Not looking for denial, just want my wife to take control?

Discussion in 'Chastity in vanilla life' started by Iron78, Jan 10, 2021.

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  1. Iron78
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    Iron78 Long term member

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    I have a way bigger libido than my wife, I always had and always will. On top of this my wife do have some health issues from time to time, and in general ‘life’ just keeps her very busy. I love her very much, and I love the life we have together.

    The problem is me, I find myself being in one of three different modes:

    1. When my wife has no health issues, and ‘life’ is kind to us. We usually have regular sex, and everything is working out great. However, this seems to be becomming more rare in recent years.
    2. I waste way to much time on looking at porn and masturbating, this is really not a mode I enjoy, I always feel guilty and bad about it. Even though my wife knows and approves, it just doesn’t provide any kind of releife or satisfaction for me.
    3. I try to stay clear of masturbation, and wait for my wife. This works out for some time, but then I start to become someone I do not want to be. I get way to pushy towards getting sex, do not get me wrong, I have never forced her to anything. But it is not uncommon that I lie on top of her and between her legs, before she has a chance of saying no. I know she feels bad about saying no in theese situations, but I actualy feel even worse by putting her in theese situations.
    I have been playing with short term self locking for the past four years, mainly if I was home alone, just trying to control my self.

    After reading a lot on this forum, I had a long talk with my wife a few days ago. We have agreed to try out 24/7 chastity and see how it would change things. I know the majority of information on this forum is about denial and hardly getting any PIV or O’s. But that is really not what any of us is looking for. I do not think, that we would have any kind of sex, without me getting unlocked and getting PIV or O. We even talked about the possibility of her unlocking me, just to give a quick handjob, if the lockup became to long.

    I just want to be a better huspand, and only have sex when my wife feels like it, but I do not hope to limit the sex we have.

    I am actually really nervous about it, and not sure how to progress. Once locked up, should I completely stay away from taking initiative? My wife very rarely does, she even said it herself during out talk, so I a very affraid of not getting any sex for a loong time. And I an not sure about how I will respond to it.
    On the other hand, if I keep taking initiative, I fear that I will just continue to be to pushy, and this would really not solve anything.

    Are anybody doing something similar? How are you doing it? And how is it working out for you?

    Any feedback will be be appriciated, right now I am really nervous about taking the step, even though I also really want to,

    (I have ordered a custom CD for long term wear, but it will take 12 weeks before I get it. And right now I feel I struggle even harder than ‘normal’)
     
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  2. Iron78
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    Iron78 Long term member

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  3. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Long term member

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    What device did you order, can you think it?
     
  4. Iron78
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    Iron78 Long term member

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    I ordered a Stellworxx Looker 02, I already have one and love it. But I did screw up my measurements the first time (4 years ago), so I cannot use it long term.
     
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  5. JackStrap
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    JackStrap Member

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    This -is- an issue. Good you recognized it before getting into 24/7.

    I have been thinking about the same thing, as undoubtedly have many others here.

    I have no solution, but still wanted to say it's good to think about this beforehand.

    One option would be to take a leap of faith, and jump (give the keys to her). That's what I did. There, however, is a difference, or actually two.

    It's hard to compare, especially now that I'm locked, but I think her sex drive is higher than mine so we don't have that problem. When she wants me, she gets me, and we're both happy.

    We don't live in same city, so there are often many consequent days when we are not in same place and I stay locked ... with one exception: I am allowed to please other women also. This, however, is not very common. I have a sealed secondary key for other women to use.

    In my previous life, I was also locked and had no keys. My KH/Wife let me out once a week for sex. So it was one O per week for me. It was quite tough, but the once-a-week O was really something to remember and worth waiting.

    I'd say "Just do it" and give her the keys and don't top from the bottom.

    Still, it might be a good idea to agree now that after a month (or so) discuss about how things are going.

    Or agree that "Saturdays are free" and you're free to wank to your hearts extend, but the other days you won't bring the subject of sex up but naturally will serve her if she wants.

    Or something else.

    Best of luck in any case :)
     
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  6. Iron78
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    Iron78 Long term member

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    Thanks for your response, I am most temped (and scared at the same time), to just take a leap of fait. It not like we cannot change things later on, if it does not work out. It seems like the right thing to do, the only issue is how scared I am about it, but maybe it would be a healthy journey for me?

