 Property of Miss J

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    :happy0195:
    Wow what a great time. I re4ally got to connect with some guys and tell them things I had been meaning to say for a long time. We have a lot of really good soldiers getting out of the Army that really should stay in, but it's not their fault, they're just tired of bullshit leadership with huge egotrips. Anyway I could go on for hours literally about how my leadership should literally be prosecuted by a military court and sentenced for their wrongdoings, but I save that for nights out with my Army buddies!!

    I thought about Miss J ALL NIGHT. I even called her partway through to let her know I was missing her. I think she liked hearing from me even though I was a blubbering mess.

    As for my newest baby, yeah they are great, but there's a Mommy/baby bond that I wll never understand. The fun for me starts when they can hold conversations, and begin to reason the who, the why, and the how, of putting poop on your snow igloo if you run out of gas and have to build an ice house and eat birds and animals to survive.

    That was an acutal conversation with my 3 year old on the way home from the store yesterday. :party0028:

    Be safe and have fun guys.
     
  12. pantyboy79
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    pantyboy79 Property of Miss J

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    Well I was aloowed an orgasm last night that was intense to say the least. Today is day one in mental chastity, and Miss J has not made up her mind about how long this one will be. I'm not to know how long either.

    My arousal level has not decreased at all really. It's almost as if I didn't reach climax last night, which is good. I'm excited to see how long I can go for Miss J without an orgasm.

    I know she has a little treat in store for me tonight, and since I won't be able to cum, I know I'll probably go crazy for a little while.

    Well take it easy and be safe guys.
     
  13. pantyboy79
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    pantyboy79 Property of Miss J

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    Well today now marks day 1 again. Last night was incredible. What a session. Miss J was in top form (no pun intended).

    After a heavy paddling session she took me with her strap on. I didn't make it 5 minutes before I was dripping heavily from my penis. I assume this is the milking that everyone speaks of. It was a milestone for us as we have been trying to do that with no penile stimulation at all.

    It made me feel so helpless and out of control as she took me from behind while I leaned against the wall.

    Afterwards I serviced her with my penis and she edged me a few times after she came. It was then that I begged for another orgasm, and she said yes- but made me masturbate onto her womanhood and clean it up orally. Wow- I was in heaven.

    Everyday she is learning and finding her Dominant self within. Soon I hope to start a training regimen based on her needs and desires..........

    Thanks for reading guys. Be safe and take care.
     
  14. pantyboy79
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    pantyboy79 Property of Miss J

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    Well we recieved the Steelworx Revenge today, and I have to say it is beautiful. Working with Dietmar at Steelworx has been nothing but a pleasure. From the time I placed my final order on the 9th of Dec, I now am locked into the device on the 19th. He answered all my questions VERY promptly, and often responded to multiple emails daily from me.

    The fit seems to be good. It is a very odd feeling being locked up and any adjustments should be easy as I have the hinged ring, and the ring for this device is a seperate piece, so a ring change will not require the whole device to be sent back. I can just order a new ring if need be.

    We are excited to step from mental chastity into using a device (even though my work requires I be released during duty hours). We'll see how it goes and I will keep you all posted.:character0093:
     
  15. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Oh I can't wait to hear all about it! Please post some pictures if you get time.

    I'm glad your Mistress is getting into the swing of things... looks like Happy Holidays! :party-110:
     
  16. pantyboy79
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    pantyboy79 Property of Miss J

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    I will try and get some pics up today, Mistress Watchful!

    Well there is an issue- looks like the A-ring is a little big. I contacted Dietmar at Steelworx about just getting a new one and since everything is made by hnd and then welded, I would need to send the device back, as metal tends to warp and such so he would need the device to ensure everything fit properly.

    One idea I came up with to solve this (and anyone pipe up if you have tried without success!!!) is this:

    I have a hinged ring, and the builder placed a piece of tubing over the hinge to protect the delicate skin of the scrotum. Well I ordered 3 different pieces of 1/4 in internal diameter latex surgical tubing of different wall thicknesses and I will attempt to make my adjustments with them. The different wall thicknesses are 3/32, 1/8, and 1/16. I ordered them from a scuba supply shop.

    The weight of the device causes it to slide down some- which I fix by pinching the scrotum and pulling the divice back up, which isn't an issue really except for asthetics. Unless I'm asleep!

    I spent 12 straight hours in the device on the first day and took it off at 4am due to discomfort and such. We went to an indoor playground for my daughter's b-day so I left it off for most of yesterday and then put it on at around 6pm when we got home.

    It is now 8am and I have slept MOST of the night. I had to get up a couple times to smoke and pee and walk around as the device had slid down and was causing a blood flow issue. After about 5am I was up pretty much every hour until now, which I'm sure was aggravating Miss J, so I just got dressed and decided to post my progress and idea to fix the sizing issue.

