In my self introduction, you might have read that I’m 38 and self-locking. That is the truth, for the time being. I’m currently (and for the past 12 years have been) in a stable relationship with the same lady I fell in love with. However, our relationship is a little unconventional, reason being we live separately with frequent stay overs for activities if you know what I mean. I started self-locking a week ago, after discovering the practise of Chastity. After some research and discussion with my lady, we decided that I should go ahead to try it, but this will be something I should begin on my own, till I’m comfortable with her involvement in it. The whole idea is for me to express my fidelity, with the cage serving as a symbol of her ownership to all my (sexual) pleasure and release. I’m currently self-locking only in the day, unlocking just before I sleep (due to a bad Day 1 experience in the middle of the night). I have since read a couple posts, replies and comments detailing the experiences of people in a similar situation as me. It got me wondering: When would it be a good time to hand over the key? Would I ever be ready? Now as much as I would like to act on my desire to outwardly express my fidelity (in a sort of tangible way that is), I’m a little nervous and apprehensive about handing over the key. Then I realised it is not the handing over of the physical key that worries me, but what it means to be handing over the key. This simple gesture would be my signal to my lady, that I’m ready for her involvement in this, to take up full control of my Chastity. May I invite you to share your experience with me, on what gave you the courage to give up control completely.
Welcome! It took me awhile to reach the place where I sucked up the courage to tell my wife about chastity and ask her to hold my key. But my circumstances were a bit different from yours, But the two things that helped me make the commitment: I was able to find a good fitting device - sized with just enough room for my flaccid penis - that I could wear comfortably overnight and all day long I needed her to take control of my sexuality so I wouldn't cheat and so that we could restore intimacy in our relationship I really needed her help because I was addicted to masturbation; not daily or anything like that; and it was detrimental to our intimacy. Giving her control made me emotionally, mentally & physically dependent on her. We have physical intimacy more often now that ever before in our marriage. You may find that your wanting to spend more nights with your lady than you do alone.
I don’t have a problem with the cage in the day except for during the night, strangely. I get the burning sensation on my scrotum which wakes me up from my sleep.
I do feel a pressure or a “grip” if you like, whenever there is an arousal. But there is no full erection if that is what you mean.
Well there’s your answer. mid you need to come out every night, you’re not ready to hand over the key.
This is an issue I’m trying to solve but it might not be the only issue I have to deal with. I’m just thinking, what is it that gives one the courage to give up the control completely? There are times I feel like I cannot do this, and by giving up the key, a change of mind would be at least quite problematic.
Love is a gamble worth taking but only you can know for sure if your heart is all in. Do you love this woman?
Pretty well said. I have to agree. I love her enough to want to do this but I guess I’m just getting a little bit of a cold feet, knowing what I might be in for after a week of partial “lock down” but complete chastity.
We’ve spoken about this and she’s expressed her readiness to be handed the key. It is now a matter of when I’m ready to involve her in this. She’s made it quite clear to me that she would be part of this only when I’m ready to commit.
It’s Day 8 and a Friday so as usual, my lady will be spending the night over with me. She has agreed to have a little conversation with regards to my Chastity. The truth is I’m still not sure what I want to say to her, but I’ll figure that out and be candid about it.
We had our conversation last evening and I have posted about it in a separate thread, this is the link: https://www.chastitymansion.com/for...he-handing-over-of-the-key.50381/#post-600691 I’m beginning to feel the effects of chastity quite acutely. Especially after having been denied last evening. We have decided to move forward with this, taking small steps to help me adapt to this lifestyle gradually. We have not decided on penalties, so I’m just going to be doing some snooping around in here for ideas, for now we’ll wait and see.
So your journey is in some sense on two parallel tracks: the track of learning how to physically manage wearing the device for at least a night or two; and the track of learning how to give over control of your orgasms to your wife. It sounds like she’s a willing participant in the latter; as to the former, you may learn that as your physical comfort increases, so will your emotional comfort with letting go of that control. In other words, as you go down those parallel tracks, you may find that they converge. One thing that might help is, having (as described in your other post) not gotten what you normally get out of your night together (i. e. an orgasm), perhaps you’ll gain some relief if you focus more on what you did get out of it. You don’t say whether there was any physical intimacy at all (I hope there was some, assuming your wife wanted it). At the very least there was clearly emotional intimacy, as the two of you lovingly discussed a matter that lots of men find difficult to discuss with their partners. Much of the practice of chastity in marriage involves sublimating that desire for the quick pleasure of an orgasm into enjoying the rewards both of other types of physical intimacy and of a deeper emotional connection based on honest and direct communication. You’ll get there, don’t worry. You’re already off to a great start. So in short my answers would be 1) you’ll know, and 2) yes, absolutely, if you both want it.
Thanks for your very detailed analysis and opinion on this journey both my long time partner and I have decided to begin. Thank you for your practical advise and your encouragement. As “newbies” to this, both my lady and I truly appreciate any support we might receive. We are taking small steps in the hope that eventually, we might arrive at a place where we our goal can be achieved. In the meantime, it’s all about trial and error, learning & training.
My lady has gone to sleep. She hasn’t said a thing about my locked appendage all day, or paid any attention to it. I’m beginning to be convinced, that I might not be having any fun this week.