Now that he's locked up...Help!! ;-)

That's it. Make him desperate.

And then your own sex life (and a lot more besides -LOL!) can be whatever you want it to be. The sky's the limit

 

Some great advice and ideas in this thread. It seems that ChastityLock and her husband have made some big changes in a short period of time.

I agree with an earlier poster that chastity is not a good solution to relationship problems outside the bedroom. Communication and trust are key there. If you have a normal relationship squabble over something unrelated (as most couples do from time to time) imposing a chastity punishment as a result feels wrong to me. Of course, this is just my opinion - I can see that others here might disagree with me.

I think it depends if chastity is a part-time game (extended foreplay, to improve sex life etc) or a full-time thing. I think those are very different situations (although one may lead to the other).

My wife and I are in the first category, and have played with chastity for about 6 years now. Sometimes I'm locked for 7 days or 10 days at at time, very intense. She's had a lover on a small number of occasions (insanely intense) and other times nothing happens for a couple of weeks, or maybe a month. We're both busy, have a real life, family, obligations, etc. This works for us. Things have gotten steadily more "serious" over time, but very gradually indeed. Works for us.

I still have all the keys to the devices I wear because Mistress can't be bothered dealing with the keys. Wonder how unusual that is.

I used to cheat, but over time, less so - I find that I want to serve the sentence that was handed out honestly. It makes me super-horny, and mistress enjoys the pleading messages and attention she gets from this. I come up with ideas when horny that seem good at the time (and amuse her) but would be too much if all put into practice.

Yes, the OP's husband is clearly trying to top from the bottom. But he's organized a weekend trip and clearly thinking about her. Sounds like big progress.

Random thoughts...

- I doubt very much that his CB6K is "inescapable". None of the "ball trap" style device are, really, for most guys. I was able to escape all of them, and to masurbate to orgasm while still wearing it (yes, its possible just wiggling the cage around if you're sufficiently horny and desparate). Its not as good as a "proper" orgasm, but while watching porn - would definitely be possible. Not saying you need to change this any time soon, just bear in mind.

- I would go along with letting him cum three times actually. Maybe set a time limit and lock him up again right after. You can turn it into a game... give him only 2 hours to cum as much as he likes. If he can only manage 3 tell him he wasn't horny enough and lock up for longer! Or reduce the window to one hour

- Chastity contracts might be a good idea. Give him a simple contract on special occasions - xmas, birthdays, etc. make him choose 3 options from a list of things you want. Set a quota for number of times he may have sex, or cum in one year. Involve him in choosing a lover for you if you find that idea exciting

- Given the facts as described, I would cut his porn priviledges completely. Or you decide what you watch - together. While you masturbate and he gets nothing, or he gets to serve you orally.

- Look into milking as an option to relieve him while locked up (aneros prostate massage device or something)

If you can afford it and both parties are up for it, a full-on chastity belt is the only way to really, truly deny his orgasms. Go for one that completely encases the penis and balls. Don't let him ever see or touch the key. This is the "nuclear" option. Do this and you can forget an overnight getaway! Husband will be begging you to allow him to buy a vacation for you and your lover in the hope that you may allow him to lick you clean upon your return. Is that too much, or something you'd like?

-d

 

Try some restrictive play allow him pleasure but ensure he doesent have access tell him if he wants to be unlocked he agrees to be tied down unable to use his hands then tease deny and totally get him extra horny. But before you let him cum he pleases you first. If he does reward him then lock him up again BEFORE untying him.

 

My wife and I are pretty new to the whole D/s thing as well. It's been about four months or so. At first, I was definitely topping from the bottom. The floodgates opened and I was getting all of my fantasies, demanding them really, and my wife was not particularly happy with the situation. I didn't really listen, then she "punished" me by doing things I find sexy, and it was a vicious cycle. It sucked. Even I wasn't happy about it.

But what's amazing is how fast it turned around, because I wanted it to work, as I'm sure your husband does too. So when I realized my wife wasn't enjoying it, and a few weeks after my initial "OH MY GOD MY DREAMS ARE COMING TRUE" phase, we just kept talking. I was honest, she was honest, and it all started coming together.

Also, the cage ALWAYS works. It's kind of idiot proof. There's just some magic about being in a chastity device that makes a guy nicer and more attentive. After a week or so, it becomes deliciously frustrating, and I am a different person. Your husband will hit that spot too, and the more you take control, the more he'll love you for it, and the more you'll love his new attitude.

Trust me, you guys will be fine, and congrats on diving into something really exciting!

 

Sounds like he's being very stubborn indeed. It might be time to make him feel the pain of his porn addiction himself. I would suggest looking into the Points of Intrigue (POI) for his CB. The POI are a small set of nubs/spikes that are intended to do two things: (1) making pulling out and getting back into his device undetected much more difficult, and (2) make his erections mildly or severely unpleasant.

You could order these and then surprise him with them when putting his device back on. Simply explain, "It's only fair that since I suffer when you are watching porn, you need to understand what that feels like. When you've demonstrated that you fully understand how porn makes me feel they might come off, but that likely won't be for a very long time, so you'd better get used to it."

