Not all fairy tales have a happy ending

Discussion in 'Off topic discussions' started by Pietje12, Sep 21, 2017.

  1. demale
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    demale Long term member

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    Many thanks, Pietje. I'll do exactly that. Best of luck to you and your wife. Sounds like you're on a promising path.
     
  2. Pietje12
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    Pietje12 A champion was a contender who refused to give up.

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    12 hours ago I was preparing for a divorce. We've been there and we've learned a lot. I'm blessed that we could turn in time before everything really fell apart. There is another post about a member who doesn't like it to be unlocked. A lot of that applied to us. She was unable to fulfil my desires because it contradicted too much with her view. As an example: she unlocked me because it was my time for fun. That was her definition of fun and an instant turn off for me. She was unable to change to my perspective. As a result I would tell her: "do whatever you want and make it quick please", which hurt her and didn't exactly give me a good feeling either. At an abstract level she understood my needs, but at an emotional level not.
     
  3. Gigaman
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    Gigaman Long term member

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    Good luck and stay with it, if it was easy everyone would still be married. Like they say if you put shit in you will get shit out. It takes an honest effort, sacrifice and love to pull it off.
     
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  4. Pietje12
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    Pietje12 A champion was a contender who refused to give up.

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    A short update: less than a week ago we both really saw no other option anymore than a divorce. We talked, talked and talked and the both of us just couldn't believe or accept that this would be the end. It's so easy to put emphasis on the faults the other makes and after such a long marriage apparently so hard to tell what you love and adore in her (and vice versa). We tried and with baby steps we're moving in the right direction.

    We've developed a deep understanding of each other's needs and which behavior or acts contribute in a positive or negative way. The outcome was really surprising as we both felt we could never meet the demands/wishes of the other, while in reality both our views were pretty distorted. It turned out that our (sexual) wishes are easy to satisfy, but we turned them into problems.

    As an example: chastity. you can lock me up or not, but if you do so, then never ever bring up the subject of unlocking again as it makes me insecure if you're in for real and secondly: treat me as an equal. I can really bring up the subject that passing security at the airport is not the smartest thing to do. Don't make that decision for me please. It seems trivial but it makes a huge difference. No worries: I learned a lot about my behavior as well and I will change that :)

    We're even at the stage that I spontaneously bought her flowers. I guess we can and will work this out.
     
  5. Gigaman
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    Gigaman Long term member

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    We're all pulling for you guys. Stay strong and true to your goals, fix your relationship first and then work on the sex and Chastity, you owe that to yourself. If she truly loves you the other stuf will come :)
     
  6. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    It seems a trivial thing to suggest given how epic what you're going through is, but how about not having her as day-to-day keyholder? Use a timer safe, or an online keyholding encryption service, or one of the many timed self bondage methods available. She could specify how long up front, or you could agree a time with her. After that, you're simply chaste except for emergencies until you get the key back. No pressure on her, and no crossed wires.
     
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  7. TheKeyIsMine12
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    hello every one, I am Pietje12's wife and key holder. I can confirm that it takes a lot of communication and skill to play this play properly. And we seem the be on the right track now. We have had a lot of sexual ups and downs... but I think that we finally found a way to speak and listen to each other. In our case the combination of being physical close an very short feedback loops, by checking emotions, seems to be the answer.... It took a long time before I understood that it is not only about the content and the action but much more about the tone and the glance in my eyes....
     
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  8. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    And can hopefully be what you need to get the structure right from now on. You surely enjoy keeping him locked.:) And so long as you can have your own needs satisfied there should be a clear way ahead for you both. All best wishes.
     
  9. Pietje12
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    Pietje12 A champion was a contender who refused to give up.

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    Part of our discussion concerned chastitymansion. What I wrote in this thread is pretty much straight from the heart and I never thought that she would read this. That wasn't my intention either but along the way I thought that reading my experiences could be beneficial to mutual understanding.

    Other topics address the issue of the women to men ratio. @TheKeyIsMine12 shared that she read parts under my account but feared to actively contribute or seek guidance as she thought we wouldn't fit in. She overcame that fear with the intention to make it really work this time. To avoid decision making based on opinions of others or biased information.

    I'm just blown away. We overcame a crisis, are seriously interested in each other's needs and a part of that is her membership on chastitymansion to get a real understanding of what makes my clock tick. Now it's my turn to return the favour :)
     
  10. TheKeyIsMine12
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    love you! especially when you're locked up ... lockober started today and it won't end...
     
  11. SubVerity
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    SubVerity Still the mansion's fairy godmother. ;)

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    Well done you two. I was going to write some schtuff, but it just felt trite....

    So, in short - that was very moving to read - I hope you both manage to keep growing. It can be tough, but hopefully also very rewarding.
     
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  12. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    That's got to be the way forward. 24/7/365 I'd say for you!!:):):D:D:D:):)
     
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  13. Pietje12
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    Pietje12 A champion was a contender who refused to give up.

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    I have the feeling that the only reason why she hasn't mentioned this intention is to avoid losing credibility. We have quite a reputation of doing things head over heels without thinking it through. We had a crisis for a reason. If she lives up to the "never to be unlocked" words she said, it will be a battle of the strongest. I'm not giving in either. (we are not in a FLR, but rather a very balanced relationship)
     
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  14. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    Ah. So you need breaking in. Not a problem either if done properly.;););)
     
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  15. Pietje12
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    Pietje12 A champion was a contender who refused to give up.

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    You're talking to the wrong partner ;) So far she was the one rushing with the keys before I understood the reason for unlocking - such as a visit to her parents or going to the pool. I'm merely saying: "Challenge accepted, game on!"
     
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  16. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    That shouldn't be a problem either. But the very words in your quotation marks mean you need broken in. Just that you need that she needs to do it. Properly. There are ways.
     
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  17. Pietje12
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    Pietje12 A champion was a contender who refused to give up.

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    I admit that I'm intrigued or perhaps very interested would be a more accurate description, it won't happen without some help. Would you please help my wife to guide her in the direction she likes and to broaden her horizon whether by references, messages or other means? I personally would appreciate that and I'm very sure she would too.
     
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  18. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    Not a problem.
     
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  19. TheKeyIsMine12
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    Breaking in? Tell me more Joroincharge!
     
  20. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    Will do.;)
     
  21. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    For starters, a fortnight or so of him unable to sleep in the small hours a.m. with the grip of steel biting into his shaft and the back of his balls (and tweak them a bit while you're at it) and he should start to get the message.............:):):)
     
  22. Pietje12
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    Pietje12 A champion was a contender who refused to give up.

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    No happy end here. We're filing for divorce. It's not about the lifestyle but the inability to communicate about sexual preferences. We did wild things but were unable discuss experiences. I'm sad.
     
  23. guest 2942
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    guest 2942 Long term member

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    sorry to hear.
     
  24. skD
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    skD HausCuck

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    Your post resonated with me specifically in terms of the financial piece. In our decade of a D/s relationship where I sanctioned EVERYTHING, my KH is absolutely reveling in having the financial freedom to spend or instruct me to spend on things that give her/us pleasure. I love making her happy and she is not abusive with her freedom ;)
     
  25. skD
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    skD HausCuck

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    Sorry to hear. So tough for you both. Good luck going forward.
     
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