    I'll try and get some pics up soon!
     
  17. pantyboy79
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    pantyboy79 Property of Miss J

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    So it's now been a little over 24 hours with the device on, and other than the fact that I nee to slide it back up, it seems fine (well there is the 4am-5am issue that seems to plague quite a few of the guys on here......).

    Aesthetically pleasing, feels good, does it's job, what more could we ask for. Hopefully the latex tubing can solve the sliding problem, or I will have to send it back.

    Even took a trip on my own to the store for some items Miss J needed (and some beers for me!)- jeans aren't too tight, although I do look like I'm packing more than I have.

    All in all, this is going to be good fun for the both of us.

    Doesn't look like I will get a release until 09- I racked p a couple of extra days in a fit of immaturity, and it was nice to see Miss J assert herself after a cool-down period between the two of us. I'm more happy she put me in my place than I am upset about 3 extra days without climax..............
     
  18. pantyboy79
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    pantyboy79 Property of Miss J

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    Last night Miss J took me out to play, and gave me an early orgasm (she said it was for her pleasure though, which was nice). As soon as we were done and I was flaccid again- it was right back in.

    The usual issues this morning at about 4:30. Tonight she plans on letting me out again to please her. Not sure if I will be allowed to cum, I'm sure she will let me know.

    She says we might have to wait for some longer term play as she needs to get her fill since we were just reunited after a 15 month deployment. I'm not complaining- sure makes me feel like a stud!

    Oh yeah pics are up- if you were wondering, yeah- I'm bringing Burt Reynolds' sexy back! :happy0011:
     
  19. mikecb
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    mikecb Member

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    Sounds great pantyboy! As I've suggested before, another technique to help tune he size of the ring is to simply wrap it with tape. Medical tape might do. You can use that to adjust the size, until you know exactly what internal diameter works. Then you could let Steelworxx know.

    Best of luck!
    mikecb
     
  20. pantyboy79
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    pantyboy79 Property of Miss J

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    Yeah Mike I was thinking of the tape (we get a lot of medical tape issued in our med kits in the Army), but I'm worried about rubbing and chafing. Have you tried this method with success?? I read your post concerning this and noted that it eventually gets lubed up, I'm just worried about the ring getting gummy and dirty.

    Just thinking the latex tubing would be a permanent fix without having to spend another 43 Euro for one ring, when I can have some adjustability with the different OD's of the tubing. I'm also thinking that the tactile latex might help with slipping as opposed to polished steel.

    I am sure I am not the first one to think of this, so if anyone has tried using latex surgical tubing to take up some slack from a loose A-ring, let me know if you have succeeded or failed.
     
  21. mikecb
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    mikecb Member

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    pantyboy, I think you're right that the tubing will probably work better, if you can get the right thickness. Tape will eventually deteriorate and get just nasty. Still, it's a good fill-in until you know what you need. If you're looking for longer term, I think the tubing is definitely the way to go!

    Good luck!
    mike
     
  22. pantyboy79
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    pantyboy79 Property of Miss J

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    Yeah I will definitely post here to let everyone know how it turns out.

    Another issue I am having is with my 4am pains. I am getting a 'kicked in the balls" type of pain which I am assuming is from an attempted erection, but it is accompanied by a sharp, almost burning sensation on the right side of my testicles. In that area there is a mass of blood vessels, at least I think they are vessels as they swell, and then go down after I walk around or smoke a cigarrette. That is also about the time the sharp, burning pain stops.

    Just wondering if anyone else gets this as I am worried I might be putting strain on something internally which will eventually "give".

    I have decided to sleep unlocked until I get more info. Any help would be appreciated guys. Thanks.
     
  23. mikecb
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    mikecb Member

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    pantyboy, I certainly experienced "midnight wood" pain - especially with the cb2k. It pulled SO hard on my balls. As you've discovered, getting up and walking around helps a lot. After a while, I discovered that getting up at the first signs of erection, and going to the bathroom helped.

    I had some nights that were EXTREMELY uncomfortable when I started. Sometimes I took the device off. Other times I walked it off. After a month, the problems went away. I guess I'd suggest just toughing it out for a while, but taking breaks when your body tells you to.

    Good luck!
    mikecb
     
  24. pantyboy79
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    pantyboy79 Property of Miss J

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    Thanks Mike for the boost! I was nervous about possibly causing damage, but as luck would have it, someone else posted on here about some discomfort and referred to the burning pain possibly being from scrotum skin needing to stretch, which does make sense.

    Not sure how I would be able to explore chastity without this site and the people on it!! This place is great.
     
  25. mikecb
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    mikecb Member

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    2:52 PM
    Oh stretching skin! Yes. Lotion, lotion, lotion! It really helps! It's funny.. after doing something long enough, it's difficult to remember that a lot of the daily routine were "tricks" when I first learned them! lol
     
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