Also, make sure that his device fits correctly. Many newcomers order a chastity device that is too large for them. Ideally, his device fits his penis snugly (length & girth) when he is completely soft. This will help ensure that it is very difficult and painful if he ever attempts to pull out and pleasure himself without you knowing.

If you really want to get your "point" across, you could get a little more serious and try the Kali's Teeth Bracelet (review).

Somehow he needs to learn that you are in control, your feelings matter, and this is not just some one way fantasy for him.

I definitely understand how you feel and you are 100% right here. Please remember though that this has probably been a habit/addiction for him since puberty, so breaking him of this will take time, commitment, and some pushing of boundaries for both of you. And when things get tough and he starts complaining, please remind him (and yourself) that nothing worthwhile happens without effort, difficulty, (and usually some pain). In the long run, breaking him of this habit is the best thing for both of you and your relationship.

Best of luck and please keep us posted on the progress!

 

I should also add that the ideas above are merely tools. Right now, it doesn't sound like he's serious about the commitment it is going to take to truly embrace chastity and to make you truly happy. No device is 100% effective if the wearer isn't 100% on board for the right reasons and willing to actually submit.

He's still treating it like his own selfish fantasy.

But you have one giant Ace in your hand. Chastity was his idea and now he has had a taste of it.

Now that he's felt the device and witnessed your willingness to dominate him, he'll never trade that in for porn. Not in the long run anyway. Right now, he thinks he can have both, so he's taking advantage.

There's probably no need for ultimatums just yet. I would recommend just having a brief talk and explaining to him that you don't think he's serious, and if he's not serious you're not "playing" along anymore. No more chastity for him until he's ready to do what it takes to make you happy, no matter what it is. It might take a while for it to sink in. He might indulge his fantasies for a day or two or even a week or a month. Sooner or later, if you're not dominating him, he'll notice something is missing. Mere porn fantasies won't be enough. But he needs to realize that for himself. And he will come crawling back and begging you to lock him up again.

Once he's ready to commit, the tools I described above can be very effective, but not until then.

 

Being able to orgasm is not a disaster. Its not a great feeling anyway. There is one ball trap device that he cannot orgasm in - look at the "lancelot" device from Madame dura. Its made of chainmail... no rubbing oneself in that!

As for more porn...this is normal... the cage makes him more horny, which makes him want to watch porn. Either to torment himself, or, just because he's horny and when he's horny he wants to watch porn.

Hmm. This sounds dangerous to me... chastity play I think needs to be consensual (at some level) and this sounds like there are deeper problems in your relationship. Feels like you need to talk this through more.

Seems wierd that he doesn't respond to dirty text messages while locked up. As for the bachelors party... talk to him a lot and tease him and get him to "ask" you (or better still beg you!) to keep him locked for the duration. To prove himself to you. If you can't talk him into it, its not consensual and I think you're better off letting him out. Both parties have to accept it for this to work.

Of course my $0.05...

-d

 

By the way... how was your surprise weekend/day away?

-d

 

Here are links to two TED Talks on porn addiction. The first is especially good.


http://www.ted.com/talks/zimchallenge.html

I don't advise this, especially in the early days of chastity. He may well resent you for it. You might tell him you're going to make him stay in it, but in the end, I'd let him out and let him enjoy the bachelor party.

 

Honestly, I think you two should seek counseling. It sounds like something is wrong with this relationship (or with parts of it) and chastity isn't going to fix that. I'd find an open-minded marital counselor. By the way, premature ejaculation can be fixed, and shouldn't be used as any kind of permanent excuse.

I'm not sure if there's any value in speculating, but if I had to speculate, I'd suggest that it's possible he wants a sexual side to the relationship that is much more severe (and he wants you to be much more severe, and perhaps even mean, in general). On the other hand, it sounds like you want a nice, sweet, loving cuddly relationship. I think this sort of desire could easily be prompted by porn addiction and it might turn him off and upset him when you ask for more sweetness and he wants more brutality.

Whatever the case, it sounds like he's obviously refusing to give you, his wife, some of the sexual satisfaction you're asking for, and if that is a persistent (long term) problem, then you need two to seek counseling if you want to make things work.

 

Chastitylock it seems to me that hubby wants this marriage to be all one sided. He takes, and you give! After more than 25 years of marriage I know this, that marriage is a two way street. Give and take. It can't be all one way or things just will not last. It sounds like your trying to give him what he wants but, he is not willing to give anything back to the relationship. I hope the two of you can work this out.

 

As usual with these sorts of threads, there is a mix of good advice, and other people's fantasies presented as advice. Being locked into a device will not automatically make anyone 'nicer' and 'climbing the walls after a week'. I've been locked up 24/7 for almost six months and I'm still the same cranky pain in the arse I've always been. I'm just not having orgasms.

As I noted in my earlier post, chastity games won't fix a broken relationship. You sound like a nice person, perhaps a little vanilla, but obviously willing to experiment and try things with a kinky element. But having followed this thread from inception, I'm still struggling to see any redeeming features in your man - he's arrogant, self-centered and seemingly uninterested or unwilling to please anybody except himself. What exactly do you get out of this relationship?

 

@ChasityLock, do what I have done. Install a spyware program on his computer(s) that monitor's his activity. This is what I have used since 2007. After he knew that I was monitoring and then confronting him, he stopped!
http://www.spectorsoft.com/