    But it is for sure something we are going to talk more about, before we start 24\7.
     
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  7. Iron78
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    Iron78 Long term member

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    Something incredible just happened!

    Some hours ago the kids left the house, and my wife looks at me and says “how long time, do you need to recover?”. I did not get what she was talking about, and I guess I just looked really confused.

    “If you get a quick handjob now, can you be ready and last longer when we go to bed?” This blew my mind, I did NOT see this comming, I guess your talk about me giving her control worked even without the CD :+1:

    I belive everything will be fine, when the CD arrives and I am used to it, I am going to jump in the deep end, and hand her the keys and the control. I beleive this could be very heathy for the both of us :pray:

    I love my wife, she have had the keys to my heart the past 20 years. It is about time she gets the keys to my... ;)
     
  8. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    Most women have no idea how happy they can make a man with so little effort. If she wants intimacy but not sex, she can encourage her man to kiss her while she gives him a hand job. If that is too much effort for her, she can encourage him to masturbate while they kiss or he kisses her chest, neck and face.

    Give a man 5 minutes of intimacy a day and she can have another 23 hours and 55 minutes of a happy, connected relationship. Unfortunately, that’s too much effort for most.
     
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  9. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Sometimes this turns into denial, denying sex on purpose to increase need and certain behavior. Sometimes it isn’t about denial at all and just about control.

    When we started, I think she looked up this stuff online and really focused it n the teasing and denial aspect. Which don’t get me wrong is hot too, but what I was more interested in as a couple was loss of control and her being in charge and happy.

    As we evolved, she gave up all the teasing and sexual fore play for doing whatever she wants with it whenever she wants.

    Certain things I think naturally take place and attitude changes occur. Confidence grows, the shift in power is more evident, and she enjoys my behavior waiting for release much more than the few minutes of pleasure of free range cock.

    The reality is that you’re relationship, sexual activity, and intimacy may improve so much from not taking your sexuality in your own hands, that the fact that you may not cum as much won’t be an issue. She’s happy, which makes us happy.

    I suggest letting it evolve and see where it goes. I will say one warning, if you take this hard core it will be difficult to stop wearing it for her without needing a reason.
     
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  10. NZSenator
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    NZSenator Long term member

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    Sometimes just taking the pressure off her to perform is enough for her to want to do it anyway. Take a few minutes extra each day for her, be that kissing her more passionately, grabbing her bum/boobs, holding her hand or just cuddling, make her feel loved and wanted even though it has nothing to do with your penis.

    I wouldn't worry about sex declining, you may find it actually increases but just in a new form (and possibly not involving your penis at all sometimes).
     
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  11. Iron78
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    Iron78 Long term member

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    I have always done ;)
     
  12. Iron78
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    Iron78 Long term member

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    Yesterday I ordered a necklees with a hidden key from chastity-shop.com, my wife likes the idea of wearing the key if it looks nice. I have told her that I have ordered ‘a nice solution’ but she has not seen it yet, I am so exited to show her.

    I cannot wait to get started, but there is still 2 months to my Looker 2 arrives...
     
  13. Iron78
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    Iron78 Long term member

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    I have been self locking more or less 24/7 for the past week, using my current Looker, it is not a great fit but it works.

    Yesterday I received the key neckless for my wife (see my photos), and tomorrow I am handing it over to her, together with the full control!

    I am really nervous about it, I really want to do it, but it is also pretty scary at the same time. However just the past week with self locking has been quite a journey, I truly beleive I am improving, at least I have not wasted time or energy by looking at porn at all.

    Tomorrow will be a big step....
     
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  14. Iron78
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    Iron78 Long term member

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    It is done!!

    I am locked, and the key is hanging between my wifes beautiful breasts. We had a VERY long talk about it today, and she really seems to like the idea.

    I am very excited to see how things develop from here :)
     
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  15. Guest 6019
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    Well done
     
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  16. Iron78
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    Iron78 Long term member

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    #16 Iron78, Feb 14, 2021
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2021
    Well so far my wife is really enjoying herself, and we are like 8 HOURS into the journey.

