Not all one way

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by UKdomF, Jun 25, 2020.

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  1. Lisa43
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    Lisa43 Long term member

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    I totally agree, it has to be a two way street or it is slavery of a man. The point of chastity is for the KH to have control of her (man, sissy, gurl) and to keep her sub on the edge, arousals, denied, frustrated, submissive, and under her control. The only way for her sub to get relief is to please her. Win Win - may be.
     
  2. madams-sissysub
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    perfectly put!
     
  3. filltee
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    filltee Junior Member

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    You might now be in a FLR.. It is your FLR and therefore you play by your rules which you make and change with as much communication as you can initially which if it suits your dynamic you can taper off altogether it you wish. No one is placed any better than the two of you to judge whether what you are doing is working or not.
     
  4. Submissive Spectre
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    Ma'am your definately not on your own. What you create is a dynamic that works for you both in my humble opinion
     
  5. starflyer
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    starflyer Junior Member

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    As a sub sissy, i'm with you on this :)
     
  6. Trapped
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    Trapped Long term member

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    It sounds like your mindset aligns with my wifes a lot. She Takes a lots of pleasure in playing with her property, controlling my orgasms and seeing my frustration build to a fever pitch. All of my frustration and pent up energy is directed back to her. The more she plays, the more of my energy is returned to her.
     
  7. Turma
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    Turma Long term member

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    You are not on your own!

    You think more like you do in a "normal" FLR relationship.

    You do everything together, but the woman is more the driving force than the man.

    It is not only about HER having fun, even if you like to put this in the foreground, but about both of you being able to experience what you would like to experience together.

    Me and my wife also live everything out together and talk about what could be interesting for her and for me and then just try it.

    It's not always about her having fun!
     
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  8. Whiskey05
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    Whiskey05 Active member

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    Just locking him up and expecting him to do everything would probably not work over a long period of time. It does need input from you as well keeping him arroused and not letting him come will get you more in return.
    That's my opinion anyway. So I pretty much think along the same lines as you.
     
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  9. bsteve
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    bsteve Junior Member

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    You are correct. This is a big struggle for many people who want to be in FLR (regardless whether there is or isn't chastity).

    A submissive wants to be submissive to someone. If he is not submissive to someone, he is independent.

    When, for example, I clean a bathroom, I get no enjoyment out of it, beyond having a clean bathroom. I just do it because it needs to get done. However, if I know,that I am doing it for my wife, then it makes it much more meaningful. If she doesn't ask for it, or thanks me for it, or criticizes it, or acknowledges it, cleaning the bathroom was just for me, and not her.

    Ignoring what your husband does makes it seem that he just does it for himself instead of for you. It doesnt really advance the FLR. Worse, it doesn't make him more submissive.

    You do not need to be thankful, but you do need to make it clear that he is doing it for you to make you happy. Whether it is thanking him, criticizing him for doing it too slowly or not good enough, or punishing him for it, or somehow acknowledging it.

    I think that the term that I've heard used to describe a relationship where the man does things sua sponte for his wife to make her happy, without her actually leading the relationship is "female centered relationship", or FCR. I am not sure how widely accepted that term is.

    In a FCR, he needs to derive pleasure of knowing that he is providing for her, instead of deriving pleasure of doing things that she tells him. Although I do a lot of stuff for my wife this way (e.g., I get her car serviced without her even knowing about it, let alone ordering me to do it), O am pretty sure that FCR would work well for me.
     
  10. Guest 2628
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    Guest 2628 Long term member

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    I think, in msny ways yhd Eo.an has to put in more effort than the man, at least in the beginning, while they both work out the boundaries and what works for them both.
    No-one can be, nor should be, a 24/7 kink dispenser so the vanilla part of life working well is vitally important. Everything else sits on that foundation.
    Lock and forget is boring for both, especially the woman in my experience. It IS howevrr, her pleasure that should be the main driver.
    Just my personal perspective.
     
  11. Guest 2628
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    Guest 2628 Long term member

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    Thats the essence of chastity and key holding. Plenty of FLR's exist entirely without any chastity element.
     
  12. lockedforfun
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    lockedforfun Long term member

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    There's something very powerful in this. Doing chores is not usually very enjoyable, but when I am locked up and at the mercy of my keyholding wife for release, doing things that she's commanded makes them in my mind... well, foreplay. Cleaning the bathroom or doing the dishes is suddenly a form of foreplay when my wife makes it an explicit part of chastity play, and thus much, much more enjoyable.
     
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  13. true42
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    true42 Owned member

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    Yup. Weird as fuck. But I get lots done ... it's not a bad deal for her, either.
     
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