    My wife rarely takes initiative for sex, but after wearing the key for 2 hours, she ordered me out for PIV. And she was really into it. Afterwards she wated to see how I put the cage on, so she could insert the lock and put the key back between her breasts.

    During our long talk, I also told her about Locktober and stap-on while caged. She looked a bit to interrested and wanted to see pictures of different models. And she kept speculating if I could go that long...

    I was just hugging her from behind in the kitchen, and she started rubbing her but agains my cage, followed by “Are you getting hard? Oh no, you can’t! Because I have the key”.
    I asked if she was enjoying herself, and she just laughts and said “Oh yes!”.

    Well, this escaladted quite fast :eek:
     
  17. Iron78
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    Iron78 Long term member

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    Well later on the evening yesterday, we where getting cosy in the couch to see some Netflix. Before I do anything, she graps the remote and says “I decide, I have the key!”. So we watched some romantic boring stuff, but I was still happy about it all.

    Later when we went to bed, I was SO READY for her, but she just wanted to cuddle. She was lying with her head on my chest, and she was still wearing the key, so she placed it in front of her on my chest as well. She placed her hand on top of it, and said “The key is right here, but you can’t get it, sleep well love.”

    So all of this has happened on day ONE!!

    None of us in into denial, I just wanted to give my wife the control, as I write about in the first post. But she is really, like really really enjoying it so far, and so do I :)
     
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  18. Happytoplease
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    Happytoplease Sexually starved, and constantly horny.

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    Brilliant start to your journey. I am here considering caged chastity for the same 3 reasons that you did.
     
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  19. missmissy
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    missmissy Active member

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    Glad you are both enjoying the journey, I'm sure almost every day will bring something new and exciting, even if nothing happens.
     
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  20. Ron33
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    Ron33 Long term member

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    "I just want to be a better husband, and only have sex when my wife feels like it, but I do not hope to limit the sex we have".

    That is us exactly. I wanted to be a better husband and my wife wanted me to cut down on my masturbation. Before, I was doing it about 3 times a week. A few years ago we had a talk about sex, she is not one to openly talk about sex much either, but she expressed the desire for me cut down and would like to only have full PIV sex when she really wanted it. I had fantasized about male chastity before and decided to try it.

    At first, she just went along with it, but not long afterwards, she said she "kind of enjoyed it". I don't wear a device full time, but when ot locked, I am on the honor system. It is not done to be cruel or mean, just to cut down on me masturbating. She still lets me, just not as often. Now, i do it about 5 times a month, with at least once full week a month with no sexual activity. She enjoys that week. I don't ask to get out etc. or act all horny or anything.

    She can ask for sex anytime. I can play with myself about 5 times a month. It has worked great for us. We only have full sex rarely. Not that she is being mean, but she just has a low desire for it and a medical condition that prevents it sometimes.
     
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  21. MissyB
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    MissyB Long term member

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    Good luck on your continued journey. I hope it fills both of your needs. Just remember to be honest with her but also follow her lead. You asked if she would take charge so don't be dismayed if she does it in the way that seems best to her.
     
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  22. Iron78
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    Iron78 Long term member

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    Thanks for your comments :)

    Just a small update from here. Nothing much has happened the last two days, except some small teasing from my wife, but nothing big.

    I have been locked 24/7 except for when I do sports, actually the most fun thing about doing sports is the (un)locking thing ;)

    My wife carries the key around her neck 24/7 as well, including when she sleeps. It is a huge turn-on for me, especially when being in the bed together, we do a lot of cuddling and I really enjoy it.

    However, I am so horny all the time and I sleep quite bad, as my cock is fighting the cage all night long. I have read it gets better in time, but I wish it would be soon.
    I am telling the trouth when my wife asks about it, but I am not complaining or even asking for anything, but it is really hard (pun intended).

    I guess I am doing a “orgasm detox” sort of thing, I do hope it gets easier with time, as I do like the benefits that it brings. :pray:
     
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  23. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    StubHub Long term member

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    Good luck
     
  25. LockedbyFridayGirl
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    LockedbyFridayGirl Long term member

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    Happy wife happy life is definitely healthy!
     
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